Strategic Homeschool Battle Log

Stardate 20251102

Flashback

What follows is the progression of my mental state in the past few months.  I did not write much for myself, but what I have written is telling.

August

The Neverending Journey

I’m a big fan of the book The Nevereding Story by Michael Ende.  In the story, a young man is given a simple command: Do What You Wish.  What he doesn’t know is that he has a finite number of wishes, and he must find his life’s purpose before the wishes run out.  After every wish, he loses the memory of what he was like before.  Those who can no longer remember themselves live in the City of Old Emperors where they pursue meaningless goals for the rest of their days.

I like this story because it’s so real.  Knowing what you really wish is not easy, and having the courage to let go of what you have been as you reach for something new even more difficult.  It may not turn out the way you thought, but you change and learn more about who you are becoming. 

I think we are all going from wish to wish, some wise, some foolish, but each one brings us closer to our true character.  Will we find our purpose before our wishes run out?  I don’t know, but we can’t move forward without wishing.

Do What You Wish. 

September

The Chronicles of Prydain

I was reading the Chronicles of Prydain to my youngest last night.  The series is one I discovered in college and have treasured ever since.  It is a coming of age story that doesn’t sugar-coat the process.  It is a story in which choices have consequences and the hero doesn’t always choose correctly; the road to maturity is not a straight one.

We are nearing the end of the last book, and the companions were caught in a snow storm.  Without warmth, they would all die, so the musician of the group decided to burn the only thing he had—his beloved harp.  It was not enough wood to make more than a small fire, but magically sustained by the love that drove the sacrifice, the harp burned bright all through the storm.  When it was over, the only thing left was a single, golden string.

This story is so beautiful because it pierces your heart.  You weep at the beauty of the sacrifice.  Each of us has our own storms to face, and our road to maturity is not straight either, but when our moment of truth comes, our greatness is not measured by accomplishments but by our love.  Leadership is not about having the right answers; it’s about building the kind of team that people are proud to be a part of—a team where people are willing to do what’s right even when it comes at a cost.  Maybe our harp will burn, but amid the ashes, our character turns to gold.

October

9 (2009)

“They've left us nothing. Nothing. Why do we have to right their wrongs? Sometimes one must be sacrificed.”

This line is from of one of the most impressive movies I have ever seen.  I used to share it with my college students as the capstone of my writing class.  The story is set in a post-apocalyptic world in which humanity has been wiped out by AI.  The only remnants of life are these little, seemingly weak sack robots who carry within them the soul of their Maker.  The robots are numbered 1-9 and each of them represent a different aspect of their Creator.  1 is self-preservation; he claims leadership of the group.  2 is wisdom; he is hard-headed and ends up being banished for asking too many questions.  3 and 4 are twins; they represent memory. 5 is one-eyed and timid; he represents hope.  6 is barely vocal but has a key around his neck; he represents the artistic impulse.  7 is resourceful and impatient; she represents courage.  8 is big and strong; he represents willpower.  And 9 is born without a voice—he is repaired by 2 and goes on to challenge 1 for leadership of the group; he represents vision.

By the end of the story, wisdom, hope, art, and willpower have been consumed by AI.  9 knows how to free them and is prepared to sacrifice himself to do so, but 1 knows his leadership cannot bring the group into the future.  At the last moment, he says, “Sometimes 1 must be sacrificed,” and pushes 9 out of the way.  By doing so, he gives 9 the chance he needs to overcome the enemy and bring life back into the world.

I love this story for so many reasons, the depth of its symbolism not the least.  In a recording to 9, the Creator talks about AI saying, “My creation was flawed and indeed, dangerous, because it lacked a human soul.”  In this age of AI, we would do well to remember that there are some choices that should not be made by machines.  When we forfeit our moral responsibility, we become less.  It is only as we live out the divine spark—our unique, conscience-bound nature— that we become fully human.  Sometimes one must be sacrificed to help us see.

November

The Count of Monte Cristo

“God will give me justice.” This weekend I decided to stretch my boys’ cultural appreciation beyond cartoon movies and introduced them the The Count of Monte Cristo (2002).  It is a story of revenge and redemption in which a trusting young man is betrayed through a conspiracy involving friends, business partners, and corrupt authorities.  The hero, Edmond Dantes, is sent to prison for a crime he did not commit where he meets an unlikely mentor—a former soldier who deserted to become a priest.  Together, they dig a tunnel to escape until one day there is a cave-in, mortally wounding the priest.  With his dying words, he admonishes Edmond not to commit the crime for which he was serving the sentence.  He reminds Edmond that vengeance belongs to God, to which Edmond retorts, “But I don’t believe in God.”  The priest replies, “It doesn’t matter.  He believes in you.”

This is one of those movies where every detail matters and every conflict is meticulously resolved.  At the climax, when justice is accomplished, there is just a hint of a rainbow in the frame—a symbol of faithfulness and completion.  The last frame of the movie is a close up of that inscription, “God will give me justice,” and when you look back through the events of the story, you can almost see an invisible hand working through each circumstance.

Our lives never make sense in the middle; that’s where all the shrapnel of failed ambitions lay.  Yet as we learn more about who we are and about what really matter to us, we find that nothing is wasted.  Every success, every failure, brings us closer to the person we were meant to be.  When we resolve to stay true to our inner voice, we find that we too are guided by that invisible hand, and our story becomes unique.  We admire perfect heroes, but it’s the ones who struggle like we do who inspire us.  Failure is not the worst thing that can happen to us—indeed many leaders look back on their failures as crucial turning points—so do not be afraid.  

Captain’s Log

Stardate 20251101

On the other side of the wormhole

I’m coming up on my one year work anniversary.  Except I’ve quit.  The corporate world is messed up.  Like, really messed up.  My wife says my problem is that my ethical standard is higher than the social norm.  I hate it when educational institutions promote agendas rather than education.  I hate it when non-profits lie about how their funding is used.  I hate it when corporations claim record earnings while slashing their labor force.  I hate it when people smile to your face while planning to stab you in the back.  I hate greed and deception in all of its forms.  I’m really sick of the way the world works.  I just want to find a quiet corner and quietly go about building a healthy environment where it is okay to be honest, broken, loved.  I don’t need a lot of money.  I don’t need fame.  I just want to build the Kingdom.

Our homeschooling journey has experienced a lot of changes.  After I went to work, my wife valiantly took the reins for half a year, but she got accepted to a great counseling program, and we needed another option.  My oldest has hit that pre-teen stage where he has logic, but it’s buggy, and I knew I didn’t have the ability to fight on both fronts.  Finally, we decided to enroll him in a top boarding school in Shenzhen.  The tuition cost more than our car, but I hoped that it would be worth it.  It’s been almost half a year, and I’m not impressed.  I can see why they make you pay for the entire year in advance.  If I were not still dealing with my work trauma, I’d consider taking him out.  As it is, I need a bit of breathing room.  

My younger son’s homeschooling has limped along.  While I was working, we supplemented it with exercise courses.  He rotated through basketball, boxing, jumprope, and fencing in addition to his online courses.  I felt really bad about being as hands-off as I was, but I was working ten-hour days in an environment that sapped my life away.  Now that I’m recovering to some extent, I’m also getting more involved.  I’m not back up to my previous level of discipline, for him or me, but we’re getting there.

I’m not sure what our next steps will be.  I’m looking into ministry related work, but I have my concerns about that too.  I’ve had experienced friends warn me about full-time ministry.  To hear their account, the established church is just as dysfunctional as the corporate world, with the added dimension of spiritual judgment.  I don’t know.  If that’s really the case, I don’t know what I am going to do.  For now, I’m praying for a few online life-coaching clients to make ends meet.  After that, we’ll see. 

Stardate 20250224

Y2S3D1

Tumblr tells me that my blog turned one year old today. This has definitely been a year for the record books, despite my not keeping a record. When I last posted, I was practicing praise in the desert.

Shortly thereafter, I received an invitation to interview for an English instructor position. After eight rounds of interviews and a thorough background check I found myself hired as a language coach for the head of a multinational company.

We got to go home for Christmas, and I was able to return the Gofundme donations.

I also handed homeschooling off to my wife while I entered the corporate world. It’s been three months, and I am still enjoying what I get to do. When I’m not coaching, I’m learning everything there is available (I work in the professional training department) And yet.

I am very grateful for this position and what it provides for our family, but our homeschooling efforts are struggling. My wife doesn’t get intrinsic satisfaction from teaching or routines like I do, and doing the outdoors stuff or the science experiments is work for her. She’s giving it all she’s got, but it is taking a toll on her and on her relationship with the boys. Being Mom, chef, teacher, cleaning lady, and chauffeur without any outside support is a bit too much. We are seeking a balance point, but we haven’t found it yet. I asked her to give it till June. If by then she still hasn’t found a way for her and the boys to do homeschool happily, I will take over or we will find other options.

Stardate 20241104

Y2 S1 D40

This past week has been another busy one. The boys have been fighting off chicken pox. They are both recovered at this point so we were able to celebrate Isaac’s birthday with a pizza party this past Sunday.

I have done a lot of traveling recently. I’ve been interviewing for an important position in a large company. If I am able to secure the offer, it will definitely be a turning point. I also went to a job expo for international schools. I submitted some resumes but I do not feel that to be the right direction for me at this point. Even so, I am casting my bread upon the waters to see what happens.

In a few weeks, I will be sharing about the role of praise in our lives, and my research is really challenging me. Up to now, my attitude has been to knuckle under and praise in spite of difficulties while hoping to get through them, but what my study is revealing is that we actually have the mandate to praise because of the difficulties. This is not to say, “Thank you for all the bad things that have happened to me,” but to say, “Thank you that you are working for my good in every circumstance, no matter how disagreeable it is to me at the moment. I trust that you are in control and that you love me right now.” There is a big difference. And as always, He is giving me the opportunity to practice before I share.

Right now, I am praising him for the desert—for this time of physical, financial, and emotional weakness. I am drawing deep on my faith and choosing to trust that this is for my good, not to harm me, and that His love for me is stronger than any difficulties arrayed against me. I challenge you to join me. Maybe there is a situation that is bringing you no end of grief. Instead of asking Father to change it, thank him for it and for what he is teaching you through it. Praise him for this moment and that it is a part of his plan that is higher than your plan.

I thought I’d share a little bit of the story behind this fundraiser so you know what you’re contributing to. I’ve been working overseas since 2004. In twenty years, I’ve only been home for Christmas once because most of the organizations I worked in did not celebrate Christmas. My oldest son, Simon, was diagnosed with leukemia at the age of three and his treatment prevented travel for the next few years. Then there was Covid. Last year, I turned 40 and promptly began having an existential awakening (midlife crisis) that has led me to this point.

I stand by most of my choices in life, regardless of what other people might think, but there are a few things that I regret—not being able to go home more often being one of them.

I’ve been gone for so long and changed so much that most people who knew me would walk right past me without a second glance. I’ve tried to keep people involved with pictures and blog articles, but it’s not the same.

This year, I finally have time, but I’m coming out of a year of soul-searching and unemployment. It’s not a necessity for us to come back. It’s not life-threatening as our past fund-raising attempts have been. This is just a wish. At first, I thought it was for my boys, but later I realized that it was also for me. Life is short. We never know what will happen next. I want to spend the holidays with the our clan while we still have the chance. If you’d like to contribute or forward this on to someone who might, I’d really appreciate it.

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Stardate 20241022

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Simon had an important life experience this morning. My boys have been drinking milk by the liter of late. At the current rate, they are able to polish off two boxes a day. In order to slow their consumption and cut costs, my wife and I decided to try using powdered milk. I made sure that I had it ready before the boys got to the table so I would not get pushback from the get-go.

I tried it in my cereal first and knew that it was not exactly pleasant. Isaac came next. He made a face but didn’t comment. Then Simon came to the table; I closed my eyes and waited.

“It tastes horrible!” he wailed. “I KNEW I would hate powdered milk. Breakfast is ruined!”

“There’s a little bit of regular milk left in the fridge.” I said trying to soften the blow. “I can mix it in.”

“No, you’ll waste it! I’ll just have a smaller bowl of cereal.” So he did.

I don’t see this experience as a bad thing. A lot of times, we don’t realize how fortunate we are until we face loss. Our family has always had enough to provide for little luxuries, but we are in a dry period right now. It will not last forever, but while we are here, it is good to learn how to reduce our spending and to make things stretch.

I don’t know why we are wandering the desert at the moment, but as I look at the Scriptures, I can see that we are in good company. Time in the desert toughens us up. It humbles us. It makes us grateful for when things come a bit easier. Sure, it tastes horrible, but it’s not forever.

Stardate 20241021

Y2 S1 D29

Last week was busy. I’ve been devoting my time to job-related writing. I had four interviews in a very short span of time. I’ve got another interview scheduled for next Monday, and a meet and greet scheduled for next month. Things are moving at least. We’ll see how it goes.

I’ve been struggling with whether to launch a Gofundme to support a Christmas trip. It’s one of those wishlist things that I’ve always wanted to do but never had the time and resources for. Now I’ve got the time but not the resources. And I’ve got a possible job on the line. The platform itself actually provided me with a good solution. They sent me an email informing me that if I don’t set up my bank account info before February, all the funds will be refunded. I figure if we don’t reach our target or if I land the job, I can allow the platform to return the money to the donors.

I’ve been trying to get in touch with Cathay Pacific to see if they have any Make-a-wish type programs. They are the only ones with a direct flight from HK to the East coast. So far, I’ve only been able to get their machines. I will keep trying in between job applications.

Stardate 20241004

Y2 S1 D15

Figuring out which day we were on was harder than I thought it would be—it’s been a busy week. We went to another city and had the meeting. It went well, and they’d like to see me again in November—which is great, but it doesn’t solve any current problems. I wrote to two local companies who have photography products that I admire. We’ll see if I get any bites there. The idea that is forming is to start a photography therapy company. All of the places I have been exploring can serve as partners—adventure sports, surfing, sailing, diving, climbing, rugby, and if I can get a strategic partnership with Insta360, I’ll have the hardware as well. I can offer different themes with different activities as well as a basic package with hiking, biking, frisbee or some other free activity. After the event, we can come together and discuss the deeper side of our experience and share our photos.

Stardate 20240925

Y2S1D13

It’s been a busy weekend. I delivered the second session for my Rekindle course on Friday. We are beginning to see it stir the depths for some. Hidden wounds are coming to light. I pray that as they do, these men will find healing.

Sunday is always busy. I was not leading this week, but I was able to have a meaningful conversation with a seeker afterwards and then to have lunch with some of our dear friends.

Monday, I started designing a training program for preschool educators introducing the concept of TPR. I’m about 1/3 finished with that. The framework is done, I just need to flesh it out at this point.

Tuesday, we went to finish my green card application. Everything we can do is finished now. The rest of it is up to Him. I also got in contact with a university that offers a funded PhD program. We’ll see how that goes.

It’s been raining the past few days, and the boys have been sluggish on their work. I told them if they can finish this week’s courses early, we can go on a field trip Friday morning. My plan is to do the art museum. We’ve been back for a month and still haven’t gotten there yet.

We will be out of town this weekend. A friend hooked us up with a chance to talk to a spiritual director. I don’t hold out much hope at this point, but I’m desperate. If there is help available, I will invest the time and energy to go. Most days, I feel like I’ve had the wind knocked out of me. Maintaining any kind of sustained energy exhausts me. I’m still going, but I feel like I’m bleeding out. I can relate with Job’s lament, “For the arrows of the Almighty are in me; my spirit drinks their poison; the terrors of God are arrayed against me.”

Stardate 20240919

Y2S1D9

Let me explain, no, there is too much. Let me sum up. Here is what I’ve learned from the last two years.

1. I am not a business man. I could care less about widgets and the only things I’m interested in (which is a climbing gym or a BNB by a surf spot) takes a large initial investment and most likely won’t earn it back.

2. I am not a school administrator. Perhaps I could have been, but the politics of the position do not interest me at all.

3. Independence and autonomy are a need for me, not a want. Confine me to a classroom and dictate my content, and I will be VERY unhappy.

4. I can’t go backwards. The university has changed its policy and I am no longer qualified to have the job I held for ten years…

5. I can only go forwards. It looks like a PhD is the way to go.

6. I still like psychology, and I still like management. I want a job that will allow me to influence large groups. I think organizational psychology will be the most suitable for that.

7. Online just-about-anything is a waste of time. The degree is actually the least valuable part of the recipe. Practice being number 2, and connections being number 1.

8. I know SZ is my WHERE.

9. I know WHO I want to benefit. Non-profits are not my field.

10. I know WHAT I want to do.

Stardate 20240918

Y2 S1 D8

So, it’s been a busy weekend. I not only found attendees, I had my first class this Friday. I didn’t get paid for it, but I’m looking at the experience as market research. I learned one very important thing: I need an ice breaker. I can’t just launch into deep personal discussion and expect much. The group I practiced on was already established and had a culture of honesty so it still worked, but with a group of strangers, it certainly would not.

Sunday’s speaker also ended up in the hospital with an inflamed kidney so I jumped in to share. My theme has been spiritual super powers. Last time, I shared about repentance. This time, I talked about forgiveness. Afterwards, I was invited to a leadership meeting. I was very upfront about my status, and it was received with understanding. In the end, it was settled that I would be in charge of the speaking team with more leadership potential depending on how that settles. I think that’s wise for everyone.

On the business side, I’m still not making money which distresses me. Between homeschooling, speaking and writing, I’m already feeling at capacity. I decided to do a one-month experiment by trying path social to boost my IG. It works, but it’s a game. They give you just enough to keep you on the hook and paying. I’m pretty much going to give up on social media altogether after this. It’s not worth the headache and there is no payout. The only thing left for me to try is my own website.

I’m trying to get my business identity set up in the US so I can receive funds without using a platform like gofundme. I want to cut out all the middlemen. My website would combine my pictures with my speaking and writing and offer a channel for people to make small donations on a monthly basis. The problem would be promoting the website. It would be almost impossible to do without a speaking tour.

So, step 1: Get my business registered and open a business account. Step 2: Design my webpage but do not start paying yet. Step 3: Construct speaking content and schedule and secure venues in the US and elsewhere. Step 4: Activate web page. Step 5: Start tour.

Stardate 20240911

Year 2 Semester 1 Day 5

Yesterday, I got so much writing done, I wondered what was missing; then I realized I didn’t blog. We’ve been doing well with homeschool. We are back into a routine for the most part. Simon is fighting me on his journal right now, but I’m used to the battle at this point. I just insist without letting him stir me up with the million protests or excuses or delays. Three sentences. No exceptions. He’s remarkably resistant to doing any kind of mental work to engage with what he’s reading. Usually, he will find the shortest verse and copy it and then expect me to give him some enlightenment on it. Today, he copied James 5:6 then wrote, “I don’t know. Help me now.” I will take that because it’s honest. I sure hope the Lord responds.

Isaac is doing well. He usually transcribes three verses without commentary, and they are usually very encouraging to me. Today, he’s copying Psalm 58:9-11. Interesting theme.

My own reading was from Isaiah when Sennacherib was defeated by the angel of the Lord. Put all three passages together, and you get a very interesting picture.

I’m still in the process of washing off the past two years. It’s hard for me not to relate all passages like this to my own experience. Honestly, I don’t know what I was dealing with in Dongguan. The words seemed right, but the fruit definitely wasn’t. When I left, I was discouraged, depressed, disgusted and borderline paranoid delusional. I was barely able to keep my grip on reality. The boys were cruel and chaotic. It was awful.

This morning, I woke up to both boys working peacefully on their own projects. Simon was doing a craft and Isaac was working on a LEGO build. No screaming, no cursing, no weird noises or abusive behavior—just quiet discipline. I do not regret my choice.

Speaking of which, I’ve finished the prototype for my class, and I’ve found a nearby venue for it. Now I need to get attendees. The first-fruits will be given to the Lord, so I will choose people to bless and see what happens. I’m both excited and nervous about it. What if nobody is willing to come? What if it bombs? What if… what if… what if…

If you’re reading this and you’re a praying person, pray for me. It’s time to step off the lion’s head.

(I tried to get the clip from the movie, but for some reason China is fighting my search engine today so I AIed it instead.)

Stardate 20240909

Year 2 Semester 1 Day 3

It’s been a good weekend. On Saturday, we attended a farewell to summer shindig at a friends house where we were able to catch up with several friends. Afterwards, I had my first lesson for The Book of Three. It was very pleasant teaching.

Sunday was a blessed time with the big family. I am considering getting more involved with leadership, but I know it will be a big challenge. Looking back over the past two years, I’ve been able to observe three different fellowship internally and to learn their strengths and weaknesses. My biggest take away is the danger of building mini-kingdoms—exclusive clubs based on loyalty to something other than Christ. Organizations are great, but our hope is not in any organization. Only commitment to Christ matters; everything else just ends in legalism.

Other lessons include things about structure and safety, how to effectively manage small groups, how to increase engagement, how to build up the male half of the fellowship, and how to train life skills in addition to spiritual disciplines. It would be really great if all the suffering of the past two years could be redeemed and put to practical use, but I don’t want to take this opportunity for that reason. If I move forward, I want it to be in obedience to a call, not to prove myself.

The boys have started their studies for the day so I want to get to mine. I got an okay from Richard Leider to cite his material for my course, so that is great news. I’m revamping the last section because I find his discussion on death rather insubstantial. I’ve met death. I’ve played chess with him for 43 days. He’s an old friend. I’ll design that section based more on own experiences than what is in the book.

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Year 2 Semester 1 Day 2

Typhoon today (literal and figurative). Several conflicts with Simon already. We’ve finally gotten into our assignment groove. Yesterday I asked God for patient determination. I’ve finally learned that working with people (especially my own kids), is not about having the right information. People cannot be fixed by knowing what’s right. All I can do is chart my course, seize the helm, and brace for the gale. Some days are smooth sailing; others are not. The seas our family face seem to be more turbulent than average, but who wants an average journey?

I wrote to Richard Leider yesterday about using his material to do a seminar here in China. Haven’t heard back yet. I’ve also nailed down the process to starting a business in Virginia. Seems pretty straightforward, but I’d want to do an LLC instead of a sole proprietorship which means I need a registered agent. I’ve got a few people in mind, but we’ll see. I’ve had enough of striving. I will not force my will on others. If people are of like-mind, we can work together. If not, I will not waste energy.

Stardate 20240905

Year 2 Day 1

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve sat down to record our adventures. We’ve had a lot on our plate since we got back from Shanghai. We’ve moved back to Shenzhen. We’re still working on my green card. This week we went to the embassy in GZ for a passport renewal, got a blood test for Simon, shipped it to Shanghai for processing, had an official interview for the GC, had our farewell to summer, and had our first day of school… and the week is only half over. So you can see why writing has taken a back seat.

I’ve picked up a tutoring gig on the weekends that will provide some much needed income for us. The contact is one that has a high possibility to develop into more contacts so I want to make sure to do a good job. We start this weekend.

Yesterday we celebrated the end of summer with a bang by going to the water park. Most of the other kids were in school, so we had the place pretty much to ourselves. It was a really good day for everyone—a much-needed highlight after the stress of the past few months. They wouldn’t let me bring my camera on most of the slides, but I still managed to get some good video clips. I’ll post the YouTube link so you guys can celebrate with us.

My next two projects are to develop a support seminar for those transitioning into middle age and to get my weight under control. I’ve learned that I can’t eat three meals a day with my current energy output. Even with cutting processed sugar, I’m still gaining. I’m down to one main meal a day with a protein coffee for breakfast. If that doesn’t do it, my only hope is to become a rower on a Viking longship.

About the seminar, I’m thinking of offering it online and opening it up to an international audience. I’m trying to get a mentor in the process, but altruism doesn’t seem to be an effective motivation for mentoring—especially in the self-improvement field. Anyone who is halfway decent becomes a competitor unless they sell their soul (and profits) to become a part of the pyramid. I might have to just learn as I go like my favorite people did. Maybe Chat GPT can help.