my prophet and me

"lock in" is probably one of the most important phrases to enter the public lexicon in the 2020s

living under a rock is so fun i love watching a movie that’s been famous for decades and being like wow this is so good.. did you guys know about this

hey guysss so unfortunately the rumors are true and im leaving the narrative. Buttt the good news is my absence will create such a gaping hole in your lives that it will become a sort of presence itself, and so in a way it will kind of be like i never left! But i am. Leaving just to be clear.

Ok. What you're gonna want to do is chop up a cucumber and put it in a bowl. Then you're gonna sprinkle a generous portion of salt on top. Then you're gonna drizzle them with a balsamic vinaigrette and gently shake to combine, leaving you with a cool and refreshing summer snack. In 15 seconds dangerous and burly men are going to drag me away to an unknown second location. Remember everything I've taught you. I love you

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

help I’m having ideas beyond my available free time

help I'm having ideas beyond my available energy levels

"There's no platonic explanation for this" <-you need to be nicer to your friends. Right now

#STOP SAYING 'PLATONIC' WHEN YOU MEAN 'CASUAL'#RELATIONSHIPS CAN BE PLATONIC AND ABSOLUTELY DERANGED

Vulcan teen on Vulcan [tiktok] saying "I have just lost track of my father in the grocery store." The camera turns to show the viewers the grocery store in which almost every single older middle-aged man has a bowlcut and long robes. Camera turns back to show the teen's face which is expressionless and yet communicates all it needs to.

the best way i can think to describe the experience of reading moby dick is you’re in line at the dmv and this guy behind you very loudly says “well who HASN’T had a gay experience” and then proceeds to tell you every detail about his life in between anecdotes about how great sperm is and how ropes work and sometimes he’ll say the most poetic shit you’ve ever heard in your life and them jump RIGHT back into explaining how a whale is a fish because 1) it swims in water and you’re still only like halfway through the dmv line

something niceys this way comes

“You never reply to messages” I am just one person okay I am understaffed

White Collar operates in such an insane parallel universe where there's a giant sunken submarine full of looted Nazi treasure just off the coast of New York, and a music box with a code on how to get it, and Bulgaria recently had a tsarina that got deposed, and there's a Revolutionary War-era ring of spies still operating in New York city, and the twin of the Hope diamond is hidden in a US historical military fort built by a freemason, and and and