The most pressing thing is for OP to unlearn their anti-fat bias and ableism so I hesitate to add but... I also really wish folks like this would question the absurd myth that beauty standards are primarily based on markers of health. They're not! This idea got super popular a while ago with evolutionary psychology mumbo jumbo about symmetric faces and stuff, but for every example that seems to fit the rule there's another example that doesn't.
Like, there's the obvious comparison that being underweight is often considered beautiful even though it's not healthy. But also like... using lead-based make-up to achieve unnaturally white skin wasn't healthy but it was considered beautiful. Foot-binding wasn't healthy but it was considered beautiful. Smoking cigarettes wasn't healthy but was considered beautiful. In the modern era: highly defined musculature achieved via dehydration isn't healthy but is considered beautiful. Ear piercings aren't healthy but are considered beautiful. Wearing high heels or make up isn't healthy but is considered beautiful. Tanning isn't healthy but is considered beautiful. Chemically straightening natural hair isn't healthy but is considered beautiful. Shaving your chest isn't healthy but is considered beautiful. Etc etc etc. And there are also SO MANY things that are entirely health-neutral that are considered beautiful/ugly as well (clothing, hairstyles, shape of nose, size of ears, shape of eyes, height...).
And I'm worried that this comes across as judgmental, like I'm saying that no one should get piercings or body-build or find those things attractive because they aren't strictly "healthy". But no, actually. I don't think anyone is obligated to optimize their health. Nor is anyone obligated to only be attracted to only maximally healthy bodies. There's nuance because a lot of people feel pressured to sacrifice health for beauty, even if they would rather not, but that's not my point. The POINT is that health and "beauty" (as conventionally defined in a given time and culture) are and have always been very poorly correlated.
And if you previously bought into this myth that beauty=health and are just now starting to realize it doesn't actually work that way, I would recommend that you pause and consider a few questions.
Why does this myth persist despite many apparent contradictions? Why was it so easy to believe in?
Are you still trying to come up with reasons that none of my counter-examples count? If so, that's fine, take your time, but also take a second to ask yourself if there's any particular reasons why you feel so strongly defensive of this idea?
Who benefits from being able to assert that conventional aesthetic preferences are not subjective but are actually based on certain bodies being objectively superior?
What harmful actions can easily follow from this belief? What harmful biases (racism, sexism, classism, etc) might be bolstered by these claims about beauty and health, even unintentionally?
How might this myth be misleading people into making decisions in pursuit of beauty without realizing that there could be negative health outcomes (i.e. overdoing working out, overzealous dieting, etc)?
Was it important to you to believe that your aesthetic dislike of fat people was based on some more objective marker like health? Why?
Do you feel people are morally obligated to make "healthy" decisions and avoid "unhealthy" ones? If so, where do you draw the line and why? Is it wrong to drink alcohol? Is it wrong to get drunk once per year? Twice per year? To eat fast food once in your life? Twice? Once per year? Once per month? Is it wrong to risk your health by playing high-impact sports? Going rock climbing? Climbing Mt. Everest? Is it wrong to ride a motorcycle given the high fatality rate for accidents? Is it wrong to choose to work a manual-labor job that will wear out your body? What about choosing a sedentary job which also has health implications? Is it wrong to get a tattoo? Is it wrong to go to crowded places where you could get sick? Is it wrong to go hiking where you might get tick bites? Is it wrong avoid going to a doctor when you get injured because you're pretty sure you're fine and can walk it off? Is it wrong to pull an all-nighter? What if you do it twice? Once per year? Once per month? Does this feel absurd? Isn't it exhausting to assign important moral value to every single decision that could have any sort of health impact? Doesn't everyone have to make their own decisions on how much to prioritize health risks vs. living/working/enjoyment/culture/family/responsibilities/values? Do you mostly only think about how it's a moral failure for people to make "unhealthy" choices when they're fat?
Anyway, I hope this incredibly long ramble isn't too tangential. I need to go to bed (typing this rather than sleeping is yet another unhealthy choice I have made...)
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