the butterfly's cocoon

In the midst of the chaos i found myself struggling to survive; not just financially but mentally. I have been battling anxiety and depression for the past 4 years since my dad’s passing. Day to day, i need to wake up, prepare 3 cups of coffee, and make breakfast for 4. Coping in this battle of sanity was never easy, but luckily I get by just fine without medications and just being with myself. And then everything starts to fall down one after the other. When I was left without a choice but to shut the remaining source of income that i have since covid happened. I broke down and never knew how to start a new. I have to sell one of our property and vehicle. I never imagined that I have to go through this hell. But i have no choice but to move forward and have a fresh start, with my husband, mom, and sister. I need to get by every single day, pay our business’ debt, selling cooked meals on line, looking for a full time job, taking in small VA work, and the list goes on. I’m tired, my body aches, my head aches, my whole being is in pain. I have to ignore everything and keep myself sane.

I celebrate small wins to help me see the lighter side of everything. I landed on a full-time day job in an advertising agency, we’re making sales little by little with our small start up business, debts are being settled little by little and in a one at a time pace, and most specially I am still okay and my sanity is still intact.

we all  thought that 2020 will be a great year for everything. for some yes, for some no. with me experiencing both the highs and lows of this pandemic really made last year one hell of a ride.

covid-19 may have locked us inside our homes and made us spend quality time with our family, is one of the bests of 2020. it opened opportunities for micro-entrepreneurs to widen their market. personally on this note, it gave me an outlet on what to do with me losing event jobs, school service, and other businesses in one month; i was able to launch another business to at least cope on my loses as a business woman. i was able to penetrate in the farming business where i get to sell eggs (the white ones) on their freshest state and bring them straight to our end user without delays.

on the other hand, other businesses like ours in the food industry really need to shut down due to health protocols and precautions. luckily the company we used to cater did not allow it to happen. but some things and relationships must come to an end. again, i lost another business. now, i am running two businesses, the egg business and the party tray (food to-go) business. we are in our lowest.

i sell assets to pay all liabilities before it closes or put on inactive status. i never imagined that i will be dealing with the same problems my parents encountered 20 years ago. it never came to my senses that i will have to brave it myself. i have so much on my plate that it started to go out of hand. i never thought of being this low, losing almost everything with one snap. i was so established, i am in control, i am doing my best, i conquered almost everything; and then this happened. my fall back is still my family. my husband, my mom, my sister, and my in-laws. they’re all i have.

its a pandemic twist.

one day you’re living the life you wanted to live, the life you see on tv, the life of the rich and the famous. with just one snap, everything crashes right before my eyes; piling up one after the other.

it all goes back to being human, being humble, and being God centered. not everything will always be in your control but in God’s favor and grace. these detours in my business life may be God’s direction to something better, His protection, and His affirmation of His love and grace. i never lose faith and hope; besides i am still blessed to have a family like no other, i still have roof above my head, food on our table, and a small business to start with. i always tell myself to count my blessings and not my misfortunes, to see the brighter side of the situation, and the rewards of life.