That Girl

I wouldn’t have seen my friends get married. Wouldn’t have sang with amazing artists. Wouldn’t have met my nephew. Wouldn’t have seen incredible musicians play live. Wouldn’t have felt the wind on my face at the beach front. Wouldn’t have felt the truest love I could’ve ever imagined.

I also wouldn’t have gone through medical trauma. Wouldn’t have cried at the loss of family members. Wouldn’t have cried at the lack of friendship felt from people I love. Wouldn’t have been diagnosed with yet more chronic illness.

I love you now

We should just be friends

Initials, aptly given to a boy with words like fists

Each sentence connecting

Beating courage from my lungs

Initials so penetrating in their blow

Courage I should use to protect

Pushed out by a cowering shell

Initials for an oppressor

Quaking in my skin

Lava from my core spilling through quiet eyes

Initials conjuring hidden emotion

Silent anguish unfurling

Strength eclipsed in the green

Initials aptly given for a man,

Abuse running deep

Calculated and methodical

Initials, etched upon my soul

Forever changed

Forever unhealed

Once home, so foreign.

A shell to experience life, unable to truly live.

Once beautiful, now unrecognised.

A vessel for my soul, broken.