telling ur man u (unfortunately) can't pay the mortgage this month
you let out a dramatic sigh while he’s lounging on the couch, scrolling his phone. “kaiser… i don’t think i can pay my mortgage this month.”
his head turns slowly, like you’ve just spoken blasphemy. “dein ernst? what did you just say?”
“my mortgage,” you repeat, as seriously as you can manage.
he actually laughs—loud and sharp—before tossing his phone aside. “oh, mein schatz, that’s the funniest thing i’ve heard all week. your mortgage?” he leans forward, smirk pulling at his lips. “you’ve never paid it. not before we were married, not now. why are you suddenly pretending you know what a mortgage looks like?”
when you stammer, he shakes his head dramatically. “no, no, no. the only thing you’ve been paying since day one is in kisses and your time with me. everything else? that’s my arena.” he leans in, brushing a kiss against your forehead. “cute prank. but next time, pick something you’ve actually touched before—because bills? never.”
the kitchen is quiet while sae washes the dishes. you lean against the counter, frowning. “sae… i don’t think i can pay my mortgage this month.”
he stops mid-motion, water dripping off the plate in his hand. “…excuse me?”
“my mortgage,” you say carefully.
he sets the plate down slowly, like he’s giving you a chance to take it back. “you’ve never paid that. not once. do you even know the account it comes out of?” his tone is sharp, almost irritated. “no, you don’t. because i’ve handled it. always.”
when you giggle nervously, he stares, deadpan. “this is a prank, isn’t it?”
he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “…unbelievable. a month into marriage and you’re already joking like you’re single.” he turns back to the sink, but his voice softens: “don’t insult me like that. you’re my wife. you don’t touch things like that—not now, not ever.”
you sit on the armrest of the couch while rin ties his shoelaces. “rin… i can’t pay my mortgage this month.”
his head whips up, eyes narrowing. “…what?”
“my mortgage,” you repeat, biting your lip.
he scoffs instantly. “that’s rich. you’ve never paid it. why are you acting like you suddenly do now?” he shakes his head, glaring. “do you even know the amount? the due date? anything?”
you shrug, trying to hold back your smile. “no…”
“exactly,” he mutters, standing up and shouldering his bag. “you’ve never touched it, and you never will. not while i’m here. what kind of husband would i be if i let my wife deal with bills? tch. ridiculous.”
when you finally admit it’s a prank, his ears turn pink. “…idiot.” he looks away, muttering, “don’t mess with me like that. you’re mine. that means you don’t carry those things anymore.”
you collapse onto the couch dramatically. “bee… i don’t think i can pay my mortgage this month.”
he pops his head out from the kitchen, hair messy, eyes wide. “huh? your mortgage?”
he tilts his head like a confused puppy, then bursts out laughing. “no way. babe, you’ve never paid that. do you even know what a mortgage bill looks like?”
you stay quiet, pretending to sulk.
“see? you don’t! because you’ve never touched it.” he drops beside you, grinning. “you think i’d let you deal with boring money stuff? nooo way. that’s my job. your job is to sit here with me, watch movies, and let me handle all the rest.”
you crack, laughing, and admit it’s a prank.
bachira pouts, then tackles you into a hug. “mean! you actually had me for a second. don’t prank me like that—my heart can’t take the thought of you thinking you’re on your own.” his pout melts into a smile. “besides… you’ve been mine since day one. that means no bills, no stress, nothing. just me.”
you roll over in bed with a sigh. “nagi… i don’t think i can pay my mortgage this month.”
he blinks slowly, phone in hand. “…mortgage?”
he lets out a groan, sitting up halfway. “what are you talking about? you’ve never paid that. ever. you don’t even know which bank it’s with, do you?”
“exactly.” he flops back down, tossing his phone onto the blanket. “that’s my problem, not yours. always has been.” he peers at you through half-lidded eyes, faintly annoyed. “what kind of husband would i be if my wife even thought about paying bills?”
when you burst out laughing and admit it’s a prank, he groans again. “such a drag. don’t waste my energy with fake worries.” he rolls over, tugging you into his chest. “…still. don’t ever say that again. you’re mine now. that means you don’t lift a finger for stuff like that.”
a/n: watch me make a pic out of every single TikTok trend ever