Nuke

There was a year apart, between us.

I had started edating this guy when I was 13, and I met him though his cousin, he sent me henti, I thought that was funny at the time and we where on and off again dating until I was 14 and started dating in purson

I was poly at the time and I had told him this several times though out the relationship because I was in a relationship with someone else and the fact I'm trans. I had told him I was poly several times, and he dated me knowing that. I spent more and more time with him, most of the time he would go off on rants about how all of this world doesn't matter because I was all he had a lot and would love bomb me to the point where I couldn't handle it and broke things off when I was 14 turning 15.

He treated to take his life and expose the fact I had weird kinks to all his friends and everyone i knew. So I got back with him. As things slowly went back to normal I started seeing him more and more and he would tell me how, my poly relationship was making me mentally ill and how much do they really care about me since at the time I would have episodes of paranoia since I was being left out of things. So I believed him and broke things off with the other person I was dating. At that time he would get more sexual with me in public, always down playing my boundaries due me being short and him finding it hard to take me seriously due to my hight.

At one point, it was someone's birthday (I don't remember who's). I lashed out because he was trying to get under my t-shirt and feel my chest in public and touching me on my ass after me telling him to stop several times. We went into a game shop where he continued to do so and I had threatened to hurt him if he didn't stop, and then hit him because he didn't stop. I broke things off with him again due to him doing this and I was tired of being treated like that at.

Then his cusion got involved because I had blocked him. They pushed me to go back out with him because they saw him cut himself and punch walls over me leaving. (I was close to his cusion at the time and did have a fling with them in the past.) So I got back with him.

When I was turning 16 he started to incorage me to drink a lot because he could get his hands on alcohol though over family members. I was casually sleeping with him at the time because he started want it and him braking down and crying over it. He did use alcohol to make me more willing to have sex with him and would spike my drinks sometimes. This was very normalised to me due to me being around his family and his friends only, every now and again he would cheat on me with a another and used that to get more sex from me. I'd also spend every night when I wasn't with him playing online games and being in a call with him. Some of these calls lasting until 8AM. He would also incorage to spend my money on his living because he got kicked out by his dad and even though he had support with that kind of thing he needed more because he would spend most of his food and rent money on a League.

When I turned 17 he would get more aggressive with me and incorage me to eat nothing and just drink coffee because he said "hes not into chubby tr_nies". I had a job and I was going to college at this time he got jealous over the fact I was trying to do better for myself.

When I turned 18 down his I bought the alcohol and he started adding more than I was comfortable with. I know at the time I was trying to get a hold on a councillor because I really needed help. Once I did this fucking old ass bitch told me it could just be over drinking and blaming him. So I kinda stopped reaching out.

One night I was down his we were watching the brand new prime show hazbin hotel well slowly drinking. I wasn't really wanting to have sex at the end of one of the episodes. I told him i didn't wanr it because of that. He pinned me down to the bed once we where finished. I was drinking a lot like too much so I couldn't do a lot. He started to choke me on his bed and I cried and begged for him to stop. I dug my nails into his arms and he let go. I tried to hide in his bathroom as I was getting away he pinned me to the floor and just held me down as he continued to try and fuck me. I started to saying "i need to go to the bathroom" a lot as he he kept me there. I just well let out whatever I had in my body in that moment, just piss. He finally let me go because "i ruined the mood." I locked myself in the bathroom. Trying to keep the door closed. I know he tried to get in a few times because he slammed himself against the bathroom door as I pressed against it for hours. I dont remember him asking me this but he asked my now wife if they should come over to help me and i believe said no because they didn't come over. At 7am I finally convinced him to hand my bag of clothes so I could go home.

I know after the first week he slowly picked up on the fact I wasn't happy with him and would tell me: "I was over thinking what happened". I reached out to our mutual friends and his cusion because I needed someone to just talk to me and I didn't have friends of my own. I was blocked by those people who i reached out to because my ex told them i was making things up for attention.

My ex freaked out a lot after that. Especially when I was getting more close to my now wife. He would get mad over matching family guy pics and he would do this well I was at my part time work. We had an argument well I was at work because I found out he was cheating on me at the time with a few other people. His excuse was "you were poly so you should be greatful I was sleeping with other people." So he blocked me because I obviously wanted to talk about it and I really actually thought about who I was talking to at the time. So I blocked him back at work. My boss kinda found me sobbing into my hands. She kindly let me go from the job.

At college I kinda wasn't really there. I didn't really know what to do with my final project. So my tutors said I could do a project on feminism. They brought my councillor in to yell about how me. The openly trans student who had just told this woman not even a year ago I was in an abusive relationship. so I failed.

My family found out and they told me "I wasn't trying hard enough." I didn't tell them about what happened until a few months after since they reacted negatively to me coming out to them as trans. I had to cheer up my mother because she was upset I didn't tell her straight away.

I dont have therapy anymore because my family would listen in (it was over the phone) because at the time I wasn't seen as urgent enough to have in purson therapy because it was though my councillor. (Im gonna forever hate this woman.)

I kinda stopped drawing after college. So uh that's why my art is kinda lacking now. I slowly got back into it as I started to date my wife.