that blake guy

I am like, ridiculously happy for you, bae. We need to celebrate! Coffee and ice cream tomorrow after school, aight? My treat, little lady.

She kissed you! You told her you loved her and she kissed you! Ahhh! Bae, that is such a good sign, omg. I am beyond happy for you. That's incredible. Oh, tot.

He's already like 25, right? I didn't account for how long it would take them to actually make the serum, but I figure it'll lengthen his life another 300 years. I love you too, munchkin. Not that kind of love. Maybe if we were in a rom com. You're my best friend, Sarah. No lies.

Definitely. We will learn voodoo magic specifically so we can resurrect him when he dies in 300 years. I figure he'll be the first person they inject with live 325 years serum. You'll find your person you'd turn down Zac Efron for. I promise. Even if it's not Taylor, bae.

It is stupid. I feel like he already regrets that decision, but who knows. I kind of hope he gets resurrected just for the irony. And yeah, it's Zac Efron, but. I mean, it's Dallas. You know? 

Little tot, I hearby declare that you are an honorary Whittemore. Not that being a Tate wouldn't be rad, but I don't think I could leave my 'rents. There's only one guy I love more than Zac Efron, and it's Dallas, so I like to think I'd keep him. Zac Efron could walk up and be like, "Look how attractive and rich I am. Look at all of these items and possession you could have if you dumped your boyfriend for me." And I'd be all, "You're super hot and stuff, but look at this cuddle monster. Look at him! I mean, how could I leave him, even for you, Zac Efron?" And Zac Efron would totally get it. Also, Zac Efron has YOLO tattooed on his hand and this homie don't play like that.

It's okay. Or at least, it'll be okay. I promise. She'll understand. And if she doesn't, we can have a night in tomorrow night, just the two of us. We can watch Valentine's Day or something with Zac Efron? Or Kill Bill, if you're feeling murdery instead.