a sunset i will never see

If you’ve found yourself in my little corner of the internet, then Hi! I go by Aelisa here and I’m an upcoming Filipina Freshman. This blog is primarily a documentation of my study life as a student, but also a documentation of my journey into learning for the sake of learning✨

Although this is my first post in this blog, you’re most likely to find here…

study session logs 📓

reflections ☁️

self study findings 💡

memes 🫠

While this is a personal studyblr blog, details on my personal life will be kept to a minimum as I will mainly be detailing my academic journey. Anyone who promotes discrimination, harassment, and a lack of an open mind will gladly be blocked. Empathy and loving dialogue will be prioritized and practiced in this blog. Also, if you know me or my university, kindly look away and don’t reveal my identity 🌱

I wasn't able to do much today, but I was able to do a lot more reading for The Historian and His Facts which is a good enough win for today! I'll be summarizing and reflecting on what I've read soon, but I'll probably do it privately. I'm so exhausted from being on the road, so I'm glad I don't have to go anywhere far for now. I should have enough time to finally get started on Lesson 4 for Pre Calc and also on French tomorrow. I just have to lock in a lot more on my time management.

Super short posts lately because I've been feeling so exhausted for some reason, but I do think it is well-deserved considering the school year I've had and the achievement I'm celebrating

Today's Goals 🌷

Continue Reading The Historian and His Facts from What is History

Start Lesson 4: Adding and subtracting complex numbers

P.S. Moomins!!

When I wasn’t out I resorted to sleeping for most pf today. While my mind is in vacation mode, I managed to answer the Pre Calc Khan Academy Quiz 1 in which I got 4/5 in. My main mistake was in simplifying the roots of negative numbers, so I’ll have to review a bit more on that. I also managed to read a bit more on The Historian and His Facts, which I’ve found really interesting as it makes me appreciate the journey historical facts go on to be brought to the books we read. I’ll also be out for for tomorrow but I should be able to cram in some study sessions, hopefully including French this time.

Today’s Goals 🌷

Answer Quiz 1 of Unit 1 Getting Ready for Pre Calculus

Continue Reading The Historian and His Facts from What is History

P.S. If one more pdfile interacts with one of my posts, I will not hesitate to report or block you, which I have already done before.

I’m going to be so for real: I was so tired from my lack of sleep and being out all day that I just resorted to resting. On the bright side, I managed to secure the syllabus of the French Class in college I’m planning on taking (credit goes to a friend of a friend). The syllabus contained some resources their professor recommended, so I signed up to a one of the websites listed that should be helpful in learning French. I’ve also managed to fix my Filipino tutor sessions along with my driving lessons for next month. Overall, today’s ‘academic progress’ primarily consisted of planning. I’ll be going somewhere overnight tomorrow, so hopefully I’ll be able to somehow cram the math quiz I was planning to take along with one French exercise from the website I signed into.

Today’s Goals 🌷

Ask for French Syllabus

Schedule Filipino tutor sessions and driving lessons

Answer Quiz 1 of Getting Ready for Pre Calc

P.S. Unfortunately, I have no pictures from today s here’s a gif of Snoopy sleeping

It turns out I wouldn't be out for too long today despite an ungodly long waiting period I endured. My initial goal for Pre Calculus today was to complete the Complex Numbers Introduction, but I was able to accomplish more of the lessons due to having a lot more time than I expected. I'm almost halfway done with the first unit. I just have to complete the first quiz to move to the next half. I'll have to review all of the previous lessons tomorrow to prepare for the quiz.

After studying Pre Calculus, I figured I needed a break from Math, so I started arranging a Google Doc for my advanced studying on the history class that my university offers. The readings that I got were based on what was given during 2020, so obviously it's going to be different from what I actually learned given the limitations at that time. However, upon looking at the lessons it does give the basics for understanding and interpreting history, which should help me in the long run. It also looks interesting in general, and I've already started with the first reading. I'll be attempting to annotate it on the Google Doc (which I formatted to look like an AO3 page). In addition, I might attempt to do posts where summarize what I've learned to practice the Feynman technique. We'll see if I actually push through with it though.

Overall, today was a slow day, but a productive one in my advanced studies. I'll be out again for tomorrow as well, so I think the main goal I'll be able to accomplish is the Pre Calc Quiz 1.

Today’s Goals 🌷

Complete the Complex Numbers Introduction

Learn about the Complex Plane

Create and format a Google Doc for advanced history studies

Read a few paragraphs of Chapter 1 The Historian and His Facts of E.H. Carr's What is History?

Dean is just super passionate about the state of the Philippine education system that sees students as investments instead of the much needed social change they’re capable of. He understands that it's basically Neoliberal Education to the max where it wants to churn out students that are ready for the job market, ignoring that we need workers who can think, work, and act critically.

We had our graduation rehearsals today, and it was so so so hot. Graduating high school started to get real once I received my toga. It's just so hard to believe I'm leaving behind so much even though I'm about to venture into something so much more than what I've learned and experienced in high school. There are only a few more days left of seeing familiar faces (even those of strangers I recognize from the hallways or school social media posts). There are only a few more days left to memorize the look, smell, and touch of a place I'll only realize I've taken for granted once I'm gone. There are only a few more days left to cherish the laughter of being in the loudest, but most loving class ever. I know letting go does more good than harm, but it hurts nonetheless.

I knew I wouldn't be able to do much studying because I was out the entire day, but at least I managed to cram in a quick math self study session. I have so many busy days ahead where I'll be outside, so I'm wondering if I have any time for math sessions where I can sit down and focus.

Today’s Goals 🌷

Survive Graduation Rehearsal

Learn more about Complex Numbers

I finally got an Honors Award after going through two years of senior high school 😭😭 After last semester I had already accepted that I would never receive an Honors Award, so this was such a pleasant surprise. I noticed this achievement comes as a result of me staring to care less about the outcome and more on actually understanding and enjoying the lesson. Although I will admit that this is also a result of me already having a pre-existing interest in the lessons and subjects as they're all centered on the humanities, I don't want to disregard all the effort I made to get this far. Late nights, sleep deprivation, too many cups of coffee, creating notes for my entire class for every quiz, thousands of messages for group projects...

I spent most of today outside, so as expected I wasn't able to do much studying. Luckily, I managed to complete the first lesson in the Khan Academy Get Ready for Pre Calculus course I'm taking. The lessons have been a breeze so far, but I know I won't be able to say the same thing when I'm in college. Hopefully, the lessons and skills I learn will help me as I have to deal with whatever College Math will throw at me. I'll be out for tomorrow as well, but hopefully I'll be able to cram in a study session once I get home.

Today’s Goals 🌷

Complete Lesson 1 of Get Ready for Pre Calculus

P.S. Celebratory pizza

I was finally productive in studying Math today, managing to finish a topic while simultaneously understanding the lesson. However, I do think I should be allotting a bit more time in studying, so I can cover more topics at a faster pace. I also managed to create a table in a document where I can collect all of the words I don't know from reading the book. The table alphabetically arranges the words and also includes the sentence where the word is mentioned. I'm also debating if I should study Spanish instead of French. Although, this was mainly swayed by someone saying it's much easier to study Spanish, which I will admit would give me more time to focus on studying Math and Filipino when in college.

I spent a good amount of the day reflecting on how my mindset on change has changed since I entered high school. Change has always been scary for me, but now as I'm about to enter college I find myself more excited than scared. Yes, I do have anxiety, which I'm trying to lessen by embarking on this self study journey, but I find myself lacking the sense of dread that I had before I entered high school. Counting down the days to the first day of college no longer feels like a countdown to the end of the world. Rather, it's more like a countdown to New Years—one filled with excitement bursting like fireworks.

I've come to realize it's not change itself that terrifies me. It's the possibility that I could succumb to a negative mindset. The fear of not knowing no longer scares me as much as it did before. I'm scared of the power my insecurities hold. Doubt is inevitable, and I accept that I'll never escape it. What I don't want to accept is the possibility that I can never grow—that there's no getting out of this. I've gone through so much to just give it all up the moment I feel challenged and trapped.

Today’s Goals 🌷

Learn Powers of the Imaginary Unit

Create a Vocabulary Table for Dekada '70

Read until Chapter 5 of Dekada '70

As expected I wasn’t able to study today because of getting ready for the celebration as well as partying (and a lot of dancing). The only academic progress I made today (if you could even call it that) was asking for French lessons from my parents to prepare me for the required Foreign Language course. I took a French class a long time ago, and hated it mainly because of the teacher. Although, it did fascinate me as I’ve always been fascinated with French culture, especially in regards to its films and poets. I thought it would be nice to give it another go—to prove to my younger self that learning French can be fun, and now rewarding as there’s a chance I could spend time there abroad for studies.

Today’s Goals 🌷

Ask for a tutor for French lessons

Party and have fun

P.S. Here’s a photo of me attempting to eat two of my favorite albums

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to study today (like at all) because I was outside all day, but I made a lot of progress in regards to college preparation. I managed to ask a relative for the syllabus of my upcoming freshman classes, and I was pleasantly surprised with how much materials like readings and notes they had. I’ll be scouring different bookstores in the near future for the books she gave. I’ll also hopefully find the time to read the different pdfs she sent not just for the purpose of advanced studying, but also because they seem genuinely interesting, worth-the-read books.

The course I’m leaning towards offers more flexibility when it comes to choosing and combining whichever track I’m interested in. The faculty did such a good job selling its appeal for indecisive students who want to create their own place in the world, while having the support and reputation of the course to back them up. The freedom it presents feels like a breath of fresh air from all the second guesses I’ve been having. Stepping foot on campus feels so surreal, like “Wow this is actually happening!!” A guest speaker awhile ago shared that: Life is not measured by age, but by its transition periods. Although I didn’t agree with everything they said or stood for, I will admit it does ring true.

I can’t even sugarcoat the fact that I also can’t study tomorrow due to a major event which I’ve been looking forward to for so long. I’ll stick to a small goal for tomorrow like reading a chapter or answering a few problems. It should probably help to know my limits and to set my realistic goals for each day in accordance to my schedule. Take it day by day—piece by piece—as always.

Today’s Goals 🌷

Take notes on the different courses and tracks uni has to offer

Ask for readings and notes on the Math and Filipino Freshman Classes

Read until Chapter 5 of Dekada ‘70

Learn Powers of the Imaginary Unit

P.S. All of the pictures I took on campus were either of the presentations or pictures of me, so here’s a cropped out picture of a university building that only shows the trees.

I'm not even going to lie: I slept for most of today. When I was about to study, an unexpected emergency popped up, which left me unable to focus. However, I was able to get some reading done throughout the day, managing to finish Chapters 2-4 of Dekada '70. Reading the persona's perspective just gave me a general sense of frustration, knowing how little has changed for the women and student activists in Filipino society. Its message especially rings true in light of the violent loss of Alyssa Alano, Maureen Santuyo, and the others killed during the operation in Toboso.

Tomorrow will be another busy day—one that will hopefully help me make a decision whether I should switch to another course. I also realize I should balance out my time reading and studying Pre Calc equally. I decided to start searching for a tutor that could help me with both Math and Filipino as a part of me is worried that this self study won’t be enough. I’ve been fortunate enough to have been guided by good math tutors for Math most of my life and I’m hoping this will carry me throughout this summer and Freshman Year. Learning how to drive is another thing on my list. It’s one that I can’t say I’m too excited about. I’m more interested in the freedom that driving brings more than the actual learning process.

Today’s Goals 🌷

Read until Chapter 3 of Dekada ‘70

Learn Powers of the Imaginary Unit to The Complex Plane

I was outside for most of today, spending most of it waiting. As a result, I wasn't able to do much studying. I tried to answer the calculus exercises from my phone, which is never fun. Once I got home, I managed to read a chapter of Dekada '70, a novel set during Martial Law. It was recommended to me by my Filipino teacher in Grade 11, but it's only now that I've gotten to it. As I read the book, I underlined Tagalog words I didn't know, and pulled up the English Translation from a pdf I found online to make sure that I understood what was happening accurately. The words aren't as deep compared to Noli Me Tangere or El Filibusterismo, which makes it a good beginner book for me as I'm trying to read more Filipino works to improve my vocabulary and to learn more on my country's history.

I already love the themes tackled in the first chapter, so I'm thinking I might do a further analysis or reflection each chapter's themes as I go on reading. Today was a long one, so I'll rest for the rest of tonight and try my best to accomplish more tomorrow.

Today’s Goals 🌷

Read at least one chapter of Dekada ‘70

Study Powers of the Imaginary Unit

It’s hard to believe it’s only been a month since I got that acceptance letter from my dream university. I find myself more excited than scared as I enter into this new chapter, barely having time to grieve the loss of my high school days and the sense of warmth and familiarity it gave me.

Instead of letting my anxiety override my excitement, I am now resorting to preparing for my upcoming subjects this summer. My targets are Math and Filipino. I’ve always been ashamed to have them as my weakest subjects. Now that I’m entering adulthood, I figured it’s about time I took the agency to take these subjects seriously and to improve on what’s always been bothering me.

Today’s Goals 🌷

Study for at least two hours; Use Pomodoro

Accomplish and understand Intro to Imaginary Numbers until Simplify Roots if a Negative Number from Khan Academy

Record progress and notes on Notion

I started small today as I am still recovering from a virus. While I focused on fewer tasks than I had hoped to start with, I’m taking it as a win. This is the most productive I’ve been since I’ve gotten sick, and this sense of productivity made me feel good—even useful. Tomorrow will be another day, but a more bust and social one at that. I’m hoping I can accomplish at least one lesson or goal I have in mind for either Math or Filipino, but I think today showed I’m off to a solid start.

P.S. Please don’t judge my handwriting