blackNunSadako

Title : ​Only the autumn leaves were our witnesses

Genre : Shounen-ai, fluff, romance, comfort

Length : Oneshot with 1621 words

Pairing: Killer x Penguin

Note: Penguins point of view

Only the autumn leaves were our witnesses

Mute, I stand here, look to the horizon and listen to the wind while the colored leaves fly around my hair.

My cap has been lying on the wooden bench for a long time, which, beside the big tree, has found its place on the slope.

It has become one of my favorite places ever since I discovered it some time ago.

..How long has it been already..?

I still remember that day, as if it had been yesterday...

                                                            ~***~

It was a stormy night, which could not have better reflected my mood.

Shachi and I had quarreled that evening... Because of little things that really did not matter.

The conflict in itself wasn`t the one that struck me, after all, we were constantly struggeling together..

..It was his words that made me think..

..This one sentence, which he has thrown at my head:

`What value do you have when you can not even love yourself?`

Of course, I knew that his words shouldn`t hurt me, I also knew that he probably didn`t even mean it half as serious..

..Still, the message they wanted to convey was so damn right that I couldn`t help and keep them in my mind.

He was right, I could not contradict him.

Who determines the 'value' of a person, if not themselves..?

If someone appreciates himself so little, how should others do it..?

..The answer was obvious...

After the depressing truth had settled in my head, she dragged me down ever so long, until my self-consciousness had broken into many thousands of splinters.

Was it wrong to doubt in itself?

Was it wrong to question his existence and to seek a sense of this?

Am I weak because I let myself be unsettled..?

..Weak because I can not hold back my feelings?

When the first tear found their way over my cheek, I could not stop the next ones.

..I could not because I had lost my inner struggle against the doubts.

At that moment I was glad to be alone.

My legs had brought me thoughtlessly to this place, had run as if by itself the last meters, until they finally, just before the slope, gave in.

Kneeling on the meadow, I tore my cap off my head, pressed this firm in my fist, and then began loudly to sob.

I despised myself for it, that a single sentence could make me so confused.

The warm drops continued to flow uncomfortably, the coldness, which caused my whole body to tremble, could not drive them out.

"..Damn..-!", My equally trembling voice broke, while I pressed the fabric I kept in my hand to my eyes, in the hope that I could stop the tears, "..Stop it! ..*sob*.. You are not a weakling ..!", I spoke to myself in vain and finally lowered my arm.

My watery eyes turned to the city that stretched before me, looking at the many bright points that existed from the individual windows in which life prevailed.

What is the meaning of life..?

What does it bring?

My indistinct gaze now glided over to the night sky, which was also covered with glittering lights.

What is a pirate when he can't get freedom..?

If he stands in his way and always keeps himself from moving forward?

..Can I still call myself 'pirate' at all..?

Are not you despised anyway, just because you want to feel free?

Was it a mistake to go out to the sea to pursue my dreams?

Does not dreaming belong to life? Are not these things that give you strength?

I sighed, leaning me back with my arms, laid me in the grass and spoke softly in the direction of the stars.

"What is a pirate life worth ..?", I asked myself quietly, closed my eyes and enjoyed the cool autumn wind.

...

"Nothing.", the equally soft whispering voice suddenly breathed into my ear, which is why I opened my eyes surprised and turned around jerkily.

I could not see his face, but I knew very well who was behind me at that moment.

How long has he been here..?

Without a word he let himself fall beside me, he supported his arm on his bent knee, his head turned towards the horizon.

Again I sighed a short moment, straightened my eyes at the outlook too, and said nothing.

How long we were sitting here, enjoying the peace that had been around us, I did not know, it had not interested me at that moment anyway ..

..The only thing I could say with certainty was that his presence calmed me and made my tears dry.

At some point, it was me who broke through the silence.

"What are the Kid-Pirates doing here on this island?" I asked softly in the direction of the scene, as quietly as if I were worried, the peace with my voice could have disturbed.

The man sitting next to me shrugged his shoulders, his head was unconditionally directed to the front as well, while he whispered hardly audibly.

“..Coincidence.. fate.. ..who knows...", he spoke in a quiet, monotonous voice and then remained silent.

If it were up to me, we could have stayed here like this forever.

But I did not want to accept his statement.

"..So a pirate life is not worth anything?", I repeated whispering his words, not taking my gaze from the backdrop, "..What significance does it have then to go into this danger every day..?"

Again a quiet moment passed.

The soft rustling of the leaves, which hung on the plentiful branches of the big tree, who stood next to us, underlined the atmosphere, as did the picturesque, multi-colored foliage, which was carried through the air.

The whisper of his monotonous voice, insulated by his mask, was scarcely audible.

"..The meaning behind it, you have to create yourself.. You can find it, if you sincerely looking for it..."

I thought for a moment and let his words go through my head.

..His words were true..

..but still...

"..What.. if you have searched the meaning behind it in vain ..? ..When You have given up looking for it ..?", I told him my doubts, now looked over at him while he was still looking straight towards the front, "..Did you find the answer for yourself?"

Gently, he nodded, I could not understand the soft words he whispered, so I gave him a questioning look.

I could hear the hidden smile very well, which in the next moment accompanied his clearer whispering voice.

"..If you want to hear my answer, you have to listen carefully ..."

I blinked in surprise. He seemed to speak further, but this was made incomprehensible again by his head covering, which is why I now bent over to him to better understand him.

"...Further...", I heard the soothing sound again and slid slowly to him.. meanwhile, his long blond strands were carried to me by a gentle breeze.

In the next moment his arm went around my shoulders.

I held my breath, could not respond as he gently pulled me to himself.

Why he did this I didn't know, I also didn't need to know.. My body spared me the question, gave the answer by itself, and accepted the unfamiliar feeling.

At that moment I realized how much I needed it.. ..This warmth ..

As if by myself, I closed my eyes, leaned against his heated chest and enjoyed its effect.

The smile, which crept unconsciously on my features, I perceived as little as the soft clicking of the lock of his headgear.

When I opened my eyelids again, looked up, while a single tear came out of my eye, I met two bright blood-red eyes that glared at me intensively.

Shortly thereafter, I felt his fingers, wander with feathery touches their way from my neck to my chin.

The tingling, which they caused by their touches was indescribable ...

..so different.. ..so incredibly soothing..

..That my heartbeat accelerated as if by itself, just as the slight shiver spread on my skin.

I was speechless, did not bring out a sound, and let him drag my head slowly, hardly perceptibly, upwards.

My eyes were unconditionally to his own, while in slow motion, he leaned towards me.

..The slightly rough lips, gently resting on mine, aroused this fire, which ceaselessly began to burn ...

"..It's Moments like these, for which it is worth to live...", he whispered against my lips and began to smile broadly, "..The meaning of my life .. I`ve just found..."

He stroked one of my strands from my face, then gently put the violet scarf he wore around my shoulders, the other end he kept on his neck.

Silently we looked to the horizon, while he pressed me closer to himself.  A light red shimmer fell on my features, because I could not have been happier at this moment...

                                                              ~***~

A warm smile appears on my lips, one last time my eyes wander over the city in front of me, until I finally turn around slowly, close my eyes and sigh softly.

"..You're late.", I whisper, hardly audible, my smile broadening, as the soft steps in front of me come to a halt.

"I am..?", He chuckles, pulling one of his eyebrows up and puts me wordlessly the scarf around my neck.

"..How come that the Heart Pirates arrive at the same day as we on this island..? ..And how did you know that I'll be here..?", He adds with a smile as he takes me gently into his arms.

Now I am the one who laughs softly.