ppl are overated

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@bleakparade
ppl are overated

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Being angry is easier than being sad
VocĂŞ nĂŁo merece isso
all the cracks
it bursts into bleakness
it drips from my skin
and swallows me into the abyss
since i was young
the questions could never be answered
why do we keep on going
i canât take this darkness
the surface seems to drift away the more I reach
stepping forward is upside down
Iâm sinking into the ground
and seek refugee in my sleep
I fill on my time with all I get
So I can get this image out of my head
The blood
The neck
And the knife
Blured life, grey eyes
seriously why people donât see that there is no fucking point??

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being able to enjoy life while being sober is a fucking accomplishment
I wanna get lost inside my mind
Even if its just a self inflicted dissociation/derealization
Thatâs how I feel safe, thats how I feel like myself and thatâs how I feel like Iâm not lost
I found myself in escaping reality through my mind.
And this is what makes me happy, this is what gives me purpose.
C Em
how long was i high last year?
i was smoking everyday so, was i high actually throughout the whole day?
was this why life was so hard, going through âwithdrawalâ?
i can take 7 fucking pills on the whole day, but nothing will make me happier than a fucking joint
wtf
fuck
now i remember why this shit is so adictive
i literally spent 2h without suffering wtf
didnt even know this was possible
now i know how i got through last year
fuck
lifes so fucked up
fuck

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I cant believe i stayed 4 months straight sober wtf
trying to forget you is so hard
You told me Id still be a part of your life
You told me we would always stay together
This pain in my chest
I never felt this before
I try to convice myself it doesnât matter
But I canât help to feel
I cant understand how i fell desperately in love with you
Because thatâs not me
I donât fall for men
I donât suffer for men
Yet here I am
Suffering
I try to understand how it got to this point
If itâs my mental illness
Or if itâs just plain love
Or most likely both
But all I know
Is that Iâm in pain
I want to be with you
Nothing ever made me feel as happy as you did
But still, I was never actually happy
All my life Iâve been seeking for a purpose
If thatâs a defense mechanism from what I felt when I was 14
A time when I couldnât understand anything
All my life, I lived through lies
And yet, all I feel, is your lost
After 10 years, I started to let myself feel
I stopped manipulating my feelings
And now Iâm overwhelmed
I canât live properly
I need my time
But my time is pain
So I wonder, is this all I feel?
Pain?
So many thoughts crosses my mind
And yet, all I think about is you
I love you
I wish I didnât feel this
I wish I could control it
But, will it be good for me?
Controlling myself, like I always did
But now, I donât even think I have a choice
I just distract myself
From the feeling of loss
And how I wanted you
I didnât even think feeling this was possible
80h sober

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its crazy how we want and dont want to stay sober at the same time
staying sober is so hard