Hello there!
I'm a millennial woman daydreaming of Leon S. Kennedy, and a big fan of reader fics. I also like cats, music, fashion, and a loooong etc. English is not my first language.
My AO3 profile here
Here my works:
Cat Distribution System (Or you and Leon adopting a cat together)
RE9 Leon Kennedy x Fem Reader (age gap: 30+ reader) - ONGOING SERIES (NSFW)
Chapter 1 and author’s notes // Ch. 2 // Ch. 3 // Ch. 4 // Ch. 5 // Ch. 6 // Ch. 7 // Ch. 8 // Ch. 9 // Ch. 10 // Ch. 11 // Ch. 12 // Ch. 13 // Ch. 14 // Ch. 15
AO3 fic link
Off the record
RE9 Leon Kennedy x Journalist Fem Reader (age gap: 30+ reader) - ONE SHOT (SFW)
Read it here
AO3 fic link
Behind your mask (series - WIP/draft)
RE9 Leon Kennedy x Fem Reader (age gap: 30+ reader)
You only needed someone to kiss at New Year's to follow a silly superstition, but you found a brief, intense connection.
Read it here
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Hearing his last name from the psychologist brought him back to earth.
“Oh, sorry. I was distracted.”
“I was asking how you've been doing lately.”
A slight smile crossed Leon’s face. If this was a safe space, he’d probably tell her: I kissed the woman I’m in love with before coming here. It was the only thing he’d been thinking about ever since he got here a week ago.
“Fine.”
“You haven’t visited our offices for six months,” she said, reading a document from a folder. “Did the nightmares stop?”
Right, the nightmares. He couldn't remember the last time he had one about Raccoon City. Now he only dreamed of incoherent scenarios... and of you.
“Yeah. They did.”
“Oh, that’s really good to hear! Did something happen? Do you know what change could have caused this?”
Leon thought of the most inoffensive explanation, which was actually one of the causes.
“I adopted a cat.”
“A cat? That’s so good, Mr. Kennedy! What’s your cat’s name?” The psychologist clasped her hands together with a gentleness that felt artificial, even distasteful.
“Lily.” He smiled fondly.
“You seem to love her a lot.”
“She’s a cute, mischievous, smart kitty. Whoever doesn’t like her is evidently wrong.” The mere memory of Lily doing something funny at home amused him.
The psychologist looked at Leon, smiling attentively.
“And how do you manage now that you’re here? Two months is a long time for a kitty to be alone.”
“Someone is taking care of her.” He feigned a nonchalant tone.
“Oh, do you have a pet sitter or something?”
“No. A friend.” Leon tried to hide how flustered he was. It didn’t work very well, sadly.
“I see,” the psychologist nodded. “Is this friend from the DSO?”
“She’s not related to my job at all, actually.”
“Oh! Is she a new friend, then?” she asked with forced enthusiasm.
If there’s one thing Leon hates about these interviews and the DSO’s mental health programs, it’s the pity they have for him. Every little achievement is praised as if he were a child learning how to use a shape-sorting toy. He’s sure that doesn’t help someone with PTSD, at least not someone like him. If anything, it makes him feel worse, reminding him of his own hell as if he’ll be trapped there forever.
And it’s also what separates him from you, which feels awful.
“Yeah,” he said, nodding.
“So, did you listen to my advice, Mr. Kennedy?”
Her advice: “Maybe you need to meet other people, Mr. Kennedy. There are some dating apps you could try.”
“That’s still awful advice.” He scoffed.
She tilted her head to the side, faking amusement.
“So your friend is taking care of Lily.”
“Yes.” He avoided the psychologist’s gaze. It was hard to keep pretending, but he wanted to protect you.
“And what’s this friend’s name? How did you meet?”
Leon looked at her again and frowned.
“Look, I understand you’re doing your job, but I don’t want to talk about her with you. I’m sorry.” Leon replied. He tried to sound cordial enough that she wouldn’t feel offended, but he was sure she didn’t give a damn about his attitude.
“Don’t worry, Mr. Kennedy,” she nodded, understanding. “I just have one last question for you.”
“Sure.”
“What do you expect from this internship?”
“That it ends soon.”
You looked at bitch coworker. You already didn’t trust her, and with that attitude, even less. She looked suspicious, unsettling in a way you hadn’t expected.
“Nothing happened. Really.”
“You don’t look like nothing happened. I mean, you’re blushing.”
You sighed deeply.
“Nothing happened.”
“I don’t believe you.”
An Outlook notification sounded from Camille’s computer.
“Hey,” Cami said, looking at you. “We got the report we needed for the press release. Gotta work on it now.”
“Fine,” bitch coworker said. “Whatever. See you later, guys.” She sighed and left the office.
“Since when do you have the Outlook notifs on? What report?” you asked Cami, frowning.
Camille showed you her screen. It was a YouTube video: "Outlook Notification Sound."
You sighed, relieved.
“Fuck. I thought we had something to do and I didn’t know about it yet. But thanks.”
“Don’t worry. I got you.”
“It’s weird. She’s been acting really strange lately,” you said. “Like she’s suddenly really interested in my love life.”
“I think she’s immature enough to turn everything into a competition. Just don’t tell her anything.”
“Sometimes I don’t understand why you’re her friend.”
“I’ve been wondering that myself a lot lately, too.” Cami sighed.
Leon and everyone at the DSO think it’s ridiculous not to allow phones during the internship. The official explanation is that they could compromise the sensitive topics being discussed there, but nowadays people use their phones for practically everything.
So the higher-ups were kind enough to allow them to contact their families and significant others. But they could only do it during designated hours, using monitored lines, and every conversation could be recorded.
He also had a bad feeling about everything here. Like he was being watched, analyzed. It could have been a normal reaction to everything that had happened last year, but sometimes they seemed far too interested in him and his life. As if adopting a cat were such an unusual thing that there had to be something else behind it.
A part of him was done with everything. The other part felt anxious at the thought that he actually had something to lose now.
Leon had never cared before, but now he requested a phone call after two weeks of the internship.
I feel like a fucking inmate, he thought after getting the authorization.
He’d also been thinking about how to tell you the things you needed to know about him. And he wanted to ask you out properly, too. Take you to dinner. Get you a gift. Do all those normal things people did when they liked someone. His stomach hurt just thinking about it, but you were worth the effort.
You’re still in some kind of denial. Sometimes you're on your couch or lying in bed, and you have to hide your face in a pillow or under the sheets because of the embarrassment and teenager frenzy you felt whenever you thought about Leon kissing you, holding you, taking your hand. Telling you pretty things.
And why is it so true that when you're in love everything looks prettier? In the past, some parts of your relationship with him had filled you with anxiety and uncertainty. Now, everything felt light, bright, colorful.
On your way back home, you noticed a store you had always liked but never taken the time to step into. Inside, you found a dark blue dress. It was beautiful.
Your in-love ass thought that's his favorite color, but one surviving brain cell also reminded you about that stupid gala bitch coworker is organizing.
You've been feeling more comfortable in your own body lately. Pretty, even. You want to show yourself to the world, if that makes sense.
So you're buying it next week.
It’s a little weird to admit, but ever since you met Leon, a lot of things have happened that have actually helped you save money. His pay me later really meant pay me never.
The grocery runs and shopping trips for things you needed around the house. Or the times he bought something you had casually mentioned wanting and then threatened to leave it in the hallway outside your apartment when you didn’t accept it.
The plumber he recommended when your dishwasher broke (you have a thing with water, he said), only for you to find out, as the guy was leaving, that Leon had already paid for the job.
When you tell him you’re on your period, he makes a pained but adorable expression and lets out a groan that makes you feel like he’s suffering too, which is both funny and lovely. After asking if you needed anything, he sends you a delivery with something tasty or comfort food, depending on your mood, even if you said no.
You don’t want to call this dynamic with him the way bitch coworker does, because, at least to you, the term sugar daddy feels gross. Like he was taking advantage of you, or you of him.
You never asked him for any of those things. That’s not how your relationship works, even less now.
But... isn't it, though?
Fuck.
At your apartment, you checked your phone. You still hoped that Leon had read the messages you’d sent him. They were photos and videos of Lily. None of them showed the “Delivered” status.
You looked at a chat from a friend from a few days ago. She'd written to invite you to her birthday party. That was when you remembered how much you'd been isolating yourself from your friends. But now, you felt like you could give yourself the chance to interact with them again, to be yourself again.
You opened your chat with Leon.
Read.
What?
A few seconds later, your phone rang.
You didn't recognize the number, so you almost declined the call, but–
“Hey, you.”
Your heart nearly stopped.
“Hey. Hi. You're calling from a different number.”
“Yeah. Company phone.”
“That sounds annoying.”
“You have no idea,” he said, his tone slightly grumpy, “but I’m glad you picked up.”
“I’m glad you called too.”
You both stayed silent for a few seconds.
That was when you thought about how silly you'd been, believing that kissing was going to make things less awkward between the two of you from now on.
“How is everything going?” You felt relieved that he was finally the one breaking the ice.
“I’m doing really well. Exhausting days at work, but I can handle it,” you said in a calm voice.
“But are you feeling okay at work?”
“Yes.”
“Has anything important happened?”
“Not really. Nothing bad has happened either.”
“That’s good to hear. And are you sleeping well?”
“Yes.”
“Are you eating well?”
You giggled.
“I’m eating well.”
“What’s so funny?” he asked fondly.
“It’s just that you’re asking a lot of questions.” You teased him gently.
“That’s a shame for you, because I have more,” Leon said, proud of his answer.
You laughed softly. The hand that wasn’t holding your phone tightened around a pillow because of every corny feeling this was causing you.
“It’s fine. Tell me.”
“How is Lily doing? I loved the photos and videos. I was able to see them. Thank you so much.”
“She’s sleeping next to me right now, showing off her tummy.”
“Such a shameless way to sleep. Is she behaving well?”
“Of course.”
“What about you?”
“I’m behaving amazingly,” you said, grinning. Leon could practically hear your smile through the phone.
“Of course and amazingly. That sounds a little too good to be true.” He sounded amused.
“Such a bold accusation.” You paused. “And how is everything going on your business trip?”
“I think this is the last place I’d like to be right now. But at least I could call you.”
“I’m glad you did. This… made my whole day better,” you said in a soft, slightly sheepish tone.
Leon didn’t say anything.
“I miss you.” His tone was shy, almost a murmur.
“I miss you too,” you said affectionately. You were about to kick your feet.
“I’ve been thinking about you. A lot,” Leon said, his voice a little quieter than before.
“Me too.” The warmth in your tone didn’t compare to the blush on your face.
“I… brought our photo with me. I have it in my wallet.”
“I framed it,” you said, triumphant.
“Are you trying to turn this into a competition?” He let out a soft laugh.
“It’s just a joke,” you giggled. “I like the idea of you carrying it with you everywhere.”
“I also like to think that you have that photo in a nice spot in your pretty home.” His voice softened.
“Do you think it’s pretty? It’s a really small apartment.”
“It made me feel like I live in a place as warm and cozy as a dental clinic. Or a Serbian apartment complex.”
You chuckled. Good thing he wasn’t seeing you, because you were kicking your feet right now.
“I missed your bad jokes.”
“They make you laugh. I don’t think that’s bad.” Good thing you weren’t seeing him either, because he’d been walking in circles smiling like an idiot the whole time.
“It just so happens that they’re actually my favorite kind of jokes.”
“That’s all I need to know,” Leon said, pleased. “Most of the time people look at me like they want to punch me in the face.”
“They’re still bad, by the way.”
“Ouch,” he said, ironically.
Before you could say anything, he spoke up out of nowhere.
“Hey, uh… changing the subject. When I’m back, I wanna take you to a place.”
“A place?”
“Yeah, it’s… eh… two places, actually.”
“Give me details.”
“Secret.” You could sense the smirk on his face right now.
“At least give me a hint!”
“Alright. One is a restaurant.”
“Oh, I see. But do you want to go for dinner, lunch, or…?”
“Dinner. It’s a pretty place, with a nice view.”
“Does it have a dress code?”
“Yes. We must dress elegantly.”
“Oh, I just saw a dress I liked today. I’ll buy it.”
“How is it?”
“Secret.” You got your silly revenge a few seconds later.
“Unbelievable,” Leon said, letting out a soft laugh. “But at least give me a hint.”
“Hmm. You can ask one question.” Your voice turned playful.
“What color is it?”
“Dark blue.”
“I like that. Is it a long or a short dress?”
You hesitated before answering.
“I told you just one question.”
“Damn. I almost caught you distracted.”
You laughed shyly.
“Come on. You’ll like it.”
“Of course I will.”
“You sound too confident for someone who doesn’t know anything but the color.”
“You’ll be the one wearing it. That’s enough for me,” he murmured.
You didn’t say anything for a second. You were too busy closing your eyes and covering your mouth.
“You’re corny.”
“Too late to complain about it, don’t you think?” he said warmly, then paused. “And do you have any plans for the weekend?”
“I was actually thinking about going to a friend’s birthday party. I haven’t seen her in a while.”
“Sounds great. You don’t see your friends that often. You should go.”
“I was thinking about that. Like, doing all those things again.”
“You’ll have a good time. She’ll be happy to see you,” he sounded enthusiastic, even if it wasn’t his plan. “Is it too far from your apartment?”
“30 minutes walking.”
“Will you stay until late?”
“Depends on how much fun I’m having, I guess,” you said, your tone light and a little playful.
“How will you get back home?”
“Uber, probably. Do you have more questions?” You teased him.
“It’s just that… just take care of yourself, okay?”
“I will. Focus on your work. I’ll be fine.”
“I know I worry too much, but… let me keep doing it.”
“I like it.”
There was a comfortable silence after that. Sadly, Leon was running out of time.
“Hey… I have to go.”
“Okay,” you said, trying to hide that you were a little bummed. Not out of embarrassment, but because you didn’t want to make him feel bad. He noticed anyway.
“I’ll try to call you again, okay?” he said, trying to reassure you.
“I’ll keep sending you Lily’s videos.”
“That’s good. Tell me about yourself too. It’s good to know how you’re doing.”
“Okay. I will.”
“And… It was nice to hear from you. Your voice,” he said affectionately. “This will help me get through the next few days. Thank you.”
“Thank you too. I feel the same way.”
“Have a nice weekend. And tell Lily to behave as well.”
“I will, but I don’t think she’ll listen.”
He let out a soft laugh.
“Goodbye, you two cats.”
“Goodbye.”
Fuck. Is this even real?
The next two weeks went by smoothly. He gave a presentation with a thorough analysis of the Requiem, including his drawings, its design, the tests, how it had worked for him months ago at Wrenwood and in Raccoon City, and some things that, in his opinion, needed adjustment. The second one was a report on the Wrenwood outbreak.
Even if it was exhausting, Leon liked to see the rookies’ curious, enthusiastic faces when he talked about anything. Those were some of the few moments when he felt his job was meaningful.
And it’s true that he thinks of you a lot. It’s probably what keeps him going without losing his sanity here: the thought that there’s someone waiting for him at home. Talking to you on the phone helped, so he wants to call you again tomorrow.
After leaving a conference room, the superior in charge of the internship approached Leon.
“Agent Kennedy, let me invite you for a coffee.”
Leon already knew what this coffee was: an interrogation.
Are we allowed to make requests, or are you a blog that prefers to write for yourself? Like you just write whatever comes to mind?
Hello :)
I started this tumblr not too long ago and I'm not well-known at all lol so I'm posting my stuff in the meantime. I actually have a lot of ideas that I'm planning to post in the future along with my current fics. You can check them in my pinned post.
I've never written things by request but I also think it's a good way to practice a little more, so feel free to send them. I'll see what I can do :)
RE9 Leon Kennedy x Fem Reader
SFW, millennial reader - 3.4k words
A masquerade and eerie New Year’s gala turned into a twist of fate when you were paired to dance with a mysterious man by pure chance. You only needed someone to kiss at midnight to follow a silly superstition, but you also found a brief, intense connection. Will you meet him again?
A/N: I just blurted out this wip/draft that I want to turn (eventually) into a fic with more chapters. To be honest I'm procrastinating my ongoing fic with a new fic idea lol. I hope you like it!
ps. had to edit a few things
Check my masterlist here
Leon didn’t care about the day, the month, or the time. He just needed to do his job. A New Year’s Eve gala wasn’t an exception.
And anyway, it was a short mission: meet a man wearing a Phantom of the Opera mask and ask him a few questions. He got it done in a few minutes, which meant he was already finished by 11:20 p.m.
His suit wasn’t anything particularly spectacular. It was his classic black suit, black tie, and white shirt. His mask, made by Sherry (who had insisted far too much on making it), was black with a matte finish, adorned with gold details placed with refined care and black silk ribbon straps, everything tailored to match his suit. The final touch was a classic slicked-back hairstyle that made him almost unrecognizable.
An outfit perhaps too elegant for an event that felt kinda peculiar: a palace with warmly lit corridors, an avant-garde, eerie circus staff wearing theater-inspired makeup, curious cocktails that glowed in the dark, casino-style games, and a surprisingly normal dance floor that somehow made the whole event feel even more uncanny.
When he was about to leave, a jester with white, heavy makeup and a wide smile handed him a medium-sized pin with a number on it.
“6.” Leon said, curious, looking at it.
“I am the Dealer of Fates, sir,” the man said in a charismatic, slightly maniac tone. “Find the woman with that number and ask her for a dance. And tonight is your lucky night, gentleman.”
“Eh?” Leon was baffled as fuck.
“Six. The Lovers’ number. Passion and devotion!” it was a declamation and an undeniable fact. “Destiny awaits you, gentleman!” The jester laughed, pleased with himself.
“I think destiny will have to await a little longer,” Leon retorted, looking at the pin. His tone was indifferent, almost nonchalant.
“Be careful, gentleman. Don’t tempt fate with your words. No human can shape destiny!” Something about the man’s laugh reminded him of a stranger he met years ago.
Leon looked at the jester one last time and nodded to him. He had to admit the man left him a little unsettled. Not wanting to look too suspicious, he pinned the badge to his jacket and walked quickly toward the entrance.
“Well, I feel sorry for the girl who has my number. I have to leave.”
While walking through the corridor, he noticed a young woman pointing at him.
“Oh, it's you! 6!”
You arrived at the gala at 10:30 p.m. You’re not used to these kinds of events, but when your friend told you it was a chance to be whoever you wanted without anyone knowing who you were or judging you, you thought it was actually a good idea. A chance to not be the shy, awkward girl you’re used to be.
So you chose your best outfit: a dark blue dress with a cinched waist and a flowing skirt a little above the knee. The dress had delicate cold-shoulder sleeves, with ruffles cascading from the high neckline. Your mask was also dark blue and glossy, adorned with silver details and a silver chain hanging from one side, ending in a heart charm, with a silver velvet strap. A ponytail, light makeup and a glossy red lipstick were the final touches, along with a small silver bag and pointed toe kitten heels of the same color. You felt beautiful and gorgeous in a way that was unusual for you.
It was 10:50 p.m. and you were waiting to buy a fluorescent drink that looked far too suspicious. Suddenly, a strange jester approached you.
“My ladies! I am the Dealer of Fates,” he said with reverence and a haunting gallantry. “Please, pick a number. It will decide your dance partner… and your destiny.”
You and your friends each grabbed a medium-sized pin with a number on it. Yours was 6.
The jester looked at you and let out a maniac laugh.
“Passion and fate await you, my lady!”
You looked at the man, but he simply walked away without elaborating. One of your friends was already holding your drinks.
“Oh! Six! The Lovers Arcana!” said your friend, who was a little too into esotericism.
“No way, you too? The jester also said something weird. Something about destiny or whatever.”
“I agree.” She smirked, and you headed to the dance floor.
After dancing for a few minutes, your friend started explaining something to you.
“...and you have to kiss at midnight.”
“What?”
It was something about kissing someone at midnight, but the music was so loud it was impossible to catch every word. Did she say luck? Whatever. The important thing was that you needed to find someone to kiss at midnight. It was a silly superstition, but why not giving it a try, like, just for fun?
“I’ll go to the bathroom,” you said, rushing toward the corridor.
You searched every corner for the person with your number. Number 6. That was the safest option for your midnight kiss. You could just ask it as a favor. It wasn't like you were ever going to see that person again anyway.
So when you saw him, you gasped. From a distance, he looked tall, moving confidently across the room. You couldn't see his face, but even the way he walked was... hot?
“I need to kiss this guy,” you said with a resolution you wouldn't have had without a mask (and a few drinks).
“Oh, it's you! 6!”
You reached him and looked more carefully. You could see a few wrinkles on his freshly shaven face. His lips weren't too thin or too thick, they had exactly the right shape and size. A soft chin and a masculine neck. Absolutely perfect.
For a second, you were appalled. You know that at events like these, covering part of your face can hide things someone might consider unattractive once they finally see you, or the other way around. But tonight, you'll take what you can see, and what you saw was enough. Enough to know you'll enjoy it. At least this small part of him was, in fact, beautiful.
“Hey. Hello. You found me.” You could see a slight smirk on his face, but his tone was apathetic.
“Yes. Hi.”
It was 11:30 p.m. when the jester of destiny (or whatever his name was) called everyone to the dance floor over the microphone. With or without numbers, he said. "I want to know what love is" by Foreigner started playing.
“Do people still dance to this?” he asked, like you would know.
“Not the romantic type, sir?” You took his hand and smiled playfully.
A faint smirk appeared on his lips.
“Can't say I've ever had the chance, lady.”
As you walked toward the dance floor, Leon found himself wondering what the hell he was doing. A much younger woman had just grabbed his hand, and he was about to dance to an ’80s ballad with her.
Your skin looked soft, glowy, your cheeks were flushed, and your lips wore a glossy red lipstick. You were wearing a beautiful dark blue dress that complemented your figure perfectly.
For a second, he took the jester’s words seriously. But no. Impossible. It was just a coincidence you were wearing his favorite color. He was sure there was a beautiful woman behind that mask too. But none of that meant anything. You were too young for something he wasn't even looking for.
Once you reached the dance floor, you both stood still. Leon was about to apologize and tell you he had to leave, but when you gently placed your hands on his shoulders, he thought that one dance wouldn't hurt anyone. Right?
Besides, he was never going to see you again.
So he rested one hand on the small of your back, the other on your shoulder blade, and started moving softly. Not being too used to this, he had to observe carefully how people danced to ballads here. Once he got it, he simply followed the rhythm, slowly, over and over, a choreography you followed like it was second nature. And it felt good. It felt really good. Your body and your scent felt delicate, like flowers and citrus fruit. It was almost hypnotizing.
In my life
there's been heartache and pain
I don't know
if I can face it again
Can't stop now
I've traveled so far
to change this lonely life
When was the last time he had felt something like this?
He didn’t have anything else to do here anymore. His mission was accomplished. He could leave whenever he wanted.
So he stayed, closing his eyes, with your head resting on his chest.
This is weirder than you expected. You’re dancing with a stranger to an ’80s ballad. A stranger who's clearly older than you.
But it feels good. It feels really good.
His scent felt like being surrounded by a forest of cedarwood, with a breeze of spicy vanilla and cinnamon. His body felt strong and safe: he could absolutely shield you from a meteor shower. His movements were elegant, masculine. He felt expensive and lovely at the same time.
But you also felt like he wasn’t exactly comfortable with the idea of having found you.
“Look, if you want to leave, it’s fine. I mean, I just brought you here without saying anything,” you said gently, leaning close to his ear.
A slight, almost imperceptible squeeze of the hand resting on the small of your back made you jolt.
“I don’t want to leave,” he murmured. His voice was raspy and deep, enough to stop you from asking questions.
“That’s… good,” you said.
“It’s just that you’re too young.”
“I’m a woman,” you paused to emphasize the word, “a woman in her thirties who lives alone and can buy her own things.”
“Can’t argue with that logic, I guess.” He sounded almost amused.
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
“Is this your first time coming to these parties?” you asked.
“Yes. What about you?”
“Same here. Did you come with someone?”
“No.” He said.
“Really?”
“Yes.”
You were perceptive enough to realize that you would probably never see this man again. He wouldn’t tell you his name or what he was doing here, either.
“That’s… an interesting decision. But I won’t ask for more details. Don’t worry.”
You danced in silence for a while. You didn’t count how many songs played, you just felt the warmth of the man holding you, gentle enough to make you feel like you were something precious he had found here, and a grip strong enough to make you feel he wasn’t willing to let you go.
You glanced at your watch. 11:50 p.m. You needed to do this now.
“Can we go outside to take a breather?”
“Sure.”
When he let you go, you met each other’s gaze. Then, in an unexpected move, he gently took your hand and led you toward a small balcony.
When you got there, Leon started talking out of nowhere.
“Not that I didn’t want to dance. It’s just that I came searching for something I already found,” he explained, looking at the moon.
“Something.” You gave him a slight, playful smirk.
“Yes.”
“You sound like a mysterious guy.”
Leon chuckled. He had never been the kind of man to show off his job or anything he had done. He had never allowed himself to speak from ego instead of humility.
In short, he had never seduced someone like this before. Or maybe he had tried, but failed miserably. And he couldn’t help how much he wanted to flirt with you. If it weren’t for the mask, he wouldn’t have done it at all.
“You wouldn’t believe me,” he said, smirking.
Your giggle was so pretty and endearing that all he wanted was to see your eyes behind the mask when you laughed like that. But he can’t do that.
“I’m guessing you’re not telling me your name, then.”
“You don’t need to tell me yours, either.”
“Fine,” you said softly, turning your gaze back to the moon with him.
“What about you? Did you come alone? Why did you come?” he asked.
“I came searching for something I already found,” you said with a flirty smile.
He smiled, instantly understanding your intention. But his expression was affectionate, like you had said something deeply meaningful.
“Guess it’s been a good night for both of us,” he said, flirting back, his voice deeper and more sensual this time.
You glanced at your watch. 11:55 p.m.
You took a deep breath.
“May I ask you something, sir?”
“Well… if I can help, sure,” he said, swallowing hard.
You took your time. He noticed you were nervous.
“Can we kiss? I mean, I’m asking as a favor,” you explained clumsily. “It’s just that with the kiss I’ll be luckier in love this year. I mean, there’s this saying, if you kiss someone at New Year’s, you’ll be lucky in love this year.”
Leon sighed, amused by the situation.
“Will I be lucky too?”
“Yes. It works the other way around, too.” You sounded almost like a car reseller.
“I don’t want to be lucky, actually. But if it helps you, well…” he said with a relaxed resignation.
“Thanks! It has to be exactly at midnight.”
“That’s pretty specific. But alright,” he said, understanding the mission.
That’s when the crowd started a joyful, almost euphoric chant.
“10! 9! 8! 7! 6!”
Leon reached out and gently took your chin, his hand trembling slightly. His plan was just a quick peck, gentle enough so you could still find a nice boyfriend in the future.
“5! 4! 3! 2! 1!
...HAPPY NEW YEAR!”
The crowd burst into singing, cheering, laughing. The music played again, and the fireworks felt too loud and overwhelming.
When Leon tasted the sweetness of your lips something shut his brain down. In a mutual instinct, you both pressed with more confidence, deepening the kiss little by little. Just like you did on the dance floor, the rhythm of your breathing and movements matched, catching each other’s lower lip between your lips over and over again.
What he thought was going to be a quick peck turned into a question he answered right away with his hand sliding to the small of your back and his fingers delicately brushing your face. Something inside him melted when you let out a sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a soft moan. Like an agreement, your tongues brushed together slowly, your breathing heavy, both of you sighing from time to time.
The kiss felt like the ignition of the moment when someone starts falling in love: a mutual, tender contract between two people choosing each other. It was vulnerable and sensual, tense and liberating, like you were both satisfying a hunger that went beyond desire. The fireworks now felt distant enough to make everything seem quiet, still, in silence. As if time itself had stopped, and the noise around you faded away.
“Happy new year. I hope this brings you some luck in the future,” he whispered to your ear. His tone was sensual, almost devotional.
“I'd like to think of this as an omen,” you whispered back, kissing his cheek with a flirty, sweet giggle.
He smirked and kissed you once more. He was a great kisser. His tongue and his breath felt like a rich whisky you wished you could taste one day, one more time. His lips were incredibly soft, and you bit his lower lip gently, drawing out a slight hiss from him that made you feel proud. You also took the chance to run your hands over his arms: all you felt was muscle, exquisitely shaped. A body that made you feel the luckiest and the unluckiest person here.
You opened your eyes and looked at each other. You used the fireworks as an excuse to catch the reflections in his pupils, trying to figure out what his eyes looked like.
Blue eyes. That was the only thing you could notice before you looked at his neck. A scar that had something like white threads was there, almost imperceptible.
“A mysterious man with scars,” you murmured, respectfully but still flirty.
“Sometimes you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time,” he murmured, his tone cocky.
“You feel like someone who experiences that pretty often,” you teased him.
“With a little more effort, I also meet the wrong people.”
He paused, then kissed you once more, holding your hands and brushing them with his thumbs.
“But looks like I can also find special, unexpected things,” he whispered, his lips brushing against yours softly.
You let out a soft sigh, deepening the kiss a little more. After a few minutes that felt too short, he broke the contact.
“I have to leave,” he murmured, still close to you.
“It’s fine.”
He let you go, and you looked at each other.
“Thank you so much for this. I really liked it. You’re free now. I wish you a happy new year, sir.”
He stood still. For a second, you thought he was going to surrender and tell you how to find him again.
“I liked it too. A lot. So I think I’m not really free anymore, lady.”
He nodded once, almost reverently, and walked away. You watched him, hypnotized, until he disappeared into the crowd.
“That’s what you told me I had to do, right? Kiss someone at midnight. I kissed the guy with my number, but I asked him as a favor,” you told your friend the next morning over breakfast, dealing with a massive hangover since you weren’t used to alcohol at all.
“Girl, I was telling you the story, not telling you to do it,” your friend burst out laughing.
“What do you mean?”
“I told you that there’s this myth that says that if you kiss a stranger at midnight on New Year’s, fate will bring him back to you. And since you got number six, I’d risk saying you’ve just met the love of your life.”
You let out a skeptical pffft.
“You hippie little brat,” you retorted.
Your friend laughed, clearly amused.
“And what did you think it was?”
“I understood I needed to kiss a guy so I could have good luck this year or something?” you shrugged, slightly confused.
“Well, that’s also true, but when the fuck did I say that? I’m sure I didn’t.”
“When we were dancing!!!”
“Oh my God, you misunderstood the whole thing,” she said, bursting out laughing. “But who was he? Did you exchange numbers or something?”
“No.”
“What? Don’t you know anything else?”
“I just know… uh… he was older. In his forties, probably. But I felt he was handsome even with the mask?? And he was such a gentleman. He was a good kisser. He was ripped and smelled so good. He must be a millionaire, too.”
“Sure. And he’s also a hero who saved the world,” your friend said ironically, teasing you.
“Come on, I’m just telling you his vibe!!”
“You look down bad, my friend. It’s kinda funny.”
“The thing is, he didn’t even tell me his name. Nothing. He looked so mysterious.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t ask him for his number. Look at you. You need to get your shit together. When do you start your new job?”
“Oh, next week. Government paperwork. That’s what they told me.”
“Will you have to fight zombies or something?”
“I’ll be just a receptionist there, dude.”
“Well, we need to find your Mr. Perfect. If you don’t find him, you’ve lost the love of your life. This is serious.”
You scoffed lightly.
“And how will we find him?”
“Look, you actually have an advantage. You’ll be working with detectives and stuff, right? I bet they can help you.”
“Help me find the guy? They investigate bioweapons, dude. They won’t help me with such a stupid thing. And maybe I was having a fever dream or something.”
“Look, I don’t believe in coincidences. I’m sure you’ll find him again. The right people are closer than you actually think.”
You scoffed again in response.
“Yes, but—”
“What if you believe one more time? But next time we’re talking somewhere you can actually listen to me,” she said, bursting out laughing again.
Your friend’s words touched something in your heart where you had actually stopped believing. It was easier said than done, but…
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tags: slow burn, age difference (reader is 35), awkward flirting, mutual pining, non sexual intimacy, eventual smut, unresolved romantic and sexual tension, A LOT OF FLUFF, fic with reader and Leon's POV, english is not author's first language
CW: drug addiction, alcoholism, mobbing (bullying at workplace), depression, self-esteem issues, PTSD
Chapter 15: Two moons
When Leon called you that night to check how you’re doing, you suggested rescheduling your park plans for Saturday. You need a way to feel better, some fresh air, refusing to let your situation interrupt your plans.
That day at the park, you realize that Leon is behaving differently. Not distant, or upset. He's still kind, concerned, gentle, but he looks like he has something to tell you. But even since yesterday, you’ve also been ruminating on what happened at your apartment.
“Can we… I mean, do you wanna have some coffee? We should take Lily back to your place first.”
“Oh… sure.”
The two of you walk to the café in silence, and your mind is panicking. Perhaps he thinks what happened yesterday was too much. Maybe he’s going to scold you or something.
After some small talk at the café, he starts the conversation.
“I need to tell you something.”
“What happened? You’re scaring me a little.” You said, unable to hide your anxiety.
“Hey, no, no, I’m sorry. I don’t want you to feel… bad. Ok?”
You just nod. Your throat already hurts.
“I’m going on a business trip next week. I’ll leave next Thursday, and I’ll barely have any time before I go. I thought… maybe I could keep Lily with me until then, and give her back to you on Thursday. If you don’t mind. It’s just that, eh–”
“Oh, sure, don’t worry about it. I mean, you want to be with her before you leave, it’s totally understandable. But… how long are you going to be away?”
Leon frowns. The little relief you felt vanishes with his expression.
“That’s the thing… I’m leaving for two months.”
“Two months?”
“Yeah.” He nods, avoiding your gaze.
“That’s a lot of time.”
“I know. But it’s a, well… pretty complicated client.” He hates lying to you, but he doesn’t want you to even suspect anything.
You look down, unable to say anything for a while.
“Will you have some time to talk? I know on some of those trips you end up in places with no reception.”
“I won’t be able to talk. I’ll try to contact you, though. But I can’t promise you anything. I'm sorry.”
Leon hates this situation. Two months is a long time for him, too. Not talking to you for two months already sounds awful. And now, seeing you look so discouraged only makes him feel worse.
And it infuriates him to think of how much his job takes from him. He never questions it: he does what he must do, and that’s all. At least he’s saving lives, it’s for the sake of the people, he reminds himself every single time. But this time is different: it’s just a DSO pat-on-the-back event.
And he can’t explain to you that he’s basically chained to this shit. Not now, when you’re going through all of this.
“Don’t worry, really. I understand,” you say, trying to reassure him.
“I worry. Especially because you’re not doing well.”
“I’ll be fine. I promise.” You smile at him.
You’re being honest, because even if he isn’t around, and even if this situation is actually weird, you don’t feel alone anymore. And it may sound a little pathetic, but this is way better than him telling you that what happened yesterday was wrong.
“You’re stronger than you think, you know?” His usual slight smirk feels warm, comforting. Like he’s proud of you.
“I’m a cat. I always land on my feet,” you grin. You absolutely don’t believe it, but the joke is too good to leave it there.
He smirks.
“Looks like I’ll have to worry about how you and Lily will behave instead. I already know from experience that you both are very mischievous.”
“That’s such a false accusation.” You smile, crossing your arms and avoiding his gaze, pretending to be hurt.
“You think I haven’t noticed? You’ll both cause a global scarcity of snacks pretty soon.”
“What?! How did you–”
“I have my methods.” Leon lets out a cocky, lopsided grin. Fuck. He looks so hot when he does that.
You laugh in defeat because it’s true. You with your cookies and chocolates, and Lily with her churus and the endless snacks you keep for her at home. He probably saw them yesterday so there's nothing you can do about it. You have no idea, but he can’t stop thinking about how funny and adorable you must look on your couch, watching, reading, or playing something alongside Lily, while eating snacks in secret, without telling him.
The exchange eases Leon’s mind a little. Everything goes more smoothly than he thought for the rest of the evening. His thoughts are still on all the things he hasn't said to you, but you already have enough with his two-month absence.
He takes you home, gets Lily back and leaves, a little less anxious about everything.
***
Leon is at his office door, about to head to Sherry’s desk, until government girl approaches.
“So, leaving tomorrow, right? We’ve got everything ready for you,” she says, thrilled. Her body is too close to his.
An internship sounds friendly, even professional. From the outside, it sounds like a two-month meeting, a spiritual retreat, like the DSO are monks meditating about bioweapons.
But it isn’t like that. They do this once a year for the entire institution, with the goal of a catch up. Which means they want to know what Leon and every other agent have been doing lately, everything disguised as training, talks, and mentorships. HR shit, psychological interviews, reports about last year's events, and a nice gala to celebrate the end of the reminder that his life doesn’t fully belong to him.
Gladly, this girl won’t be there. Her job ends here, and from now on the DSO will take care of the rest, due to the confidentiality of the whole event. He heard she’ll be in charge of a few things for the gala, after insisting for weeks. Well, organizing a gala must sound glamorous for a person her age, and an extra hand is always good.
“Yeah, that’s what I’ve heard. Thank you so much for everything,” Leon says politely, trying to keep his distance.
“When you’re back, let’s have the promised coffee.” She smiles playfully.
“Oh, right. The coffee. Sure.” He nods, hoping that in two months she forgets about it.
“I’ll take your word for it, Mr. Kennedy.”
She turns around, with a movement that makes her short circle skirt flare gracefully. To anyone else, it would be attractive, but Leon barely notices. He just heads to Sherry’s desk: what he was originally planning to do after getting a message from her.
“So?” Sherry says, looking up at Leon.
“So?” He raises his brows.
“Everything ready for our pre-internship celebration?” Sherry smiles gently, but he notices her enthusiasm.
“Yeah, but… why my place?”
“That’s not your place anymore. It’s Lily’s place,” she explains, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
Leon lets out a deep sigh.
“So that’s why. I thought it was because you guys loved me very much.”
“Rebecca is still furious because she hasn’t met her yet. So you owe us this.”
He nods in ironic defeat.
“Alright. I invited Grace too, if it’s not too much trouble.”
“Must be trouble for her. She’ll get bored with two grumpy old men arguing over everything.”
“I have a feeling she also said yes because of Lily,” Leon says, frustrated.
“That’s what happens when you have a cat as adorable as her. You better get used to it,” Sherry shrugs.
***
He understands the need for this celebration: it’s because this entire shitshow is drawing closer to an end, and it’s one of the few times they’ll have the luxury of not worrying about a single thing.
And Sherry is right: the main attraction is Lily. She isn’t just an adorable kitty, she’s also extremely sociable. Leon looks over at her from time to time, and the only thing that changes is whose lap she happens to be lying on. He honestly feels like Lily knows exactly how cool she is.
In the meantime, it’s him and Chris who are in charge of the food. Or maybe it’s mostly Chris, since his way of grilling is the only “right” way (according to him, at least). They look so intensely focused, always on the verge of starting an argument, that it’s honestly better to stay as far away from the grill as possible.
After letting out a sigh and telling himself that he isn't going to win any argument tonight, Leon leaves Chris and approaches the girls.
“Never seen a host who’s more worried about getting petted than attending to her guests, huh?” Leon teases.
“Say one more thing about Lily and you’ll regret it.” Jill’s tone is menacing enough to keep him from saying another word.
Leon sighs again, amused by how much the dynamics change just because of a cat. Basically, he isn’t the main attraction here, and he knows it. It’s insane, but it feels good.
So, it’s best to just head to the kitchen and grab a drink. A non-alcoholic beer.
“I want one of those too!” Rebecca says, appearing at his side. He almost gets startled by her unexpected presence.
“There you go.” Leon says, opening a bottle for her.
“Lily is adorable. You better watch out, someone might steal her from you.”
“I can tell. I’ll have to hire bodyguards and teach her self-defense skills.”
Rebecca just rolls her eyes at Leon’s comment.
“So the guys told me you have a pet sitter or something like that.”
“Not exactly a pet sitter,” he explains, “but yes. She takes care of Lily when I’m not home.”
“What do you mean by not exactly?”
“She’s, eh… my friend,” he says, already nervous. Obviously nervous.
“Your friend.” She grins.
A friend I took a nap with last week.
“Yeah. We actually adopted Lily together. Long story, but she’s also Lily’s, eh… human.”
“So you adopted Lily with this friend.” Rebecca nods, as if she’s analyzing his every word.
“Yeah.”
“And how do you do it? Like, you just take turns to be with her?”
Leon knows exactly what Rebecca is doing. But running away from her isn’t a wise choice.
“No, eh… I mean, yes. But we also take Lily to the park, or we go to pet-friendly places together.” He explains clumsily, bringing his hand to the back of his neck.
“And you only see each other to spend time with Lily?”
He doesn’t answer. The more he explains, the deeper he digs his own grave.
Rebecca just smiles at him warmly.
“She seems to be doing you good. I hope we meet her sometime, when you decide to call her what she really is.”
She raises her beer with a mischievous expression and leaves the kitchen without another word. Leon didn’t want to talk about you, least of all to Rebecca, one of the few people who always manages to tell it like it is while still sounding gentle.
***
The week passes by too fast. It’s already Thursday, and he is driving to your place to hand Lily over to you.
He has only three hours to spend with you. And he decides to make sure they are worth it. He doesn’t want to think about how selfish that sounds.
“When you decide to call her what she really is.”
His problem with you is the fact that what you really are has no name, and he doesn’t want to name it either. Maybe these two months will be useful. He might be able to get rid of the part of this feeling that is, at this point, overwhelming. The part that isn't right, the part that can’t exist.
It’s late at night, so you go to have dinner at a restaurant near your apartment after leaving Lily at home. Once again, it’s just small talk, a relaxed conversation, as if nothing is really happening. But the tension is there. A giant elephant in the middle of the restaurant, a time bomb waiting to explode when you officially run out of time. Pure denial.
Outside the restaurant, the nervousness is evident and, at this point, unbearable. You have only one hour left, and the walk back home is fifteen minutes from there.
Leon looks up at the sky. A starless night with a full moon. The weather is perfect, and your dress is even prettier. He feels like the city is moving slowly compared to how time is slipping away from his hands, too fast, too dizzy.
The two of you are just standing there, outside the restaurant, as if waiting for something. As if you don’t know exactly which place you’re heading to after this.
“Well… I’ll do my best to call you, ok?” He says, swallowing hard.
You don’t say anything. Your hands are clasped together, just below your waist, your right thumb absentmindedly brushing semicircles over the back of your left hand. You look to your left, your gaze lost among the people walking by. Your eyes shift to Leon, conflicted, only to avoid him again.
He already knows what those gestures mean. That’s what you do when you want to say something but you’re not sure about doing it. Leon has seen you like this a few times: on a couple of occasions you didn’t say anything, but it was fine. He doesn’t want to push you to do or say things you don’t want to. It doesn’t work like that.
But he’s leaving for two months. He knows he will be wondering every single day what you wanted to say until he’s back. It’s selfish, but he can’t help it.
“Please don’t… don’t look at me like that.” He frowns, visibly anxious.
“Like what?” You look down.
“Like you have something to say.”
You were frozen, your chest hurt. It’s the first time he asks you this, but you understand why. It’s a little selfish on your part to make him leave without telling him.
But you will expose yourself if you do. If you don’t, he will understand, but you’re afraid things will be awkward for both of you from now on. That taking your time and saying nothing will open a Pandora's box.
Whatever. You can’t hold this in anymore.
“It’s just that I’ll miss you.”
Leon looks genuinely shocked by your words. He had a feeling you were going to say something heavy, but he didn’t expect you to be this direct. He might be an expert at reading your gestures, but he can’t predict what you’re going to say. He never will, probably.
You just did it. You dropped the bomb. Your heart is pounding so fast it hurts. There is no turning back, because Leon understands your intention. Your tone isn’t friendly or cordial. You look extremely vulnerable, like a deer surrendering to its hunter.
On Saturday, you told him you’re going to be fine, and he’s sure you will. But this is different, probably because the facade of denial is finally falling apart. What happened at your apartment really affected you both, and it’s stupid to pretend things didn’t change.
Leon looks at you, studying your expression. His answer completely depends on him. He could break your heart and he doesn’t want to hurt you, but he doesn’t want to lie to you either. It’s almost violent. He doesn’t want to have that power. Too late, though.
He promised himself he wouldn't touch you again, and finding this out minutes before leaving town for two months is the worst thing that could happen in this context. This time is actually precious.
When he’s practically dazed by his own thoughts, you make your next move.
Your right foot steps half a step back, but your body remains facing forward. You usually stay like that for a short while, just in case he wants to say something. If he doesn't, you’ll start walking and acting as if nothing happened. This means he has seconds to react.
“I will miss you too.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
A shy, adorable smile crosses your face, while you rub your right arm, looking at him briefly. He has never seen an expression like that before: not from you, not from anyone. It’s enough to make him feel something he doesn’t want to call butterflies. But that’s the only word he can think of.
That’s when a part of him stops thinking. He’s a meter away from stopping suppressing himself, from claiming you. An egoistic move, a door almost impossible to close after that.
He draws closer. He runs his fingers along your cheeks, brushing your skin gently, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear, and caressing you with so much care, as if he was scared of breaking you.
“Tell me to stop.”
He genuinely wants you to stop him. He needs to give that control back to you, setting your agency free from him. He’s frightened of hurting you. He knows you’re scared, too.
“I can’t do that.”
Leon looks at you, his jaw slightly tense, a conflicted expression on his face. He gets closer, close enough for you to feel the warmth of his breath, his eyes more blue than you remember. Leon is as nervous as you, to the point you feel like you can hear his heartbeat. A trembling thumb starts brushing your lips, softly, as if testing them carefully. His tone is a murmur, almost urgent.
“Tell me to stop.”
“No.” You murmur back, not looking at him and not moving an inch.
With his eyes still open, he reaches his left hand out to finally cup your face with both hands. His gaze locks on your lips, his thumb now brushing your cheek. Your body stiffens and your breathing almost stops. Every single one of Leon's movements is calculated, precise, as if he is doing only what is necessary.
You move your hands, placing them on his stomach with a slight, almost imperceptible grip. Leon wraps you in his arms, his mouth making its way to your ear.
“This,” he whispers, “this is the last time I will ask you.”
He pauses. His whisper is mixed with nervous, uneven breathing, something that makes you shiver.
“Please tell me to stop.”
“I don’t want you to stop, Leon.” You whisper back to him, grabbing his waist. You hold onto him tightly, as if he’s going to disappear if you don’t.
His arms hold you tighter while he brings his head to the crook of your neck, in a gesture that feels like he’s trying to have a little taste of your scent, the softness of your skin, hoping that this poor, little attempt to have something of yours is enough for him.
“I’ve been trying all this time to do the right thing,” he murmurs, frustrated, “all these months, because I know this is no good for you. It will never be. But now you’re in front of me and tell me you’ll miss me, looking at me with that face… fuck… what am I gonna do with you now?”
He sighs, placing his forehead now next to yours. He presses his lips against yours, softly, distancing himself right after to look at your lips again. You open your eyes and see him frowning, obviously conflicted. His lips part, his breathing so close to you.
You have the feeling he isn't going to make a move unless you do something now. You’re appalled, nervous as hell, literally shaking. Whatever you do now, it’s going to haunt you for these two months.
So you decide to be selfish too. You lean in to kiss him, a soft but more confident kiss. It’s like an invitation, a way to ask him to keep going.
That only makes Leon let out a soft groan as he indulges you with a kiss more determined this time, running his lips over yours, slowly, like he’s studying you carefully so he doesn’t forget how you taste, how you feel. You press harder, kissing him back, anxiously, running your fingers through his hair. You both let go of your prudence, brushing your tongues together, anxiously, stopping after a while to catch your breath. It’s just an excuse to sigh deeply, in an attempt to ease a tension you won’t be able to completely solve now. You keep going for some minutes that feel too long and too short at the same time.
“I will miss you so much.” You murmur. It’s the only thing you're able to say.
“Me too. A lot. I only want these two months to go by fast. I know they will,” he murmurs back, trying to comfort you while brushing his nose against yours.
“Is it true that you will have no signal?” You ask in a soft tone.
“It is, really. I’m sorry.”
“Okay…”
“Let’s talk when I’m back, ok? There are many things I need to explain to you, but we don’t have enough time to talk about them right now. But we’re gonna be fine, really.” He kisses your forehead gently.
You nod and kiss his cheek, brushing your face against his stubble. He hugs you tightly for a few seconds, only to approach you again and give you soft pecks on your lips.
He glances at his watch without letting you go.
“I think we should walk home. Gotta leave in 30 minutes.”
“Okay…”
You break contact slowly and start walking towards your building. The first block is awfully tense until you get to the traffic light, without saying a single word.
You don’t know if it was him or you who took the initiative. But when you are about to cross the street, you intertwine your fingers and walk holding hands until you get home. His hand is warm, rough, and he brushes the back of your hand with his thumb from time to time. The gesture feels comforting, anchoring you to the earth, reminding you he’s by your side.
Leon looks at you, attentively. You look calm, content. He didn’t expect that the very thing he needed to leave town and feel less anxious was what he had always wanted to do. Something you wanted too. After these two months, he’ll have all the time in the world to do this, over and over again. That’s good.
“You’re gonna walk straight into a pole if you keep looking at me like that.” You grin.
Your teasing brings him back to reality. He smiles, amused.
“Well, someone needs to check how resilient the city’s infrastructure is.”
You can’t believe you’re laughing at his silliness, and you can’t believe you’re already outside your building.
Leon looks at you for a second, the usual invisible loading icon looping over his head. Then he makes a move, hugging you and holding you tight. You sigh deeply, hugging him back and laying your head on his chest, unwilling to let him go.
“Please take care of yourself.” His whisper is almost a plea, a tone filled with deep concern.
“I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me. We will be here with Lily, waiting for you. With snacks.” You murmur cheerfully and softly, trying to ease the tension and make him feel better.
He exhales softly through his nose, and you know he’s wearing a shy smile, mixed with relief, even if you aren’t looking at him. With one hand, he takes your chin gently, bringing your face close to his, both of you with your eyes still closed.
“The part about the snacks doesn’t sound too convincing, considering the mysterious things that happen inside that house.” He gives you a soft kiss on your lips.
“Such a bold accusation.” You grin, kissing him back.
He cups your face and gives you a few more kisses on your lips and one on your nose. You take the chance to kiss his cheek, gently.
“Alright… I need to go,” he whispers, still in denial.
“I know.” Your murmur is so low it’s barely audible.
Leon lets you go and brushes your cheek softly with his fingers.
“These two months will be over before we know it.” He looks at you with an affectionate smile.
You nod and smile back, grabbing his hand and caressing it.
“Good luck with your trip. I hope everything goes well.”
“Thank you.” He glances at his watch and sighs deeply. “Well… I need to go. Goodbye, you cats.”
“Goodbye, cat dad.”
He gives you a kiss on your forehead and walks to his car, waving at you once he’s inside. You wave back, and go into your apartment after he leaves.
That night feels awfully long. You look at the ceiling, unable to relax and get some sleep.
***
The first thing you do the next morning is tell Camille what happened. Your chest is still hurting from the mess of feelings you have.
“We kissed.”
“What?”
“But he’s leaving town for two months,” you tell her, anxiously.
“Wait, wait. Too much information. First things first: when did you kiss?”
“Yesterday. He left last night.”
“Did you just kiss? Like, he didn’t ask you out, or confess, or anything?”
“No… I mean, you know how he is,” you say, slightly confused, “but he told me cute things anyway. Like that he’ll miss me. He was also worried about me, considering everything that’s going on. We walked holding hands. And that’s all.”
“Well, considering he’s not exactly great with feelings, I’d take that as progress… I mean, we weren’t sure if he liked you back until now.” Cami says, smiling and trying to make you see the glass half full. She notices the anxiety behind your words.
You nod.
“And what about him leaving town?”
“Business trip. One of those trips with no signal again.”
“Didn’t he tell you anything about his job this time?”
“No. He told me we’ll talk when he’s back. He just said it was a complicated client or something like that.”
“Still… two months without much explanation is a little concerning.”
“I know.”
“There must be a reason, of course, but… I don’t know. It’s still weird. I mean, you don’t even know his last name yet.”
You sigh, frustrated.
“Man… how did I even end up in this situation?”
“Look, at least we have two months to figure it out, my friend.” She grabs your shoulder gently.
“Yeah.”
You see your office door opening.
“What happened? Why you guys look so concerned?”
You look at bitch coworker and sigh.
“Nothing important.”
“Uh? Let me guess. Did something happen with the sugar daddy?”
You feel your face burning. Fuck. Why are you so bad at pretending?
“No.” You retort, shaking your head and shifting your gaze to your computer.
Bitch coworker stays there, arms crossed, and something about her attitude is odd. Like the day at the press conference.
She steps closer to your desk, looking directly at you.
tags: slow burn, age difference (reader is 35), awkward flirting, mutual pining, non sexual intimacy, eventual smut, unresolved romantic and sexual tension, A LOT OF FLUFF, fic with reader and Leon's POV, english is not author's first language
CW: drug addiction, alcoholism, mobbing (bullying at workplace), depression, self-esteem issues, PTSD
Chapter 14: In case of emergency, pet the cat
Today was the day he was going to tell you. But he still hasn’t figured out how.
Because, basically, how would he explain to you he's leaving town for two months without giving you any details? Wouldn’t that sound suspicious, at least to a normal person?
You were just friends, but someday he will have to tell you who he really is. A man who has been through too much. A man who knows too much. Even if he hasn’t told you all the shit he had survived over the decades, Leon was sure you already knew he was something like a traumatized veteran, you just didn’t know what war he has been fighting most of his life. Even before meeting him, you had been full of warmth, a joy he didn’t know until you met, and he often wondered how pitiful he must look when something you said triggered a bad memory. Like a completely normal comment about a rainy night.
You’ll be taking care of Lily together for a long time, or at least that’s what he hopes. So you need to know. His plan was to tell you today he’s leaving, and explain everything to you once he’s back. He was sure you wouldn’t press for more explanations right now, but that didn’t mean he should keep hiding his true self from you anymore. You didn't deserve that.
Leon parked his car and picked up the backpack with Lily inside. When he stepped outside your building, he saw you, but something was wrong. You were clinging to the wall as if holding on for dear life. Your face was pale, your eyes and nose were red, and your gaze was lost somewhere in the distance.
“Hey, Leon… Hi.” Your voice was tremulous, making a poor attempt to sound lively.
“Hey, are you okay? What’s going on?” He tried to look into your eyes, examining you instantly.
This is not good at all.
“I’m sorry…”
As your body started sliding down the wall, Leon caught you, struggling to hold you up with Lily.
“I don’t know what is happening, but I’m taking you home.”
You could barely walk, mumbling incoherent words all the way back to your apartment as if you were trying to explain something to him. Not that he cares about the explanations right now, his only priority is getting you to a safe place so you can rest.
Once inside, Leon carried you to your bed, removing only your shoes before covering you with a blanket he found. He sat on the edge of the bed, watching over you attentively and checking your pulse just in case, until you finally fell asleep.
It was his first time at your place, a small one-bedroom apartment with a separate living room that you’ve managed to make more of a home than his luxury condo.
He headed into the living room to wait for you to wake up. Remembering that you didn’t like people wearing shoes in your apartment, he slipped his off before looking around. He saw the parts of you you told him about: music, books, video games. Your teapots, your plants, a few figures of things you liked, vintage framed artworks. Pottery he was sure you made yourself, and a corner dedicated to Lily's things. It was a view of your world, almost complete, wholesome and free from the kind of chaos he’s used to.
He sat on the couch and looked at the books on your coffee table. Lily appeared, meowing as if she were scolding him.
“Shhh, you stay quiet. Your mom is sleeping.”
Your mom.
Lily fell asleep on Leon’s lap while he read one of your books, until he heard you stirring.
He walked into your bedroom carefully. Knowing you'd probably think you were alone, he approached as gently as possible and sat on the edge of the bed, right next to you.
“Leon?” You said, soft voice, looking at him confused.
“Hey.”
“What are you doing here?”
“You passed out while you were waiting for me. So I brought you here.”
“Oh… I’m sorry.” You felt embarrassed, and the sadness of the day fell like a heavy weight on your chest.
“Don’t apologize, this is not your fault.”
“How much have I slept?”
Leon glanced at his watch.
“One hour, 24 minutes.”
“That’s pretty exact.”
“I have my methods.” He smirked slightly.
You smiled. A win for him.
“Do you want something? Coffee? A glass of water?” You asked, as if you were in any condition to treat Leon like a guest.
“There’s something I want, actually.”
“What is it?”
“Can you tell me what happened?”
You tried to speak, but the only thing that came out was a pathetic little noise, followed by a sob. You started crying again.
“I’m sorry… I can’t…”
Your words were barely coherent. That’s when Leon realized two things: first, you still weren’t fully awake, and second, he was an asshole. You had just woken up, and there he was, demanding answers.
“No… I didn’t mean to push you or anything. I… I’m just worried. But we don’t have to talk about it. Just tell me what I can do to make you feel better.”
You curled up as if you needed to protect your stomach from something. You looked fragile, extremely vulnerable. An instinct kicked in inside Leon. He felt ridiculous just sitting there, looking at you, as if staring helped at all.
Leon had promised himself never to touch you. But can he do anything else now?
He reached out his hand to your head and caressed you, gently. It was a new thing he didn’t even think about. He just did it. His hand slid to your cheeks, wiping away the tears from your face.
“It’s fine. I don’t know if this helps, but I’m here with you.” His voice was low and reassuring, intimate, coated with affection.
“It does… A lot.”
Your lips twitched into something that resembled a smile.
“May I ask you something?” You mumbled, almost falling asleep.
“Sure. Tell me.”
“Can you… just lie here by my side? It’s just that…”
Your voice sounded slurred, the sobs breaking through again. Leon knew you didn’t have any ulterior motives for asking something like that. In fact, he didn’t even know if you were completely conscious while you were speaking.
Something about your exhaustion and the comfort of your bedroom made Leon’s body loosen, as if seeing you fall asleep was contagious.
Leon couldn’t help it.
He lay on his side, staring at you. He didn’t cover himself with your blanket, he was just there, watching you closely. Your face was all red, your eyelashes looking thicker from the tears.
“Hmmm.” The sound was like a complaint, while one of your hands grabbed his arm.
Thanks to Lily’s training, Leon understood the assignment. He smiled softly, thinking that this was the most adorable thing you have ever done, and confirming, one more time, that you were a cat too.
He told himself that this time, being with you like this wasn’t wrong.
Just this time.
He got a little closer and wrapped his arm around you, gently guiding your head to his chest.
The moment was far from sexual. It was just the intimacy of the two of you, and the warmth of being like this together. Indulging you was his way of letting you know he was there, and he had no intention of letting you go. Not today.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay here with you.” He murmured.
“Hmm.” You hummed softly in approval.
The bed felt so comfortable. Everything just shut down.
***
You opened your eyes. Hard to believe was an understatement.
Leon was right there, sleeping next to you. Not only that: he was holding you, and your head was on his chest. Everything felt so cozy: his scent, his warmth, his steady breathing. Even Lily was there, sleeping soundly with you both.
You thought you were having a fever dream when you heard his voice and felt his touch earlier. But no. This felt too real.
You were still exhausted, not totally conscious of anything you were doing.
He must be cold.
You took your blanket and covered him too, falling asleep again.
***
What the…?
The sun was setting, and your curtains were still open. While still lying on his side, Leon felt a presence behind his knees: Lily, curled up and sleeping. But there was something else.
He was on your bed, holding you. Your head was resting on his chest. He didn’t remember covering himself with your blanket. Leon had no idea how things had escalated from simply bringing you home after you passed out to cuddling with you. Like you were something.
Leon looked at your face. Less red, calm. You looked pretty, but fragile. You were so worthy of gentleness and protection, and he still didn’t understand why you were going through this.
But the moment he found himself looking at your lips, he knew it was time to let you go. He sat up on the bed, still looking at you, but keeping his distance. Shortly after, you opened your eyes.
“Hey.”
“Hey, hi.”
“How are you feeling?” He murmured.
“I think I’m better… Thank you. But my head aches. And I’m hungry.”
“Is there anything in particular you want?”
“Tea. Something sweet.”
“Alright. On it.”
He stood up, slowly. You were awake enough to know you couldn’t ask him to stay in bed with you.
“There are cookies and teabags in the pantry.”
“You don’t like bagged tea.” Leon looked back at you, frowning.
“It’s so you don’t work too much.”
“Putting tea leaves in an infuser and pouring water into your teapot is heavy work for only one man,” he gave you a slight, soft grin. “My only doubt is that you have different… flavors of tea, right?”
“There’s one with dried orange peels.”
“That sounds… curious. Alright.”
You curled up and dozed off again. When you opened your eyes, Leon was setting up the small table in your bedroom, leaving the teapot, a plate of cookies, and two sandwiches made with ingredients he found in your fridge. It looked like this wasn’t the first time he had been to your home. Like he knew everything about it.
“I told you I just wanted cookies.”
“You told me there were cookies in the pantry. And cookies aren't real food anyway.” His voice was emphatic. No room for debate.
“I guess I’m not winning this time… So thank you.”
“I’m not leaving until you eat everything, by the way. Alright?”
“Okay. What about you?”
“Don’t worry about me.”
“Let’s share my sandwich.” You said, showing it to him with a grin.
“No.” He frowned.
“Prepare one for yourself, then. I’m not eating until you do.”
Leon sighed. He headed to the kitchen and returned shortly after with another sandwich.
“Thank you for bringing me here, and for staying.”
“It’s nothing.”
“You didn’t have to, really.”
“This is not about having to or not,” he retorted, his voice confident and strong. “It’s about what I want to do.”
You just looked down and ate in silence, slowly. If Leon didn’t know beforehand, he’d think you were doing it purposely so he could stay longer, but he was aware that you ate slower than a turtle.
Finally, you opened up.
“There’s a workmate who’s constantly talking bullshit to me. She hates me and I don’t know why. And today my boss scolded me for something really stupid. I want to quit so much. But I can’t.”
You lowered your voice, ashamed of yourself.
“I’m such a coward. I’m not even able to tell them anything. Why?”
He looked at you and started talking. His gentle, comforting voice trying to explain.
“That’s how they operate. Abusers find ways to make you feel like it’s your fault. They take advantage of your vulnerability, knowing it feels safer for you to just endure it rather than fight back. Because they know you have a lot to lose if you stand up for yourself.”
He paused.
“The problem isn't that you can't tell them anything. If they weren’t hurting you, you wouldn’t be in this situation, being so harsh on yourself. So don’t apologize. This is not your fault, and it never will be.”
You were so fragile and frustrated. He was dying to know who the hell your boss and coworker were so he could do something about it, but now wasn’t the time to think about that.
“Thank you... I guess you’re right.”
It was late at night. He tried to convince you to see a doctor, but you refused. You knew that would only make your relationship with your boss more miserable. So, he waited until he saw you were feeling better, ordered some food for you, and did the dishes.
“May I ask you something, Leon?”
“Sure.”
“Perhaps it's a little selfish, but… can Lily stay here today? She’s here with me when no one else is around.”
“That’s a good idea, actually. Leaves me a little less worried,” he said, looking at Lily. “You take care of her, alright? Not playing circus this time.”
You smiled and looked at Lily too.
“Thank you. This was…”
You paused, looking up at him gently.
“…it felt good. An awful day ended like this, with you here.”
Leon tried to take your words as a friend thanking another friend for his help. But he couldn’t. His answer came, involuntarily affectionate, returning your gentleness.
“Making you feel better made this day better too. So we’re even.”
You looked at each other. Leon stood in front of you, preparing to leave, knowing that it was time to say goodbye.
“Let me walk you to the door, at least.”
When Leon was about to step through the door, you approached him, coming closer than necessary.
“Thank you.”
“I should be the one thanking you for letting me take care of you.” His voice was almost a murmur.
You both were frozen, at a loss for words. Your intrusive thoughts were focused on kissing his cheek, and Leon… he wasn’t thinking. He had stopped thinking the exact moment you came closer.
The only thing he could do was give you a gentle, slight smile, and patted your head softly. You smiled back, amused.
“You’re petting me like you pet Lily.”
“I just follow the Cat Distribution System recommendations: In case of emergency, pet the cat.” He said, trying to hide how awkward he felt behind the joke.
You giggled, genuinely enjoying the gesture.
“You’re lame.”
“Too late to complain about it, don’t you think?” He gave you a lopsided grin, proud of his own cheesiness.
“It’s not a complaint, actually. The recommendations work.”
“Yeah… seems like they do.”
An awkward silence settled between you once more. Leon’s hand was still on your head, but it stopped moving. You couldn’t move, or say anything.
“Alright. I’m… I’m leaving. I'll call you later, ok?” He said awkwardly.
“Okay. And I’ll tell you if anything happens. Thank you again.”
He patted your head one last time, turned around slowly, and left. You closed the door, as slowly as he left.
Everything you did and everything that had just happened today wasn’t normal. You knew that too damn well. If you could only find a new (and harmless) excuse just to have him like this one more time…
You took a shower and opened the bag with the food Leon ordered. It was your favorite dish from the Korean restaurant you went to a few weeks ago.
Leon must be a great boyfriend.
It was stupid. You’ve been spending all these months behaving like a couple, pushing the boundaries further and further each time. When will this end?
And how?
***
At home, Leon convinced himself that everything that had happened today was right. He didn’t have any other choice. He was trying his best not to feel guilty about it. You needed help, and he had done his best.
But his anxiety was still there.
Next week, he will leave town for two months. In any other context, he wouldn’t give a damn, because he had never had anything to leave behind at home. But now it’s different. Not only because he was worried about you: he got used to you, to Lily, to the routine of going anywhere with you, talking to you on the phone. To know there were a few days of his week that weren’t about bioweapons reports, useless paperwork, and preparing himself to be exposed to whatever was waiting for him on that damn internship.
And what happened today wasn’t normal. That nap wasn’t just a nap. Not for him, at least. It felt good. He wanted to do that again. He could get used to this. Of course, every single thing he did to get closer to you wasn’t enough. Patting your head before leaving was the only thing he could do to show you what he was feeling. It was a clumsy, stupid gesture. And even so, you appreciated it like he did something incredible. You understood each other in a way he didn’t think was possible for him. Something that had never happened to him before.
Tonight, the nightmares came back, but now they were different. They were a series of different scenes: you were upset because he was leaving, he came back and you didn’t want to see him again, he came back and you introduced him to your new boyfriend, someone you met while he was away. He even dreamed you were leaving town forever.
Leon hasn’t even left yet, and he already wants these two months to be over. Him, the exact same man who never made plans far ahead.
For the first time, he thought of telling you. To admit his feelings. A selfish move, extremely risky. What if you didn’t feel the same way? What if he ruined everything between you? What would happen from now on, especially just days before he left town for so long?
tags: slow burn, age difference (reader is 35), awkward flirting, mutual pining, non sexual intimacy, eventual smut, unresolved romantic and sexual tension, A LOT OF FLUFF, fic with reader and Leon's POV, english is not author's first language
CW: drug addiction, alcoholism, mobbing (bullying at workplace), depression, self-esteem issues, PTSD
Chapter 13
Leon was sure he was having a nightmare, but didn’t wake up startled and couldn’t remember exactly what it was about.
The bed was warm and comfortable. He opened his eyes, and a feeling of safety and relief spread through his body like a balm when he saw you beside him, your eyes still closed.
You looked peaceful, the morning light making your skin glow. You looked so focused, like you were dreaming about something interesting. Maybe you were people-watching in your dreams, and the thought made Leon smile.
You were so pretty.
He could feel the weight of Lily’s little body on his feet.
When you frowned, a small gesture that told him you were about to wake up, a weird feeling made him blink.
His bedroom was dark and you weren’t there. Of course you weren’t. He had no reason or right to sleep with you. He’s just your old cat uncle.
Leon looked at his feet. At least Lily was there, curled up, sleeping peacefully, and he wondered if cats had nightmares like humans do. He hopes Lily didn’t. First, because she was too cute and pure to experience something so awful, and second, he thinks she sleeps too much and having long nightmares sounds horrible.
He will ask you if cats have nightmares. It’s always better than google it, because you will be the one explaining it to him. He likes the faces you make when you explain something, the way you move your hands, how you switch your gaze to another place different every time you start a new sentence, and how your last words always end up with you looking at him, content.
And it doesn’t matter if you didn’t know: the thought of you googling it and reading the answer to him was still adorable. You read everything thoroughly, mentioning the source so he’d be sure the information was as accurate as possible, double checking on more websites and even looking on social media to read random people’s comments. You quickly wrapped up all the information and gave him the final, definitive answer. And you made everything look so simple.
He’s even been studying you, understanding your gestures, trying to decipher you. You were a strange mixture of beauty, knowledge, wisdom, sensitivity and sympathy. Still intriguing. Things that turned his usual nightmares into dreams where you woke up next to him on a Saturday morning.
The desire to hold you in his arms, kissing your forehead and telling you good morning makes him feel so happy he still feels like a creep. A dirty old man with a twisted yearning of feeling alive again through your fragility and youth. But above his guilt and internal chaos, he was so sure that how much he adored you won over the turmoil.
But he couldn’t take such a risk. You were so full of life that he would never forgive himself if he tore you into pieces after exposing you to the pain he’s been carrying his whole life. Protecting and taking care of you was first. His desires were last.
He’s aware he doesn’t deserve you.
Not having you in his bed tonight but having Lily is a little relief. Lily is what keeps him close to you, a part of you he can bring home, a piece of the memories of a Saturday, or perhaps a Friday, or perhaps any day of the week after you told him that it wasn’t necessary to be just Saturdays.
Leon thought about going to the kitchen to get some water, but Lily looked so comfortable sleeping there that, even with his right leg numb, moving felt impossible. She always leaves the bed like an upset spoiled baby when he moves an inch and wakes her up. He feels like he just committed the worst cat crime in history right after.
Tomorrow, he’ll leave a glass of water on his nightstand. He also needs to remember to take it back to the kitchen the next morning, empty, so Lily doesn’t make a mess while he’s not home.
He closes his eyes and falls asleep again.
***
When Lily is at Leon’s home, you miss her terribly. She’s not only funny, playful, and a spoiled kitty brat (if the concept exists), she also adapted to your routine like she’s always been there.
Your day starts with you waking up with a creepy gaze looking at you from above, paws touching your face to the point you’re considering turning off your alarm clock when she’s home. Once you’re up, she follows you literally everywhere like she’s a puppy.
When you get home, it’s like she smells whether you had a good or bad day. Whenever you’re stressed, she starts talking and follows you around, like she’s activating some kind of protocol. After days like that, she wakes you up early in the morning, meowing insistently, only to show you one of her toy rats lying beside your bed.
“Oh, did you hunt this for me? You’re such a good girl, my pretty baby.” You pet her head, softly, and give her a little treat.
“Don’t tell Leon I gave you one of these, ok?”
You once explained to Leon that female cats are natural hunters. If you’re part of their family, they feel responsible for feeding you.
“So we’re not starving in case of an apocalypse,” he said, jokingly relieved, “I’ll keep training her, then.” He’s so… military coded.
You love the idea of Lily keeping you safe. Even if she isn’t fighting any kind of apocalypse, she turned your home into a shelter. Every corner feels colorful and alive in a way you never thought possible. Even the sunlight seems brighter. Your stomach feels warm and soft whenever she purrs on top of you.
Lily and Leon were your safe space. You know you’re in love with him, but there’s nothing you can do at this point. For him, you were just the cat auntie, a young, weak girl. You wonder if he pities you for all the things he knows about you.
He probably does. You can feel Leon went through a lot, even more: there’s something about him that makes you feel that the things you’ve experienced in your life are nothing compared to whatever the horrors he’s seen or the hells he had stepped in. He knows you don’t like your job, but you’ve never mentioned the way your boss and bitch coworker treats you.
How will you explain to him that you’re not even capable of saying something to defend yourself? You’re a coward. That’s what he will say to you. If he can keep going despite his past, still being a kind, funny and good man, why can’t you?
But above all your fears and insecurities, all you can think about is how lucky you are that he’s still alive despite everything. If not, you would have never met him. You feel nothing but admiration, and you like to think there’s a part of you he also admires.
You love the fact that, even though you’re younger than him, he asks you about things and listens carefully when you explain them. He looks genuinely focused on every word you say, to the point that sometimes you feel studied and intimidated. And knowing he appreciates it, you always do your research as thoroughly as possible. He’s such a good listener that he completely ruined your standards for future dates. Most men don’t listen for shit, they just want to talk about themselves the entire time.
If you already sleep better after your long phone calls (yes, you now love phone calls), you can only imagine what it would feel like to fall asleep beside him instead. His voice is so soothing that, sometimes, it makes you believe you might deserve good things after all. You can’t help but wonder how warm it would feel to hear it beside you, wishing you and Lily goodnight.
***
This day feels like a punishment, but at least it’s Friday. You had to help organize a press conference after an annual briefing, and guess who’s here: your lovely coworker. She had handled most of the event herself, and honestly, if she weren’t such a bitch, you’d actually be happy about how well everything turned out.
It was just a report, a few speeches, and a coffee break. There was some time to kill before the press conference, which, somehow, bitch coworker managed to use to get on your nerves.
“So,” bitch coworker says, “I see you heard me.”
“With what?” You frowned.
“You’ve gained weight, girl. Is your sugar daddy treating you well? How is the cat parenthood going?”
You already gave up on the battle of her not calling Leon a sugar daddy.
“Lily is doing fine, wanna see some photos?” You just avoid her comment about your weight.
“Don’t worry, I have enough with your instagram. But are you still seeing him?”
“Yeah, I am.”
“And are you dating? Have you kissed or something? Or you just go to the park and do silly stuff?”
“We’re not dating. Why are you so interested?”
“Just asking. Can’t I be worried about you?”
You sighed. Her attitude was beyond suspicious.
“And does he like you? Do you know?”
“I don’t know.” You try not to say more than necessary.
“But do you like him?”
You didn’t answer. Unfortunately, your expression said it for you.
“Oh, I see. Another case of unrequited love.”
You sighed deeply, only seconds away from boiling over.
“I mean, we’re just friends. That’s all.” You retorted, dryly.
“That’s what I’m saying.” She shrugged.
If there’s one thing you truly wish from the bottom of your heart, it’s that her words didn’t affect you so much. You don’t know why, but whenever she talks, you feel smaller and smaller. Why can’t you defend yourself?
You’ve been calling yourself a coward lately. For hiding your feelings. For not standing up to the people who have been tormenting you for months.
There’s a bitter taste in your mouth that no coffee break could fix, even though you never eat during the events you work at. Better not give your boss another reason to talk more shit about you.
But bitch coworker managed to ruin your mood, that’s a fact.
***
“Oh, sir! I had no idea you were coming!”
“Yes, some DSO higher ups were invited.”
“Is Mr. Kennedy here too?” She gave the dirty old man a charming smile.
“Oh, no. We gave up trying to get him to come to these kinds of events. He has his… moods, you know?”
“I’m aware of that, sir.” Bitch coworker giggled.
“By the way, good thing I found you here. There was something I wanted to ask you, dear.”
“Tell me.”
“About Kennedy and that coworker you told me about. What department is she from?”
“Oh, right, she’s from PR. She’s actually over there.” Bitch coworker pointed at you. You were so focused on recording the conference with your phone that you didn’t realize what was happening.
“I see. So she does know about the internship.”
“Yes, but she doesn’t know any details.”
“But her department knows when and where it’ll take place,” he says with a slight tone of disapproval.
“They do, sir. But I haven’t revealed any information that could compromise the event.” She fakes a concerned tone, like she’s worried you know about it.
“Don’t worry, dear. They needed to be aware of it anyway. I personally informed the cabinet when we started working on it. But if this leaks to the press, we’ll be in a complicated position because of the matters we’ll be addressing there. Don’t worry, I trust you.”
“Thank you so much, sir.”
“Well, I’ll be taking my leave. See you next week.”
“See you, sir!”
***
“So, how was everything at the press conference?” Your boss asked after calling you to his office.
“Fine. Everything went really smoothly.” You say calmly. It had, actually.
“I noticed. But there’s something I need you to be more aware of.”
Your heart skips a beat.
“What is it?”
“I heard from another department that you seemed really distracted. Someone even asked me if you were going through something, like you were depressed,” he said with a frown. “Even if everything went well, you can’t show up to work with a long face. Do you want to become gossip for journalists and the other departments in this institution?”
“I’m sorry. Won’t happen again.”
“That’ll be all. You may go.”
Why?
Why does everything that seems to be going right always end up going terribly wrong?
Will you ever be good enough?
***
The only good thing about today was that you got off work early and were going to see Leon. You were taking Lily to the park together. Even when you arrive feeling completely disheartened, he somehow manages to make you feel so much better that you forget the hell you’ve been going through lately.
Today, you were completely exhausted, or maybe just done with everything. By the time you got home at 4 PM, you realized you hadn’t even had lunch. On shitty days like this, the mere thought of your boss and bitch coworker is enough to kill your appetite.
Whatever. A coffee and a little cookie will do for now.
You can’t stop crying, but you don’t want to cancel your plans. Leon and Lily are literally the two things keeping you sane right now. But you can’t stop calling yourself a coward. Yes, you should do something. You feel stupid. Why can’t you tell them anything? Why can’t you defend yourself from their bullshit?
You’re done with it. But you’re helpless. And pitiful.
It’s all my fault.
Two hours later, you were waiting for Leon outside your building, wondering how the hell you were supposed to hide your swollen, red face from him.
Suddenly, the heat became suffocating. The voices around you slowed and blurred together, like they were fading into the distance.
You opened your eyes.
You were lying on your bed, covered with a blanket. Leon was sitting by your side, looking at you with deep concern.
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tags: slow burn, age difference (reader is 35), awkward flirting, mutual pining, non sexual intimacy, eventual smut, unresolved romantic and sexual tension, A LOT OF FLUFF, fic with reader and Leon's POV, english is not author's first language
CW: drug addiction, alcoholism, mobbing (bullying at workplace), depression, self-esteem issues, PTSD
Chapter 12: Scratches
Today it’s been exactly five months since you adopted Lily. Almost 6 months since you met. You had a picnic to celebrate, even buying a party hat for Lily.
And you had a mission: give Lily a Churu for the first time. You taught him how to give one to her, because he insisted on doing it himself.
You saw each other at least once a week, taking care of Lily together. Two weeks at Leon’s place, two weeks at yours. Your meetings at the park turned into going for lunch to try pet friendly restaurants, little picnics with a blanket with food for you and snacks for Lily, and sometimes some coffee at another pet friendly place later. Eventually, you started walking Lily, now a grown up brat, spoiled, mostly, by Leon.
When he stays with Lily, he sends you photos and videos with silly updates. It was like he was discovering a new, fun world. You once told him that having a cat was like having a YouTube channel at home for free. He took that too seriously.
“We’re playing with that fake feather. She’s ignoring the mouse”
“Found out she likes tap water”
“New cardboard box claimed”
Those were adorable, but there’s a particular photo that will haunt you until the day you die.
It’s a selfie of him with Lily perched on his shoulder. He looks like he’s sitting in a desk chair, wearing wayfarer glasses, holding her carefully with one hand. Part of his bicep is visible. He’s looking straight at the camera, a faint grin tugging at his lips. Lily, on the other hand, has an expression that almost seems to say look what I can do.
“Got a little help with paperwork”
It’s literally the only official photo of him you got. Actually, you’ve never taken photos of him with your phone, he doesn’t have any photos of you either. So this is the treasure. A proof of his existence and beautiful face.
Save photo -> Add to your favorites
You also showed each other the photos you had taken of Lily while you were apart. You both had a special album for her. You changed your Hello Kitty wallpaper to a photo of Lily surrounded by your plants, and he replaced his boring black and blue wallpaper with a photo of Lily inside a cardboard box.
“I think this Lily mission worked really well. We make a great team.” He says, looking pleased.
“Totally worked! We’re good, ehh… cat… uncle and auntie.”
You wanted to say cat parents, but it sounds like Lily is your daughter. Like you’re actually a couple.
“Yeah… Totally uncle and auntie.” He nods, awkwardly, with Lily playing on his lap.
“Don’t you see it as a therapeutic thing? Having Lily.” You ask.
“I’ve been thinking about it lately. Good timing.”
“We’re sharing a brain cell, then.”
“The Lily brain cell.”
You both laugh. You feel like you got used to Leon’s laugh, like it was always there, even though it almost didn’t exist when you met.
“Lily’s company has really helped me. To… deal with things. All my stress at work eased a little. It’s so cool to get home and see her or watch the videos and photos you send to me.” You explain, looking at her.
“That’s… amazing. And I’m glad you can cope with your shitty boss and workmates thanks to her. For me… there are many things I stopped doing ever since she’s around.”
Stopped doing.
You haven’t bought weed in months, actually.
“There are some things I stopped doing too.”
You both fell silent, aware of the weight of your words.
During these months, Leon never told you about his job, his relationships, and avoided some parts of his past. You were also vague about some of those facts too. It felt like you talked through your feelings, and behind those feelings, you understood his story, and he was able to understand yours.
You also didn’t complain when he started helping with your own things, like going to the supermarket and carrying the bags (an awesome excuse to see his biceps while lifting things), taking you to some place you wanted to go because it was way too far, helping him to buy a shirt he needed urgently for a meeting or spend time just the two of you because it’s too cold for Lily, Lily must be tired or let’s try this place that looks like is not pet friendly.
The churu mission was a disaster. He squeezed the tube too hard and ended up with churu all over his palm, clear evidence of his lack of delicacy. Lily got some on her nose too, but you waited for her to lick it off herself. In the end, the solution was to let her lick churu from Leon’s palm, which left him completely startled by how rough her tongue felt: “This tickles way too much.”
After realizing it was getting late, Leon said something to you before leaving.
“It’s curious.”
“What?”
“Your favorite flowers are lilies, but they’re toxic to cats. I was reading about toxic plants and found that out.”
“Yeah. That’s why I bought a bouquet when we went to the garden house, because you were staying with her that week.”
“So you can’t have lilies at home when you have cats.”
“Yes, and the other way round, too.”
You paused.
”Choosing something means you’re giving up on another thing. Having something means there's something left. But that's not bad at all.”
Leon didn’t say anything for a few seconds.
“Yeah. It's not bad at all.”
You stared into space, only to shift your attention back to Lily a moment later. You decided the churu mission had been a success after all and took a photo of her to remember the moment.
***
When Grace found out that Leon adopted a cat, that same weekend he went to visit him with Emily. They brought her toys and a bag of snacks.
“What about me?” Leon protested, lightheartedly.
“You’re not a cat.” Emily said, almost inexpressive and barely paying attention to him, approaching Lily, cheerful.
“These kids…” He sighed, looking at one of the snacks.
“Churu.”
“Yes. I’ve heard cats love them.” Grace explained.
Emily was mesmerized by Lily. Grace was kind of anxious that she now wanted to adopt a cat, but Leon told her it wasn’t that hard while they were both preparing lunch.
It was a Sunday plan they tried to do as often as possible: cooking something together while Emily played, having lunch and talking about everyday things, watching a kids’ TV show, helping Emily with her homework, going to the square near his place, where Emily played with the other kids, living the normal life she always deserved.
Emily was having so much fun that nothing else even felt like an option. They just sat there watching them play, with Emily occasionally commenting on the things Lily did.
“Your house has changed a lot since last time I was here.” Grace told him.
“Yeah, now it’s a cat amusement park.” Leon responded, smirking.
“The bar cabinet you had,” she said, not really sure of asking that question, “eh… where is it?”
“Gave it away to a neighbor. Wanted to upgrade Lily’s cat tree.”
“I see.”
A comfortable silence fell into the room. Leon looked at Grace. She was attentive to every Emily’s movement, and her endearing, loving gaze made him feel glad that destiny helped them to find each other among all the horror and hopelessness.
“People say to be loved is to be changed.”
Grace’s comment echoed inside Leon’s heart more than he’d like to.
***
At night, Leon told Grace to not worry about the mess Emily and Lily left, so they went home.
He sent you a photo of the churu snack. You told him the same thing Grace said, and proposed to give one to her during your five-months-since-Lily-was-adopted party that was coming soon.
While tidying up, Leon played the Spotify playlist you had made for him, with all the music you listen to in his car. It was a playlist that had gradually become a curation of the two of you.
Leon looked at the space where the bar cabinet was.
People say to be loved is to be changed.
It was one month before Grace’s visit.
When Lily was with him, Leon didn’t like to drink. He thought that she was still too small and clumsy and even being slightly drunk was a potential risk in case something happened to her. He still didn’t know completely how cats worked.
He was right.
Leon was sleeping. The sound of glass shattering woke him up at 4 AM. He had no idea a cat as small as Lily could run so fast.
He rushed over and looked at the mess in his bar cabinet: one of his whiskey glasses and two wine glasses lay shattered on the floor, while Lily was already hidden in the bedroom. His first instinct was to find her and make sure she wasn’t hurt.
“Hey, I’m not mad at you, ok? Come here.”
Leon checked every single place of her body. Her paws, her tummy, her tail, her nose, her ears. Everything in order. He sighed, relieved. He left Lily in his bedroom, and closed the door to clean up.
The bar cabinet was dangerous now that Lily was learning to climb every single place and furniture, like a little monkey exploring a jungle of still life. It was a good idea to give the cat tree a small upgrade now that she was growing up.
Leon put the remaining glasses away in cupboards Lily couldn’t reach yet. She had already learned how to open pantry doors and even the cabinet under the dishwasher. One day, he had nearly had a heart attack while looking for her, only to find her inside a cabinet like she had just claimed it as her new room.
Reorganizing the apartment wasn’t a pain in the ass. It was something he had to do. He was proud of having a kitty as smart as Lily.
He looked at the whiskey, vodka, wine, and the rest of the bottles. What if Lily breaks a bottle and drinks alcohol from the floor? How will he explain to you that Lily was intoxicated because he still thought that his bottles were some type of furniture and a part of himself? He knows you’re aware of that dark place he’s trying to leave behind. But he will never be able to look into your eyes again if something happens to Lily because of his demons.
Some people say “I wish I knew you before”, but Leon is thankful you didn’t. Perhaps the age gap would feel a little less weird a few years ago, but a few years ago the only times he took a shower were after waking up in his bathtub filled with cold water, fully dressed. Beside him, Chris was emptying every alcohol bottle he found around the house into the toilet.
“Why you do this?” Leon mumbled after submerging his head under the water, watching Chris grab his shirt so he could breathe again.
“You look better when you're alive.”
After Chris was done, he left a couple of towels at the bathroom and called Leon later to check if he had taken the damn shower.
Nowadays, drinking was no longer a priority. It was way funnier seeing Lily playing, more distracting to listen to your playlist over and over again, searching on his phone for a new place he can take you, with or without Lily.
Leon took all the bottles to the bathroom and poured their contents into the toilet. When he was done, he flushed it. His attention stayed fixed on the disgusting blend of colors from every drink.
So this was what Chris always had to see.
Lily was there, standing on the top of the toilet tank like an almighty being, moving her head in circles as she watched the whirlpool. He closed the lid, a habit he had developed after finding her drinking from the toilet once.
Leon gave Lily a soft pat on the head before taking the bottles down to the building’s recycling room.
“Yeah. You look better when you’re alive, too.”
***
Every meeting felt more and more unnecessary. They were two weeks away from the internship, and everything was almost ready. Why the hell was he still here?
Leon had to present some reports, also absolutely unnecessary. While looking for something he had printed at home, he noticed the paper was slightly wrinkled. Not too much, but enough to tell. Of course, Lily had been using his documents as bedding whenever he worked from the couch (he preferred watching her play over staring at his office walls).
“Kennedy, are you ok?” The superior in charge of the internship asked after the meeting. The dirty old man. Everyone was still in the room.
“Excuse me?”
Leon frowned, almost upset. Will they stick their noses in his life again?
And they had no reason why: he had slept incredibly well last night, after calling you from his office before leaving to update you on how Lily was doing, hanging up when he got to the elevator and telling you to wait until he got to his car. He called again while driving home, and hung up a while after he arrived.
“It’s been a few months since I'm seeing scratches on your hands,” he said, concerned, “I hope it’s nothing bad.”
“Ah, this.” Leon glanced at his hands and smirked. “No, sir. I adopted a cat. She’s a little troublemaker. Do you wanna see pictures?” Yes. He turned into that kind of person.
“Oh, I wanna see!” Government girl says enthusiastically, other agents join, superior included.
Leon unlocked his phone, showing Lily’s photos and videos like a proud dad.
“Her name is Lily. She can already jump higher than 5 feet. She likes tap water and cardboard boxes. I made her a little training camp out of a few boxes, apart from her cat tree. She can open cabinets by herself, too.”
Leon doesn’t understand why, but government girl looked like she just saw a ghost. The others were melting with the sight, superior included.
“Oh but how do you do it when you’re not in town, sir? I mean you go on a lot of missions.” One of the youngest agents asked.
It’d be weird if he said “I adopted her with another person” so–
“Someone takes care of her while I’m away.” Leon smiled softly.
“Oh, so you thought of everything!” No one noticed, but two agents behind them exchanged a quick knowing look, smiling.
“Yeah. But hey, look at this.”
Leon shows them a video of himself playing with Lily’s belly as she bites and scratches his hand.
“She’s better at fighting than some rookies. She’s even thinking of her escape routes.” He grinned, deeply satisfied. The agents were totally amused.
When everyone left, government girl approached Leon.
“Mr. Kennedy, your cat is so cute! By the way, I have a dog, but I always struggle to find someone to look after her when I’m away for a few days. Do you have a pet sitter? Could you recommend them to me?”
“No, it’s, a… friend.”
“Oh, must be a good friend to take care of your pretty kitty.”
“Yeah. She’s… a great person. She loves Lily, and Lily loves her a lot. We both love her. I mean, we both love Lily.”
Apart from his awkward wording, Leon’s expression softened so much it was obvious the person in question was a little more than just a friend.
“That’s so cute, Mr. Kennedy. Never expected you were a cat person.”
“That’s why it is important not to have prejudices.” A slight smile crossed his face. They were words of wisdom, not arrogance.
“Always so cool, Mr. Kennedy. Well, see you! Hope you’re getting ready for action!”
Leon immediately sighed, coming back to reality.
“I have no other choice.” He said, nonchalant. “See you.”
***
Bitch coworker was appalled, infuriated. It was the first time she saw Leon smiling like that.
“That’s why it is important not to have prejudices.”
Ugh!!!
While walking through the office on her way out, she spotted Leon’s superior who asked about the scratches.
“Can we talk, sir?”
“Sure, dear. Come in.”
“So... you’re a cat person, sir?” She smiled, as charming as possible.
“I love cats. I have two at my house. My wife loves them.” The man smirked, taking her bait.
“Mr. Kennedy’s kitty was beautiful.”
“Adorable, indeed. Never thought he was a cat person too. Well, people are full of surprises.”
Ugh!!!
“You know, sir? There’s something curious.”
“What is it, dear?”
“I know it’s hard to believe, but I have a coworker who has exactly the same cat. Her name is Lily, too.”
“Ah, Kennedy said he had someone who took care of her.”
“Yes, but she always tells me it’s her cat too, you know? Not like she's just taking care of the cat. Well, she also told me she adopted the cat with someone. A funny coincidence, isn’t it?”
The man didn’t say anything for a few seconds.
“Yes, pretty funny coincidence, indeed.” He said, thoughtful.
“Well, I have to go, sir. Thank you so much for everything, see you next week!”
tags: slow burn, age difference (reader is 35), awkward flirting, mutual pining, non sexual intimacy, eventual smut, unresolved romantic and sexual tension, A LOT OF FLUFF, fic with reader and Leon's POV, english is not author's first language
CW: drug addiction, alcoholism, mobbing (bullying at workplace), depression, self-esteem issues, PTSD
[A/N] A few things about this chapter:
- The numbers 1 - 3 - 2 are like that intentionally. You’ll understand why.
- Perhaps the timeline will feel a little confusing, but take it as events that happened in about three weeks - a month
Chapter 11: Excuses
Come with me into the trees
We'll lay on the grass and let the hours pass
Take my hand, come back to the land
Let's get away just for one day
Let me see you stripped down to the bone
Let me see you stripped down to the bone
“Oh, Mr. Kennedy! How have you been? How is everything going at your home?”
“Things are going well, thank you so much for asking.”
“You look tired.”
“Do I?” Leon feels confused, because he slept really well last night. He always sleeps better talking to you for an hour on the phone before going to bed.
“Yes, perhaps you’re overworked?”
“Overworked it’s just a normal day for me.” He sighed, even done with the thought of it.
“I see. It’s difficult to be a star here.”
Leon didn’t say anything. What the hell could he say about that type of compliment?
“Well, see you later, Mr. Kennedy.”
“See you.”
The later was way before he expected. A few minutes after their conversation, government girl showed up with a to-go coffee in hand.
“A little bird told me you like black coffee.” She said, with a slightly playful smile and giving him the coffee.
“Thank you. I had no idea little birds were so chatty, though.” He looked at her, nice enough just to be cordial.
The girl giggled. Leon had no idea how to dismiss her without sounding rude.
“You’re so funny, Mr. Kennedy. By the way… next time you’ll invite me for a coffee, ok?”
“Little birds have me pretty busy most of the time, but we’ll see.” Leon nodded, absentmindedly, still cordial.
“I’ll remember this to you soon, then. Anyway, I have to leave, Mr. Kennedy.”
“Bye, thanks for the coffee.” He waved briefly.
***
Number 1
You looked at the mess you just left on your balcony.
For sure, watering your plants while sleep-deprived, after an exhausting day at work and being aware of Lily at the same time was a lost battle from the beginning. Using a big plastic bottle cut in half to do it wasn’t the best strategy, either.
You hope the balcony of the neighbor below is not as wet as yours.
Wiping was the less important problem here, because the cat litter was soaked, and after you checked the bag, there was just a little left that barely helped until tomorrow.
Lily was back on your place after the extra week with Leon. The updates he sent you during those days were as weird as adorable at the same time.
When he found her sleeping on some documents, he sent you a photo with the caption: “Looks like I got a new paperweight”.
A few days after that, he sent you another photo of her, hidden inside one of his t-shirts (does she know how lucky she is?).
“I think she likes the way I dress. Hope she includes this in her cat-alog”
The third one made you feel like Lily was growing too fast. Leon sent you a video of her kneading her blanket.
“I warned her I only eat whole wheat bread”
You cackled loudly, almost embarrassed of finding something like that so funny.
Leon just certified himself as a cat lover. It’s finally done. And he clearly was Lily’s favorite human (can’t blame her, because you agree).
But now you need to solve this situation. It’s still Wednesday and as broke as you always are, you will have to make maneuvers to buy litter.
When you were lying on the couch, absolutely defeated, Leon called. Can he smell when you're troubled or what?
“Hey, hi” Your voice sounded like a truck ran over you a few seconds ago.
“Hey. You sound tired.”
“Exhausting day and I’m not helping too much, either. Clumsiness gets worse when you’re tired.”
“Did something happen?”
“Nothing bad at all,” you say, more lighthearted, “I just messed up the balcony watering my plants and had to wipe. Tomorrow I’ll have to buy cat litter because I lost almost everything.” You say, slightly frustrated.
“But are you fine? I mean, did the watering can fall on some place of your body or something?”
“I don’t have a watering can. I water my plants with a plastic bottle cut in half.” You say, with a neutral tone.
“What? Why?”
“Eh… I’ve always done it like that? I’m used to it.”
“I don’t understand it, but it’s fine. Let me help you with the cat litter.”
“No, it’s not necessary, really. I made this mess.”
“I told you I could help you. Accidents happen.”
“Ok… thank you.”
“Are you busy? I can go now, if you want.”
“Now?” You say, already in your fleece pajamas and the hooded blanket because you’re a reptile, and procrastinating the shower even if you’re aware you reek.
“I mean, eh… you ran out of cat litter and Lily needs it.”
“Yeah, you… you’re right.”
“I’ll be there in 30 minutes. I’ll wait for you outside your building. Don’t rush it, though, I can wait.”
“Alright.” You say, kindly, already on your way to the bathroom.
He told you to not rush it, but you rushed to shower and get dressed, your only make up was a soft lipstick to not look so pale. Fuck, why now everything with him was getting unplanned and so urgent?
Once Leon was there, you thanked him for the cat litter and the words slipped involuntarily.
“Do you have time? Perhaps we can, uh… take–”
You gave it a second thought. It was pretty cold to take Lily outside, so you immediately took that back.
“Take?” Leon looked at you, puzzled.
“Eh, it’s just that,” you’re cursing yourself inside your head because you sound like a teenager, “I thought of taking Lily to the park, but it’s pretty chilly now.”
“Yeah, it sounded like a good idea but this weather can be bad for her.”
“Hm.” You nodded, mentally defeated.
Uncomfortable silence. You didn’t know, but Leon was also cursing himself for bringing the cat litter directly instead of telling you to go and buy it with him.
“Is there something else, you, eh, need?” He asked, clumsily.
“No, no. Thank you.”
“Alright.”
You nodded again like a stupid and didn’t say anything else.
“You know,” Leon broke the ice, looking at the people walking across the street, “I saw a store the other day while we were walking. Of things, eh, for plants.”
You looked at him, curious, with a gaze that suggested him to continue his idea.
Plants? Again?
“Why don’t we go and buy a watering can? Unless next time you want to take a shower on the balcony.”
You stifled a laugh, almost humiliated.
"It's just that I’ve never thought it was too necessary.”
“It may be a signal.”
“Yeah… for sure it is.”
That’s how you ended up going to that store, buying some take out coffee and walking as slowly as you could on your way back home.
***
Number 3
“Hello”
“Hey, have you been?”
“I’m doing fine… what about you? Job today as exhausting as always.” He has no idea what you’ve been doing every single day since Sunday.
“Eh… fine.” You don’t know the struggle he’s facing right now.
“Did something happen?”
“Yeah, I have a doubt. About Lily.”
“Tell me.”
“This might be nothing, but perhaps I should check with you,” he says, clumsily, “is it normal that Lily sleeps so much? I mean, when humans sleep that much they’re anemic.”
You giggled, softly.
“It’s normal, they sleep most of the day, 12 hours or more.”
“What?” He was shocked. “Why?”
“To save energy, if I’m not wrong.”
“Figured she needed energy for running from one place to another at 3AM.”
You let out a shy laugh.
“Oh, she’s already doing that.”
Silence.
“Hey. Eh… after Sunday, I was thinking that Lily looks happier when we’re both with her,” Leon said, “perhaps it’s a good idea to take her to the park more often.”
After Sunday. No. Nothing happened that day.
“You’re right, that’s, huh, she’ll be happier without a doubt.”
“Yeah, bet she misses us.”
“Totally. It’s not necessary that we do this only once a week.” You proposed.
“Do you have some free time now?” He asked.
***
“I have to tell you something,” bitch coworker says, thrilled, “I’m meeting someone. I mean, starting to meet.”
“Who?” Camille sounded genuinely happy.
“Hot daddy at the DSO.” She giggled. “The other day I did the infallible method of buying him a coffee and telling him the next’s on him.”
“And what did he say?”
“Yes, of course. He even joked at me. He’s kinda serious, which makes him sexier of course, but he’s always making jokes. So I think he’s starting to give in.”
“And who is he?”
“Can’t tell you. Can’t say anything about the DSO, sadly.” She paused, and looked at you. “By the way… how is your cat thing going with that sugar daddy you’re dating?”
“He’s not my sugar daddy and we’re not dating. I don’t like to call him sugar daddy, actually.” You said, flustered. It was really obvious you liked him.
“I see. Well, not everyone has the same luck. But I’m sure that with some effort you’ll meet someone soon.”
“Effort?”
“I mean, look at you girl, you need some colors, some killer outfits, being less boring. The sugar daddy thing is a joke.”
“It’s just not your style.”
“And not the style to turn on or even impress a sugar daddy. Or any person.”
***
Number 2
Sunday morning. Yesterday was your day at the park with Leon. Everything was fine, until you got Leon's message with a photo.
“I took this by mistake.”
The photo was a tupperware you brought to the park with chopped apples. Leon told you he liked fuji apples, casually you like them too.
“I didn’t realize either”
It was true he took it by mistake and you didn’t realize. There are moments you don’t think, that was one.
“Do you need it urgently?
I'm free today
I can bring it to you later”
(You don’t)
“Actually yes
I use them a lot”
“Ok, what time?”
“I was thinking
Perhaps we can take Lily to the park
I mean, it’d be good for her
Just if you want
Of course
😊”
“Sounds good
See you later”
The weather was hot, but manageable if you were careful. You chose a light blue smocked midi dress with ruffled straps you hadn’t worn in a while (secretly following Leon’s advice about long dresses). You thought about what bitch coworker said the other day, but this is your style and no one will ever make you betray yourself.
For weeks, you’ve been going to the same spot you met. But you wanted to change a little this time (since you did that yesterday). The chosen place was next to a pond.
You looked at the pond, thinking the weather was nice, and told Leon you’re not great at remembering to drink water, so you brought your bottle with you today. You don’t remember exactly what he said that made you snort, you only remember what happened when a few drops of water spilled onto your chest and dress.
Leon’s gaze switched there, while you apologized for it, embarrassed.
“It’s fine.” He said, his voice lowering, like he trying to hide something.
Something made you shiver.
You swallowed hard while his eyes were trying to not look at you, but failing. You were frozen, forgetting you had to clean yourself. The only thing you had in your mind was your gaze on Leon’s lips. They were perfect in a way you couldn’t describe in human words.
No. It’s your imagination.
It’s your imagination.
It must be your imagination.
You felt a tension inside your chest, thighs pressing together as if something wanted to escape from you. The feeling took over your brain and did something involuntary: your right hand approached your chest, your index and middle finger drying the drops of water, running them softly, but at an exasperating normal speed. You looked at yourself to be sure that there weren't any drops left.
The mush inside your brain while mechanically looking at yourself prevented you from looking at Leon, eyes locked on your chest while you were cleaning yourself with your fingers. You had no idea how this image was going to torment him the next long days.
Something got stripped of how common the gesture itself was when he noticed you were looking at his lips.
No.
It’s his imagination.
It must be his imagination.
It lasted a few seconds, enough to act like nothing ever happened from now on.
“This is a pretty spot.” You said, resuming the time that had stopped.
“Yeah, it is.”
***
When you got home you lay on your couch, running your fingers again through the same places you did before, keeping your dress on, but taking off your panties, soaked even before you arrived at your apartment. You thought of Leon drying the drops of water with his lips, his fingers putting the straps aside and pulling the top part of your dress down, kissing your breasts and sucking your nipples. The image itself made you come so hard while you rubbed your clit, desperately, saying his name, gritting your teeth, almost begging to the universe to end this story like this one day.
***
Leon took a shower. He hoped the water would wash away what had just happened, outside and inside him. The steam turned into a pressing, heated mist that left him bracing his head against the tiles as if he might fall, his eyes squeezed shut. His hands slid through his body, until he reached his cock. His lips were parted while he was thinking how your chest would feel on his mouth and tongue inside that shower, while he was drying and drinking the water falling on you, over and over again, in a useless, but needy obscene impulse. He doesn’t remember the last time he had an orgasm like this, stroking himself and groaning violently, cursing you for making him feel like this and cursing himself for not being strong enough to suppress this feeling.
tags: slow burn, age difference (reader is 35), awkward flirting, mutual pining, non sexual intimacy, eventual smut, unresolved romantic and sexual tension, A LOT OF FLUFF, fic with reader and Leon's POV, english is not author's first language
CW: drug addiction, alcoholism, mobbing (bullying at workplace), depression, self-esteem issues, PTSD
Chapter 10: Un'altra Te
Un'altra te
Dove la trovo io?
Un'altra che
Sorprenda me
Un' altra te (un guaio simile)
Un guaio simile (chissà se c'è)
Chissà se c'è, eh (un guaio simile)
Un'altra te
Morning
Friday. The week felt endless, and Leon had no choice but to leave home today. After a few days away, work starts with boring meetings he’d gladly skip.
It’s about the damn annual internship. This year, things will be, without a doubt, heavier: two boring months of mentorships, presentations, motivational talks, reflection workshops, and more HR bullshit. He’s been avoiding talking to the DSO psychologists, because he’s aware that they don’t exactly want to help him, they want to remind him that his life is not entirely his.
The Wrenwood Outbreak and Elpis will be part of the highlights of the event, something that includes him, of course. He was pulled off The Connections investigation the team is leading, and if he wasn’t exhausted, he’d probably feel a little bad about it. So the only thing he needs to do is a report and presentation on the outbreak, since he’s an… expert.
This year’s workload is so heavy that the DSO is organizing the internship together with the BSAA and a government institution to help with logistics. Leon has no idea why, but he has to attend every single damn meeting. They insisted so much on stopping printing documents to save the planet that it amazes him they aren’t replacing useless meetings with emails to save time.
There’s a girl from the government. She must be around your age, maybe younger. She’s hardworking, assertive, strong leadership skills. But there’s a problem with her: every single time she approaches Leon, he notices.
It’s the same attitude some women have toward him. In romantic terms, he might be completely clueless, but experience has taught him to recognize when someone wants to have sex with him.
The only thing Leon can think is how she’s the complete opposite of you. Even if she’s good at her job, outside the meetings she’s annoying, extroverted to the point he ends up dazed, a high-pitched voice, arrogant, an almost theatrical laugh like he just said the funniest joke on earth, her body always leaning toward him, and that uncomfortable gaze of someone begging to be noticed.
No. The last thing he’d do in his life is even consider flirting with someone like her.
He tries to be as polite as he can, while some agents look at her like they’re starving, one of his superiors included. A dirty old man who’s far too aware of what some young women at the DSO wear. Leon feels grossed out just thinking about his attitude, but…
Is he any different when it comes to you?
“Oh, Mr. Kennedy!” government girl says with overly sweetened enthusiasm, “last week I didn’t see you around, you were missed, you know?”
Leon can feel her body getting slowly, uncomfortably closer.
“Had some things to do at home,” his tone was cordial, “actually, I have to go.”
“Oh, did something happen?” She was almost cooing.
“Nothing you should worry about,” he says in a professional tone, assuming she’s asking just about work, “now, if you excuse me.”
Leon rushed home. While driving, he considered installing cameras inside his apartment so he could see what Lily was doing when he wasn’t home.
***
Afternoon
Since Lily is now exploring the apartment, Leon can finally work at his desk.
Still with things left to do, he ends up procrastinating like some of the DSO agents he’s seen at the office buying sneakers or chatting with friends on their computers, something he hates so fucking much. If you go to work, you should be working, right?
And now he understands why. They had things they cared about. Things they wanted more than being there.
Your photo with Lily at the park is right next to him on the desk, upside down. He feels that if he turns it right side up, it might bite him, but he keeps it there anyway, because he needs to be sure it’s real. That it exists.
Leon has no idea why he agreed to the photos. He’s not really fond of them: only the necessary ones, or the ones where he didn’t even realize he was there. But he was already looking at the camera when he realized what he was actually doing.
It was worth it anyway. You were happy. Leon saw your expression when you looked at the camera. No wonder you picked that guy for your people-watching of the day. That was when you told him you liked photography and mentioned the cameras you owned. You looked at the Polaroids and explained why they’re positives, and why regular film is a negative.
While you talked, he was analyzing you. Your gestures, the way your hands and your shoulders moved, where your gaze lingered. The words you emphasized or softened, the syllables you stressed, what you did when you finished a sentence. He wanted to study you, like a rubik’s cube he was trying to solve to keep his sanity.
What was so different about you compared to the young girl from earlier? While talking to her, he felt something oversweetened, sticky, heavy.
But you?
You weren’t trying to impress him or show off, no ulterior motives behind anything. You were just yourself, so humble that he’s certain you have no idea how wonderful and special you are.
It wasn’t about your age or anything. It was you who were different. He had met great women older than you, but none of them were you. He interacted with nice younger women at work, but they still weren’t you.
Thinking like this makes him feel stupid, like he’s living inside one of those Italian ballads his relatives used to listen to when he still had contact with them.
Leon sighed while remembering he still had work to do.
But he returned to the tab where the pet friendly restaurants near me search was open.
***
Night
Leon already knew where he wanted to take you tomorrow, and he was genuinely excited about it. You liked the idea too, so all he had left to do was go to bed and hope his back pain would be gone by morning.
The weather forecast says it’s going to rain.
I hope that's not an omen.
He closed his eyes and his mind went pitch black for a while, until distant sounds slowly started to reach him.
“Mreeeeee.”
“Prrrmmmm.”
Leon woke up, confused.
“Meeeeuuuwww.”
“RRRrrrraah.”
What the hell is–
Lily was unsuccessfully trying to climb onto the bed.
“Oh, you.”
“Mrrreeew.”
“Don’t get angry with me. You know, it’s not my fault you can’t come over here yet, dwarf with paws.”
Leon gently lifted her and set her on the bed.
“Be careful, alright?”
He dozed off, but his body was still tense, too aware of Lily's presence. He woke up twice, and both times she was curled up beside him like a little ball, pressed against his waist. The second time he shifted onto his side, a little closer to her, settling into a position that let him keep an eye on the door, his arm instinctively guarding her.
His body relaxed. He fell into a deep sleep.
***
At the pet-friendly restaurant Leon chose, you looked out the window. The day was gray, but the rain made the greens look more vivid, and there was something comforting in the way people stepped inside the place, immediately shedding their umbrellas and coats, relieved. The petrichor outside felt fresh and clean.
“We slept together last night.”
Leon’s words caught you completely off guard, especially since he was driving so relaxed and content while talking. Even though you understood what he meant, the comment came so out of nowhere that it took you a few extra seconds to process it. He glanced at you briefly.
“Eh, Lily. She went to bed with me. It’s more like I had to tuck her in, because she can’t climb onto the bed yet. I kept my arm around her to make sure she wouldn’t fall or anything, of course.”
Fuck. Somehow, that sounded sweet yet so hot, and–
Oh my fucking god.
You’re jealous of your own cat. Or even more, you’re dying to take a nap with them right now.
“That’s amazing, actually! She feels comfortable around you. You’re her family now.” You say, still genuinely glad for their progress, trying to hide your fluster.
“Perhaps she thought I was too grumpy.”
“You’re not grumpy?”
“What are you implying?” Leon frowned, amused.
“It was just a question.” You grinned.
“Well, of course you agree with her. You have to show solidarity with your species.” His smug expression made you snort.
“We still adopted you, so you shouldn’t worry about it.”
“By the way, is it common for the Cat Distribution System to deliver two cats just a couple of weeks apart?” He raised his brows, as if genuinely curious.
“The Cat Distribution System works in mysterious ways, old man.”
A faint smile crossed Leon’s expression.
“Guess I can’t argue with that.”
His gaze was gentle as he drove in silence. You just watched the highway ahead, the sky already dark, raindrops falling on the windshield.
The city lights looked warm and the wet pavement made everything look more luminous. You watched the people walk by with umbrellas, couples holding hands like nothing was happening, people running because they forgot it was raining today. Traffic lights changing, counting down to green or red. Silent images of the world outside the car.
Among all the things you now hated, one of them was the rain. Crowds, rain, holidays, Sundays, affection. You had no idea why until now.
All of those things started feeling good now that Leon was around. Like he had an ethereal effect on mundane things. It was weird.
“The rain looks pretty today.”
Leon’s reaction was something you couldn’t have expected, not in a million years. He looked genuinely shocked, like your words had triggered something in him. For a moment, you even wondered if you screwed up, but it was just a comment about the rain, right?
You still didn’t say anything. Your instincts told you to leave it there.
After a few seconds that felt too long, he made an expression too hard to read. An expression new to you.
“Yeah. It’s a beautiful night, actually.”
***
Leon drove back home with Lily. He agreed to keep her for one more week: first, because you had suggested it, worried that separating her from him might disrupt the progress they’d made. Perhaps it was too soon yet. And second, he genuinely wanted to keep her a little longer. Something he doesn't want to admit yet.
“The rain looks pretty today.”
His car screen showed the playlist “This Is Eros Ramazzotti” playing on Spotify.
tags: slow burn, age difference (reader is 35), awkward flirting, mutual pining, non sexual intimacy, eventual smut, unresolved romantic and sexual tension, A LOT OF FLUFF, fic with reader and Leon's POV, english is not author's first language
CW: drug addiction, alcoholism, mobbing (bullying at workplace), depression, self-esteem issues, PTSD
Chapter 9: Family
It’s Wednesday. Leon requested a few more days to work from home.
“Still not done here. And back pain."
Despite what everyone thinks, being the DSO Golden Boy is far from a privilege, but sometimes he’s able to get some benefits. Just sometimes.
He's not really fond of medicine. Apart from injections during missions that literally save his life, he thinks any pain is practically nothing. A headache? Endure it. Back pain? Endure it. Stiff muscles? Endure it.
But working from the couch is killing him. He finally gives in to ibuprofen, propping a pillow against his back because maybe that helps. Luckily, all he’s doing is some boring paperwork and reports. Most of the time, he’s just keeping an eye on Lily.
Now she’s leaving the couch more often. She looks so shy and wary. Leon just lets her be.
He feels like his brain is divided into three parts: work, Lily, and you.
You looked so tiny and cute wearing his jacket. He noticed you took it with you without realizing it, but he didn’t stop you. It was fine. You looked pretty, and it would’ve been awkward to stop you.
“I choose this Leon, then.”
Choosing him. He doesn’t even remember the last time someone chose him.
But no, it must be a friendly thing. Of course it is. I mean, did I give her another choice?
Why is he overthinking every single thing?
The sun sets, and Leon decides he’s had enough for the day. Along with the ibuprofen, he bought heating pads. The warmth is so relaxing that he dozes off, until his brain officially shuts down.
Suddenly, he felt a weight on his lap, and opened his eyes.
What the…
Lily was there, sleeping, in a pose that resembles a little loaf.
Leon almost panicked, but remembered another piece of advice you gave him: if she gets closer, just let her be. If she leaves, don’t force her to come back. And if you feel like it, try to pet her.
He’s tense, but at the same time, all he wants right now is to reach out and gently caress Lily’s little head. He also wonders how the hell she manages to tuck her paws in like that while sleeping. She looks funny.
Leon didn’t move, but temptation won: with the same carefulness he’s seen you when reaching for her, he leans in and gently strokes Lily’s head with his index finger, as if she were made of delicate crystal. She starts purring softly.
Fuck tyrants. Fuck bioweapons. And fuck how his superiors aren’t exactly happy about him not going to the office.
This is it. He won.
He wants to reach for his phone to take a photo, but he isn’t sure how to move without disturbing her. Luckily, it’s close. Carefully, he reaches for his phone and tries to take it. It’s not the best photo, but it’s fine anyway.
***
You’ve been trying to keep in touch with Leon to check on how Lily is doing. This whole thing of making phone calls is still new to you, but you do it because, even if you’re friends, Leon is… a priority?
You haven’t called him today, work was exhausting (as always, to be honest). So you get home, take a shower, and lie down on the couch, taking your time before making the phone call.
Until you get a message from Leon. A photo.
“Finally some progress 💪!!!!”
It’s Lily lying on his lap in a loaf pose. The photo is blurry and slightly dark, as focused as he could manage. You notice he made his best effort not to move while taking it. You can notice he’s in his living room.
You literally yell, covering your mouth, and immediately save the photo, adding it to your favorites. You find yourself thinking about bringing a measuring tape next time you see him, just to know the thickness of his thighs, while also melting over Lily’s smallness and how those black denim pants suit him so well. You hold back a laugh at the fact that he actually writes his messages like a dad.
You do the most impulsive thing you've ever done.
“Omg!! Can I call you?”
“Sure.”
He picked up right away.
“Hey.”
His voice was lower than usual, for sure to not wake Lily. That only made it sound deeper, and sexier. You want to hang up and punch a wall.
“So you made it!”
“Can’t believe it. I fell asleep on the couch, woke up and she was here. She’s even purring. I don’t want to move.”
“Told you she liked you, it was only a matter of time.”
“Thank you for that. You were really helpful and helped me to feel better.”
“It’s nothing, I’m so glad it’s working.”
You didn’t think about one of the consequences of calling him: the usual silence that eventually falls between you both. It always ends with a rushed goodbye on his part because you never know what to say, so—
“And how was your day?” He asked, gently, to follow the conversation.
Without giving too many details, you both complain about your jobs and somehow end up talking about Italian food and incredibly random stuff. He mentions he has Italian ancestors and teases you, saying you have catcestors.
You didn’t even notice you were talking for more than an hour. He never raised his voice, and you even lowered yours, as if Lily were there with you and you were sharing secrets she wasn’t meant to hear.
You wonder how much longer you would’ve talked if Lily hadn’t left his lap.
***
Saturday
Updates on Leon’s week with Lily were the main topic of the conversation while you were having lunch at the pet-friendly café you went to on Monday. Leon managed to get her to adapt pretty quickly, she was already exploring his apartment and sleeping on her bed. His wording sounded like a military report he was presenting to a superior.
Once you left, you had a lighthearted discussion over who should be the one carrying Lily’s bag until you got to the park.
“I didn’t see her this week, so I deserve it.”
“I’m the MVP here because of my triumph. I’m the one who’s carrying her.”
Your stubbornness ended with a game of rock, paper, scissors. And you won.
Well, you don’t know it, but Leon let you win. His eyes were sharp enough to catch what you were choosing at just the right time, so the three rounds he chose what made you win. He sees you so proud of yourself, smiling triumphantly and saying that you’re a winner, which makes the cheating totally worth it.
At the park, you decide to stay on the grass with a picnic blanket. There’s a moment when both of you reach out at the same time to pet Lily, your fingers brushing lightly before you both pull away as if you’ve been electrocuted. You try to be more careful when handing her back and forth, but it still happens.
His hands are beautiful and so warm.
Before you collapse into overthinking, you grab your tote bag and leave Leon’s jacket on the blanket while he’s still holding and petting Lily.
“Before I forget it one more time. And thank you again.” You say, gently.
“Don’t worry. It was fine if you forget it anyway. Well, it’s just that, eh,” he pauses uncomfortably, looking at you again, “I have a lot of jackets. I mean, not that many jackets, but enough to, eh, not miss that one.”
“But you already lost this one once. I don’t mean like I want to keep it, of course, it’s just that–”
Fuck. What the hell is wrong with you? Is awkwardness contagious?
“It’s yours, you know.”
“I can lend it to you if you need to hide somewhere. You obviously fit inside without being seen.”
“Hide from what?”
“Dogs. They don’t like cats, you know?” He smirked.
“I’m not a cat.”
“That’s exactly what a cat would say.”
When you’re about to start another silly argument, two girls around your age approach.
“Oh my god it’s so cute!! Can I pet it?”
Leon nods awkwardly, and one of the girls slowly extends her hand toward him. Both girls’ gazes shift between Leon’s chest, arms, and face… and Lily.
One of them gets so close to Leon’s hand that you’re about to cut her hand off… what?
No fucking way you’re jealous.
The two girls are gently petting Lily. They start asking questions about her, giggling and melting over her.
Ok, it’s not for Leon, easy, easy. Not entirely.
When the girls are about to go, they drop the bomb.
“You’re such a cute cat family. You look so sweet.”
No, they didn’t say it like that. It’s because you’re like a family, but like a family, real family, in a friendly way. Right?
After that slightly uncomfortable moment, Leon suggests you play people-watching again. This time, the chosen subject is a guy with a polaroid camera, taking photos of people hanging around the park and handing them to them.
Your answers vary: a Polaroid seller promoting a new camera, a guy working on some kind of project, a man selling photos on the go, or just someone giving them away for free. You even come up with theories about what Lily would say.
Until the guy approaches you.
“Excuse me. I’m selling photos if you want to keep this memory. Would you like one?”
You look at Leon, triumphant. You were the one who said he was selling them.
“I think you’d thank me if I did, don’t you think? To immortalize this unforgettable moment. I can even give you a discount. $10 for one, $18 for two.” The guy has the convincing tone of someone shameless enough to actually do this.
$10?!???!?!! Are they framed in gold or something?
“I want two.” Leon said, without even hesitating.
EH?
You pose with Lily for the two photos, trying your best to smile as naturally as possible, but you’re about to burst.
“A good memory of this new step in your lovely relationship… Cat mom, cat dad and cat daughter are pretty photogenic, too.” The guy says absentmindedly while looking at the photos, just like a seller that will forget about you a minute later.
But not for you–
“No, no, we’re not, I mean we’re just–” You try your best to explain. Leon opens his wallet in silence, trying to avoid the situation as much as he can.
“Wow, really? It’s just that you look really good, like you’ve been together for a long time. Well, thank you so much, have a nice day.”
The man gives the photos to Leon and leaves relaxed, just like he didn’t say something like that.
While you think the best idea is not to comment on what the girls or the guy said, you glance at Leon. He’s looking at the photos with an affection that’s almost hard to believe. When he realizes you’re watching him, he startles slightly, like he’s just woken up from a trance.
“We look good. I mean, I don’t, you and Lily do.”
The photographer was right: Leon is ridiculously photogenic. Even if his expression is mostly serious, there’s something warm about it.
“You also look good.”
“Not at all. I look so serious like I’m posing for a mugshot. I mean, look at you, you’re smiling. You look happy.”
“It’s not like a mugshot, come on. It’s a good serious. You look happy too.”
“I wonder what good serious means, but I’ll take it.” A faint smirk plays across his lips.
You look at the photos, in silence.
If this is like a family... perhaps you can just enjoy, for some time, the illusion of the loneliness coming to an end.
Even if you both know it's not right. Not meant to last.
***
The day ends with some snacks at the park for the two of you and choosing which photo to keep (they’re almost identical), everything as awkward as always.
If even strangers see us that way, what does that say about us?
You both thought at home.
Leon leaves his jacket on his couch and looks at it.
It smells like you.
***
“Oh, good thing you’re the only one here.” Bitch coworker says to Camille.
Camille explains to her that you’re at a press conference, then looks at her curiously.
“What’s going on?”
“It’s about the internship,” bitch coworker says, “I’ll make a ranking of the hottest men for you and the girls. You pick the one you like, and I’ll introduce you to them at the gala. What do you think?”
“But I can only do it a few weeks before the gala. I can’t even give you names, I’ll just show you photos. But there’s one I’m keeping for myself, okay? Found some hot sugar daddies.”
“By the way, you’re suddenly interested in older men. Did something happen?”
“Not at all, of course! It’s just that I saw one at the DSO… oh my, you have no fucking idea,” she says, thrilled, “I mean, he’s the grand prize. So I’m giving it my all, girl. I’m the one who’s going to win.”
“Well, let’s see what happens.” Camille says, cordially.
“Ok, that was all. I have to go. Ah, one thing. Don’t tell her.” Bitch coworker points at your desk and stands up.
“Bye homie.” She waves goodbye and blows a kiss to Camille.
***
You fucking hate crowds. It’s not something that always happened to you, but little by little, they became almost unbearable.
Last year, you had to organize a big press conference. In the middle of it, one of your coworkers said something so offensive that you had a panic attack and had to step out for a few minutes. If your boss already disliked you, that absence only made things worse.
Because you’re weak. No one can tell you anything.
If anything is being told in front of a group of reporters that you should be more useful… it makes you wonder what actually counts as an offense.
Since then, Camille organizes most conferences to cover you. You only go when it’s really necessary, or when you need to prevent your boss from noticing you’re skipping certain tasks.
tags: slow burn, age difference (reader is 35), awkward flirting, mutual pining, non sexual intimacy, eventual smut, unresolved romantic and sexual tension, A LOT OF FLUFF, fic with reader and Leon's POV, english is not author's first language
CW: drug addiction, alcoholism, mobbing (bullying at workplace), depression, self-esteem issues, PTSD
Chapter 8: Amendment
They're saying:
"Mama never loved her much, and daddy never keeps in touch,
that's why she shies away from human affection."
But somewhere in a private place
she packs her bags for outer space
and now she's waiting for the right kind of pilot to come
(and she'll say to him)
She's saying:
"I would fly you to the moon and back
if you'll be
if you'll be my baby
I've got a ticket for a world where we belong
so would you be my baby?"
The first day of working from home went fine. Leon had an office in his apartment, an addition he once considered a great idea, but now he needs to work from the couch anyway. His back will certainly pay the price.
Lily was still there, hidden. Gladly, she came out to eat, and Leon then carefully guided her to the litter box so she would recognize it as her own. Advice from the vet.
Things were ok until you called. He felt like a teenager getting a call from his crush, but also like a rookie who was embarrassed to explain his mediocre performance with a cat.
“Hey, hi. How is everything going with Lily?”
“Eh... fine. She’s coming out little by little.”
“Are you home?”
“Yeah, requested to work from here. I want to keep an eye on her.”
“That’s cool,” you say, “you’re doing well, really.”
“Eh… Thank you.”
“Hey, I was calling you because I have something for you. It’ll be useful for Lily. I think the sooner you have it the better.”
“Something for me?”
“Yes, is it bad?”
“I mean, no, but, what is it?”
“It will help her relieve stress. I need to explain it to you first, though.”
“Alright. What about we meet outside your apartment at 7 PM? Does it work for you? So I can pick it up and you don’t have to go anywhere.”
“Deal. See you.”
Why did you call at 5 PM?
This will be the two longest hours of his damn life.
***
“Feliway.” Leon says, examining the box.
“It’s like a pheromone that helps reduce stress in cats. You just plug it in and leave it on. It will help Lily get used to your home.”
“Like those mosquito repellents, but with pheromones for cats.”
“Yes,” you say, glad he understands, “this one comes with the diffuser and is ready to use. I also brought her blanket. Lily was sleeping on it, so she might recognize it and sleep there. Familiar scents also help cats feel more comfortable.”
“That’s a lot, actually. How much did this thing cost you?” Leon shows you the box.
“It’s a gift.” You say, warmly.
“I told you you shouldn’t–”
“We weren’t together when I bought it.” You made a childish grin.
“Seems like we’ll have to rediscuss our agreement.”
“It’s already done.”
“We’ll sign an amendment, then.”
“That’s cheating!”
“An amendment is not cheating. It’s legal, actually.” Leon smirked. You smile and roll your eyes.
“You’re really stubborn.”
“Yeah. That’s why we’re going for some coffee to return you the favor. Or anything you’d like to eat. You have two choices: going or going.”
“Mmm… what if I say “none”?”
“Wrong answer.”
“Both?”
“No.”
“Ok, I choose to go.”
“Good. But one thing. What about Lily, is it good to leave her too much alone?”
“A couple of hours is fine, you just need to leave everything as safe as possible along with her things.”
“Yes. Food, water, litter box. Toys. Everything unplugged. Nothing too small or potentially toxic in sight. No cables. Outlet covers. The balcony is secured. Most rooms are closed off. Double-checked everything before leaving home.”
He must be in the army or something. No other explanation.
“Hey, but you’re actually doing well!”
“Eh… I’m trying my best.”
You go to a café near your house that you’ve always wanted to try, but it turns out to be much farther than you expected. You didn’t think it through before leaving, so you went out in a short-sleeve blouse and didn’t stop by your apartment to grab a cardigan or anything. It’s pretty chilly outside, but you think you’ll be fine anyway.
Once there, Leon sighs so deeply that you think he’s about to say something like, “These kids nowadays…”
“I thought she liked me, you know. Lily.” He sounds frustrated.
“Of course she does! It’s just that cats are pretty territorial and don’t like abrupt changes. In fact, I was thinking it'd be better if you stayed with her for a few more days.”
“More days?” Leon looked frightened.
“Yes. The more the better, considering that you’re not used to cats.”
“You seem to know a lot about them. Is there a reason why?” He asks, looking at you, curious.
“I always had cats at home,” you explain, staring into emptiness, “and I was always with them since I was a kid. Didn’t have many friends at school or college, either. My mom is a nurse and worked a lot, she was actually the one who took care of most of the household expenses. My dad was a literature teacher, but his classes weren’t very frequent. And he wasn’t exactly a nice guy. My parents divorced when I was a teenager, my dad left with my older sister, and I never saw them again. The only things he left behind were his books. Not that I care, I knew he didn’t love me the way he loved my sister. So my only company was my cats and the books my dad left. I also had a computer so I started reading, playing videogames, listening to music. I set up a room for my computer and my cats next to the courtyard so they could always be with me. My mom and I get along pretty well, but there are many things she never really understood about me. So I learned to live with cats and understand how they behave. It’s like The Jungle Book, but with cats.”
You look at him, smiling softly, hoping your last sentence softened the story. You don’t want him to think it’s something sad for you. Maybe it was too much to admit how used to loneliness you are. Still, it feels safe to tell him.
“Now that I think about it, having cats would solve a lot of my problems. I’m an orphan, my parents weren’t exactly good people either, and they died when I was a kid, so I grew up pretty lonely. A police officer saved my life, and all I knew after that was that I wanted to help people as much as I could, like him. That’s why I decided to become a cop. Things didn’t end well, but I’ll never regret that decision.”
“Did something happen? If I may ask.”
“It’s a long story. But my experience as a cop wasn’t what I expected. I still work helping people, so I hold on to my determination.”
You nod, trying to read between the lines. Leon probably does something he can’t even mention, and since you’re somewhat familiar with institutions that work like that, you understand it’s not something he can talk about openly.
Fuck, could it be…? No, no. You won’t even go there.
“Guess we have more in common than we think.” You say.
“Yeah, that’s… I noticed.”
The piece of cake you ordered interrupts the conversation.
“I also notice you have a sweet tooth.”
“I do.” You grab your fork and take a bite, looking happier than most people would in front of a cake.
“You know,” Leon says, “at my job, people your age or younger eat weird things.”
“Weird things?”
“Yeah, like… vegan. No gluten. No lactose. Milk made from almonds, rice, I don’t know. I’ve also seen them drinking that green milk you ordered. I always thought it was a spinach smoothie.”
You couldn’t help but burst out laughing.
“Matcha is a green tea powder. It’s pretty far from spinach, actually. But all those things you said are not, like, really weird. It’s just that you’re–”
You stopped right there.
“I know what I am, you can say it.” Leon sips his black coffee, smiling defeated.
“So you old man eat not-weird things.” You grin, officially teasing him.
“I eat real food,” he retorts emphatically. “Meat, fruits, vegetables, nuts, eggs. Milk. Water, natural juice, and sometimes protein drinks. No sweets, unless it’s honey with certain dishes. Just black coffee. Whole wheat. I rarely eat refined carbs.” He sounds like he’s giving military instructions rather than describing a diet.
“That’s called being boring.”
“That’s called taking care of my body.”
“Cake is also taking care of my body. Because it makes me happy.” A mischievous smile spread across your face.
“Ok, that’s kinda valid. Still too sweet. I like some desserts, but not too often.”
“And no fast food? Or restaurants? Like, I don’t know, Asian food?”
“Sometimes. I like Italian food.”
“Well to be honest, you’re the one who’s right about this,” you say, a little ashamed, “I try my best to eat vegetables and stuff. It's important. I respect you, actually.”
“No need to feel bad about your habits. If you try your best, it’s good enough. I had to force myself to do this. If I didn’t–”
He frowned, not looking at you.
“Went through a lot before this. I was far from having healthy habits a few years ago. Felt lonely and discouraged too. Tried to find relief in things that would never give me any. Not for me, and not for anyone.”
He paused, like he was choosing carefully his words.
“I used to drink. A lot. If I didn’t do anything, I’d be dead for sure. And I realized I can’t allow myself to be dead. But it took me a lot of time.”
“I’m glad you didn’t allow yourself something like that.”
“That’s… good, I guess.”
“And it doesn’t matter how much it took you. You did it. A lot of people don’t, because it’s not easy.” You try that your words express comfort.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He pauses, to change the topic. “You should drink your green milk before it gets too cold.”
“It’s called matcha latte. And I was waiting for my cake.” You reply, eating enthusiastically.
“It’s still green milk if you think about it.”
“It’s not.”
“It’s green and it has milk. I hope it doesn’t taste like mold.”
“You should order a bowl of nuts, old man.”
Leon looks amused with you and your way of eating. You must look funny, but you ignore it. It’s too tasty to feel bad about it.
***
You walk home in silence. It’s better that way and there's actually a reason why.
The night is chillier than it was a few hours ago, and the wind only makes the goosebumps worse. You’re cold, counting the blocks until you get home.
And you’re hiding it as much as you can. You haven’t crossed your arms and you’re only focused on looking like you’re enjoying the wind or whatever. You think that it would be stupid to cross your arms or drop a oh I’m sooo cold like you were expecting Leon to lend you his jacket. It would be great, of course, you’d enjoy his scent and his jacket looks absurdly warm. But your life is not a romantic movie or anything of the sort. You shouldn’t expect something like that. Back in the day, you tried that stunt with a guy. It didn’t work. And now, at age 35, you even feel ridiculous for just thinking about it.
While you’re basically practicing mindfulness just to keep going, you feel a warm weight on your shoulders. You look at Leon: he’s in a t-shirt tight enough that you can see everything. A beautiful sight. What the hell.
“You’re cold.”
“Yeah, eh, well, a little.”
“I’m fine, so wear it. Didn’t realize how much we walked to get there.”
“It was a pretty place anyway. Great to know it’s also pet friendly.”
“Let’s go with Lily next time,” he says with calm enthusiasm, “but I’ll drive. Don’t want you to catch a cold.”
“It’s just that I, uh–”
“Hm?”
“I mean, I just left home. Didn’t think about the weather.”
“You don’t owe me an explanation, we actually left too fast.”
“Yeah… that’s what happened. Thanks.”
“There’s only one problem.”
You frown and look at him, confused. He gives a lopsided grin.
“I think my jacket is about to swallow you. Or you’re just too tiny for it.”
“I’m not that tiny.” You retort, with lighthearted indignation.
You put on the jacket to prove him wrong, only to end up looking even more ridiculous. Leon looks at you as if he’s admiring your smallness. You try to ignore that.
“Come on, it’s not something bad. I mean you even look… comfortable.”
“It’s really comfortable and warm, actually.” You look at yourself, lowkey amused.
“I almost lost it last year.”
“How?”
“Went to see a doctor and left it there. I managed to get it back, fortunately.”
“Oh, losing things when you go to the doctor sucks.”
“Yeah, you tell me.”
You’re about to keep walking until you see something too familiar.
“Oh, we’re already here. Didn’t realize.”
“Well, yes, it’s time to go. Lily needs her blanket and her pheromones”
“That's right. Thank you so much for the coffee.”
“No, thank you for the things and… the conversation. It was good.”
“Yes. Thank you for trusting me things about you.”
“I should thank you for listening to me.”
“Well you did the same. So we’re even.”
The atmosphere felt heavy. Leon tried to lighten it.
“So, see you on Saturday? To go to the park with Lily.”
“Yes, I’d like that.”
“So you can teach me more cat wisdom and secrets.”
“It’s not that deep, like, being wise.” You say, slightly embarrassed.
“It is. You could be a psychologist for cats. Or a detective.
“Detective of what?”
“Cat crimes. Haven’t you seen the news lately?”
“That’s not true.”
“Say that to the CATBI.”
You laugh shyly, refusing to admit that you found something so silly genuinely amusing.
“You’re a little lame, you know?” You say, trying to keep your honor.
“You’re laughing anyway, and it could be worse if I try not to be like this. You choose.” He smirks.
“I choose this Leon, then.”
He looks at you, trying to hide how appalled he is, and you try your best to not look flustered because of what you just said.
“You better not complain later. But I think I should get going.”
“I won’t. Goodbye, take care.”
“Goodbye. Thank you again.”
You waved at him and hurried to your apartment. You realized inside the elevator that you forgot to give Leon his jacket back. As soon as you got home, you called him.
“Don’t worry, I forgot it too, you looked comfortable with it and…”
You can almost hear the effort inside his head over the phone.
“Just give it back to me on Saturday, ok?”
“Ok.”
“Well, have some rest.”
“Thank you. Goodnight.”
You lie down on the couch, feeling like you’ve acted like an idiot. The last two times you saw Leon, you were a bit more composed, maybe because you were mentally prepared to see him, or something like that: what to wear, how to behave. This unplanned thing caught you off guard.
That’s the only explanation you have for the conversation you had this time and the things you said. You shared something so vulnerable as your childhood, definitely not your favorite topic. It was a dynamic similar to that little part of the talk you had when you first met, not the easygoing, fun stuff from the day you adopted Lily or the garden center. It felt long, but in a good way. Comfortable and comforting.
And somehow, you feel like you have a part of Leon that not everyone gets to see. Not just because of what you know about him. It feels like you’ve found something special.
You didn’t like the idea of things going further, if there’s a way to describe it. At the same time, you needed it. You didn’t need an eloquent, effusive listener. There was something calm and comfortable about him. His jokes only made everything better.
But what if you fall for him? What if you already have? That’s an awful idea, actually: falling in love with a man much older than you, someone you don’t really know what the hell he does for a living, and who, for sure, only sees you as a daughter or something like that.
You close your eyes with his jacket on. It feels like the kind of hug you needed but haven’t had in a long time. It doesn’t help that you keep thinking of him looking so handsome with or without it. Lucky the woman who can take his hand, stroke his hair, kiss his wrinkles, feel his stubble, hug him. If wearing his jacket already makes you feel comforted and protected, you don’t even want to imagine what it would feel like to be held by him. If that woman exists, she is, without a doubt, God’s favorite child.
You curl up on the couch, only to wake up later, disoriented. You’re still fully dressed, jacket and all.
Checking your phone, you notice it’s 3 AM. There’s a message from Leon sent 5 minutes ago that brings a smile to your face. A photo is attached.
“She’s finally sleeping on her bed thanks to the blanket. But I’m not sure if we adopted a cat or an armadillo.”
You dismiss it (too late to open a message from a crush) and go to bed, still wearing his jacket. You’ll have to shower, because smelling like a man who isn’t your boyfriend is actually a pretty loser thing to do.
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tags: slow burn, age difference (reader is 35), awkward flirting, mutual pining, non sexual intimacy, eventual smut, unresolved romantic and sexual tension, A LOT OF FLUFF, fic with reader and Leon's POV, english is not author's first language
CW: drug addiction, alcoholism, mobbing (bullying at workplace), depression, self-esteem issues, PTSD
Chapter 7: Guilty (Interlude)
When Leon went to bed he started to overthink, one more time. He’s already talented at it, but ever since he met you, it has worsened.
Lily is still hidden, but somehow, you managed to make him feel better. Listening to your voice was enough to make him try not to worry too much about the situation. And well, taking in consideration his life, he's been through worse.
Leon’s love life hasn’t been particularly good. He’s been dumped, rejected and gaslighted, to say the least. He didn’t even want to count the woman who pointed a gun at him minutes after she kissed him. Everything about her was way more complicated than he would have liked. To his dismay, all those things were stupidly hard to let go of.
So he stopped caring about it. Drowning himself in alcohol buried the last remnants of desire or yearning inside him. Women were just plain walking figures without any charm, nothing to feel thrilled about. Nothing that sparks even a glimpse of fire. But it was better that way. One less thing to worry about. He already had enough with himself and the overwhelming weight of 30 years of being dragged through hell and back, over and over again.
If there’s something Leon has are friends, united by trauma and a long story that’s really hard to talk about. That’s one of the reasons why he could come back to the surface and start replacing bottles of alcohol with cooking something actually nutritious at home and drinking water. Lying in bed trying to erase himself while playing with his guns and thinking of whatever existence meant, was replaced with working out, jogging, or any sport the guys suggested as an excuse to hang out.
Leon started feeling better, with his body, with himself. The nightmares were still there, and a glass of whisky still was like a tranquilizer, but it wasn't a routine. It was hard to finally accept this wasn’t a part of him anymore. The bottles were there: wine, beer, vodka, gin, martini, whisky. Most of them still unopened. When Chris visits him, he looks at them as if they were a way to check his progress, or whatever he wants to name it.
Elpis was the cherry on top. Even with his healthy lifestyle, the T-Virus was still consuming him from the inside, at first without him even knowing, until he found himself in a race against time he was able to overcome. He was feeling better than he had in ages, ready for things he didn’t need.
Why the hell did you show up in his life right after this? As if life had offered him something and he accepted it without knowing. A strange force drew you to him, waiting for him to take the bait in the park. Without even realizing he was already under the spell.
Spring is getting closer, and he’s afraid that your long dresses will shorten, to see how the neckline of your clothes blends with your skin, showing him how your neck and shoulders connect with your cleavage, how your hair grazes your collarbone. Watching the length of your legs, looking at you from head to toe until he finds your face, giggling and focused on something, your hands moving gracefully through the air as you speak.
His hands covered his face in shame. A 50 year old man intensely fantasizing about a woman 15 years younger than him, who just began to spark an urge he didn't ask for.
The sound of small, subtle steps in the living room stopped his chaotic train of thoughts. Lily left the couch to eat and drink water. He will let her be, because that’s what you said.
Leon closed his eyes, hoping that he doesn't see you in his dreams tonight.
tags: slow burn, age difference (reader is 35), awkward flirting, mutual pining, non sexual intimacy, eventual smut, unresolved romantic and sexual tension, A LOT OF FLUFF, fic with reader and Leon's POV, english is not author's first language
CW: drug addiction, alcoholism, mobbing (bullying at workplace), depression, self-esteem issues, PTSD
Chapter 6: Let It Happen
Bitch coworker’s job has no overlap with yours, yet she’s always in your office, being an annoying presence as she types in her laptop. She’s really close to Camille, a detail you try to not think too much about. Since you trust Cami completely, you tell yourself it doesn't matter.
Her tasks are pretty far from PR. A big part of her job involves organizing events in logistical terms with agencies and other institutions, so she’s always bragging about it. She’s dangerously flirty, something that brought her more than one problem, but her boss just overlooks her behaviour. Camille and you are aware it's because she’s always looking for some hook up to show off.
If you were in her situation one day, you’d for sure start looking for another job. Something you can’t do right now, of course. Just a few weeks ago, your boss fired a secretary after finding out she was dating an FBI agent. It was a scandal even if some people thought it was stupid.
“Guess what,” bitch coworker says, “I’ll help coordinate an internship that will be held in a few months. Like, the biggest I’ve ever done.”
“That’s great,” Camille says, “will help you a lot in professional terms.”
“I don’t care about that, girl,” her tone slowly getting annoying, “but guess WHO will attend the internship.”
“Who?”
“The DSO and the BSAA!!” Her tone is almost euphoric.
“No shit.” You say neutrally, just following the conversation.
“Girl, I mean, really. Do you know who they are?”
“Yeah, the bioterrorism people.” You respond, focused on writing a press release more than her conversation.
You’ve never been particularly interested in bioweapons. Last year, news of the Raccoon City Incident were everywhere (again), but zombie stuff and blood gross you out, so you didn’t even watch the viral videos of Wrenwood’s outbreak. Besides, some stories are really sad. If kitten rescue videos make you cry, of course you’ll burst into tears reading about Raccoon City even if it was ages ago. You even think it’s lowkey morbid.
Anyway, you once helped a DSO team with a press conference, and a beautiful blonde short-haired woman praised your work so much that it boosted your self-esteem for a few hours. You don’t remember her name, but you almost begged her to hire you.
“Damn you’re so boring,” bitch coworker says, “haven’t you heard? They have, like, the HOTTEST men ever. Screw the cops, the FBI, THIS IS IT.”
“Good luck.” You say, nonchalantly.
“When I introduce you to my DSO boyfriend you will see,” she retorts, “I’ve already seen some real sugar daddies. I can check if there’s a nerdy rookie or a grandpa I can introduce you to.”
You’d rather die before bitch coworker helps you with anything.
“Don’t worry. I'm okay like this. I mean it wouldn’t be a great idea for us to date someone from there even if we had the chance. The DSO and the BSAA are a serious thing.”
“Well, your boss told Cami the other day that she could do whatever she wanted after the other girl was fired.”
“Pretty sure he wouldn’t say the same about me,” you explain, “he had a meeting with everyone, but then he called Cami into his office just to tell her that.”
“Yeah, right. You’re clearly not his favorite, and Cami is our golden girl,” she says with a giggle, “by the way, haven't asked you. How did your date with your sugar daddy go?”
“He’s not my sugar daddy and we’re not dating.”
“Whatever, but did you do something?”
“Eh… we adopted a cat.”
“Did you what?”
“Long story. But we’ll take care of a cat together.”
“You can be so weird sometimes. Adopting cats instead of–”
“So,” Camille interrupts to change the topic, “what’s the internship about?”
“Confidential. I’m kinda pissed because I can’t tell you a thing,” she pouts. “But here’s the thing: the internship ends with a gala in about four months. Start getting ready now. I’m hitting the gym. You better gain some weight.” She fixes her eyes on yours.
She’s like a vampire for your vital energy. You’ll have to get home and take a bath with salt.
You know she’s gatekeeping in part to show off. But you’re also aware that, after what happened last year, they’re being really careful about the identities of some agents and their whereabouts.
“Well girls, gotta go to a meeting at the DSO. By the way, what if we go to the club tomorrow night… Cami?”
Cami gives her a thumbs-up and bitch coworker leaves. You start preparing for lunch. Today’s highlight is... eating right at your desks.
“Ok, I have to admit the gala thing is kinda thrilling.” Cami says.
“Of course, It would be stupid to deny it. This will be like tourism but with hot guys.”
Camille smiled in amusement at your little joke.
“But what if we meet someone?” She asks, reassuring.
“I mean, you can. Me, not in a million years. Unless I quit. And hide.”
“If you say it because of the Elpis thing, I think that just may happen with the important agents,” Camille says, “like, someone of our age won’t be that exposed. I’ve heard that what happened last year was with the big shots.”
“I still can’t, I mean, I’m a pariah here. But I’m rooting for you anyway.”
“I know boss has been awful to you,” she says, “but you do a great job. I see it every day. Outside this shitty place, people really appreciate you. You even organized that press conference with the DSO last year, and they absolutely adored you. I hope we can solve this situation one day. It’s frustrating that I haven’t been able to change his mind.”
“I don’t think you’ll change his mind, but thank–”
What?
A phone call from Leon.
“It’s him.” You look at Camille, panicking.
“PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE.” She orders, panicking with you.
“Hey.”
“Hey, hi.” You say, subtly giggling.
“How are you? I hope I’m not bothering you, I mean, it’s lunchtime, but, eh–”
“No, don’t worry, I was just… having lunch. It’s fine.”
“Great. Hope you’re… enjoying your lunch.”
“I am.” You cover your mouth to try not to laugh.
“Well, eh… I just spoke with a friend here. Recommended me a pretty garden center. You were right, though, they’re all quite far from downtown.”
(It’s not true. Leon just googled some and checked reviews.)
“Oh, that’s cool!”
“Got time this Saturday. We can meet before lunch, it’ll be a long drive.”
“Sounds good!”
“Hey... I don't think it's a good idea to bring Lily along. Maybe it should just be the two of us... this time.” Leon says.
“You’re totally right. You can pick her up after we’re done.”
“Eh… Yeah, that’s… great. See you, then.”
“See you!”
“That’s a date.” Camille says after you hung up. She heard everything, of course.
“I don’t know, Cami. I mean… I don’t know.” You try to explain it. Impossible.
“It’s a fucking date, girl. You’re not even taking the cat with you.”
“I understood it’s too far to take her. And come on, being realistic, he’s way older.”
“How old is he?”
“Uh… eh…”
“You haven’t asked him yet?!”
“I forgot to.” You grin, childishly.
“Okay, that’s your homework for Saturday. By the way, do you just have him in your contacts with his first name?”
“Yeah. He didn’t give me his last name. I didn’t, either.”
“You know that’s a little…”
“Yes, I know. Kinda shady. But looks like he doesn’t want to talk about it. Plus, he really looks like a nice guy.”
“Looking like a nice guy is not necessarily a standard.”
“I know…”
“Hope you’re not dating a yakuza or something. I mean he has a Porsche.”
“You know yakuzas live in Japan, right?”
***
Leon picks you up outside your building, and your thoughts drift once more to the nice car issue, because you’re still curious about his real job. You won’t say a word, though, and you never will. You feel the better choice is being respectful.
Besides, something inside you makes you feel that the most important thing is not how nice or expensive the car is, or what he does for a living: you’re more fond of the person behind the wheel. It’s just him.
You look at him and his pretty face and how handsome he looks driving.
Yeah… you already know.
You have a crush on Leon. An awful crush on him. And you hate that feeling. You hate having crushes. Everything goes to the trash can with anyone you feel like this.
You still wonder what kind of woman he likes. Absolutely not you. At least your outfit is on point. Floral long dress. You wonder if he likes it. Probably not. You’ll never know.
“You can play some music if you want. You can use, eh, the… Bluetooth.” He says, like Bluetooth was a technology too intimidating.
“Oh, but, can I play anything? I mean, what music do you like?”
“Probably not the things a person your age likes.”
“Oh, come on, how old are you?”
“50,” he says, embarrassed, “you?”
“I’m 35.”
“You’re really young, see?”
“You’re not old and I’m not that young.”
“Let’s play some music and we’ll find out.”
“Do you like Foo Fighters?” You asked him, praying to the gods he doesn’t.
“I feel already judged by that question.” He says, amused.
“Do you like them or not?”
“I’m more a Nirvana guy.”
“Phew…”
“Wow, you’re really relieved.”
“It’s just that I hate Dave Grohl. He’s an asshole.”
“I like just a couple of songs. Not too much apart from that. Now come on. Show me how young you are.”
“I swear to you I’ll play something you may like.”
“You don’t have to play things I may like, though. It’d be nice actually if you show me things you like, actually.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Ok, I’ll show you something.”
Your choice: Currents by Tame Impala.
“Do you really like this?” He says, after a few minutes.
“Of course, it’s one of my favorite albums. What do you think?”
“Sounds amazing. Who are they?”
“Tame Impala. This album is from like 10 years ago, but it’s still one of my all-time favorites.”
“Send me the name of the band later by message.”
“You’re not that old to be forgetting things.” You tease him.
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“No?”
“Of course not. It’s just so I can search for them on Spotify later.”
“Do you have Spotify?”
“You’re killing me with all these questions, you know?”
Leon doesn’t sound hurt. You both laugh. He sounds like he’s having fun, just like you.
You made a stop to have lunch. When you took your card to pay your part, Leon stopped you with a gesture that looked like a police officer preventing you from doing something atrocious.
“May I ask you something?” He says.
“Sure.”
“Let me pay for everything we have when we’re… together.”
“Oh. That’s not… I mean, I have my own money.” You say, embarrassed, because you don’t want to turn this into–
“I know. It’s just… Can you do that for me?” He insists, but like he’s asking you a favor, with a tone that makes you feel something warm.
“Uh… Ok.”
It’s better not diving further, you think.
***
At the garden center, you’re stunned. A lot of plants, even flowers. You want to buy every single thing they have there. Leon’s gaze follows you around, looking at your face from time to time.
“Your dress.” He says, awkwardly.
“Uh?” You can almost see the loading icon over his head.
“Eh… it suits. To this place, I mean. Garden center dress.”
You smile, kinda confused, and look at him.
“Not in a bad way, like a job uniform, well it’s not like uniforms are a bad thing either,” he explains, clumsily, moving his hands as he speaks, “I mean, well… suits this day. With our plan, I mean.”
“Oh… thank you. Wasn’t intentional, by the way.” You’re still confused. Good thing this is not getting awkward enough so you can still look at each other.
“But it’s a good choice. I think it’s… a pretty dress. I like long dresses.” He nods, looking… nervous?
“That’s… cool. I like them too.”
“Do you have any more dresses like this one?”
“Yes I do.” You nod with a shy grin.
“Well, eh…”
Another pause.
“Suits you well. Eh… I hope you wear them often, I mean, eh… perhaps, I don’t know, next time. You can wear one next time, I mean. Not that you have to, of course, I’m not asking you like it’s a thing you must do. It’s just a suggestion. An idea. It would be more practical for the days we take Lily to the park, too.”
You give a little smile, trying to act like you're not totally melting. But your face gets all hot anyway. Yes, definitely blushing.
“I’ll wear one next time for sure. Thank you, I think it’s–”
Now you’re the awkward one, trying to hide your shaky voice.
“It’s cool that you… eh… encourage me? Not really used to getting someone’s suggestion and a compliment like that, that’s, well, nice.”
“Yeah. It’s good. You’re welcome.”
Your eyes meet for a second before you both quickly look away, almost simultaneously.
A woman interrupts your interaction, because you’re blocking the way. She’s kinda… your savior.
Once you’re finished, you end up with more plants than you expected, and also with a bouquet of lilies. Leon's gaze lingered on the flowers for longer than necessary while you were paying for them.
After that you ended up… having dinner together.
***
“Thank you for everything,” you say kindly, gathering your stuff from his car in the parking lot.
“Don’t worry. You looked like you needed plants, glad I could help.”
“Yeah… I totally needed them.”
“That’s great.”
???
Awkward silence.
“Well, let me get Lily, wait a minute.”
“Oh… Right, yes," he said, making an effort to look relaxed, "do you need any help?”
“No, don’t worry.” You pause and give him a worried look.
“By the way, Leon… You don’t have to take care of Lily if you don’t want to.”
“No, no, it’s not that, really,” he says, immediately, “I’m just nervous. I don’t know a thing about cats. Started reading about them but now I’m more confused.”
You give him a smile. He looks really anxious.
“Look,” you explain, “cats are naturally independent. But since Lily is still a kitty, you just need to check she’s eating and drinking water, and keep an eye on her around the house. Feed her exactly as the vet said and remember her advice about the litter box.”
“Ok… I’ll try my best.” He nods, still overwhelmed.
“I know you can do it. I believe in you.”
“You’re just making it harder for me, you know?” He chuckles, totally giving in.
“You will be fine, really.”
Giggling, you head back to your place. Once you're done, you take Lily over to Leon's in her backpack.
“Oh, hey you.” Leon gave her a wave, his face lighting up instantly. Happy cat dad mode on.
Leon already had a protocol to drive with Lily. He secured the backpack in the backseat with two seatbelts: one fastened from behind and another pulled across the front.
“That idea came to me this morning. Glad it worked.” He says, proud of his achievement.
“She looks really safe.”
“Yeah she does,” he nods, content, “well, see you next week, then.”
“See you. Good luck.”
Leon looked at you, a hint of distress in his gaze.
“Come on, you’ll be fine.”
“Okay, okay, you’re right,” he nodded like he was shaking off his anxiety, and got into his car.
As he drives home, Leon does three things almost mechanically.
First, checking through the rearview mirror if Lily is ok.
Second, thinking of how pretty you looked wearing that dress.
Third, feeling how your scent still lingers in his car. A fragrance of fresh flowers and sweet fruits. He wonders how it would feel if you were just a little closer to him one day.
***
Leon gets home with Lily’s backpack. Before taking her out, he does a mental check.
Leon opens the backpack and gently leaves Lily on the floor. She takes a few slow, tentative steps, beginning to explore until something goes wrong.
Lily hides under a couch and stays there.
This catches Leon off guard. You never warned him about this and he doesn’t remember having read about it. If he did, he likely forgot. He’s afraid of searching online, pretty sure he’ll find a tragic explanation that will only make things worse.
He waits a few minutes. Lily is still hidden. Leon tries to think.
I drove slowly, taking every speed bump carefully. I even remembered all the potholes on the way back.
If there was something wrong, she would’ve told me before I left, right?
Leon walks into the living room and lies face down on the floor. He looks at Lily, who's just watching him in silence. He tries to reach for her, but Lily slowly backs away.
“Hey. I just need to know if you’re fine. I don’t wanna hurt you.” He says, as warm as he can.
Leon looked over at her. Lily was quiet, still. She didn’t look like she was in pain, but it was still distressing to him.
“Alright. I’ll keep you company here.” He lay back on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. Maybe she just needed someone there with her?
Leon waited, but Lily remained perfectly still. Fuck.
He has two options: calling a vet or calling you. What if she’s sick and you didn’t know? Or she got hurt and he didn’t notice? Fuck, you told him cats were independent, but not this independent.
What if she stays there and stops eating? Or drinking water? How is she going to go to the bathroom?
Fuck it.
“Hello?”
“Hey, I know it’s pretty late, I’m sorry, but there’s… something.” He says, still lying on the floor.
“Don’t worry. What is it?”
“Lily, eh… You didn’t see anything strange before I took her with me?"
“Not at all. She was doing fine. Did something happen?”
“Look, I swear to you I was really careful,” he explains, anxiety burning him alive, “so I don’t understand, really–”
“But what happened? You’re scaring me.”
“She’s hiding from me.”
“Eh?”
"We got here and she hid under the couch. She’s still there. I tried to get close but she avoided me."
“Is her breathing like, uneven? Is she shaking or something? Or does she look fine?”
“She’s really quiet. I’d say she’s just… serious.”
Leon doesn’t know you’re trying to stifle a giggle.
“It’s normal, don’t worry.” You say, in a reassuring tone.
“Normal?”
“Cats need time to get used to their environment,” you explain, “new places are kinda scary at first for them. You just need to let her be until she feels safe enough to come out from under the couch. Leave her food, water, and her litter box near. Eventually she’ll come out and start exploring the house.”
Leon let out the heaviest sigh of his life.
“Fuck, I was so damn scared. But how many time will it be like this?”
“A couple of days, probably. She'll leave that spot little by little.”
“Days?” He sounded appalled.
“Yes, but maybe a bit less. She’s still a baby, so just let her be. Go about your life as usual, she just needs to get used to how things work in your home.”
“Alright, I’ll do as you say. Sorry for bothering you. It’s pretty late.”
“It’s fine! I mean it’s way better that you called me. Just let me know if you need something. Sorry I didn't say anything, it doesn't always happen, and she settled in quickly here. My place is small, so that probably helped.”
“Yeah, sounds logical. Don’t worry. So I just need to wait.”
“Exactly. Tell me if you need anything, anyway.”
“Thank you. Have some rest now.”
“You’re welcome. Goodnight to you both.”
“I’d say we wish you a goodnight, but given the situation, I don’t think I can speak for Lily yet.”
You giggle.
“Goodnight, Leon.”
Still on the floor, Leon stared up at the ceiling for a while.
“Yeah. It probably would’ve been a bit much to buy her the bouquet, right?” He asked Lily.
Leon shifted his gaze to her. She was quiet and attentive.
“Well, goodnight, you tiny thing. Make yourself at home.” He said, standing up.
On Monday morning, Leon requested remote work for three days. He said he had a matter at home that required close supervision.
