I'LL BE A BETTER MAN TODAY.

        at the mention of the other's sister, spencer feels himself involuntarily SHRINK under brown eyes. he tries his hardest not to show the large breath he has to take to steady himself before he answers.     '    i disappear so i don't hurt anyone.   ‘      he feels his hand open, warmth and then cold flowing on his hands as the pressure from his fingernails release off his palm.      '    i do more harm when i'm here, than when i'm not.    '

        he lets his eyes stay focused on hers for a long moment before he lets his eyes drop, looking towards his shoes, a huff falling past his lips as he moves his face towards the ceiling. both hands coming to rake through his hair, tugging violently, his way of keeping himself CONTAINED. he could feel emotions bubbling under his skin    ----    anger, sadness, hope    ----    all at once. he couldn’t focus, and his blame was towards her  :  only she could find a way to spark the slim chance of hope beneath the layers of self - hate.      ‘    you’re going to have to elaborate, cassandra. THIS doesn’t help me understand anything.    ‘

•  FEMALE OR MALE: yes. •  FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: i am a slut for angst, but i also love fluff ! and i’m only comfortable doing smut w/ those i know closely smh •  PLOTS OR MEMES: oui monsieur  •  LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: i love longer plots because then i don’t feel bad for word vomitting, but those usually need to be plotted / worked up to bc i suck •  BEST TIME TO WRITE: always •  ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): i’m like spencer in the sense of i have a very short temper, and we both address arguments in the same way, but other than that we have v little else in common tagged by: @recklessrose tagging: @leagueremade , @scoundreled , @likethcrns , @stcrlike , @foreruns , @ everyone who reads this bye

        a hand reaches out to grab ahold of hers, but is faced with nothing but empty air  :  causing a STING in his heart before shoving it away, and shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans, eyes watching the other for a long moment before he finally finds words.      '    i'm not getting tired    ----    and i don't know if i ever will, but if you are, i get it. i know  --    '      his words are cut off by a sigh escaping his lips before he continues.      '    --  i know i can be A LOT to handle sometimes, i'm a mess and i get that, i do, but it's just    ----    my head it's so fucked, i don't even know what's real half of the time. but this, you, you're real, and i know that.    '      he brings a hand up to rest on the bridge of his nose.      '    jesus fucking christ, that    ----    that sounds like i'm trying to force you into staying, and i'm not, if you have to, if you feel like you need to leave, i get it. i do.    '

        it had started out as a simple kiss, a way for spencer to show jan he was there, a small smile tugged between his lips and hers as he pressed against her, it took only seconds to feel the heart he once thought had stopped working to suddenly feel like it might explode. the moment her smaller fist gripped around his shirt, he knew he was done for, one hand moving to her back and the other moving further against her head, keeping every aspect of his touch to her light and feathery    —-    until the quiet sound of a moan slipped past her lips and onto his. he felt his fingers involuntarily press deeper into her back for a moment until she pulled away. it took him a moment to find words as he looked at her.      ’    you moaned.    ’      he let his eyes search hers for a moment before flicking down to her lips for a moment and then back to her eyes.      ’    i was trying to be sweet, and you turned it sexual. this is different.    ’

        ’    at least it’s not being left, that’d be kind of strange.    ‘