It Goes On and On

I silently sat one day in a lonely room. The social media way was how I’d communicate this tune The keys I played I struck in a phrase That read, “is anything going on tonight?”

She said, “I don’t think so, but lets go. Spontaneity is my addiction, the greater it shows.” And the Graeter it did show considering that’s where we got ice cream

The whole time I felt this Target on my back. Walking on lines made of ash while a man made of mess ups and faults lit a match so I quickly dispatched him. There would be no worries for me tonight.

Frightfully I gave it a chance. And so did she. The night went on and our smiles quickly tired from all of the work Set on from each other. Shockingly you’d be surprised where you find what you’ve been looking for.

In Meijer parking lots where we sat While lights lit the spaces wherewe didn’t speak. But we reveled in the moments of sharing. Sometimes showed caring in our eyes and I sighed and said to myself.

“Careful. You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”

But who cares right. Might as well. I’ve got nowhere else to go but up so I shouldn’t just dwell.

So I said “I like this.” She said “what?” I said us. And the moment hushed.

I’ve never seen blues eyes light up like hers. She showed me in a moment this is what people should live for. Did I kiss her? No. That happened weeks later. But as I drove home I felt like I made love to my wife on our honey moon night.

So again I said to myself the next morning, “Careful, you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”

We talked and texted and called and skyped everyday. How cliche to speak about that but that’s okay. We all love having that anyway.

I’d see a show, applaud, say, “Hello.” She’d hug me tight, I’d kiss her goodnight.

It reminded me of my favorite songs. Not the sad old female singer songwriter stuff I always listen to but the ones that made me happy. You can get that from somebody who’s excited about life.

And one fateful night 6 weeks into school. She hesitated at her words. Of course I pestered her to curse my name like I thought she would but instead she said, “I might be silly for saying this but, I think I love you. Even though I’ve never felt it before, I know I do.”

I haven’t seen someone so sure in my life til she said that to me. Like the circles on the stump of a tree I saw years flash by of rings and sighs, houses, goodbyes, hellos, good nights, and she broke it with my name. Brandon.

I doubt I’ll ever hear my name spoken like that again. She woke me up.

“I love you too.”

We slept together that night. Just slept, nothing more. Her touch, her skin, I couldn’t describe to you in words what it felt like to lay there. Then time flew by. History made in itself our lives together. A short time together.

When the 6th month past. I had surgery. But not one of this physical realm Because I forgot that two pieces of myself were already stripped from my throat as I yelled in agony of the pain. It was irrelevant compared to that of my heart’s.

I called her and she said “I don’t think I can do this anymore. I have to break up with you.”

My garage door slammed shut and my head hit the cusp of it. My body felt the touch of her fingers ripped from my skin. I felt within the words of hopes and dreams of us leave outwardly into the sky. And my eyes cried tears so dry.

A train left the station that day. Going one way and I stood there waiting with a big sign on my forehead that said, “I’ll wait for you to come back.”

“Careful of the tracks”, I said to myself, “You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”

I’ve had one scar on my right hand from punching a wall the night I gave up something I loved. That was 2 years ago. I now can add another. And believe me when I say this, Love leaves the most beautiful scars.

And this time, the sign I held by the train that read, “I’ll wait for you to come back.” Will now say two words that represent each scar of love given to me.

Honey I’m home. Holy and whole. My heart and my soul. Honey I’m home.

Waking in a pair Lost in a stare Across from her chair Sleeping suspended in air

Honey I’m home Hands not alone Hope in a poem Honey I’m home

A baby cries Children sigh Batting out eyes They say goodbye

Honey I’m home Holy and whole My heart and my soul Honey I’m home

Pictures of pasts Flashing lights last Framed in glass Pile up so fast

Clocks keep turning Desires and yearning Tired and hurting Time heals burning

Honey I’m home Holy and whole My heart and my soul Honey I’m home.

We thought we knew everything When the sun came up. Our realities became our nights. And our dreams ended up lost

The days went by like seconds The nights by years We were living in a world we created Without hate, without sadness, without fears.

A world of shear beauty A vibrant place of gold and silver Water was made in wine glasses Death arises days later

We would lay in the grass Grasping at our words. Speaking only compliments Waiting for the unheard

Staring into each other’s eyes Kissing the minutes goodbye Every moment there was no thought Just impulses to live, to shine.

I thought I knew everything She showed me a world of color I saw every smile and every grin Until the day I saw the others

Because with all your dreams comes a reality. Formalities that you cannot ignore. You can only know happiness if you know sadness. You’ll never know a desert from a shore

And in that one day. That seemed like 3 years. The smiles and grins were covered with tears. We fought hard for all we knew for hours on end. But when time stopped, our dreams were found in the night again.