he keeps his head low, unable to look at her as he tries to process her words. whatever feelings he did have for verosika back then, he never properly addressed. the moment things started to feel too real between them, he fled. he shoved any ounce of what could be love deep down and carried on. making his way from bed to bed with others while emotionally keeping them at an arms length ; and to those who did manage to catch feelings for him, he would abandon to repeat the process all over with someone new. everyone he encountered since her were just bodies to keep his bed warm. he knew he fucked up royally when it came to verosika. if he couldn't bring himself to accept her love in the past, then he didn't deserve it from anyone else in the future.
"ver, i..." that familiar anxiety rises in his chest and he can feel the beating of his heart against his ribs. blitz knows she meant it when she said she would walk away forever and leave him alone. if he runs again, he's going to lose her forever and even friendship will be off the table completely between them. still, he can't bring himself to look her in the eye as he speaks. "i don't—" he starts, "i don't know what i feel. i think somewhere deep down i did, you know... love you... but right now, i don't know what i feel. not just for you, but for anyone. i'm beyond fucked up, ver. i'm just going to continue hurting everyone. it's what i do best,"