dream thieves

it still stings, it probably will for a bit longer. but I’m not miserable and heartbroken and that makes me terribly sad. we weren’t meant to be and I somehow deluded myself for a handful of months thinking we were. I’m so much happier now and it kills me to think about how wrong we were and how I completely lost myself in us.

I’m glad you regret the mistakes you made and I appreciate you apologizing for them. I hope you don’t take it the wrong way when I say I never want to see you again. it’s not because the sight of you hurts my heart, but when I look at you I see every fucking mistake I’ve ever made staring back at me and it makes me sick.

so really there’s no reason for you to keep apologizing because the reality is that I did things that were much worse. I loved you, but I never truly loved you. I’m sorry for making you think I did and I’m sorry for using you for so long. I hate myself for it, I really do. I will never make the same mistake twice and I’m sorry you won’t be in my life to see that but please know that I won’t ever do that again.

I wish I could entertain the idea of our reconnection in the future. there was a point where I was convinced that we’d find each other again when we’re “ready” for each other but the very thought of that makes me want to vomit. I was wrong for keeping you for all the wrong reasons.