Ducky

New Suzaku Special Birthday Box illustration by Genesic Re;CODE artist Whoopin to match the previous Lelouch:

Mikasa watches, frozen in horror, as the female titan bites down on Eren’s limp and unresisting form. There’s a loud crunch, and blood splatters everywhere, painting the already monstrous face crimson as Mikasa screams, lunging forward to try to at least avenge Eren’s death. But grief makes her clumsy, and the titan easily catches her in an enormous hand, squeezing so tightly that Mikasa can’t breathe, can’t think past the pain …

Something touches her shoulder, and Mikasa’s entire body jerks. Her eyes snap open, and she gulps in a deep breath. It was just a dream. Eren is alive. Levi saved him, and he’s currently asleep in the castle’s basement.

“Mikasa?” Sasha asks. Mikasa belatedly realizes that Sasha is the one who shook her awake. “Are you okay? You were yelling in your sleep.”

“I’m fine,” she reassures the other girl, clearing her throat.

“Nightmare?” Sasha asks.

Mikasa nods but doesn’t elaborate. “I’m alright. You should go back to sleep.” Sasha reluctantly agrees, heading back to her own bunk. Mikasa waits until she hears the other girl’s breathing even out before slipping out from under the covers and darting to the door.

Intellectually, she knows that Eren is fine. But she still wants to see him. Just to reassure herself.

She quickly makes her way through the castle to where Eren is; she’s long since memorized the route. The guard positions, too, are no secret to her, and she easily slips past them without them noticing a thing.

It takes her no time at all for her to reach the door to Eren’s room and crack it open enough for her to slip through. She pauses at the foot of his bed, drinking in the sight of his sleeping form. He’s alive.

He looks so innocent and peaceful in his sleep, no rage or thirst for revenge visible on his face. His green eyes are shut and his breathing is soft and slow. One hand is above the covers, clenched in a loose fist. Asleep, Eren actually looks his age for once.

Drifting closer, Mikasa reaches out a hand to touch his face, tracing the lines and contours of his skin. The touch grounds her further, reminding her that her dream was just a dream.

She pulls her hand back as his face creases suddenly. His eyebrows bunch together and his forehead furrows, and he lets out a tiny whimper.

Mikasa recognizes the early signs of a nightmare and gently nudges Eren’s shoulder (it’s always been a sure way to wake him up). His eyes snap open and he lets out a strangled yell, before blinking and becoming a bit more aware of his surroundings. “Mikasa?” he croaks out. “What are you doing here?”

“After today, I needed to see you,” she begins hesitantly. “I didn’t want to-” I didn’t want to be alone. She cuts herself off before she can say it.

Eren, however, reads her like he always has. “I’m alive,” he reminds her. “You’re alive.” He pulls back the covers next to him.

You don’t have to be alone. It’s unspoken, but Mikasa hears it loud and clear. She crawls into the bed next to him, relishing in his warmth. Eren slings an arm around her, pulls her close-he’s always been a cuddler.

With Eren next to her, breathing only a few inches from her ear, Mikasa finally feels herself relaxing. Quickly, she’s lulled to sleep by the rhythm of his heartbeat.

Sorry to the person who originally sent this request; my ask box ate it. But I think I remember it well enough to write it still, so enjoy!

It’s a relief to have finally succeeded at the first test of the ODM gear. Eren is exhausted from both training and the resulting adrenaline crash. He’s half awake at dinner, picking lethargically at his food; it’s strange that he’s not that hungry, but it’s probably just because he’s tired. He’ll just get some sleep so he can be at his best tomorrow-after all, he needs to catch up to Mikasa and Armin. He can’t let himself fall any further behind.

Unfortunately, rest does not come easily to Eren. He sleeps restlessly, waking up every few hours with an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. Come morning, he’s even more exhausted than before and the uneasy feeling has grown into an all-encompassing nausea.

Still, he forces himself to choke down some food at breakfast; he needs to keep his strength up. Standing at attention is difficult with the way his stomach is cramping, but Eren somehow manages to make it through with sheer willpower.

Training is a different story. They’re practicing moving with the ODM gear, and all the jerking around is hell on his stomach. He’s forced to duck behind one of the storage sheds to empty his stomach midway through practice; when he’s done, he’s exhausted and his throat is raw, but at least the nausea has abated a little.

He throws up several more times over the course of the day, feeling more exhausted and miserable each time. Mikasa stares at him worriedly for the entirety of dinner, watching anxiously as he picks at his food.

“Are you feeling alright, Eren?” she asks tentatively. “You look awfully pale.”

“I’m fine,” he snaps, grunting when the sharp words grate on his sore throat. Staying in formation afterwards is hell, and he’s pretty sure that he’s swaying on his feet, but he somehow avoids getting in trouble. He just needs to sleep this off, that’s all.

Sleeping doesn’t seem to help at all. If anything, Eren feels even worse when he wakes up the next morning. Still, he can’t slack at his training.

Several days pass, and Eren still doesn’t get better. Armin and Mikasa are constantly exchanging concerned looks behind his back, but Eren is much too stubborn to back down now.

The fifth day of being sick, Eren wakes up feeling like death. His head is throbbing, his eyes and mouth feel wrung out and dried out, and every muscle in his body is painfully sore. He gets dressed, movements slow and stiff, and by some miracle, manages to avoid being late to roll call.

Once again, Eren is swaying on his feet as the instructor lists off names. The pounding in his head worsens and his ears are ringing the longer he stands; cold sweat drips down his forehead and the back of his neck. Black spots have started appearing in his vision, refusing to go away no matter how many times he blinks. His vision starts to tunnel-the last thing he hears is a startled gasp from Mikasa before everything goes black.

When he wakes, unsure of how much time has passed, he’s in the infirmary. He turns his head slightly to see Mikasa asleep next to him, her head and chest resting on the bed. That can’t be a very comfortable position.

As he watches, Mikasa stirs, her dark eyes fluttering open. “You’re awake!”

He nods in response. To his shock, her eyes are full of tears. Before he can come up with something to say, she’s lunging forward. He flinches, but opens his eyes when he feels her arms wrapping around him. She’s… hugging him?

“You scared me,” Mikasa murmurs. “Please tell me when something is wrong.” She pulls back, looking him in the eyes. He can’t bring himself to argue when she looks so upset. “I can’t bear to lose you too.”

He nods, and Mikasa lets out a sigh of relief. “You should drink some water and rest. You were very sick and dehydrated.” She presses a hand to his forehead. “And you still have a fever.”

Eren is tempted to roll his eyes at her mothering. “Should you be in here?”

“They tried to kick me out earlier,” she replies, her lips curling up in a slight smirk. “Now that you’re awake, I’ll go back. Get some sleep, okay?”

This has some spoilers from later in the manga, but I tried to be pretty vague about it. Enjoy!

The sound of someone stirring wakes Mikasa; it only takes a few seconds for her to realize that it’s Eren. In two steps she’s near his bedroll, and his movements have grown more violent. “Mikasa!” he calls, frantically. “No! Armin, don’t! You have to save him!”

Green eyes finally crack open and Eren jerks upright, his loud gasping turning into gagging. Mikasa, catching the way his face pinches with nausea, barely has time to steady him before he’s retching violently over the side of the wall. The first heave only brings up stringy saliva that clings to his lips, but the next one is more productive, bringing up sour smelling stomach acid.

Eren hasn’t eaten much today and therefore his system is running on empty, so he’s slumping back, exhausted after a bit more retching. He swipes a hand across his mouth, sweat mingling with the drying tears on his face. His back feels warm against Mikasa’s palm, and she frowns and brings her other hand up from where it’s braced against his chest to press against his forehead. Yep, just as she thought.

“Mikasa?” Eren croaks out, his voice unusually vulnerable. “Just a dream?” Despite the heat radiating off his skin, he’s shivering. Mikasa slides down so that she’s sitting next to him, her hip pressed against his ribs. She slots in right next to him just like she always has-they’ve always fit together. Eren subconsciously huddles into her warmth, curling up against her side.

“Yes,” she confirms. “You’re still running a fever.” It’s not surprising, given everything that he’s put his body through, but it’s still irritating. One of the main reasons she hates this power of his is because of how much it takes out of him.

“Is Armin okay?”

Mikasa nods. “He’s still asleep.” She can see Armin’s small form from here, his chest rising and falling evenly with each breath. Without even thinking about it, she rummages through her supplies to pull out her water pouch. “Here. You need to stay hydrated.”

Eren obediently takes the water pouch from her with shaky hands and sips; he’s much too exhausted to argue right now. She stops him before he drains the bottle-the last thing they need is him puking again. “You should get some rest.”

“But Armin-” Eren protests.

“I’ll wake you up when he wakes up, if you’re still asleep,” Mikasa promises. “We’re both fine. Right now, you need to sleep.”

Grunting, Eren relents. He’s tense at first, before Mikasa’s fingers find his hair and gently smooth it back from his forehead. She hums softly, a melody that she barely remembers but seems comforting all the same.

He’s half-asleep, dozing, when he recognizes the song. “Mom used to sing that,” he mumbles.

This time, when he dreams, he’s safe with Armin and Mikasa. They play by the ocean while his mom watches.

This is set vaguely post-series, with Eren and Mikasa grown up and married, but with no spoilers. Enjoy!

After years of waking up early, waking up at dawn is a habit that is deeply ingrained in Mikasa, as natural to her as protecting Eren. She stirs as the first rays of the sun trickle through the curtains, instantly alert as soon as she opens her eyes. Beside her, Eren sleeps soundly, burrowed deep under the covers.

She smiles fondly at his peaceful expression, kissing his forehead and brushing a lock of hair out of his face. Eren’s lips twitch up slightly, but he doesn’t wake up. Mikasa reluctantly pushes back the covers, padding silently out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Eren always sleeps in later than she does; he’d never been overly fond of the training schedule, even when he achieved his dream of being in the survey corps.

She busies herself in the kitchen, boiling the water for coffee. It always takes Eren a while to shake off his grogginess in the morning-a cup of coffee can help with that. When the coffee is ready, she pours herself a cup and watches the sun rise, casually reading from a book that Armin lent her. It’s hard to believe that she can be this relaxed, that the morning is this peaceful; the titans just a bad memory, a nightmare banished by the early morning light.

For a long time as a child, after her parents were killed, Mikasa had thought that she would never be at peace again.

Speaking of peace, Eren is still asleep when she returns to the bedroom to get dressed. She considers the contents of her closet-it still surprises her that she actually has different opinions of clothing now-and selects a loose-fitting dress that reminds her of her mother.

Eren is still asleep when she finishes getting ready, and Mikasa snags her book from the kitchen and joins him once again in the bed. The bright light streaming through the curtains is more than enough to read by. A ray of sun shines directly in Eren’s face, and he stirs slightly, grumbling in his sleep. He mumbles something unintelligible into his pillow before finally opening his eyes.

Slivers of bright green meet wide-awake grey. “Morning,” Eren says hoarsely.

“Good morning,” Mikasa replies, frowning. “Did you sleep well?”

Eren shakes his head, yawning blearily. “Not really,” he mumbles. “I’m still tired.” Fully awake, Eren would never admit to any of this, but he tends to be a lot more honest when he’s still half asleep.

Mikasa has known Eren long enough to know that his colds or any other illnesses always start off with a rough voice and fatigue. She presses a gentle hand to his cheek, then moving it to his forehead for confirmation. Yep, just as she suspected. She’d thought his forehead felt warmer than usual earlier. “You’re running a fever.”

“Oh,” Eren says, blinking in confusion. He doesn’t really seem to understand what she’s saying. “Don’t we have to train today?” he mumbles, trying to sit up. The effort only succeeds in sending him plummeting into a coughing fit. “Don’t want to disappoint Captain Levi,” he finishes when he catches his breath again.

“No, there’s no training today.” Mikasa presses him back to the bed, gently, propping the pillows behind him so he can sit up a little. Eren’s illnesses are always quick-onset and take a lot out of him; possibly a trade-off with his otherwise advanced healing abilities. “You’re sick and you’re going to rest, okay? I’ll make you porridge like your mom used to make.”

Green eyes look at her stubbornly for a moment before relenting. “Alright,” Eren agrees, the fever making him much more pliable and docile. Although Eren’s infamous anger had been somewhat tempered by age and his victory over the titans, he definitely was never going to be the calm type. But that’s alright.

Mikasa would miss his spirit too much.

Before making breakfast, she makes a quick detour to the bathroom, where she wets a washcloth that she brings to Eren, gently placing it to his forehead. He complains at the chilly sensation and clutches the blankets closer, but doesn’t throw it off.

The grumbling lessens the tension bubbling in her gut. If Eren still feels up to complaining, then he can’t be too bad off. “Try to get some rest,” she instructs, squeezing his hand.

Upon returning to the kitchen, Mikasa forces herself to focus on making the porridge. The thought of sickness still sends a chill down her spine, stirs memories of epidemics and huddling together for warmth in the midst of the bitterly cold winter.

Things are different now, Mikasa reminds herself. They’re safe from the titans, no longer in the military, no longer starving on the streets. And this is just a cold; it’ll soon pass.

An old fanfic that I’m posting here. It’s also posted at Fanfiction.net if you want to check it out there.

Shock and grief practically radiate off the members of the Survey Corps as they slowly approach their headquarters. Everyone trudges forward in silence, faces full of horror and sorrow. Eren hastily sits up as they approach the castle, despite his lingering weakness, and scrubs his face furiously, eager to erase any traces of tears. No one here would judge him for crying, not after what happened today, but Eren is still eager to hold on to what little pride he has left.

Next to him, Mikasa sighs and shifts her weight, attempting to sit up a little straighter, and withdrawing the hand that she’d been carding through his hair. He instantly misses the contact. She looks down at Eren, expecting him to yank his hand away and insist that he’s fine. He doesn’t, though. Instead, he grips her hand a little tighter and laces his fingers through hers. She smiles, just barely, and squeezes his hand in return. It’s meant as a comforting gesture, but Eren jerks his head up so that his gaze meets her, and the amount of despair in his brilliant green eyes frightens her. His usual passionate fire is completely dulled by grief, and she doesn’t know how to fix it.

“It’s going to be okay,” she murmurs, voice barely a whisper. She knows that placating words will do nothing right now, but she’ll be damned if she does nothing to help him. Eren doesn’t respond, and she can’t think of anything she could possibly say, so they approach the castle in deafening silence, hands linked. He’s safe, she thinks to herself. You didn’t lose him today.

“Are you feeling any better?” Mikasa asks gently as they approach his dungeon bedroom. She’d practically had to carry him down here, and he’s still leaning heavily against her. It’s another reason that she hates these titan powers of his: seeing what they do to his body, how absolutely exhausted transforming leaves him.

Eren just nods blankly, because if he opens his mouth to speak right now, he’ll just start screaming and never stop. And he’ll start crying again. He’s cried enough in front of her already today.

She doesn’t seem convinced, and Eren can see that she’s frowning slightly now, obviously worried. Fortunately, she doesn’t press the issue, sensing Eren’s current reluctance to speak. “Are you going to be okay down here by yourself?” she asks instead, continuing to support Eren as they make their way across the room to his bed.

He bites his lip. The basement seems noticeably colder and lonelier tonight, but he’s already been weak enough in front of her already. He can’t possibly ask her to stay. So instead he just nods, collapsing gratefully onto his bed.

Mikasa frowns again, and pauses for a moment before reluctantly making her way across the room to the door. “Goodnight, Eren,” she calls softly over her shoulder, before stepping out and closing the door behind her.

Outside, it’s started to storm, and he can hear the rumble of thunder and the pounding of the rain. It’s raining hard, as if the skies themselves are weeping for the losses they suffered today. Sighing loudly, he attempts to make himself comfortable. At least he’s exhausted enough that he should fall asleep quickly; despite having slept for most of the way back, his head still feels heavy and his entire body aches.

He soon falls into a restless, uneasy sleep.

And then jolts awake yelling at the top of his lungs, Petra’s terrified screams ringing in his ears and Gunther’s dead body flooding his vision. Even the realization that it was a nightmare doesn’t help this time, because Eren knows better. The horror and gore and destruction isn’t just his imagination, it’s real, it’s already happened, and there’s no escaping that fact. It’s immutable. They’re dead because you sat back and did nothing.

Judging by the fact that his body still feels like it’s made of lead, he hasn’t been asleep very long. An hour, maybe, at most. He groans, rolling over. Good luck getting back to sleep after that.

He jerks upright in surprise when his arm brushes up against something that is definitely not a pillow, letting out a shout of surprise, and nearly smacks his face into Mikasa’s side. She’s perched on the side of the bed next to his left shoulder, eyes fixed on his face. “Mikasa?” he asks blearily, utterly confused. “What are you doing down here?”

One side of her mouth twitches up in a small smirk as she effortlessly dodges Eren’s startled flailing. She places a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “I was just checking up on you,” she explains.

Apparently she’s not willing to admit to being a creeper who watches him sleep. “You didn’t need to do that,” he points out, sitting up and arranging himself so that they’re shoulder to shoulder. “You saw for yourself that I was fine.”

There’s a hint of emotion lurking behind her usual blank mask—uncertainty, maybe? She looks down at her hands for a second, seemingly thinking about something. Eren idly considers telling her to leave and let him sleep, but she seems so vulnerable right now, and Mikasa is never vulnerable.

His reverie is interrupted by arms wrapping tightly around him. Mika clutches him to her, burying her face in his collar bone. He’s startled to notice that she’s trembling. “Mikasa, what—”

She cuts him off, speaking quietly into his chest, voice barely a murmur. He has to strain to hear what she says. “I almost lost you today.” She turns her cheek to his chest, and he’s confused for a minute before it hits him: she’s listening to his heartbeat.

He doesn’t remember much of what happened after he transformed, but he has a few brief, hazy memories after the female titan tore his head off. The sheer amount of grief in Mikasa’s voice, the utter despair on her face. He brings his arms up to return her embrace, settling his arms around her back. “But you didn’t,” he points out soothingly. “You rescued me and brought me back, remember?” He’s proud that he manages to say it without a hint of resentment in his voice. After all, pride means nothing when Mikasa is this upset.

“Barely,” she responds. “And I had to have Captain Levi’s help to do it.”

Eren snorts softly at the scorn in her voice when she mentions the captain’s name. He doesn’t remember when he starting running his hands through her hair, or when he pulled her tighter to him. Her warmth pushes away the icy chill of loss and grief.

“I don’t mean to make you angry,” Mikasa whispers. “I just—I can’t bear to lose you too.”

“I know,” he murmurs in response. Really, he’s always known it. It just became unbearable sometimes, always having to be the one protected by her. “I’m sorry,” he whispers into her hair. He doesn’t specify what for, but he doesn’t need to. Mikasa doesn’t respond, but he knows that she understands.

They drift off to sleep easily, still wrapped in each other’s arms.

Fortunately, Armin is the one to come wake them up in the morning. He doesn’t comment on finding them tangled up together, except to promise that he won’t tell anyone. The wide grin on his face, however, suggests that the two of them are never going to hear the end of this.

“I’m going to kill him,” Mikasa mutters under her breath.