.as alive as the stars are.

🌹 (ooc.) good morning beautiful people!

so... i think at this point it’s safe to say i completely lost my muse for connor - or, rather, my attention has been redirected to an entirely different fandom. i do think i will make a comeback here in the future, as con is still my favourite boy, but for now, i will be living my best life on my other blogs - if you’d like to stay in touch, i will drop my discord handle under the cut, so we can chat or plot there!

thank you so much for all your love and support - stay safe everyone 💖

as you might have noticed, my interest for this blog has near to vanished - i apologise for that, i do feel somewhat guilty about all the plots and threads dropped or left open through my disappearance. 

i do not plan to return to this blog, for the time being, as a couple of matters i got involved in make me particularly uncomfortable about continuing to write here. i hope you can understand my decision.

i would very much like to keep using my rendition of connor as a fandomless historical OC, solely because i love the idea of a sad, sassy boy in these types of settings - as soon as i set up that particular scenario i will let you guys know, should you be interested in interactions of such nature~

🌹 The last study post made me think about how Connor always needs a purpose for himself to excuse of validate the execution of an action - as such, engaging in activities for his own sake, as a hobby or for the simple reason that it makes him happy, tends to be rather stressful for him.

He feels guilty about it - from the beginning of his existence he had been conditioned to follow orders of others, to such an extreme degree that, to some extent, he had to actually re-learn which actions were acceptable at all, once he truly became conscious of the world around him.

Would a particular endeavour of his prove socially acceptable? Would it be worth the time and effort? And if not - how would he be punished for it.

As such, should an action be executed for the sheer sake of it, with no promise of a productive outcome, a purpose whatsoever, he will straight up refuse to engage in it.

@cherry-delights​ said: 8 & 22

8. Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging

In his human verse, that would probably be smoking; Connor knows cigarettes are bad for him, but due to massive stress caused by his line of work, as well his own worries and anxieties, he simply cannot get himself to stop.

He does not have the will to do so.

Android Connor does not believe his kind should feel a need to indulge in anything at all - well, at least he himself should not display such a desire. However, now and then he finds himself stuck watching re-runs of ancient crime series, reading old novels and generally burying his face in a fluffy dog’s fur to lower his stress levels. 

He does act very embarrassed about it, though, if anyone ever asks him. After all - indulgence is, per definition, a purposeless endeavour, and the awareness of him ‘wasting’ valuable time on fruitless actions like these, causes him quite the amount of anxiety.

22. Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

Actually... nothing, probably.

He would inquire as to what he is supposed to do with the piece of paper, if he is supposed to give a statement or draw anything in particular, what exactly was requested and required of him.

He needs to be given a task, a purpose, when it comes to creative endeavours. He is not particularly skilled in that regard.

He needs a reason to pursue any kind of action referring to himself at all.

“...“