“it’s fine. we’ve done a good job of being professional so far. i think our group has enough of a split that we could manage. i would have never pushed you to talk about anything if you weren’t ready for it,” he assured her softly. his brow furrowed as she talked. he hoped she wouldn’t be mad, but he couldn’t help but reach for her hand. he should have known all of this was happening, that this was the reason why. he always believed that she was an angel, and that whatever her reasons were were valid, and to hear that part of her reasons were that she didn’t want to be a burden to him? it hit him in the gut. they were both dancing around each other, not wanting to hurt the other, all this time.Â
“i….i’ve never for a second been better without you,” he began quietly. he need her to know that first. “bomi, i got you pregnant. i made a big mistake– not being with you but, being reckless. no one ruined anything, but even if someone did, it was me,” he then insisted. he had so many thoughts, and all of them wanted to be verbalized right then. it was making it hard to say what he needed to say. “look at us. we’re both in a huge idol group, aren’t we? we’re way more successful than we would have been at the old company. nothing got ruined. it just got put on pause.” and maybe it all happened for a reason. not the trauma, of course, but……they were back, together, older and wiser. more talented. more mature. and in a much more impressive group. it was hard to lament the loss of the duo when things were going so well now.
“and i just… i need you to know, too… you never….” he sighed, frustrated– finding the right words was so hard. “my grandma asks about you. she was so worried when you left, and when we debuted again, she was relieved. i told her we were in a weird place. just like….at equilibrium for now but… she’s happy to see you again, even if it’s on screen. you never were a burden, and it didn’t put any relationships in a weird spot. she just wanted us both to be happy and safe.”
“i know.... and that’s been kind of a blessing while i worked through everything but... i’m tired of making you feel so awkward whenever we have full group promotions,” she insisted tearfully, letting him take her hand and squeezing. she didn’t deserve him. he was so understanding and forgiving. the fact that he was sitting here, listening, talking. not leaving and yelling.... she had no idea why, but it eased her nerves a little bit.Â
“i could have fought harder for the condom, youngjin. getting pregnant is kind of a two person job,” she said mirthfully, rolling her eyes and biting back a laugh. “i....i guess in hindsight, disitch is a really huge blessing for both of us. it’s still hard to not look back with regret though,” she admitted quietly.Â
she groaned a little, letting out a sob and resting her head on his chest while she cried more. “i’m so sorry. i never wanted to scare her like that,” she cried. his grandmother was such a kind woman-- why had she worried such a generous lady? “i feel like i let both of you down.”