* jasper *

🍁🍂🪾🌕🪐❄️⛄️🌊

her ring is turning my skin green and maybe it turned her finger green too and that’s why she put it in her jewelry box and left it there. it’s pretty, though; big red gem surrounded by little white pearls. it’s gold because she loved gold and it connects us. gold girlies forever.

you are not a machine. warm blood courses through you, heating your skin to a comforting 98. you are not a machine. you think, and so you are. you have some kind of idea about what the afterlife could be. you are not a machine. you create and birth projects through work and sweat and sheer human will. you are not a machine.

my incredible, humble, hard working grandmother died before my piece of shit abusive father. what fucking world could allow that.

sometimes my tummy hurts and then it goes away after a while and sometimes i get anxious and then it goes away after a while so i think time really does help heal wounds; not completely, but at least a little!

i am going to stick in your memory like gum on the bottom of your shoe. you see me in street lamps and pine trees and an unknown god. i am the universe expressing itself. these atoms and quarks are dying to speak their minds. you see a reflection in a puddle and think of me. you snort my poems and my stories because you can’t get enough. i am going to bloom loudly and painfully and no one is ready.

one hug is all it takes. one delicious meal. one fun shift with your favorite coworker. one bird chirping in its nest. one drive through the fields and trees. one kiss on the forehead. just one. that’s all it takes to make it all worth it.

suddenly it’s 2017 and the clouds are in the sky and my skull and everything is too much. suddenly i remember the sweet pain of punching brick and seeing blood ooze out. seeing the product of my frustration on my skin. suddenly i remember that im 21 and cant be relying on these coping mechanisms anymore.

we shouldn’t have been afraid of growing into our mother we should’ve been afraid of growing into ourselves

take all my words like a dictionary spilling onto your lap, nouns and verbs falling across your legs and you’re struggling to contain all of them. i need to convey just how you make me feel, but i cannot do that with words alone. if i could, i would grab the stars and put them in a bag for you to keep in your van. i’d put sunshine in a bottle so you can attach it to a chain and make a necklace. keep me close to you, put me in your pocket. take me to work with you. this sounds so clingy but i’m too passionate to care.

wish words could fall out of me like a waterfall just completely soaking everyone’s brains til they’re overflowing, til they’re begging for more