Charleureusement

“I think it’s nice that we share the same sky.”

AFTERSUN (2022) dir. Charlotte Wells

There’s this feeling, once you leave where you grew up, that you don’t totally belong there again.

She closes her eyes. He probably won’t be back, she thinks. Or he will, differently. What they have now they can never have again. But for her the pain of loneliness will be nothing to the pain she used to feel, of being unworthy. He brought her goodness like a gift and now it belongs to her. Meanwhile his life opens out before him in all directions at once. They’ve done a lot of good for each other. Really, she thinks, really. People can really change one another. You should go, she says, I’ll always be here. You know that.

sometimes I think I must deserve it. or else I don’t know why it would happen. why’d you never say any of this to me before? the whole time we were together, why did you never tell me any of this? I don’t know. I suppose I didn’t want you to think… I was damaged, or something. I was probably afraid you wouldn’t want me anymore

under pressure