My Insane Ramblings

THFO will continue! the support from everyone has been monumental to me, and its made me realize again why THFO was so special to me to begin with. although, the next chapter is not in progress yet---instead, im rewriting chapter 1 as of now, and will most likely rewrite chapters 2&3 at some point. this fic has changed a lot in what i want to do with it, and personal attachments to the older chapters have soured them for me a bit, along with them just being old and a bit wonky lol

this will take some time, of course, im still caught up in another hyperfixation and a collaborative creative project with a group of friends, so my attention will be split. i have had a bad writing itch these past few days, so who knows anymore

exactly exactly. its hard too cause it seems like a lot of adults in this fandom who make NSFW art and content are just. fine with proshipping shit??? like it's either you are completely SFW and hang around the younger fans or you go into the adult side of the fandom and get blasted with groomers and proshippers and people who want to fuck dead bodies unironically.

i'm not leaving yet!!! not 100% sure i will, anyway. i've had a couple commenters give support on the update on ao3 and along with you, too, i'm having hope this fandom isn't as awful as i chalked it up to be, i was just only looking at the bad.

still, though, i will be having an extended break, mostly to focus on art fight like i said in a previous post, but so i can decompress and come back to THFO with a clear head and optimism.

as of recent, it seems more and more truly disgusting people have been outed in the madness combat fandom, or maybe it's just because i'm still relatively new and i'm only now deep enough to see past the rose tint. if it needs to be said, i HEAVILY distest proshipping of any kind. have your kinks and fetishes, just keep children/animals/corpses out of it and keep it fictonal if it's the more egregious stuff. and for the love of GOD, keep minors out of adult spaces.

that being said, given my complete disillusionment with this fandom, i truly don't know if i can continue writing THFO, or madcom related stuff at all. i feel so utterly paranoid that anyone reading my fics, leaving comments, what have you, could be like one of the several people who have shown their true colors to me, and i would rather quit what i've built over the past year than allow people like that to interact with the art i've poured my soul into. obviously, you can't stop everyone. people will slip through the cracks regardless of how tight your boundaries are. but it doesn't stop how fearful and distrustful i am of every new person i see in the fandom who isn't someone i can vet personally. it's a gut wrenching feeling, and i'm sure i'm just as disappointed as everyone waiting for the next chapter. perhaps this is all a bit dramatic, i'm sure it is, but this fandom had been so special to me just a few months ago, and now it feels rotten and distorted and nothing like what i once thought it was. i love madcom, i love writing THFO and seeing my vision of this story come to life, i love the small fanbase i've built over the past year, but that can't stop how terribly madcom has been soiled for me because horrendous people continue to pop up over and over and over again. i don't want to leave, but i fear the audience i'd like to conjure simply won't be here in this fandom if i set my boundaries.

i gotchu don't even worry about it

i think hank would looooove carrying doc around. it makes him feel like a big strong man and he gets a free little toby! hooray! doc likes it cus it means less time on his poor knees and hank would be cuddly and soft idc what the fandom says. if u take off all his gear that man is a thick mattress and he's touch starved, he's gonna be the best cuddle partner ever. also hank would hold doc like a teddy bear in bed together, doc sometimes spoons hank but its like wearing a human backpack. i think hank would also treat doc like he's made of glass if/when he gets his period, not cus he thinks he's weak or anything, he's just a bit dumb and doesn't want to hurt him on accident. doc tells him he's fine and hank still treats him like the most delicate thing ever (because he cares so darn much!). i don't recall how popular it is in the wider fandom nowadays but i do still really like the idea of grunts purring, i think doc and hank purr together a lot. but really broken and rumbly like lawnmowers

also i think doc is a big sweets guy. he loved candy as a kid and now sugary things give him a lot of nostalgia so he has a big stash in his office. he doesn't eat them often on his own but i think he'd share with hank after missions, sometimes he'd even give some to sanford and deimos

heheheheheh.... many, almost too many to know where to start. but boy will i try

i think generally doc prefers to bottom, it's a control thing to him, or rather the lack thereof. he's always in control of everything SQ does and he's constantly stressing himself out over it, i think the dude deserves to be a pillow prince every now n then. as a treat. also that's my preference and if my everything wasn't indicative enough, i project onto him like a bitch and i fear most of the people reading my fics would also like to get plowed by hank. also also look at the other characters gianni has voiced, you cannot convince me doc would not be a sub (at least to hank)

hank though would be kind of a service top, he has a praise kink in my heart he goes feral over being called a good boy. but he's not exactly soft either? he can be if the situation calls for it, but i think him and doc would both prefer him to be a bit needy and rough.

that being said... i think doc would also have fun topping. i think he'd find hank being a needy bottom amusing, and if he's using a strap?... ohhh boy. he'd be bossy and dominant and really enjoy having control of the feeling of the room and how everything will play out (because hank is a very good listener when he bottoms :3). and hank would enjoy being able to let go similarly to when doc bottoms, just letting someone else take care of everything and just enjoying yourself, though i think doc would have hank do a lot more than when hank tops. he'd also be bratty as hell even if he really really wants to be a good boy. good boys can have fun sometimes too. doc n hank are switches to me and they like to experiment sometimes with the reverse of the usual, but if it ain't broke don't fix it y'know? (i should write more top doc/bottom hank but i don't have ideassssss sad face)

they also totally match each others freak. i am but a mere sheep and i subscribe to them using leashes, collars, bondage, a myriad of other lovely things. and also, just cus doc doesn't have periods in my main headcanons doesn't mean i don't think hank would be ecstatic to hit that when doc is bleeding and you cannot convince me otherwise. a man should never fear getting a little blood on his sword is allllllll i'm saying

new chapter has been uploaded!! sorry it's not a lot for the long wait, but i think this one's pretty good :)

small update, but i hardly post here so i might as well give what i have while i'm here. have a small sneak peak of doc and jeb's meeting ;)

thank you!!! that's such a high honor!! while i don't personally struggle with dysphoria (not that much, at least), i'm so happy people are still able to relate to my writing. i've spend a loooong long time listening to my trans siblings and i'm doing my best to replicate how awful dysphoria is and treat the topic with respect.

i don't think so---either he took out his ovaries himself or had someone else do it. he would’ve preferred to not let anyone ever that close to something he's so ashamed of, but i don't think he could've literally dug around in his abdomen without passing out. maybe skinner, i do quite like them as a platonic pairing, and i think doc needing his own doctor is kind of cute. i think doc would’ve only let someone he's familiar with get up in his dysphoric buisness