The Blog of Everything

2019 was a year of terrible career. 

I joined a top agency but under such a poor management that 1 year on, I am still angry about my experience. 

Soon after I joined a company which promised much but turned out to be a slave driver of my colleagues (thankfully I got out well in time). 

This year, is supposed to be my year. As of 1st April, I saw it become my year.

While the world around us crashes with Corona Virus or COVID-19 taking on lives, and as governments grapple around us to ensure safety of all by shutting down workplaces and forcing companies who can, to comply with work-from-home practices, I sit here in front of my laptop with a silent thank you to God. 

The Emotional Roller Coaster of a Working Mother

In the middle of June 2018, a little red-cheeked, skinny but healthy boy pushed his way out of, what i presume to be, a dark tunnel and breathed his first breath of air. 

My son.  My life.

I had left my job just 8 days before I had found out I was pregnant, and I had been unsuccessful securing another because I was honest in pointing out my pregnancy every 2nd interview I reached. 

I was a full time mom, and exhausted at being calculative because of financial restrains. I tried and tried to find a company that required my skillset and appreciated having a new mum on board - zilch! 

Every agency I interviewed had the same sort of questions for me - this job is demanding, do you think you can manage a child and the job? 

It was rude. It was presumptuous. It was degrading.  And even though I cried then, I know now that I even if I was good at what I do, those companies were never for me. They spelt toxic culture completely. 

When I finally did find a job that said they could support work-from-home once in a while, I jumped to the occasion only to later learn that there were over-promises made to hire a person as soon as possible. 

I did all I could. I strived, and then I moved. 

I Need Balance

In the interview for my current company, I ensured my point was clearly made: 

I am good at my job, I know it. But now, I am at a point in life where I need to balance.  I have done many 12-14hours of work days and I see how unproductive they were. I have done strict 9 hours work days and seen the amazing respect and productivity they have brought along too...  I can promise that I’ll do my best at my work but I need you to understand that I need to go home on time - Not to rest and not because I’m lazy. 

I am a mother and I have duties.  In my world, those duties far more demanding and far more important because they shape the world of another human being. 

They understood. 

I did have days where I worked later than the required contractual hours, but to be honest, there have been days when I have had time to shop online too! Isn’t it my duty to be there to finish my job and complete what I’m being paid for? 

The Work From Home Mother

On 31st March, there was a huge spike in number of COVID cases, with the government giving strict instructions to companies to move to a WFH set-up. My company acted immediately and on 1st April, we had our last day at the office.

Since then, I have been managing work, and home: Bosses, Colleagues, child and husband, and helper too! 

I am working harder than I did in the office, and I’m present in front of my child to answer his questions and be there to give him a kiss on his booboo. 

I’m exhausted. 

But I’m happy. 

I attend meetings, and I cook. I work on briefs and I work on the meal menus and grocery lists.

I think of that Operations Manager at that agency who said Advertising is not for a mother. And then I think of how some people are just not going to every understand because they haven’t been blessed with such huge responsibilities in life.

It’s MY Time

And here I sit, with work on one side, my son napping on the other side, and everything rolling according to timelines. 

There’s no anxiety. There’s no hyperventilation. There’s lesser stress but everything is working well. 

It's a normal thing in Hollywood these days to see homosexuality. You know it's a regular thing when it's okay to show it on Disney!

But what isn't a norm is the topic in Bollywood.

I watched "Ek Ladki Ko Dekha toh Aisa Laga" over the last few days on Netflix.

Thank you Netflix for featuring the movie so soon after its release. As a new mother, I haven't had the opportunity to go to theatres to catch new flicks. Also, no way in hell can i ever watch anything now without needing to pause it or stop it. That's why Netflix, I love you ❤

Not to digress...

Its not a usual thing we see in bollywood. Its a fairly new topic and it was touched at very subtly in the movie. For the firat time, it was not a joke (i.e. Dostana) but a serious topic about preferences and choice.

While topics in the past have been about inter-religous or inter social caste marriages or even just having a choice of your own partner, this topic came as a breath of fresh air to me- it definitwly shows that there is some maturity in the movie industry now to touch on homosexuality topic in such a manner.

Could it have been better? Definitely!

But it definitely wouldn't have been as widely watches had the topic been a bit more intense.

Laws in India recognise consensual gay sex now however there is a huge social stigma around it.

Honestly, what topic doesn't?

Between 2013 and 2016, I was in a battle with my own parents about my choice of life partner and they wete worried about what others would think rather than what would make ME happy.

Trust me guys, if you say you're indian and gay and you're facing issues with acceptance, I'd tell you my story and say - hey, people have issues with other people's choices even in a "straight" relationship, so just do you, k? No matter what you do, someone or the other would have an issue.

Now back to the movie-

It's a welcomed topic for viewers like me who are Indian by race and nationality but brought up abroad. It's a good measurement of changing attitudes for me. Where my parents were stuck at the fact that I was marrying out of caste (please feel free to do a facepalm), Indians were instead moving forward in life fighting for rights to recognise consensual sex between the same gender.

Overall, I think I am in agreement with most people and reviewers out there who gave this movie an average rating but admire the effort of the storyteller and director in bringing this topic through so sweetly.

I have to be positive because I have to create an example for the world!

I will succeed.

I will get my perfect opportunity like I have gotten in the past.

I will make sure I succeed in my opportunity

And I will make all those who didn't help feel a little bad for not being positive for me.

Yes the last point seems negative but I do feel taken advantage of because people who should be helping are just not. These are people that I have brought positive thoughts to and given them all the support i could. It has been very sad that such thoughts exist, but at least I know what I should not be doing to others during their tough hour.

I am a proud mothher of a 6month old boy. He has taken over my life in an amazing way.

I don't hide the fact that he wasn't part of our plan. We were in a stressful situation at the time... we had much to do but were still occupied with family needs.

Nonetheless, I just look at him and nothing in the world could convince me tbat he wasn't the best thing that happened to both my husband and me.

But with motherhood, came disappointments.

Somehow, my eligibilty for jobs suddenly reduced. People assume that I will not be committed to my work any more.

The view has been rather annoying - frustrating even!

I would have always imagined mothers joining back the workforce after having a child to be more disciplined, better time managers and loyal.

Why?

They know they have to get work done within a certain time frame to ensure they can give enough time to their child at home. They wouldn't want to dilly dally and waste time in menial tasks that they know would just delay the important work. Having a child also increases expenses 2-3 folds so a mother going back to work would indeed want proper work security and wouldn't even thibk of taking risks and switching jobs unless the work environment was toxic.

Dear employers interviewing those coming after having a child - please don't judge us ladies. Our capabilities don't decrease after we have a child. In fact, we grow stronger.

Unless you are afraid of a loyal, strong, disciplined woman, don't dismiss her based on her maternuty hiatus. That is just a simply disgusting behaviour.

To the lady employers questioning - imagine that happening to you.

To the male employers - imagine that happening to your wife and you having to take on all expenses of the household, including taking care of a brilliantly capable wife who isnt able to secure a job because of your decision to grow your family. Imagine thiis happening to your sister or even your mother when she had you!

To the government ignoring such employer behaviour and the difficulties of securing a job for new mothers - is there something you can do to help?

To recruiters looking at resumes with a career break - are you judging the candidates in a wrong way?

How it began

It happened on 24th October 2017. 

We had just returned from a week long trip to my husband’s home. The time of the month I was most dreading was supposed to have happened during that week. 

I had missed my period before... I do have anxiety issues afterall. It has affected my calendar at least once a year. However, as any sexually active female, I bought a pregnancy test kit to check. 

And it came positive - on 2 sticks. 

Oh the shock my husband and I were in! And are still in. 

Present

Fast forward to now... our little Baby is 23 weeks old! I’m sitting at home, because of the discrimination women generally face in pregnancy due to companies being calculative about maternity leave and payouts. My husband is stressed out about finances monthly - and then he goes and buys himself some unreasonably expensive new toy to calm himself down. 

But everyday, when I feel the baby’s kicks, I forget everything for that moment, and start talking to him.  It makes me happy. 

Pregnancy till now

So how have the past 22 weeks been? They have been filled with

Moodswings!

Instant anxiety and tears

Exhaustion

Backache - not because of the baby though. I had been diagnosed with minor scoliosis before the pregnancy. However, I am unable to take strong medication to relieve the pain because of the current condition. It’s all about Panadol/Paracetamol these days.

Food cravings - McDonald’s is getting a lot of business from me these days. Regular Chicken Nuggets and McChicken burger cravings these days. And chocolates.

Realisation that I need to eat healthy

Googling benefits of anything I’m about to put into my mouth

Constipation !! - Seriously. 

Anger - I used to get amused by liars. Now they’re on my “To Educate” list. Trust me, you don’t want to be on that list these days. 

Cartoons - to calm myself down and distract myself

God, bless my husband for having patience with me. I hope he still loves me after all this is over.

What to expect

According to the app I’ve downloaded on my phone,  “What to Expect”, (based on ratings), my baby is now wrinkly. That’s because the fats haven’t settled in him yet. I’m also about to gain a lot of weight, according to them. 

Yikes. 

Thankfully, so far, I’ve not gained much weight other than my tummy. People still need to be told that I’m expecting for them to realise. I guess it’s because I generally like to wear light, loose clothes, which has helped hide the bump. 

That is probably also a reason why I find it so difficult to find space on the public transport. 

Distractions

During the first trimester, I was exhausted, and nearing on depression.  Unplanned pregnancy, unplanned hiatus from work, finances to worry about, expectations from everyone around, unreasonable excuses from hiring companies after I’d shared my pregnancy with them. 

I decided to stop looking for a job and just concentrate on myself.  I refused to blame the baby for not getting a move on my career. 

Instead I took up cross-stitching, something I had not done in nearly 6-7 years. I got started on cooking every night for my husband. I got into a routine of housework. Oh and yes, TV. Cartoons and Comedy shows always help.

I decided to relax, and not think of a job for at least 1 year. 

I have the right to concentrate on myself and my family for that long. 

Being Positive

Yes, things are not as easy as they would have been, had I been working. But that does not mean we’re living in discomfort. 

I am keeping myself “chill”, being positive. I want a happy child after all. He shouldn’t be affected by the negative thoughts around me. There are irritating events taking place near me all the time. But I am trying very hard to distract myself.

That would be my advice to any expectant mother too! Everyone is facing problems of their own. Pregnancy hormones just makes things worse.

Try, really try to think positively so that your child has sweet thoughts being passed to them.