stiffy beej

date arrived in bayview: June 29th, 2015

area(s) lived in: downtown, the suburbs

relationship history & status: Anna was one of the first people Bradley met in town (they moved on the same day) and if you told him she’d be the love of his life, he wouldn’t believe it. But she is. They moved in together, got married, and settled in at their family home.

Family: Early in their marriage, they welcomed their son Benjamin, and Augustus came not too soon after. Penelope, the first blonde child in the family, came a few years after and was a precious gift.

career 10 years ago: actor

THE NOW:

date left bayview: still in town

past residence: still in the ‘burbs!

current residence: still in the burbs, living the married dad life.

relationship status: I mean, you’ve read what was just said about Anna being the love of his life, right? They stayed settled down with their family, but were able to take a lot of romantic getaways as well as familial trips to teach the kids about the world. They still are disgustingly in love.

Family: The boys are now at the wild stage and Penelope is still the apple of her dad’s eye. There’s a little surprise on the way that he just found out about.

current career: still acting, but being a soccer coach is very important work, too.

FUN STUFF:

favorite location in bayview: Central Park for the pick-up footy games

favorite food spot in bayview: Captain’s Pizza

favorite drink (alcoholic or non-alcoholic!) spot in bayview: The Endzone

favorite event or party: Tie between Halloween and the rodeo

best memory in bayview: Taking romantic picnic nighttime walks with his wife for almost every important events in their life, including their engagement. Getting to share the magical nights with his friends.

favorite project involved in: Emergency Animal Clinic

favorite sport played: Soccer

favorite trip taken: Montana - the first trip taken as a full family

They are most definitely different and learned differently.  I mean, your wife definitely learned plenty of that during her studies so she’d know all about it.  The Oxford education wasn’t for naught.   I think that conversations have a tendency to do that. I mean, they have a mind all their own sometimes. I’m okay with that.  I do honestly appreciate you giving me that credit. I think you’re pretty alright at your own stuff, Beej,  I always knew you were a smooth operator when it comes to this stuff.  You’ve had plenty of smart ideas but I’m inclined to agree it is one of the best.

Pointing out that you’re all fancy and Oxford educated is very sexy of you. You know I like that you’re very smart as well as being sexy and funny and about twenty million other things. They sure do have a mind all their own, but that’s sort of to be expected. I mean, my general good ideas are about being a lazy bastard and getting kisses. It’s just that sometimes the ideas involve both of those things and on those occasions, I’m a very, very lucky man.

So far, so good, anyway! I don’t wanna jinx it and get too far ahead of myself, but I’m pretty happy with where things are going and where they’re at right now, you know? Got great kids, an amazing girl, nice farm, I’m not going to complain. I did not, thank God. I did get out on the board for a little bit, though! And didn’t even see a single shark.

I think there’s a difference between getting ahead of yourself and knowing you’re on a good path and letting yourself relax for a bit there. And that’s kinda what you deserve, you know? Well, hopefully you don’t become Zach bits after a shark attack, because we just talked about cool things happening to you.

I don’t know that anyone is really taught that in the street smart sense. I mean, I suppose basic reading comprehension is a gateway drug to that since you have to figure out the symbolism in what people are writing but in general there isn’t professional training on subtext.  It is possible to be so clueless that you can never read sarcasm or joy,  The conversation really didn’t go either direction. I mean, it always always a find someone that you can laugh with even through the less enjoyable days. I like to think I did pretty good at that. The being okay with gross stuff is just an added perk.  You’re right there.  You did contribute quite considerably to all of that. You deserve to take that. I can’t wait for the day I accidentally catch you saying that to yourself.  I mean, if we can budget it, I’m not mad at this idea.

You might learn to read people and then figure it out from there, but literary interpretation is all up to schooling and all that. There’s a reason why it is something people study seriously, after all. No, no, the conversation went in its own direction that’s a bit unpredictable, but I expected nothing less in this situation. You did really great at it, you do really great at everything, even the gross stuff. You’re sort of amazing like that, Popples. No, no. You’re never going to catch me, because I’m very bright and wouldn’t dare be caught. This is my smartest idea of all: not doing laundry ever again.

Do you think that he was born with strong arms and a plaid t-shirt? That is the guy that I’m thinking about, right? I’m not sure that I’m ready to think about my son having a mustache, given how young he is… although babies with mustaches are kind of hilarious, aren’t they? No, you’re right. After all, we spent so much of our own childhood embarrassed by our parents, who would we be if we didn’t give that to our kids?

That’s exactly the guy you’re thinking of, yes. I like to think he was born fully formed like that, sort of like Aphrodite came from the sea as a woman. You know, he gets it from his dad, and you have to embrace it. The important thing is that you love him, with or without a mustache. It’s the circle of life, we all are embarrassed and then embarrass in our turn.

Me neither, I’m glad to not really have to figure it out…? Or at least hopefully not have to figure it out, because I guess you can never really know for sure how your life is going to go, right? But let’s just hope for the best, in that situation. Are you sure? They could! After all, everyone chooses them to do experiments on, there’s got to be a reason for that. I guess this weekend, we’ll just have to focus on sea creatures.

I think the trajectory of your life is not going in the “fate worse than death” territory. It’s pretty solidly going alright, from my perspective, but I’m not you, so who really knows. That’s right, they’re little experimental buddies for a reason. How did that go for you? Get attacked by any squids, mate?

Meaning sometime we should have younger, more hip people running the country that us young, hip people are living in? Because I’m not going to argue with that. But me too, I think it applies to a lot of things in life. The goats are going to look back on the sacrifices that we made for them and realize how amazing we are, right? Or at least I hope so.

But the specific young, hip person we need is me. No other young, hip people. ust me, because i know what you and all other needs. The goats are going to look at us as their beautiful liberators and for that they will one day pay us back.

I always read the subtext, Beej.  Don’t you know that about me by now?  I think that I definitely can’t help how I am. I don’t really have any shame though about the fact I love popping them and seeing the fun stuff that comes out. you can blame my mum. I really am her child.   See, I gave you all the honesty.  I don’t think the expectations are any direction low or high, they’re just thoughts and I’m happy with whatever way life takes us as long as you’re there.  You and our kids will always be the best thing that ever happened to me.  I think it’ll just keep getting better for us. I mean, old people keep getting sexy until they die for the most part. You just might break my hip if you get too enthusiastic. We’ll survive.  No complaints from me today.  I mean, that probably adds to laundry instead of subtracts but as long as we’re both enjoying ourselves, right? Please seduce me.

I guess that is what you learn when you study English, right? Like you’re professionally trained to read the subtext. That makes sense, I’m sure she told you “one day when you grow up and get married, it’s not your job to keep your man happy, it’s your job to do all this gross stuff.” Thoughts vs expectations, quiet hopes, that’s all we really need. I mean, they’re pretty great kids, and I contributed something to that, so I’ll take the compliment. I think tit’s so interesting to think about the fact that one day I’ll be like “wow I’m a sexy old man” but I believe it, 100% Maybe we can hire someone to do the laundry not in our home while we use the laundry room.

Well, he’s still a tiny baby! He has some growing to do before he can reach is full rugged potential, you know? But someday, he’s going to really show everyone how camping is done, and teach us all some important life lessons, that’s for sure. Do you want me to send you the videos independently, just to be safe? I love it, honestly. I’m going to totally be that mom, too, humiliating the kids.

Do you think the Brawny paper towel man was an ordinary baby? No, he was rugged, just like your son. He actually can grow a mustache, he’s just not out of respect for you. Soon he’ll be the camping master. I think I deserve everything on my own, yeah. Well, if they’re not at least a little embarrassed, are you doing it right?

So it’s all basically in the fine print, is what you’re telling me? Because that doesn’t really surprise me at all, come to think of it. I guess we won’t wait and see what that fate ends up being. I bet that he would have liked you, I can’t really see mice as being super vindictive…? Although who knows. You know… I did not. Squirrels! And a rabbit near our campsite, but no mice. Damn it all.

Right, exactly. It’s about the weird small logistics of it, you can’t die, but you have to suffer something horrendous. But I don’t want to know what those fates are, I just think it’s a bit fucked up. Mice don’t have the brain cells for vindication from what I’ve seen, except for Stuart Little. Wow, well, I’m sure there were some mice near.

Exactly that, it’s always better to keep things moving and flowing and keep yourself from feeling like you’re standing a little too still… even our government could take notes on that. Change is good. We need to be good, too. Okay, so then we save the goats and get rid of the beavers, sounds like a good plan to me!

Especially our government should take notes on that. They need to learn that things need to, on occasion, be made fresh and now, right? That’s how I feel about life in general, in fact. We’ve got this, we’re heroes to goats everywhere and they’re so very grateful to us for it.

And yet there was something lingering there in the subtext. I can’t help the fact that I know you.  I’m glad that you see the appeal. I think that we have better things to do with our lives than that. I mean, we have to have a few hours a day to rest and enjoy hobbies.  I think that  with only those two expectations, we can only go up from there. I think that we do have a whole, Babe.   I am content to enjoy the here and now with you. I’m just planning to be here for the long journey of you becoming a very hot old man. I mean, old young man to hot old man is very much a thing.  I guess I can love a little scruff sometimes.  We will tell them but I don’t know they’ll listen.  You might be doing laundry but at least the laundry will have its own rewards.

If you read into the subtext, that’s on you. You’re the one who must be harboring some pimple popping guilt or maybe some deep, dark urges around my acne. I think it’s time you get really honest about that. Keeping expectations low is usually the way to go there, eh? That way you can’t be disappointed and you can achieve. The here and now is pretty great, and I suspect the future will be even better, even when I’m old and still hot but a bit...less able to do fun things. Just a smidge of the scruff. No, now. I will not be doing the laundry, I’ll seduce you out of it.

I’d never in my life! Once we’re back from camping – he’s not rugged enough to enjoy these great outdoors – I’ll show you. But your wife has video evidence of the fact that he can do it! So you have that to look forward to seeing. I hope so, between my son and your daughter, I think we’ve got some Olympic hopefuls coming up into the world. Oh yeah, you wake up halfway through with no idea what’s going on.

He’s not rugged enough? I’ve got my doubts there, Claire. HE’s an outdoors hero. Damn,s he holds off on all the important videos. What’s the point of being married there? In the future, we’ll be sitting back and raking in the professional athlete money our kids are going to bring in for us. We’ll never have to work again. 

Like, you could get stuck in a trap – but that ends in death. Caught by a cat, death. Brought into a classroom by a little boy, let’s be honest, probably death. I guess we’d have to ask a mouse if we ever get the chance. But that’s alright, maybe we won’t have to find out any time soon. I’m actually gonna laugh now if I end up seeing a mouse running around our campsite tonight, not going to lie.

That’s the catch with a fate worse than death, is that it technically can’t involve death shortly after, because then that’s a fate of death. Well, let’s see if the mice would have liked me or hated me for my actions of trying to save him. Maybe just pure fear, honestly. Did you happen to see any mice out and about in the woods? I’ve been seeing other creatures, but no luck with mice.

I’m not going to argue that one bit. It seems like maybe if things are going the way they have been, it might be worth it to shake things up, don’t you think? I’ll run your campaign, actually, we’ll see what we can do about it. That’s a thought, all the beavers really do is gnaw through trees and knock them down, anyway, right?

I think sometimes a shake up is on the menu. Keep it fresh and not let things get stagnant in this...lovely country we’re living in. I would lead it well. Yeah, of course. So we don’t need them at all. Psh. Beavers are overrated, unlike goats which we need to protect.

I think that felt a little accusatory but you know, if there was anyone I’d admit to being okay with being gross with I suppose that it would be you.  I mean, there is something kind of fascinating about seeing what comes out of them. We definitely have to live up to our full geriatric potential with each other. We’ve come far too close to it to give up on it now.  That transition is really everything honestly. I can’t believe everyone else isn’t looking forward to that transition in their lives too.  I can’t argue with logic like that though. We are hot stuff. Mostly you.  You’re very hot in both the warm and appeasing the eye sense.  I’m afraid we’re going to have to start doing more work if they keep at it like this. Or maybe I’m just trying to get you alone in the laundry room. I mean, I promise you sweets and then I’m the sweets.

I very pointedly said that I was not going to accuse you, you’re the one who is basically admitting to it. I think it’s got its appeal, I just am not sure if I would want to just sit and watch them for hours and hours. On the plus side, the expectations are pretty low if it’s sponge baths and jello- we can manage that. But we’ve got a whole, right? Sounds like you’re waiting for me to become an old man before your eyes, but I’m still that very hot stuff. Sometimes. Maybe not with the beard. We’ll have to tell them to stop, it’s the only way. Oh, that’s a good thought there, that’s a different kind of sweet but I still suspect I’ll be doing laundry.

He’s walking! And he’s going to be running soon enough, if his attempts are any indication. And by that, I mean in track and field, in high school, because I feel like that’s the next step. Never, ever. Unless it’s super late at night and we’re watching one at home… and I fall asleep because I’m too tired. It’s true, though. They’re better!

I can’t believe you’d like to me like this, Delts. He can’t possibly be that big already. Oh, of course. I hear he’s going to the next Olympics, actually, you must be very, very proud of him. That’s the other thing, even if you watch the movies, staying awake is impossible.