are you sure you're at the right place?

There's a certain itch you feel when you start outgrowing your environment. Your stomach will sink a couple hundred times as you eventually wrap your head around the fact that you're no longer meant to stand where you once found your grounding. It will be a mess—oh boy, a mess it will be—just to come to terms with that reality.

This is my current story.

I was fortunate enough to stay for four years at my third company. I've been passed around a couple of times to multiple clients, but I found joy in every single engagement. Some were tough, some were crazy, but all the while, I knew I was building myself toward the person I know I could be. It was full of surprises, too. Who would've thought I'd learn to love again after such a long while? (Whether I mean that romantically or just as a personal expression, I'll leave for the reader to decide. I’ve left plenty of stories behind anyway.)

In my experience, staying this long in a company has its heavy ups and downs. You'll meet people—great people, in fact. Some who offer solitude and warmth, some you look up to, and some "cancers," as I call them, who bring absolutely everything but joy to the room. Yet, all of these people are essential. They are lessons packed nicely for you on a bright Christmas morning.

But life is full of exits and turns. Speaking of exits, you'll also experience a lot of falling outs with the people around you. Falling out in the sense that they just... leave. They all have their reasons, I know. But sometimes I secretly envy them for knowing exactly when it's time to go, even as I sit there feeling sad that they're leaving the crew.

And who would've thought, 'di ba? I've been talking about leaving, and now I find myself in that exact position.

I still remember handing over my first resignation letter. I poured my heart into that shit, only to be sidelined by my boss because she always felt the need to be the main character in every story. That just gave me more reason to quit.

The second time I handed in a resignation letter, I was not in a good place. My mind was a mess; I was a BIG MESS. I was full of grief, pain, and sadness. I felt nothing but pure exhaustion, to the point where I actually felt guilty for having to resign.

But after a couple of months of picking my pieces back up and finding new reasons to begin again, I hit my turning point: a career shift I fully committed myself to. It started off shaky, but I found my way through it. I guess "being ready" is really a myth. It was just a storm I had to walk through.

Now, I am in that same position again. Life has a way of leading you to your own turning points, and you just have to show up. You have to expose yourself to the new environment you are meant to dwell in.

Just add a little bit of courage, a wee bit of craziness, and who knows? The relief of finally scratching that itch is right around the corner of being borderline delulu. You'll find another place to call your own and feel at home. And wouldn't it be comforting to know you are finally meant to be right where you are standing?