I will always take the cat's side. "she's drooling on me" you're so lucky "he always wants to be petted" then pet him "he's mad I won't let him on my desk" make room on your desk for him. I am your cat's defense lawyer and the cat is always innocent on the grounds of them being A Little Kitty Cat.

One of the worst things you can do is to make a purchase that isn't very good. There's very little way to recover from something like that

if i get a good nights sleep i can feel like a human being but it does mean missing out on an hour of phone time. so there's nuance.

sorry for fucking up our conversation i had never had that one before

need a t-shirt that says i had a weird heavily symbolic dream last night please don't talk to me

AHHHHHH OH MY GOD JESUS CHRIST OAHH HHHH FUCK FUCK FUCK ok nevermind. i got over it

Me in the middle of being tortured : I hate this song can you skip it please

If I was a deer I would also stand in the middle of the road staring into the headlights. this is because It's my destiny.