Part 1: The tribulations of early youth
TW:ABUSE,VIOLENCE,SELFHARM,MENTALHEALT,SUICIDE.
I have a very good memory. my first memories came when I was around two years old. theyโre not full memories but I can make out the important bits. I was a young boy living in Ireland at this point. The rolling green hills and fresh, crisp air would intoxicate me. I adored our little island. I was tested in preschool and it showed I was 4 years ahead of my peers. this explained why I was so hostile in school. why I couldnโt sit still and completed the work correctly in minutes. the teachers struggled with me, so they punished me. instead of helping my mind flourish and grow I was punished for the tiniest things.
When we moved to England this got even worse. from here my Intelligence seemed to decline. this was because the teachers would regularly send me to the headmaster as punishment for the most trivial things. some examples; swinging on my chair, colouring on work before its handed in and being very argumentative.
The headmaster to some was a terrifying figure and you really donโt wanna see him. I on the other hand gave no fucks. His favourite punishment was making me sit on his office floor for hours until, at the end of the day my mother could pick me up. I remember my legs would hurt so bad from sitting like that and if im being honest it made me angry and want to act out more.
some perspective: this was a heavily catholic school. there was no room in the school without crosses hanging or painted mosaics that represented the religion. when the pope came to England in 2007-2008? the same dictator headmaster had everyone sit in the dining hall, legs crossed for over four hours, and made them watch the pope on tv. im not exaggerating in the slightest here. I remember how my legs burned and begged me to stretch. however, every time I would stretch or make a noise the headmaster would tell me to shut up. he thought the pope was too important for me to miss so no matter what I did he kept me there for four hours!!
this was definitely my favourite primary school. I actually had friends and despite my behavioural issues the teachers liked me. after a few episodes of outbursts where I would scream and throw stuff. a therapist came to see me. I was 7 years old. I canโt remember anything she did. but I do remember these tiny stick dolls she gave me in a smalll rainbow pouch. each one represented an emotion and I should pull the emotion im experiencing out of the bag and breathe with it. I also slept with them under my pillow to get rid of any bad dreams. this is the first therapist that has ever helped me.
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