My question is: Will Kit ever find out what his mother was like? I mean something beyond just descriptionsāperhaps a photograph?
Iām also curious about Kitās opinion of his mother. It feels like, considering all the sacrifices Rosemary made for him, Kit doesn't really know much about her; he doesn't even own anything that belonged to herānothing to keep her present in his daily life (except for the heron necklace, but Ty has that, not Kit). It's like Rosemaryās presence in Kitās life has been somewhat sidelined, which I find a bit sad. Will we see him thinking or talking about her in TLKoF?
Thanks for your answer! ā”
As of right now what Kit's relationship to Rosemary's memory will look like in TWP seems a bit spoilery! ā but it's an interesting question (though indeed when you are in a fantasy adventure and always running you don't get to introspect as much as you might like.)
Rosemaryās story intersects with Jemās, and with Tessaās ā they only go looking for Kit when Rosemary dies, and they donāt immediately tell him about her because it would be devastating to find out your mother had been alive without you knowing and then died extremely recently. At that point Kit is not ready to hear it. It becomes clear in TWP though that they've discussed Rosemary with Kit and he is aware of her story.
It's worth keeping in mind that these are Kit's own thoughts regarding his mother, before he really finds out much about Rosemary. "Maybe there was something wrong with him, Kit thought as he followed Alec into the hallway. Maybe he didnāt have the right kind of feelings. Heād never wondered that much about his mother, who she was: Wouldnāt someone who knew how to feel properly wonder that?"
So in some sense the issue is what Kit thinks of his own emotional capabilities. It is clear to us he doesn't have the "right kind of feelings" because that would be too painful. And that becomes more complex for him when he learns the story of his mother. The fact that she sacrificed herself for him would make him more likely to want to hold his feelings at a distance, not more likely to want a photograph or a keepsake. She is also tied up in his mind with him being the Heir which he hates and regards as something that has almost ruined his life.
We do know now that he has blurry memories of her singing to him. But that isn't the same as knowing her. What Kit would be mourning, if he let himself really mourn Rosemary, isn't the loss of someone he remembers. It's the loss of the chance to ever know her at all. For someone in that position, being surrounded by reminders of a life that barely intersected with their own might be comforting, or it might simply emphasize what was lost before it could ever exist.
āIt's like Rosemaryās presence in Kitās life has been somewhat sidelined, which I find a bit sad.ā
Youāre not wrong; it is sad, and that's okay, because the situation is sad in a way that cannot be undone. Tessa cannot have Will back. Will could not have Jem back. Julian can't have Livvy back. Jocelyn never got her son back. The Merry Thieves don't get Christopher back. And Kit does not get to have a life with Rosemary in it. That is one of the recurring themes throughout the Shadowhunter books when sad things happen and cannot be reversed. The question the books keep asking isn't, "How can this be fixed and made not sad?" It's, "How do we go on after loss and how do we understand that it can be part of our history without becoming our entire present? How can we understand that moving on is not a wrong done to the people we lost but is rather what they would want for us? How do we understand that acceptance is not erasure, and how do we, as Shadowhunters, keep doing what needs to be done instead of being ourselves undone by sadness?ā
These are all things that Kit needs to think about and has deliberately not thought about. Rosemaryās presence is minimized in Kitās life because he never really knew her and he doesn't want to think about her or really about Johnny either. Whether he can keep all that up without cracking is the part that seems spoilery.
I would address one thing about the heron pendant, though, because I think it's interesting that people might look at him giving it to Ty as him sidelining Rosemary. I think about it the opposite way (and this does come up in TWP) ā Kitās motherās legacy was one of sacrificial and protective love. Kit has given this necklace to Ty as a gesture of protective love. Ty having that pendant is the thing ā the first thing in TWP ā that Kit thinks of as connecting him to his bio-mom. When he sees Ty with the necklace, he thinks that his mother protected him and in turn he has honored that legacy by giving something that symbolizes her to the person he most wants to protect. He thinks she would be pleased. It's pretty much the only thing he's let himself think about as regards her. So I think of it as connecting him to Rosemary rather than putting her aside.
I don't think Rosemary's place in Kit's story is measured by how many of her belongings he keeps or if he has a photo of her (he's certainly seen one.) He isn't looking for that. It will be measured in what Kit finds out about himself, his own feelings, and his relationship to his past. None of this is to say Kit won't ever know more about his biological mother. It's only to say I don't think that if he did, it would make the situation less sad; it may well make it more sad. It's just that it's okay if it's sad and Kit's ability to engage with it as a real loss, and to work through those feelings, is part of his journey.
