Wannarexic Shit

Tw: suicidal ideation

When you get older you start to be very aware that everyone you love is dying, you’re friends aren’t your friends, you’re overworked, can’t grieve, and can’t manage your emotions. Time escapes you and you take one step when everyone else is moving a mile. As you get older you realize that you’ve created bad habits that you’ll never break, made mistakes you can’t break free from. You’ll only ever be as good as your worst mistakes. Everyday you push yourself without a break is one day closer to ending your own life. You can have everything you’ve ever wanted but you’ll always want more. Nothing cures depression. No one is going to save you, fix you, distract you enough to make it all go away. Your life goals always become more and further away and time becomes shorter. You get a new perspective on depression and suicide. It’s less of the teenager hormones working out the kinks and more of an extreme fatigue. No amount of sleep will cure there. No amount of vacations, phone calls from friends who “want to keep you here”, no amount of love and abundance will ever ease the weariness. Truly, ignorance is bliss and the less you think the less you feel. As you get older life becomes meaningless. I… shouldn’t have ever gotten older. Truly. I should have died at 17 because 10 years later, sure life has gotten better, but I’m still unhappy and I’m even more tired.