endless, nameless

I really thought this would go somewhere

I am so tired of being alone

I was so ready to go all in and make it happen

Just for any sliver of hope to be lost in an instant

Theres always someone else

And even STILL I desperately hold on to hope

Why do I do this to myself

I just want this feeling to go away,

Be a brand new person

One that people want to be around

One that is radiant and joyful

Not a bottomless pit of negativity

Am I so unbearable, that no one can find it in them to see me, to know me, to love me.

It's so painful, so soul crushing to be the only person I know who has never experienced love when it is all I have wanted my whole entire life

It's heartbreaking to forever find myself in a corner alone, with only me to stand up for myself and only me to defend myself forever with my guard up because all I have ever known in my life is betrayal, distrust, and being a fool for others to mock.

And still I am alone