~K

You have brought this upon yourself with this ask dear (and to all the others with similar asks this is for you) so brace yourselves to the yappatron going off on here (my sincerest apologies but you are asking me to write about twelve years’ worth of history…surely be to God you didn’t expect a sensible short and astute answer, do I sound sane to you!?!?)…

Maybe I should start by saying “Robron” is a very unique phenomenon for me because I have never invested this much into anything before, mainly feelings (*)(the word makes me nauseous; let us not get into what that says about me, but it might help in understanding my insanity when it comes to them; they hurt me by making me feel!). I have experienced fixations or engrossment (?) with other characters in books and shows or movies but never to this level, as in occupying my every thought and being. "I never had this with anyone"; I never thought I’d have it with them… I make toast and I wonder how would Robert take his…I shower and I think Aaron wouldn’t like this gel…They would love to have this table piece in their home…Robert must have secretly cried his eyes out watching this movie…Aaron really just loves Robert doesn’t he…why in the name of all that is holy am I sat here crying because Robert and Aaron happened?..etc..etc, serious illness this is. Never before, and never after, and I don’t mind it staying that way one bit. I don’t really watch anything much, haven’t for a very long time now, and nothing piques my interest; I lead a passive, disengaged, dull life…” If there ain’t no spark, there ain’t no spark love”. So, THEY are it for me! 

What makes the Cosmos so beautiful and wonderful? 

I don’t really know. I can point and list and ponder and still won’t be able to figure it out; it just is. They just are! I don’t know. But something about…

Two broken lads, neglected, hurt and abandoned, survived with gritted teeth and white knuckles; found a win in each other, found a friend in each other, and genuinely liked each other’s company. They laugh, banter, cry, and fight and know that at the end of it all, they lived a life where they were best friends, lovers, husbands, and fathers, all found in one, and they chose each other in a world where neither was chosen nor were they considered the better option by anyone else. How does one put all that into a few simple words? I wouldn’t know…

  To see this wounded boy who once said  “I am not used people giving a damn about me and I dont know how to give one back “ get to be loved completely and truly for all his flaws and faults, tempers and tenders,no compromisings and no reservations. He never wanted to be part of the freak show, never wanted to walk down streets holding hands, but he was swaddled with such love that he walked down an aisle in the middle of the village with everyone watching, holding hands and making an entire freak show his family, by choice and with pride. How does one put the joy of knowing what that love is into words? I wouldn’t know…

   For a lonely boy always on the outside of everything because “you ruin everything you touch” etched into his bones, defined by his flaws and the worst of his doings, is seen for the good in him before anything else for the first time in his life.” You try so hard for the people you love and not every one sees that but I do” because to be seen is to be loved and oh, is he so very loved. He is chosen and he belongs. How does one put the ache and the wonder of that into words? I wouldn’t know…

Two broken boys turn into messed up let down teenagers, grow into scarred adults who saw each other for who they are in the midst of the chaos and growing pains and chose to bond over it, to be ardent lovers and give what they were never graced with, friendship, love, forgiveness, care and understanding.“People don’t stay with me…people don’t forgive me.””You know…I Know”. They stand up for each other; they stand with each other, protecting each other, and they become, always, home to each other.They never knew what any of it ever meant before, they never felt worthy or deserving, and yet here they are, offering it to each other as easy as drawing breath. “And You loved me… you loved me like no one ever has before so please come home with me and let me help you this time”.

     Every other friendship and form of love they received in their lives was conditioned and contingent to an extent; it came with terms, expectations, and the constant threat of it being taken away. They were always held by others to a standard they never were or claimed to be. But not with each other! There were no facades to maintain, no illusions to perform, and no scars to cover; just the freedom of being understood, the comfort of never having to earn their place or have their faults held against them like a constant death sentence, and the simple grace of asking nothing in return but each other’s presence. "just cause we're not together anymore doesn't mean we have to stop caring about each other, i'm not turning my back on you…I'm glad you're still looking out for me." 

No sinners or saints; they screw up big time, and they make mistakes and often hurt each other, but they always knew how to apologise and learned to treat each other with respect and tried to communicate openly and make things right. "What did we say when we got back together? That we keep talking and work it out together”; there was growth and maturity they learned from each but also the bad habits they influenced in each other too, “you are doing things you claim to hate, its a good job those things impresses me “You’re a nightmare you do you know that ?” “You are not exactly a credible alibi." “You are sick …oh you love it." "Waterboarding is a bit last year, innit?” They are each other’s biggest cheerleaders in crime and punishment.

   One was always scared of the future; the other never really saw one, and yet they dreamed of one together, to build a home, a family of their own, and children with each other’s eyes, beauty and brains. They bring out the worst in each other but importantly the best in each other more; they try to be better for each other and their children* and do better than they ever had, and trying was what made the world of difference. "I think I am a better person now because of you, Liv and Seb." "For the first time in a long time I like who I am" “you made it okay to be me…you changed my life”, "I wouldn’t want to do this without you… I couldn’t do this without you." 

*(Liv was their kid sister; I consider her their kid in a sense.Leave me and my grief alone.)

    In my troubled head, you see, I will always look at Robert and see the little boy who loved an owl so much he put him in a wheelbarrow with his struggling little child hands and ran up a hill alone to keep him safe from everything and everyone. The little boy who slept in the rat-infested barn just so the lambs wouldn't feel lonely without their mother, like he did. And Aaron is the boy whose heart got enough love to wrap up a universe despite the pain and the fears; he just didn’t know how to give a damn. They carry so much love that was never given to them, and they were never taught how to completely feel and understand until they had each other. And it wasn’t something they just had or were handed to them; no, they earned it by the trust they built and proved every step of the way.Even their vows were insanely very 'them'. It wasn’t the false promise of a happy life or days of comfort but the tragic honest truth of Messed up…but with you till the end of time and I don’t want it any other way. "I am not exactly easy to love…neither am I." " I dont want easy I want messed up with you forever." Never had there been anything easy in their lives, from the day they opened their eyes to this world, but loving each other was the closest they got to ease and comfort; there is a tragedy and mercy in that peace is found in each other.

“We were going to grow old together; I would’ve done anything. I would’ve gone anywhere for him.” “I don’t care what I have as long as I’m with you… I’d rather live out my days, living my best life with you”, ” he means everything to me. He’s the love of my life.” ”Come here." “You are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with." "We were the best thing." "Admit what?" That my life is a disaster without him… he already knows that.”you idiot” “ no matter how hard we try we always end up sat waiting for trouble to find us”"I found someone." "In a different life, me and you, maybe we would have been different …well I can’t stop loving you in this one." It's me". What do poets know of poetry and love if they have never heard these two speak of each other? 

Historically, kingdoms used to wage wars to form such an allegiance. They are not so far in that there are often trails of bodies and crimes in their path of finding each other, and I am sure that is the case in every lifetime. Attempts of murder, each other and others here and there, spanners sparking, wrenches flying, radiator tying…flawed beings but always with passion and devotion, where else do you get that ? They are best friends who jeer and jest at the other villagers, fully aware of the fragile crystal ball they live in themselves; they commit crimes as ride or die, so what is there to fear? And they are lovers betrothed to each other even when the world is crashing and burning around them. Where else would you find a more romantic line than “if you’re looking for your wing mirrors, I chucked them over a wall”or ”we are going to destroy these peasants”? "its us, its you and me innit ?" They never had this with anyone and will never have this with anyone, no matter how much the world twists and turns and spins out of axis.

    Perhaps it is that they make the cynical heart believe in the concept of love. Not the glorified, decorated version of it displayed everywhere, but the muddied, raw, honest version, the one that makes you question everything: the painful and disgusting vulnerability of it. The love where you chose to, despite the wrongs, the hurt, and the tragedy of it; and you think, I would choose it all again in a heartbeat if it meant with you. They choose loving each other time and time again when every single part of the universe screams otherwise, but souls tethered are souls tethered. They knotted their red strings with stubbornness and defiance against the world but with a silent promise to each other. You look at that and foolishly and willingly believe… What a privilege to have someone know you better than anyone, in the softest of voices and gentlest of touches, the chaos of your tempers, and sees you inbetween the blurry lines of who you are when you yourself have forgotten. How does one even begin to hold something as magnanimous and vast as their life and love in a few simple words? I wouldn't know…

      "What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us."~Helen Keller. I am forever grateful I got to have this with them, and I will always keep them like a book that altered my life, resting on a shelf weathered by time and age, in my memories of youth, my understanding of friendship, and what it means to be truly loved. Some stories live on forever, because they become part of you and you carry it on for all times. 

Many have misconstrued my previous posts and comments and twist them into something entirely else with what I said about Robert, so I find your confusion fair.

One thing you need to know about me is, I will always love Robert and Aaron whatever form, shape or colour they are. I will question and I will whinge but that will never change my fondness for them. If you do catch me whinging about Robert, think me a very concerned parent whose child is underperforming all of a sudden in a subject they have always excelled at. I ask what is the matter and the answers I am given are terrible, hypothetical or questionable to say the least. I question the teachers, the subject matter and the head masters because I know my child better than that. I do love the vulnerable, softer Robert which as many have metaphorically compared to a deer or giraffe or a terrified kitten, figuring their way through life with new paws and patterns, all adorable, all heart swelling and gut wrenching. My complaint and frustrations will always be towards the insane muppets unable to be consistent with him or his narrative, from week to week to the next. I say he is this way due to trauma, then they turn around and place him in the most trauma inducing scenarios specifically designed for him and his history, just to then move him across the board with a new front for personality and no explanation or exploration. ex. Fires, threats and violences. I will defend Robert and his actions wrong or right or questionable, that isn’t the issue here. My issue is why are they writing him this way and then not addressing it or highlighting it or even allowing an ounce of depth to it which leads me to rage about what have they done to Robert. For example, Why is a character ,in an ensemble soap, Robert a man severely traumatised and terrorised by violence for years, placed in a situation where he is held against his will traumatised and terrorised by violence AGAIN but he is “written” to just walk it out instead of have one single isolated feeling about it ?????????????? 

 Most perfect example to make sense of my nonsense would be Moira! Does anyone actually like the lady in the recent episodes ? Do you look at it and think yeah I get it that is Moira, she suffered so it all makes sense? You have plenty saying they do “understand her anger but….””Alright she has the right to be pissed but….” “She suffered but she’s going too far” what the actual…are they really writing her like this ? Have you not been whiplashed enough? Is this supposed to be Moira mother of compassion? The one who takes strays under her wings and build bridges for them to connect with others. She is now turned into some vicious vindictive person willing to use Dawn, a mother and a woman famous for her history with vile men taking advantages, just to get one on Joe….aroused that Robert, an already traumatised man (I don’t think we are allowed to think him as such because…tumbleweed and plot ) was terrorised by her husband….??????

Now you have similar excuses of she struggled in prison and her farm is lost and her husband has cancer and…and… and but did she ? How do you know about her prison struggles when none of it was shown or explored? her perspective is very lost in all this. She willingly signed the farm and was more relieved, now she hates Robert for stealing her home, her memories and future…? Cain had cancer and went on stealing spree landed himself in trouble but she is vindictive towards Robert …? (again don’t ask questions and plot) None of it makes sense, so why does questioning it comes out to some as “I hate Moira” or “You just can’t expect Moira to be the same after all those years” when I only questioned the insane deplorable writing or producing choices for her. I know Moira, I have seen Moira for years, I can call out her bullshit and wrongs and still know she was one hell of a formidable woman, mother and wife, fierce and protective and what they are doing to her character is horrible. If you understand that then apply it to both Aaron and Robert and maybe you will understand some of the complaints. If you don’t, then I don’t think you will ever understand how I feel towards these characters and the importance they hold to me. I miss Robert of old, I think of him fondly and dearly and you will find me remembering and reminiscing about him but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate him now or adore him any less for who he is now. I merely hate what they are chipping off of him to resemble a plot than a person with traits and tenders that separates him from everyone else. Same way you had people and characters call Aaron mini Cain all his life but if you know Aaron you know he is the furthest thing from Cain specially when it comes to his heart, his gentleness and capacity to love. But now it seems they are merely placing him to fill in to reboot him as new Cain which I am allowed to disagree with and rage about surely, not after years spent in seeing him grow and change but still distinctively stay our Aaron. 

I will always love them and be proud of them and their transformations and growths(?), and if I do once in a while cuss them out just know it is the heart of a parent who is pushed to the end of their tether by dubious writing choices nothing more. I will feel the guilt of it and hate myself for it and regret it and get confused by it all, because I, too, am unfortunately only human…

 How or why did you get into Emmerdale ? Was it your grandparents, parents or just self-exploration and what made you stay? 

Bonus: How long have you had your tumblr account and Was it made because of Robron? 

This is interesting…

All my Grandparents passed away, before I was born in the 1880s, so can’t fault them for this but I do blame them for everything else hahah. 

  I can’t really recall a specific moment but honestly, soaps were background part of everyday, like the news, whether you liked it or not. It was not something you necessarily sought out, it was always there, live or re-runs. If it wasn’t on in your home, it was at your mates house or someone watching at the chippy while waiting for the order or on a dodgy small tv on the vendors corner, or random people’s conversations at store isles you eavesdrop into pretending to look for milk.( I didn’t do that… l really didn’t… okay fine I did but they were talking about Aaron alright!) There was a time I watched with my mate’s nan of all peope…strange world strange times. When Tricia Dingle died I didn’t really know her it was just there but I remember wishing it was my Maths Teacher instead, geometry specifically...yes I was born evil. Point is, it was always there in the background somehow and one day you find a character that you relate to or speaks to you in ways only you could understand and you become a willing captive. There was always a character or story for everyone, regardless. As insane and weird as this sounds they somehow became very relevant to your day and you invest into them or grow with them which is why to some people they are more than just soap characters and it is more than “just a soap get over it”. They are the family figures, the community, the children and the friends we made along the way and sometimes they were the only thing that got us through the day; in the same way the promise of fish and chips or pizza for school lunch made you go in, absolutely ridiculous notion but it worked at times. This is why we celebrate their anniversaries, birthdays and their milestones or mourn their losses like our own. Further reason why you will immediately know it was us, when you see the ITV studios set to flames on the news. GIVE ROBERT HIS BIRTHDAY AND RING YOU COWARDS. They represent all those things you read in books about family, romance, friendship, sacrifices and survival but with less glamour, less fuss and less frivolous magic; more honest, raw and relatable. Back then that is.

This is also a reason why the kick offs (guilty) about the show or the writing or the characterisations are sometimes valid because to someone this was everything and they care for it a lot. They add to your life “or and” suck the life out of you…

I would say I only EVER cared and stayed because Robert and Aaron meant something to frigid cynic little old me, individually and together which is not something you come by often, if at all ! But it could also be that I have worn my clown suit for too long, I know nothing but the circus. 

Bonus: I have only ever had this account and I do not remember when I made it exactly, perhaps late 2014~15 ish (If you know how I can find this info give us a shout) and I can’t tell for certain why I made it. They used to post links to pirated books on here so maybe that but my first like that isn’t literature related was Robert and Aaron so let’s go with that. I will tell you what I used it for though, faffing my life about on here that’s for sure. 

I am going to answer this in a public post for you and everyone else in the inbox with similar context all at once.

Aaron literally mentions Belle and Chas before even going down the list to mention himself or his man. He DID NOT discredit any of the lady dingles or insult their methods of leading, actually questioned why not them first... I don’t know what organ you lot use to watch but I would get it checked. 

You are allowed to dislike the bloke just cos you know, it is your right as a viewer. Just go “I hate this fucker” and go about your day just fine, you do not need to make gymnastic, backside reasonings just to justify that. Don’t make it like you are a martyr of the cause when the cause never mattered to you up until it came to Aaron and Robert cos CAIN is right there if we are going to cast stones ey! Some of you are literally cheering Joe on just fine…?! 

Listen call out misogyny and sexism, lynch the both of them for the rubbish they say anytime, you are very welcome to that but it would be better to do it when it is called for, not just for your hate convenience.

As for the “ in check of his emotions “ line, True!  it could be a throw away ploty line. Or it could be cos despite the few times, Aaron really was better off in managing his outbursts this time around than he was a few years ago. Considering he didn’t put a dent in any of the men that have been terrorising him and his family for months now. In fact, He protected Cain from going after John during Corriedale and stopped Robert as well from doing the very stupid thing. Telling Robert to comply to what Joe says cos bigger picture, protecting Vic is more important rather than dangle him of a bridge(fingers crossed we get this soon). Also went back to Cain to explain his side on the farm decision instead of a petty stubborn strop unlike cough CainChasSamBelleLydiaMackMatt cough. Not calling him Saint Calm and Collected but he is far more levelled than he would have been and that is progress (for now).

I say, Let them level that damn village clean out all they like, they didn’t get to do it as teenagers, middle age is still an option. Everyone else had a go at it why not them. 

I ain’t got morals when it comes to our boys and their well being …It is that easy I promise. 

You were so sweet I couldn’t not oblige to the request,I usually get muppets.But also,sweetpea why would you do this to yourself and me ? You sound like decent person, have you not suffered enough?

I will brush over some of the main issues because if I go over them one by one detail by detail I might end up kicking the chair first.

I have to apologise in advance for the long long passages, hatred, rage and profanity you are about to be subjected to but if it helps it helps..here goes nothing...

The major issue for me and the reason the whole thing was pure drivel was how Robert was written.

So much about him made little sense or was recognisable (to merely a few weeks ago if not entirely). He was written in a way he was out of character “suddenly “ that you begin to question if its him or if he is a new clone twin brother believed dead at birth and came back because that would have been more believable than whatever the bloody fuck we were given.

Starting of easy the Lies! Robert lies about almost everything and anything, bless he’s got issues but lying to Aaron was one that was always the most daunting to him, the one that wrecks him with most guilt, because Aaron was the exception to all his insanities to a certain degree. But during this time he was more willing(?).I know he was stressed to within an inch of his life but without Vic's constant hassling to come clean, He was more complacent ?(I am struggling to find the right term). My boy said “This is scummy …even for me” about lying to the manipulative lying seaweed even though he is aware of some of the stunts he pulled on him but lying to Aaron was more  “He’ll be fine… I will think of something “ “eerr I am not lying just not telling the whole truth” etc…etc makes you look into the invisible camera like is anyone else seeing this or ...? And then comes the worst lie to the most important moment, Liv’s memorial. The unforgivable fuckery of the writers here is just something else. The way he was written was so terrible, because he could have lied to the one behind bars and fobbed him off with whatever excuse it’s not like he could have verified it! because this was about Liv and he “Loved her! She was my little sister too”. They want me to believe Robert who was fighting back tears just bringing her name up in the prison visit, offended at the accusation that he didn’t care (that there was our Robert),is not capable of coming up with a single lie or excuse so he can attend the memorial, for the first time he is allowed to mourn and grieve her, say “his goodbyes properly” to the memorial HE SUGGESTED. And you know what sure plots need to plot, the writers had their rubbish prison moment then he comes back and just when you think they can’t go lower oh they bring out the digging tools. “Oh just thinking of ways to make it up to you” like yeah YOUR sister is dead and I am sad for YOU but She will be dead next year and well, this is not a priority but let me make it up to YOU because this doesn’t affect me much. Robert wouldn’t have needed to make it up to anyone, he would have felt terrible and disappointed in himself for missing it, because she was his weird little family, she was important to him,SHE WAS HIS LITTLE GIRL TOO! Robert and Liv are one of the best found family bonds ever created and this is how they wrote it…pass me the cyanide. 

 Then the most infuriating, astronomically raging and just outright disgusting moment was the Gordon mention. I kid you not I felt a physical sharp pain because that story, that part of Aaron’s life and then subsequently Robert’s was so important to me in ways I fail to find the words to describe. And to see it used as a cheap shot just for the sake of two second shock value was disheartening and ignorant. It was used by Cain before too and it was horrible but in a sense Cain and his opinions do not really matter that much.But to have the one person, the first person, the ONLY person Aaron trusted with this secret that was eating at him on the inside to the point he thought that death was kinder, betray him by disclosing it to some random stranger from nowhere for nothing…I felt like I was being dissected on a surgical slab with no sedatives and even then I don’t think I can have you image the pain that caused me. They had a pathetic excuse of a scene where Robert was confronted by Aaron about it and I was praying on bended knees for him to say “It wasn’t me I wouldn’t do that to you, he saw your pic on the wall/in my stuffs and recognised you from the newspaper” or “he was in when Gordon got sent down” or “he found out from prison gossip or guards” but nope no worst apology and even shittier excuse I can’t even begin, “yeah Sorry we spoke of the outside a lot” he says… I would have dug up Robert’s grave myself If Aaron had killed him for it and that is my boy and I love him dearly. But the thing is our Robert wouldn’t have done that and It is not me making it such out of thin air or because I have a made up Robert in my mind and when the writing doesn’t match I throw a tantrum. There are at least five major moments where Robert understood the importance of the secret being told by Aaron and his sensitivity in telling it himself while being selective of who and when. “It is Aaron’s secret to tell not yours!…..We have to respect what he wants”. Say he was possessed or lobotomised and said it, the love of his life is publicly taunted by it and he just sits there ..? ROBERT SUGDEN has no compelling reaction?REALLY?! I would believe the flat earthers first. What was the point though ? For what reason did they need to torch this emotional and amazing arc in Robert’s growth ? What came of it that was worth disgustingly using such an important story on an important issue? Nothing… Nothing is always the answer to every question since the beginning of this horrible storyline. Everyone was holding out their breath for it to be something, for it to be justified, or explained, or discussed by them at some point, considering the way Robert was emotionally speaking of that traumatic time to Vic just weeks before (is that not inconsistent with his character).But “You people just like negativity”, place a “He is scared of him”,”Prison changed him”,or  “Robron endgame” sticker somewhere there and we are good to go.

Robert rushed to the cottage because he had an instinctive inclination that Aaron was in danger even though he had no clue the lengths of John’s insanity or psychotic behaviour. He almost coughed out a lung screaming while holding Aaron’s lifeless body at the edge of the ravine repeatedly shouting “I love you” in case, just in case this is the last time he gets to hear it. That Robert is then written to be so nonchalant when Aaron explicitly tells him he’s been threatened twice by big bad scary psycho bomb goo, which Robert is aware of his violent tendencies and the lengths he would go to, yet no convincing reaction to it. All of which happened within a few weeks apart so like not even the trauma was going to bring a single emotion up ..? Does that make sense to anyone? Maybe I am a moron but does that not sound like two different people reacting to the very same thing? Or is it “You people made this version of Robert in your head that you are projecting on the writers.” I am not even comparing him to years back because that just makes matters way worse. 

You get brilliant scenes with beautiful moments,like their hugs,banter, flirting all of which are plagued by that parasitic existence. There isn’t a single scene (unfortunately very accurate and very true I would say rewatch it and see for yourself but I wouldn’t do that to you) between Robert and Aaron since the arrival of that pseudopodium creature, that has not revolved around him, in the context of him or spoken about him. Those two have been ripped apart for SIX TRAGIC YEARS (can you tell ?)and three months of screen time wasted on THAT instead, not their past life or their lost son (which never gets mentioned until the very end except once I know very fascinating writing) and the losses or their future. There is also one of the most god awful lines in a show covered in some really really questionable awful lines of “despite what he’s done for me you are the love of my life so I will break it off for his sake”. The fact that this is the first time in 11 years Robert has voiced it out to Aaron and it is in this context, makes a dive off a high bridge call out my name. For his sake …?! Not you are the love of my life so for your sake …? Not you are the love of my life, I should not have done this to you. ..Put you in this position. “Despite what he’s done for me You’re the love of my life and all this is unfair on you…?” How was THAT line meant to be romantic? Am I just so unfamiliar with the territory, I can no longer identify it ? 

If they really wanted to show a “new changed” compassionate Robert, the vow renewal shouldn’t have gone through because this was a cheap terrible version of Chrissie’s wedding all over again(May the unhinged diva’s soul rest in peace and she forgives me for the grave sin of uttering her name in the tragic context of THAT) This time he should have said Actually No I cannot do this to you all over AGAIN ! Because I know you are worth anything and everything and NOTHING/NO ONE ELSE SHOULD MATTER MORE specially after the fact that I almost lost you for good AGAIN at the gorge. (I would assume that was a very VERY traumatic ordeal but that is just wuss me) You know choose Aaron properly this time. And it really wasn’t that important for the fucking narrative they were trying to showcase if they binned it the next week, blessed be the Lord for His mercy in that. He could’ve walked out on the vow, but still kept his relationship with Aaron on the down low, just as it was because “dying man” and everything in that SL would have unfolded exactly the same way but with less sick in everyone’s mouth.

Six years of a shadowed life in hellhole and six years of countless losses, his gran, Liv, Faith, Bex ( the mother of his child which came a point her death was very understandably important to him), His son was taken by Ross and then social services and then a random auntie and I have no clue how he felt about any of them NONE at all. Those were the most important people in his life and thought of in every decision, action and choice he ever made. His life obliterated in every sense of the word and I know nothing of how he feels or the depth of his ache to any of it. Do I even need to go over the whole utter drivel that was meant to be a “Robert special prison episode” please don’t put me or yourself through that not worth it. But know that Ryan would have preferred to not do the prison ep and they should have listened to that big fabulous brain of his. 

I will tell you what I do know more about for certain against my will though…That clown’s erectile dysfunction ! Why do I know you ask cos it was brought up in every episode and conversation. I endured six harrowing years only to be greeted with those scarring imagery and information. I was violated and defiled by that information on the daily in ways I do not wish upon anyone. Actually I do wish it upon him !

And then there is the blatant abuse that was so evident that Robert was subjected to but NEVER addressed but I wont get into that here.He endured abuse,lies,manipulations,coercions,humiliations and belittlements because of that sea urchin and he was written to be barely reacting to any and  given no closure. Instead made him, the victim, apologies and take full blame for the actions of a fifty fucking year old from nowhere; twisted narratives and tried to gaslight you into feeling bad for him over Aaron and Robert BIG MASSIVE WTF. They should have had those shackles and leashes off Robert's neck after finding out the truth but Alas! The writers couldn’t land a single aspect of that character or stick to who he is or why he is even here to save their lives.Don’t even get me started with the seriously unfunny “Step-son” jokes. I haven't got enough bleach bottles.What were they doing here? If I were take a wild guess I would say the entire thing was a humiliation ritual but Heaven forbid, that would make me negative and ungrateful…-_- not enough fuck yous could be said not enough.

We waited SIX PAINFUL YEARS yearning to see Robert, and to see Aaron and Robert together again and have them explore their lives and the ruins of it. Screen time wasted on circuses when we could have had depth in conversations, emotional moments, going over events that mattered and shaped them individually and together. Robert’s Ptsd which could have easily been triggered after the wrong accusations of the gorge and explored properly. HE DESERVES TO HAVE HIS TRAUMAS EXPLORED! he deserves his pain to be acknowledged and he deserved a form of closure. But all that was down the drain for nothing. Despite not liking a single thing of it from the get go, I kept fooling myself with maybe there is a bigger picture, maybe this leads to somewhere, maybe there is a message here, maybe something comes of it…maybe…maybe…maybe, and it was the maybes that I was left with that ruined me. 

   Usually when rubbish SL is written, they have the characters at some point address their thoughts and their perspectives and their reasoning, maybe even apologise. But we got none of it and time we can never get back. There was no substance, depth,reasoning, closure or even a reaction to any of it worthy of any of it. Nothing like I said comes of it and nothing was done with it and nothing could ever fix it. All that drivel is canon in the book of the “Once in a lifetime kind of love” epic and that is the most tragic part of it all…  

  But if you could just find it in you to staple those pages or glue them shut, I know easier said than done, you still have many brilliant memories, and moments and beautiful lines, silent looks that pull you through. Mate you could live off the 18th of August alone. Those boys cause us such grief but bring us much love…you almost believe. So, love them for them and who they are and who you believe them to be and no one can ever take that from you, IT IS YOURS . There are brilliant, funny, witty, creative people here who write amazing works and create amazing arts of all forms keeping that love alive, keeping that love triumphing over all else, surviving all else, they have done so for years. Surround yourself with those and it will get just a little bit easier. Also Danny and Ryan will pull Aaron and Robert through, one way or another, support and trust that.