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I know the girls form the Dean Withers videos are real because someone I know is just as headache as them.

Why do people always come to me when it comes to weight topics. Literally everyone does and I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I feel like they do this Un purpose because they know i struggled too. It is like they want me to relapse and I lowkey am about too relapse. I just want to never eat and go back to cvtting myself. Sometimes when I do I do not feel real. I feel as if someone else is doing it.

Birds in cages go insane and eventually shoot themselves. I have people in my live keeping me trapped. Not only mentally but physically as well. They tell me to stay inside and not to go in the sun, but humans need the sun. They need to socialize and go outside. They need to walk around and enjoy nature. I think this is truly the most trapped I have ever felt and it is in my own home. Walking home is the only time I feel truly at peace. I do not understand why would I have to deceive people in my life just to go for a walk. Not going outside enough is a key factor for Mental health. When you isolate yourself you get to comfortable with it and your room starts to be your “safe space” where you begin to rot. In all what I am trying to say is i feel trapped, but I guess I can try to keep my spirits high and not to end myself.

Today I was looking at soil insects and it made me start to wonder about the way they live. Not only insects above ground but way under. I wonder if there is life beneath there and we just do not know. I know in the ocean there is definitely new species that are evolving everyday. Anyways off topic does anyone know how to keep tomatoes branches from falling over? Some of my have fallen because the tomato is too heavy. I was thinking trying to tie it to a stick but that seems inhuman. Please comment below.

People always ask why I am plant based if i believe that eating plants is still murder in a sense. This is because I feel as if we are separated from plants. People always separate themselves from plants but we are all intertwined. I want to be as close as I can to plants. It is not like a am rolling in dirt or the grass, but I am so curious about them. Anyways I will probably post again today.

I miss walking. Truly taking in nature. When I look out my window while driving I see the world from a different point of view. I see it as if I am spectating the lives of others. Looking at a different plant. Suddenly palm trees seem unfamiliar to me. The way tree themselves are able to grow. Something I always found strange was that in depictions of other plants they are similar to earth. Mean no the same type of makeup as earth. Thinks like living things need water and this, what what if life started on a gas planet. I always wondered what if another type of matter is able to sustain life on gas. They have a different way of moving, they wouldn’t need language like us. Different ways of communication. I am just spiting out ideas but I guess what I really want to know is does anyone else feel as if they are an Alien on our own planet.

I love walking places. Walking has this way of making you really see what is around. You are able to truly feel what is around you, move at your paste. Cars are fast and you past things in the flash an eye. Not even thinking of the story of the place or what the store even is. You could be pasting by what could be your next favorite coffee shop, your next favorite boutique, or furniture store. Hidden gems do not come from using your google maps and looking up the best places. It comes from looking and truly going out finding the best places. Now why I also love nature is because it makes me look at the Earth in a different way. I truly look at the leaves and how they are living just as us. I look at the branches and see them in a different way. they grow they die just like us. I see they as if I entered a new plant and I am looking at something I have never seen before. anyways I am getting tired so I guess this is the end. Good day/night/noon/afternoon :))