A Tormented Author

their sibling rivalry is so important to me.

Aries: We cannot know ourselves. Souls are not stones, they are rivers. Forgive yourself.

Taurus: The ability to spit dead in someone’s eye rarely comes in handy, but it’s sure as hell effective when it does. Appreciate your talents, however small.

Gemini: Bad friends may as well be emotional meat grinders. You’re better than emotion sausage.

Cancer: Sometimes making a rude gesture and telling the world to shove it is the right answer. Dont take too much pleasure in it though.

Leo: Hatred is like holding onto a hot coal to throw it at someone. Organized property damage is much more effective.

Virgo: I asked the stars how to be cool. They didn’t say anything but one of them put on some big sunglasses and another made finger guns at me. Point is, dont get too hung up on that.

Libra: The past is history, the future is a mystery, today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present. Keep in mind there is nothing stopping the present from being full of dogshit.

Scorpio: Your desire to change the past is like a kangaroo, it cannot move backwards. This gives you the tactical advantage.

Sagittarius: The human brain is a sexual katamari. Anything, and I mean anything, can be incorporated. This is wonderful and terrifying.

Capricorn: A blessing is a blessing. In this day and age we recommend you take every scrap of holy energy you can.

Aquarius: You have two choices. Change it or wallow in it. Many things really shouldn’t be wallowed in.

aries: what’s the deal with me being extinct?

taurus: oh uh uh oh! uh! uh oh! oops! oh no! uh oh! uh oh! uh oh! oh no! oops! oops a daisy!

gemini: right now i’m “kissing the frog.” that’s what i call hacking the matrix

cancer: fuck, fuck, aw shit i quoted seinfeld

leo: how underrepresented are furries in fighting games?

virgo: you’ve got infinite babies… you’ve got an axe that can kill god… the dopest dress… a fucking great look

libra: she is both the metric by which the world will be judged, and the judge, and the executioner

vriska: strength 10, luck 10, and the other two points we can just throw right away

sagittarius: please move i’m so wet. i’m so sweaty and wet

capriclown: here is where you do your dark deeds in your flesh church

aquarius: i think weapons are really just accessories