blu

- on hiatus

- no longer taking questions

- inbox is only for updates / realisations

about my blog . . .

hi! my name is blu.

i blog about my lived experiences with self realisation.

please look through my "where to start" subsection before submitting an ask.

remember that you are your best teacher so trust your own intuition and guidance. you’ll soon realise you don’t need me or anyone else.

the blogs whose teachings i learnt from are solely the ones that i follow.

godspeed. 🩵

navigation . . .

where to start:

end of all seeking 🩷 ada

4dbarbie adaptations 💜 kelly

realisophie 🧡 sophie

my reblogs 🩵

my asks:

is disidentifying just another mind activity?

how did being on antidepressants affect your self realisation?

i’m so afraid i won’t ever realise myself and that i’m not detaching correctly

can i revise a breakup and wipe my memory that i ever revised it? part 1

can i revise a breakup and wipe my memory that i ever revised it? part 2 (+ healing)

recently i think of things and then they show up instantly — how come?

how come when i think about what i want to experience, i see it happen for others and not me?

i don’t know what i want, and self realisation seems like such a tedious process

how do you actually start this process? i don’t feel anything when i apply

i keep putting off self realisation because i’m scared of my life disappearing

why do i choose wanting and daydreaming over realising self and going all the way?

how do i ignore the brain when i’m addicted to daydreaming?

how is everyone me? and how can i use that knowledge to change/revise other people’s lives?

i feel like i’m gaslighting myself when i try to apply

my life is so busy, i can’t help getting involved in it

i over consumed but haven’t experienced it for myself

i failed at manifesting with LOA but i want my desires too bad to focus on self — is there a third option?

how do you deal with loneliness?

my brain is telling me that what i want is impossible

how do you deal with impatience?

i seriously struggle with not identifying

should i go back in time or just revise everything? part 1

should i go back in time or just revise everything? part 2

i fear if i’m no longer attached to this character and her desires, i will no longer care to materialise her desires

i’m still trying to accept that this is not about having a better experience

what is life like without the desire, anxiety, attachment, depression, hopelessness and loneliness?

how can i tell if i’m still holding onto something? is it just feeling indifferent? what if i feel neutral but the physical still isn’t changing

i want to change my appearance and i really don’t know how to let this go

more about antidepressants

i only struggle letting go of this one specific thing (depression)

would you say you’re self realised?

is it ok for the character to daydream if i don’t identify with her?

what does "be aware of being aware" mean?

have you ever experienced limerence?

ada’s scale of emotions

how do i observe thoughts without getting carried away by them? i don’t feel like the observer

i’m afraid that by observing thoughts they’ll come true. why do they say thoughts aren’t mine?

does observing thoughts calm them down?

i have difficult circumstances and self realisation is stressing me out. what’s the point in this if i can’t change anything?

my annotations of my favourite book

my posts:

4dbarbie gpt questions

don’t wait. create a world. stand alone

turn inward and be independent

lovely ada 💕

everything you can imagine is real

you wake up at the rate you wake up

drop all thoughts

pick a teacher and act

it’s all right now

get off tumblr

you btw

act, apply, be

die to the past and in the morning wake up as a new man

no more questions

my favourite book <3

self knowledge is self evident

desirelessness is the highest state

don’t be too lazy to think

conversations with kelly 💜:

part 1 | part 2

showing this to my tattoo artist friend so he can ink it onto my forehead forever………

what a beautifully thought out compliment, wow. thank you for being so gorgeous and lovely and kind to me. 🥹

i’m glad the sentiment of my writing hasn’t been lost amongst what is probably a million typos hehe🙂‍↕️

now i’m so curious to know about the romance books you’ve read!! i hope you turn them all into worlds to be experienced. i will die on the hill that everything is romantic… everything is about love… cue the fallinloveagainandagain song

hi angel <3

i’m super duper proud of you for coming to the realisation that you have! you’re exactly right, and you worded it flawlessly. i have nothing to add 🎯.

you all have yourselves to thank for figuring it out and for making it this far. i’ve simply had the privilege of being witness to it.

our separation is purely imagined, you and i are already One. i’m always exactly where You think me to be. 🫂

i probably follow you on like three accounts lmao (purging my following page and algorithm). your answer back then really helped me and your content still helps me now. i still feel like i have a long way on my journey, and i often still feel strong despair and hopelessness.

your posts about anti-depressants also helped me, i think i will go on them soon.

you’re a very kind person, you helped me a lot and i really wish the best for you in life. i’m a bit sad to see you go 💔 but i know it’d for the best

you’re adorable :’) i love you for loving yourSelf enough to not give up.

everything you do with the intention of seeing yourSelf is of the greatest value. nothing is useless or unsuccessful, the point of everything you do now will make itself abundantly clear to you in due course. in the meantime, do what you can, as earnestly as you’re able to. that’s all that’s asked of you. i used to think i had to act perfectly all of the time, and that if i ever fell back into my old thinking habits, i would have somehow ruined my ""progress"". know that this isn’t the case. your "growth" is already exponential, you have already come so far. when a seed is planted in soil, it first grows down, deeper into the soil, away from the light. on the surface, it doesn’t seem that much is happening at all. but these roots are essential for the plant’s foundation, they are what allow it to eventually spring up and blossom. trust that the groundwork you have established thus far has not been in vain. reality will become self evident to you. there is no such thing as failure.

i know life can be difficult, but the mountains are there to prove that you can move them.

& i’m glad you resonate with my posts about antidepressants! i didn’t really see mental health being spoken about in a meaningful way in this space (beyond being told "it’s not you"), and it led me to feel a lot of shame personally. all i saw was people experiencing bliss and peace within days or weeks of discovering this information, meanwhile my life and mental state was getting worse after months. i felt as if i was the one person in the universe that this just wasn’t meant for. even after receiving my mental health diagnosis, i was scared that i’d never get to a place where i could be happy without pills. the couple of times i’d stopped taking my medication abruptly, which my doctor had specifically warned me not to do, i experienced rebound depression so intense that it put me in a worse mental condition than before. to go from needing an urgent mental health assessment because i was deemed too much of a risk to myself to be living alone unmedicated… to then being diagnosed and medicated… to then experiencing intense withdrawals anytime i went more than a week without my medication… to then one day forgetting to take my medication altogether because i was sincerely at so much peace being mySelf that it didn’t even cross my mind… to not experiencing a single symptom or withdrawal thereafter and never needing those pills ever again… it really showed me that a) nothing can prevent your self realisation if you don’t want it to, and b) everything unfolds perfectly at exactly the rate that it’s meant to. the tools that you ‘require’, be it a book or a guru or even antidepressants, will appear when they are needed and disappear when they’re not. trust in yourSelf and have no fear. 🫂 : )

no one with any sense in this space would tell you, if you were experiencing undiagnosed physical pain, to not see a medical professional simply because You are not the body. your mental health is no different. for as long as the body (including the brain) is appearing, in whatever conditions it is appearing under, the most self-loving thing you can do is take care of it in whatever way you’re able to, whether that’s seeing a doctor, getting medication, going to therapy, leaving a toxic relationship or even day to day things like running a bubble bath, watching a comfort movie and eating your favourite food. i think it was sophie who said to ask yourself in each moment "what is the most loving thing i can do right now?" and go in that direction, which is such beautiful advice. you’re going to get there all the same, why not make the process as smooth and comfortable and enjoyable as you can?

i'm thinking, the best way may just be to surrender to it. self inquiry as well - what do you think blu? :-)

yes, self inquiry and surrendering are great suggestions! anything that facilitates the Knowing that You are not what You are conscious of will get you there. continually remember that whatever happens, happens because I AM.

from ada:

I know there are obligations, but start asking yourself questions until you stop believing in anything but your being, after all, that is the only thing you know for certain.

this thought experiment that she proposed might help you too:

Start doubting you'll wake up as Vanessa tomorrow. Not to get it, but consider it actually… "What if… I wake up tomorrow and I realize an entire life has been just a dream?! Equal to the one I dreamt last night?!"

What if you wake up and realize it all was a nightmare that you THOUGHT went on for years and it's just been a few hours... even get scared and terrified about that thought. Better than getting scared about non-reality.

"WHAT IN THE WORLD?! That never was... but I felt it so real, I swear I was her?!" Yet here you are, awake, and the dream never was.

the reason for feeling like you’re either "enduring" something unpleasant or "waiting" for something more pleasant in its stead, is because:

1) you think it’s happening *to you*

2) you think it’s permanent/immovable/indefinite

for the first -> do you care about blu’s circumstances? do you worry about her problems? if i tell you i have an event tomorrow that i don’t want to attend, do you give it the same importance? no, you simply acknowledge it and move on because you know it not to be you/yours.

for the second -> would your problems and obligations still bother you if you knew they’d all be gone by tomorrow? if a wizard appeared with a crystal ball and showed you that you’d be waking up in 24 hours to a brand new ‘better’ life, would you move through the rest of today in ‘this’ life with the same worry? really think on it, imagine for a moment that this is the case… do you notice your attitude change at all towards the events of today? perhaps you have an upcoming appointment or exam or work meeting, or even just a general everyday discontent for this life’s circumstances… but suddenly none of it matters so much, and it’s not so heavy, and you can move through the following events with ease and peace, because you know that it’s all temporary and transient.

the solution -> eliminate the sense of a person moving through time.

those are the two ideas to be let go of.

if there’s no such thing as past and future, what exactly are you enduring? seriously, give up the concept of anything happening outside of this very moment here and now… and where is your worry? where are your obligations? in the next five seconds you fall totally into an abyss… the world around you collapses… with it goes the sense of self, the idea that you are an "i" with a life… the future is turned to dust, there’s nothing there… what could there be to endure? who could be there to endure it? how can you be sure that won’t happen? how can you be sure the future won’t just cease to exist? because it hasn’t in the past? but what is your reference for the past besides your own memories? how can you trust them, how do you know they’re real? it feels like you lived yesterday, just as that girl who woke from a 3 week coma felt she had lived a life for seven years, but how can you know? if you were making a dream to lose yourSelf in, would this not be the most perfectly convincing one?

all hinges on your belief that there was a solid past, and will be a solid future, each with an existence outside of your mind. but there’s not. you cannot show me either without thinking. they are produced entirely by the mind.

and this "i" that you say is enduring… where is it? is it a thought? how can "i" be a thought? even when "i" am not enduring, "i" still am. so without the sense of ‘endurance’, without the labels, without the qualifiers, what am "i"? when the thought of endurance goes away, "i" don’t go with it. new thoughts come, but "i" don’t arrive with them. "i" am, before and after/with and without thought, so what am "i"? is "i" a body? how can "i" be a body, when it’s this same "i" that dreams up entire universes in the sleep state without any awareness of the body at all? "i" can be a brand new body in a night dream… the body of logan lerman or doja cat or a literal cat or any body at all… "i" can astral project and leave the body completely… and yet the "i" still is, always. how can "i" be a body when this body can lose an arm, a leg, even have a heart transplant and the "i" does not change or decrease or lose itself?

i asked myself if i were to have [insert desire] what am i actually looking for? what feeling?? and i remember reading somewhere that feelings are just thought + sensation. so it would be the erasure of the thought? is this why ada and lester encouraged letting go of feelings? because basically every experience is just a blank canvas. i hope what im asking makes sense Lol.. but when the mind says “i want xyz” is it a declaration that its not it or that it just is uncomfortable with the thought “i am not enough unless i have this” ? hope i worded this right, much love on your dream blu thx for everything!

hi. i wrote a lot, i’m not sure why, but maybe it’ll help someone

i can’t remember if i’ve shared this before, but it’s a sweet quote by nisargadatta and your ask is a good opportunity to use it:

you’re seeking yourSelf under the guise of a person lacking (and therefore desiring) xyz. the xyz isn’t what you want, it’s the eternal happiness and freedom of being in your inherent natural state that you crave.

the thought + sensation explanation might be from this rupert spira video? i’ve recommended it in the past, it’s well worth the watch. in brief, the vedantic approach is to investigate the "i" who is claiming ownership of the negative feeling… it’s about turning away from the emotion and instead examining the illusory sense of self (the "thought"). whereas the tantric approach is to turn toward the emotion and embrace it… it’s about fully feeling the physical symptoms in the body and realising they are harmless/neutral, until they dissolve altogether (the "sensation").

and yes, to be without thought is to be in perfection. without thinking, where are your problems? without thinking, where is your lack? as ada said, what need do you have for thinking at all if everything's perfect? but thoughts themselves aren’t the problem, and i don’t want you to think (lol) that they are. it’s only your identification with the thoughts that binds you and causes you to suffer. besides, you cannot force the thinking to stop, your only option is to recognise its harmlessness and let it be. the useless mind chatter dissolves on its own. 💆

there’s nothing to overcomplicate about desires. you want based on who you think you are and what you think you lack. You are the All, the sum total of the universe, but You are thinking yourSelf into this minute (the size, not the time), limited, mortal body. all bodies have limits, parameters, boundaries. and if you think that this body is ALL that you are, and if your understanding of a body is that it is a limited and largely unchanging thing, then you become confined to the limitations of that body. you forget your true nature, you take the character to be you, so much so that then you get depressed and fearful and look for a way out, and the way out is remembering that it isn’t you and never was. :)

you think you were born in X location to X parents with X siblings. you think you come from an X income family in an X class area. you think you have X coloured eyes and X coloured hair and you’ve grown to X height in an X body type. you have X features. you have X friends. you have an X personality type, with X talents and X hobbies. your prospects are X. and that’s just it, those are the cards you were dealt. the career you’ll one day secure, which will dictate the lifestyle of yourself and your partner and your future kids, will be based on the opportunities and connections you have available to you, which is based on the education you’ve had access to, which was based on the financial circumstances of your caregivers, which was based on the financial circumstances of their caregivers, which was based on… you get the point. when you actually zoom out and look at your life and how much "free will" you’ve truly got, you come to realise that 99% of your life was apparently dictated before you ever came about, by the circumstances of people born generations before you whom you never even met. you were born, or so you’re told, although you can’t actually remember it - you may as well not have even been there when it happened! - into this unfair world, and this is simply the unfair future written for you. you can fantasise vicariously about the life you could’ve had, had you been born under different circumstances, through pinterest boards and books and movies and TV screens… but that’s as far as it goes.🙅

releasing is a tool for people who feel too deeply entrenched in difficult circumstances or painful memories to directly experience what is being talked about. it’s no different than meditation or self inquiry. is it necessary for Self? no, nothing is. You already are. but we use, if and when it can be of benefit to those of us with which it resonates, illusory spiritual practices to eliminate the illusory ego.

what does it take for an unlimited being to realise they are an unlimited being? go all the way, right now. drop all identification in this instant. see it clearly. can you? if you could you wouldn’t have read this far. most can’t, i couldn’t. it takes practice. it takes spending time with yourSelf, asking questions about the ideas you’ve previously taken for granted, noticing the emotions and thoughts that pass you in the day without getting involved in them. time is never lost so there’s no need for urgency or desperation, the process is very beautiful and the one that’s in a hurry to get somewhere is the one to be investigated and dispelled anyway 🤷

the advice: study the prison you have built for yourself. ask yourself "what is stopping me from feeling free?" and seek to find out. confront your mind, question the thoughts that play on repeat… what is preventing you from knowing yourSelf? what do you refuse to let go of? what do you still believe strongly in? what makes you feel stuck? what makes you feel uncertain? what is holding you back? what worries you? what do you feel needy for? why? then release/sit with/inquire into whatever arises until you see plainly the falsity and transience of these stories, until their gravity and emotional grip has loosened. keep doing that until the need for investigation is over, until all other false ideas naturally and immediately crumble under the established, introspective light of Awareness.

and keep in mind that the very best question to ask yourself, is "who?". who feels stuck or uncertain or held back or worried or needy? who is this "i" that you feel these things on behalf of? who desires, who fears? who am "i"? what is the one unchanging quality of this "i"? what am i, without the senses, stories, labels, thoughts? working with the root is the beginning and end of all endeavour, like sophie mentions here.

just a heads up, asks like this get blocked.

i was around when both ada and sophie deactivated. never did it cross my mind to condemn their right to do as they please with their own social media, after all the help they gave. i understood that i needed to stand independently of all ego-soothing comforts and habits, and so i did.

in ada’s words:

Is anybody charging you for any services? People are doing their best to explain what they've gained on their own journey. At the end of the day, you have no idea at all what these people went through either. Maybe when expecting empathy try practicing it as well, because demanding answers from someone who owes you absolutely nothing, who is already doing what they can FOR NOTHING IN RETURN, is more than a lot of people in today's world can say for themselves, just look at you - getting mad at someone for not doing something in your own self interest.

I gave the advice to stick to one teacher multiple times, I even told everyone to just download the books and say 'fuck off' to bloggers. The fact that you can't seem to be doing this very small thing to help yourself is only showing YOU don't care enough about yourself, how can you expect a complete stranger to do it?

whether or not my blog stays up is not a meaningful measure of my morality, the attempt to guilt trip in that regard is futile. i’m an adult, with a life and mind of my own. i will always encourage people to be selfish and brazen as opposed to subservient and yielding. 🤷

RW’s teaching…

if your understanding is still none, as your impropriety suggests, that is no one’s obligation to resolve besides your own. if you don’t understand, maybe you’re not meant for this. maybe you need to come back to it years later, when you have better discernment and a more developed brain. regardless, biting the hand that feeds you is immature and a hindrance to no one but yourself.

take initiative and responsibility for your SELF realisation, like every other person before and after you has had to, myself included.

what about it is confusing you? those two statements are saying the same thing.

desires are born out of who you think you are.

oxana malaya wouldn’t have wanted the things that most "ordinary" children want, like to play with toys and watch cartoons and go to the park, because she was raised by dogs. her mind knew nothing of toys and cartoons and parks. her desires would’ve been to hunt/find food, to stay warm in harsh weather and to remain integrated with her pack, because that was all she knew.

without the person, who is there to want anything? and without the world, what is there to want?

dissolve the idea of being a person and you dissolve all your trouble (fears/desires).

if you realise that the entire universe exists within You, how can you possibly speak of things in it that you don’t have? do you see how ridiculous that is?

LOL why is this so real ☠️

i’m here for approx another week so there’s no rush

i love you, thank you for being here for so long, i'm gonna miss you more than you know x

you guys would make incredible hostage negotiators

you’re convincing me, you’re convincing me……

i love you ad infinitum. thank you for being here with me, and for being such a beautiful soul, and for making this this pastime such a pleasure. i cherish you all wholeheartedly

there’s no need to miss me, i’m always right where You say i am, we appear apart only in the mind. 💕

Is it really truly just a matter of knowing thy Self and collapsing all these false concepts of lack and separation? I feel like I know these things, yet I find myself feeling confused at times….maybe I just need to recognize that anything from the mind is not me and leave it all alone? Sorry for this being all over the place! I really just wanted to send an ask before you’re gone 😘

"maybe I just need to recognize that anything from the mind is not me and leave it all alone?"

i couldn’t have put it more succinctly myself if i tried. you got it in one baby🌟

the confusion isn’t You, the feeling that you’re not there yet isn’t You.

but it’s truly ok that the confusion is there… let it be… it doesn’t last forever, and i promise with every fibre of my being that this long and arduous process you think you’re stuck in right now, you’ll come to look back on with nothing but unimaginable peace and love. where you once saw pain, you’ll soon see only perfection. 🩵

don’t do this to meee

i’m weak-willed and susceptible to sad faces 😓

I hope you’re doing well ! I can’t wait till be able to experience life as you are now having learned all of this and accomplished what everyone is striving for!

My question is regarding learning more about the nature of what I am. Rupert Spira mentioned that it’s not enough to know that one is awareness. He emphasizes the importance of exploring the nature of it. Ex. Knowing it’s infinite, knowing the world is in it or a modulation of it. So my question is what’s the best way to figure this out. My mind cannot know of awareness so is asking questions about the nature of it really beneficial ? The next option would be experiencing it/being it. I know that I’m it all the time but when I try to go deeper and get to a place where it’s just awareness, I find that thoughts/perceptions/sensations are never ending and I want to experience it without these things, like we do in sleep.

Regarding sleep, if it’s our true nature with the absence of objective things, why doesn’t sleep bring us closer to understanding awareness if we experience it daily.

Is it because we don’t know the context of what it actually means? - if this makes sense

Thank you, I appreciate your time 💗

hi love! :] 🩵 longgg post ahead woweee i apologise.

in response to the first part of your ask:

i can only extrapolate based on the limited context, but i imagine rupert spira was emphasising the importance of not just simply knowing that what i call "me" or "i" (the person) is unreal, but that the entirety of the dream and everything in it is unreal too. you are not just an illusory form/projection of Awareness interacting with a real, separate, immovable world. the whole of the world and all of its contents, everything that is imaginable and conceivable, all physical and mental activity is nothing but a form of Awareness taking place within Awareness. the reason Awareness is infinite is because it is boundless. and time is a boundary. if Awareness is subject to time i.e. if it has a beginning/end, tell me what could possibly come before/after it? and notice that whatever answer you can offer is an answer produced by the mind, meaning it is yet another form of Awareness in and of itself. whatever you imagine could take place before/after (aka ‘outside of’) Awareness, requires Awareness in order to imagine it (i.e. in order for it to exist). therefore, Awareness inherently surpasses all limits and bounds. it is all-pervading and all-powerful.

as for how i suggest you come to this understanding, simply self realise. everything else will take care of itself. there are zero questions or doubts left when knowing is ultimate. reality becomes self obvious. simply keep remembering that nothing you are conscious of can be you …so what are you? what is the single unchanging element of all changing phenomena? what remains when all else goes?…

continually keep in mind the absolute and all-encompassing nature of Awareness. i have people all the time tell me "i know i’m Self, but …" and then they go on to spiral about a particular "problem" or circumstance. if you truly knew, you’d treat everything with the calm indifference that you do your dreams. there’d be no ifs or buts or maybes. if you understand that this thing/person/event/thought is unreal, why would that one be any different? if you know this thought is illusion, why is that thought somehow real? if you know that ideas are unreal and meaningless, why do they still trigger you? why do you still spiral? why do you fight to change/get rid of/affirm against what you see? because the knowing is incomplete and unsustained, that’s why. we remember our true nature for a little, and then something happens that feels very serious and scary and we forget again. we go back to believing in the world. the solution is just to keep at this ‘practice’ until it’s permanent, until you remember all of the time. then the need for any practice or remembering is over. you are just Being, forever, regardless of whatever costume (character) You playfully put on.

i know you said you want to go deeper beyond thoughts, but thoughts won’t stop for as long as you’re wanting or willing them to. the good news is, that’s fine! thoughts exist because You exist first. they are an indication of Awareness, not a hindrance of it. the only reason you can know of them in the first place is because you are. use them as an opportunity to remember your true Being instead of seeing them as a problem to overcome. let them be, watch them the way you’d watch bustling traffic from your bedroom window; sometimes it’s loud and crowded, sometimes it’s quiet and empty, but either way You stand apart from it. observe. the noise will fall away on its own i assure you.

as for sleep:

this person talks about how sleep brought them closer to understanding awareness.

in deep dreamless sleep, personal consciousness vanishes. the world, the body, the mind, the sense of "i am" all cease to exist. the lack of sense objects leaves only pure, primordial Awareness (distinction explained here).

even in deep sleep, You (Awareness) are. that’s why you do not say "i ceased existing last night" even though the person technically did (and that’s because You are not the person, therefore You continue even when the person does not!!! think on that). now imagine this state of deep sleep, except without ever waking up. You would be no-body in no-thing forever, formless and shapeless and undivided. yet you cannot say You wouldn’t exist, because it is into this state that you (the character and world) submerges (falling asleep) and re-emerges (waking up) every day. there must be something (= Awareness) within which the world and person can dissolve and arise. so in short, You are the space/canvas for the entire universe. preeeetttttyyy cool right? : ))

but yes, for the vast majority of people, they awaken from sleep and immediately assume the identity of a person in the world. it appears very much that the world is already there upon awakening, and you are a mere victim of it. memories of the past are carried into every new moment, and it’s this apparent continuity/cause and effect within the dream which gives it its sense of reality. the illusion you have set up for yourself is a very convincing one. hence the advice to behave as if you were bodiless and mindless, spaceless and timeless, effectively embodying (mentally) the state of deep sleep.

this is why i recommend meditation, yes as often as possible, but especially before sleep and after waking. seek to extend this meditative state, in which you are allowing everything its being whilst remaining undisturbed and unattached, further and further into the day until you’re in it constantly, until you realise it is your natural way of being and the activities of the world can no longer bind you.

when i speak of meditation, i don’t mean you must force yourself to sit only in one place in a particular position with your eyes closed and total silence surrounding you. yes, it can help in the beginning to find somewhere private to sit peacefully, but you can very much meditate all of the time regardless of what the body is doing… essentially what this anon described here, in what is one of my favourite posts ever.

ramana maharshi has lots of interesting quotes about sleep that you can find simply by googling. here’s one:

nisargadatta maharaj also has a quote that’s only semi-related to sleep but i love it so much that i’m including it here anyways :p

hi my love!

this was the ask i sent to kelly, back in december 2024.

knowing is being. whatever you know, is. that is why people say that "when you know you’ll be able to do something you’ll do it". when you know that you are no-body, that all bodies are equally yours, you’ll express whichever one you wish instantaneously and without thought. that is already what is happening now, You are choosing this person every moment without needing to think any thoughts to make it so. it is as effortless and natural as that for the expression of all things, at all times.

you can’t get there any faster by wanting it more. you can only let go of the wanting, let go of the waiting, let go of the expectations. to wait for something is to declare it as not happening now. and unless you know it to be happening now and to you, it isn’t.

my advice is always the same: think only of your Being. rest in it, wherever and whenever possible, no matter what you’re doing/seeing. focus on "i am", to the exclusion of all sense objects. remember it over and over until it is never forgotten. be undisturbed by what you see, let there be no pressure to maintain the "good" nor to get rid of the "bad". all exists because You exist first, act like it and pay whatever you are conscious of no mind. all else takes care of itself. : )

I've seen your latest post , where you said that you'd eventually stop coming back here , so I thought it be more it to send a last ask :)

even tho I have no idea of what to ask really ? not gonna lie , I felt like my heart was dropping , thinking I'll never have this realization if everyone is gone 😭😭😭 Anyway , I've heard countless times that all troubles comes from what I think am , which makes a lot of sense . But what troubles is me how could it not be me ? if anything I find it easier to find ways to reinforce that i'm just a mere human being . Knowing about this stuff and still repeating the same old stories bruh 😐 I don't get it , you could say that I get angry at this , how am I supposed to be all awareness when I have the same stuff showing up 😐 wow so powerful right 😐 not only that , but I think that I take the "physical" as too much of a feedback , still the same.stuff.? yep I didn't realize shit . can't think of something else ?.that's on me . On top of it , i'm starting to see how i'm creating my own misery and choosing this life specifically as well 😭 it's weird as hell !

anyway , back to my ask ;

what are the post that you'd recommend the most to read to realize who we are ? I think that it is time for me.to. leave Tumblr for good and stick to only a few posts and see where it gets me.

Finally , i want to say how much you have bought comfort to me and probably other anons . while i'm still not realized yet , I can say for sure that your posts are the ones that I resonate the most , I love how much sense they actually make ,.not only that , but you also give clear explanations , practical exemples and also kindness and understanding , it's refreshing really !!! I feel like just like ada and Sophie ,.you have your own wording too , I hope that you will spend a great summer !

hallooo!!

in response to the things you mentioned, these posts might help you:

"I felt like my heart was dropping , thinking I'll never have this realization if everyone is gone"

the road is shorter when you rely on your own inner voice

"Knowing about this stuff and still repeating the same old stories"

"4D" can't come to fruition while you're still aware of a 3D that is there & is completely different from what you'd wish it to be

"you could say that I get angry at this , how am I supposed to be all awareness when I have the same stuff showing up"

Don’t get frustrated or angry at yourself, be patient, the calmer you are, the easier it will get to drop more of these ideas of what you think you are.

Most of you can't change because you are so desperate TO change…

"I think that I take the "physical" as too much of a feedback , still the same.stuff.? yep I didn't realize shit"

If you're not seeing what ego wants is simply because you're aware of yourself living in a world you don't want.

To be aware means to be. If the thing isn't it means you're not and that's all the feedback you need.

"can't think of something else ?.that's on me"

You fight the thoughts or try to get rid of them because you think they're you or yours

You only feel the need to "right your thoughts" when you identify yourself with an idea.

i can’t suggest any singular post(s) as THE post that will "make you realise" because that’s not how it works. you can keep reading for another 50 years… you won’t truly see what’s being pointed at if you’re looking outwards for a truth that can only be realised inwardly. that’s how people end up spending thousands on spiritual retreats for decades without ever feeling like they’ve "got" it.

that being said… i did admittedly read a lot. i read everything of ada’s and everything of sophie’s (there are literally hundreds of posts in those links & they’re all worth their weight in gold). there isn’t a post from either of them that i’ve not seen (and read, several times). i also read a lot from kelly, especially after sophie deactivated.

but that much reading is not at all necessary. i wouldn’t swear against it, so to speak, because it didn’t hinder me... but i will always promote acting in what you’ve read over reading more and more. the reading is futile if it is without experimentation. i read so much because i was scared; scared that i wasn’t capable yet, scared that my problems would get worse, scared that it was all a lie, scared that i’d lose the parts of blu that i liked, scared that i’d miss out on some golden nugget of info from a blogger that was finally gonna make it all click. i see now that the fear was childish, but there’s no reason for regret when time is never "wasted"… everything can just be reversed or revised when it has no solid existence in reality to begin with. besides, every choice i made that looked at the time like a "mistake" still led me to where i am now. everyone is doing the best with the tools/knowledge/maturity they have, so i don’t judge anyone’s journey… everyone was a newbie once… you overcome the fear eventually🤷

in short: stick to the blog(s) you trust. if you wish, look through and choose a handful of the posts that resonate the most. like ada said, every post is a guide if you want it enough (ironically, that post is genuinely a very good guide lol). it really doesn’t matter which posts/how many/if any at all you rely on. then, and this is most important: try just Being, throughout the day, every day, where and when you can. if you get fearful, try just sitting with the fear instead of looking for a dopamine hit in a tumblr post. try to face the fear as opposed to caving to it. and if you forget, if you get caught up in the events or emotions of the day again, that’s fine! just take a deep breath, close your eyes, come back to Being. remember to remember — "who am i? what am i? to whom does it all happen?". i am that i am. all is well.

btw, the only reason i don’t link/recommend my own posts is because i have no memory of anything i’ve ever written ☠️. i write an answer and then immediately move on, i don’t reread any of it. rest assured, there’s nothing on this blog that i have written/liked/reblogged that i don’t still agree with. i only started writing on here once i had a knowing of my own, so as not to backtrack or mislead. everything i say/share, i can vouch for :]

i won’t be on tumblr beyond the month of may (might deactivate? idk). it has been a loooongggg time coming & i am barely around these days

life is very fast paced (in the best way imaginable) and there is so much beautiful experience to be had outside of the internet that i want to fully enjoy, especially now summers on its way :-)))

my tumblr era was a rollercoaster & i’m so grateful for the unfathomable peace and freedom and love that ada (& soph) opened my eyes to💓🫂, but all of my favourite bloggers left long ago and everything has been said 100x

thank you to everyone who has sent me msgs/asks over the last year. thank you to everyone who has interacted with my posts. i notice all of you, especially the ppl who interact regularly!! :) ily all. keeping my blog so lowkey means ive been able to foster this tiny alcove of the sweetest souls in the world💕💕💕. i wish nothing but the loveliest of experiences for you all

i discovered self realisation (or ""nondualism"") this time 3 years ago, whilst in the most hopeless desperate agonising circumstances, & there has been nothing more beautiful than being able to look back with genuine gratitude for all of it, with the understanding now that it was all just play all along :’]