my prophet and me

who died and made you the giant rat that makes all of the rules??

i have no memory of making this post

At the sex shop asking if I can buy a regular sized dildo I can put in my unremarkable asshole but they recognize me as the hero of legend regardless

Hate how people treat friendship like it's nothing more than the training wheels version of romantic love.

sometimes the nut doesn't bring any clarity at all no matter how hard you bust it. the delirium only deepens.

*adjusts my titties* anyways…

imprisoned in the migraine crystal but i'm wearing a beautiful princess dress and a crown obviously and i slip the sleeve of my dress down and press my boobs against the inside of the crystal really sexy but that's the last thing i can do before i float to the top of the crystal dead like a goldfish

fell back asleep and had a dream that i was introduced to a businesswoman named "rolex cortado" woke with a start because i was so afraid of forgetting the name rolex cortado. she had a fuckass bob

A big part of being a quadruped is being able to just lie down anytime. Waiting? Loaf time. Talking to someone shorter than you? Loaf time. Falling asleep in the sun? Loaf time. Bored? Loaf it up till something interesting happens. Leg hurt? Loaf time.

Calico out there putting tuxedo on the mats

victor hugo was out of paris when his beloved novel les misérables was first published, so he telegraphed his publisher “?” to inquire about the book’s reception, to which his publisher promptly responded, “i still think you should have made inspector javert an elf girl”

i hate it when people mistake "etymology" with "entomology." like, i know where they coming from but it still bugs me

does anyone want to see a really good picture of my kitty cat

not a cat, first off

snale

i think it is important to recognize the ways in which your favorite thing sucks. i think it keeps u normal

little miss auditory processing disorder would like you to repeat what you just said then immediately respond to you before you finish