M.D TO BE

Its been a while. 

I guess the past year has been a lot of realization and a lot of growing. 

Lots of failing, too. 

I decided to take the time I needed to improve my MCAT and try the application cycle again. I’m still young, still motivated, and this is ultimately an investment in my future so it’s worth it to me. 

Doesn’t make it any easier, though. 

Re-studying for the MCAT, drilling hard concepts that I had forgotten, never learned properly, or actually learning things for the first time has been... challenging, to say the least. 

However, through this time I have also realized the multitudes of mistakes I have made in the past during Undergrad, and even just studying for the MCAT the previous time(s) I had taken it. I feel much better. Much more confident. And you know what they say, confidence is at least 6 points of your exam. 

I’m going through the motions and I know it will be better, it’ll work out. Medical professionals give so much of themselves in this field, and we can never really realize how much until we are inside the belly of the beast ourselves. 

Here’s to all of you trying and trying and failing and trying again to do this. To achieve something. I see you, and I’m with you. 

All the best! 

Cheers, 

Waiting is the hardest part. 

I’m in the middle, waiting to hear back from schools for interviews, rejections, anything. Waiting is always tough because this is the part where nothing is up to you anymore. You relinquish control. 

Now, I have never been a “controlling” person, but when it came to school, academics, and my future, I always took initiative. I never wanted to be the one thing standing between myself and my goal. So for that part of my life, I was in control. And now I have to wait while somebody else is making that decision for me. 

So, to say the least, I have been a little antsy. Actually, 4 months worth of antsy, but I know this too shall pass. It’s funny, through this entire process, I’ve never wanted to be a doctor more. I thought that maybe this whole application period would make me waiver but it has only strengthened my resolve. 

Ever seen Scrubs? That one scene where JD is talking to Alex the social worker keeps running through my mind where he says,

“I’ve wanted to be a doctor for so long, I sort of forgot how to want anything else.” 

And now it’s here, the endgame, the last sentence of the “prologue” or even the beginning of the “epilogue” depending how you look at it, and I can’t wait to get to the next chapter, next story, new installment. So I guess I can find comfort in the fact that it’s not up to me, any more. That I can continue waiting, continue wanting, because if anyone knows anything about the medical field, is that there is plenty of time- years, even- to want. 

A new hope, perhaps?