screams

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Ren a couple days ago: Martyn, I cannot bear to think of a universe where our souls are not tied. We're the earth and the moon, pulled into continual and unceasing orbit to one another. In your absence I become a lesser man. I will destroy the fabric of the world to bring you along with me, ignore the rules of the game. You will carry my banner, I will carry your soul.

- Lizzie. She’s chill, she’d stay chill. No drama with Lizzie.

-Bdubs. I think he’d relax a little, he’d probably get the least high and be a trip sitter. Would make sure everyone is hydrated and talk about his horses.

- Impulse. Another decent energy pick. I think he’d get giggly when high. Would give you blankets and sweaters for when sensations feel bad. Also he’s a drummer and music is sick as fuck when you’re high.

- Martyn. Tell me this man hasn’t smoked weed before. He’s more chaotic than the rest, but you do want *some* fun. Martyn is the type to bring snacks, which means you have food for when the munchies hit. Also I want to sit on his lap and get shotgunned smoke and end up making out, but that’s unrelated.

- Cleo. She seems like a chatty kind of high. The vibes are good. She can keep people in line if they get too out of hand.

And nightmare blunt rotation:

- Gem. Gem would go murder mode and start trying to strangle you “for fun.”

- Scott. I think he’d be fine solo, but not as part of a group. He would get so overstimulated.

- Joel. He would get more agressive and antagonize Scott.

- Grian and Scar. DO NOT PUT THESE TWO TOGETHER WHILE HIGH. YOU WILL EXPERIENCE YEARS OF RELATIONSHIP DRAMA OVER THE COURSE OF AN HOUR

he drives the bus

They so often see themselves as monsters, curses, weapons, rabid animals, assets, currency, anything but people.

Lives are currency, bodies are only as important as they are useful, every word they speak, every breath they breathe, they think of themselves in bargaining power and viability and use.

They cut off parts of themselves, it's okay, it won't be permanent. They push down their feelings and desires, because honoring them won't get you anywhere. They die. They wake up again.

Something puppets them, strings that can't be cut. There is no agency in this place, they are always on stage.

Something opens its mouth to devour them. They are livestock off to slaughter, their very emotions cuts of meat.

Something won't let them leave, traps them behind invisible glass. Bug taxidermy, butterfly wings pinned to a wall.

There's something inherently dehumanizing in the mere concept of the games. There is no end, there is no way out, there is no choice. You will kill, and you will bleed, and you will die, and They will feast on your performance, and you will wake up to kill again.

How can you keep seeing yourself fully as a person through that? How can you not start to look in the mirror and see a sharpened blade made for killing, or a puppet dancing on stage, or butterfly wings pinned to the wall, or livestock to slaughter?

Will he actively stab his allies in the back? Yes. Will he maim anyone who tries to take them away from him? Yes. Will he hurt people in unforgivable ways without even thinking about apologizing? Yes. Will he also sometimes distance himself from those actions in a way that indicates a surprising amount of guilt? Yes. Will he respond with immense hostility any implication that he belongs to anyone? Yes. Will he make shows of immense devotion toward the people around him anyways? Yes. Will he leave first? Yes. Will it still hurt when he sees someone 'move on' from him? Yes.