Bau

Lots of stuff below.

Ale jednak jest dzień croissanta I od kilku tygodni mam zrobionego gpx z wyrysowanym croissant em i chce go jebnąć.

Also, the absolute worst, I've been doing bulgarian split squats that I've already been able to do with 20-25kg barbell before... I has 15kg on the bar and STRUGGLED. my legs felt so weak and were shaking and it felt legit heavy for me, it's so so so sad

And I've been complaining that my thighs got too big before uhhh

Need to weigh in again to see because I'm worried I will get back to eating trashy food and will gain it all back and I just need to build more muscle now because I've lost too much. I don't have fat to lose really so in those 4kg most will be muscle... Unfortunate.

I have last 3 days of the antibiotic left and still some leftover bubbling from the bronchitis and still some cough but much less by now.

I've got very nasty discomfort in my hips, lower back and along the outer edges of my thighs, it's annoying as hell and I see no improvement after countless stretches for the past three days. This is probably the result of laying in bed for 2 weeks after a year+ of exercising 16-20h a week.

Today a gym trainer texted asking what's up with me. They must have been talking about me, because I've been gone for 2 weeks and before I've been there every day. It's nice. No other friend asked. Because I don't have friends and don't keep any contacts outside of Facebook and Strava. Felt nice.

I kinda can't imagine going back to training 2 times a day every day now. Now I'm scared of it, I'm scared that I won't be able to do it.

I still want to become an Ironman in the summer and I want to improve my running times. I'm a slow runner now, I need to improve to 47min/10km by summer and I won't be a fast runner until I can do a 45min/10km. And right now I'm defeated by tight thighs.

I need to weigh in tomorrow morning. I barely ate and only really the last 2 days were 2000kcal.

Garmin says my sleep has been restorative the last few days, my resting heart rate came back down to 42-43 and my HRV is finally back in the balanced zone. I do feel better, now I need to see how I handle exercise... And I'm worried.

I'M EXHAUSTED. PHYSICALLY EXHAUSTED DESPITE DOING NOTHING ALL DAY.

But on the other hand - why not try and see?

The worst that can happen if I do try is an injury - I do try to be careful and avoid injuries but still get minor ouchies all the time.

I run a new 10km PB last Sunday at under 50min, I run with a guy who paced me but honestly he wasn't very good at it LOL but I knew I can do it and he really wanted to be my pacemaker so I agreed and then thanked him for it. Even though on Garmin I've got a new PB of 50:01, but the net time is what matters, it was super crowded at the start line and I was already at the very front anyway (which I shouldn't but this made a big difference, the places were awarded according to the order at the finish line, not the net time).

I got myself to my first PB at 5km (trail) of under 25min on my own in May 2024. Realised I should train in March and barely did anything at all all year. And had a broken arm as well still then. Whatever.

I'm at a 5:00 pace for 5km and 10km. All the 5km ones were trail races and the 10km was a road race.

Sooo if I made a 10km at sub 50min, then I should be able to do a 5km faster than that, right?

I had my PB for a 10km road race with laps in September of a sub 52min, but it was after a triathlon in the morning on the same day. And this was a 9-minute improvement from a year ago.

These improvements make me feel unstoppable even though I feel like this is not a big deal because all the people around me who I look up to in running are much faster, at least a 47min 10km, with others at sub45 and sub43, those are all women.

I did a half marathon in 2h in a triathlon in October and I was amazed because I only recently in June set my PB sub2h HM around 1h56 and this was fresh in perfect conditions.

It's the gym. The gym did the magic.

I now want to improve the pace from 5:00 to 4:45 and eventually to 4:30.

The corresponding times for 5km are 23:45 and 22:30. And for 10km it's 47:30 and 45:00. Which is still too slow for what I'm used to seeing around following the pros but hey, I don't have 30 hours a week to train and more than double that to rest and recover.

I got to comparing my 1/2IM times and i though that I should improve by an hour and how to do it... First off - don't spend 10 minutes in T1 shaking... Had it been summer it would have not happened. I know better by now but hey, it was October and the sea was super warm anyway and I don't even have a wetsuit.

Either way, I need to get down to

- swim 2:00min/100m (improve from around 2:15) by 5 minutes to sub 40min

- bike need an average speed of 40km/h which I find impossible at this point (or get better at running lol), but let's aim for a 35km/h race pace, I'm at around 30-31km/h now.

- get a normal half marathon time to 1h40 (improve by 15 minutes so in the tri it can be at 1h45 at 5:00)

That's a goal now, a 5:00 half marathon. Which means I need to run further than 10km at 5:00 and on a daily basis.

I think I can do it. I just need to get to the doing.

To run fast, you have to run fast and to run far you need to run far, so silly so simple.

I don't want to overload myself so 3 runs a week seems reasonable, I could add slow 2km jogs if I feel like it, because why not.

I've had a week off from running after the last race so that is rested out too (at first something under my ankle hurt a bit but it's fine now, shin splints are mostly healed too again and nothing else hurts.)

Look whose back to tumblr - because a boy I talked to since June asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend and I said no.

And now I lost my number 1 texting buddy again and I am back alone with my thoughts and that's when the tumblr comes in.

He ended it like we ain't even friends anymore because I said no and good luck on your way so all the time we had together was literally only to get into my pants apparently. lol, boys.

I'm still into the gym trainer and I can't get over it for over a year now. And I clearly have no chances because everyone seems so see me as a baby there at the gym.

I wish I didn't waste so much time on him. But I rolled with it and thought I would eventually agree to that but I can't pretend anymore, he wants hugs and being touchy and I don't want to. Not with him.

Which is strange because I was in love with a guy before and that included physical contact which was mostly fun. Twice, even, just the first one without sex, cause I was 15 and he was 19 lol. Different times those were.

Nothing was so steamy like with the girlfriend I had, even though the sex was great it was never that great on my side, as it turned out to repeat later with a guy as well. But hell, I love having fun in bed. Or not in bed. As long as I'm not expected to have an orgasm because that is apparently not happening and a waste of time, I just wanna have fun ansmd skip this part.