raise your glass

“Fuck”

Bitter muttered as he woke up at the wrong position on the bed. His body was swollen and aching with his cast arm itching.

His cell phone screen glimmered in his room as he checked the time. It was 12 in the morning. He groaned and placed his pillow above his head aching with migraine. He hated waking up at this hour. So early. He remembers Gabe-One at nights like this, haunting him. This was racing in his mind ever night under the cover. Bitter over thinking-worried about One. Missing Him.

He thought of distracting himself and log-in to play online games. He opened his computer and check game accounts he- One has also accounts for.

Okay. Fuck. Stupid. He can’t even play properly with his obvious state since it included both hands. He knows that he just wanted – internally, admittedly he was just hoping to see at least One online for the purpose of having those accounts on  the first place and just- He doesn’t know. Whatever. 

He went to the forum page instead for other recommended games. His chat opens showing the online button.  The screen was screaming with blank people online in his contacts. At least One only in his. Bitter rubbed his forehead and cringed of how stupid it is and even when One is online everything is just awkward with their “Hey, Sup, How are you, I’m fine, Ya, Gotta Sleep” usual chat that never lasted longer than 5 minutes. Their last, at least fun conversation was when Bitter texted one about fucking him which lasted short.

He buried his head on his healed arm and stayed like that for a while when he heard a beep on his chat making him jolt. One was online. Bitter thought for a second if he should chat with him. No. why was he thinking. He wanted this. Rarely that One was online. His fingers shakily tapped the keyboard.

  pigeonwhisperer:  You’re awake

snakebite-cheetos: Ya I uh-can’t sleep

snakebite-cheetos: You playing?

pigeonwhisperer: Nah just checking reviews… You?

snakebite-cheetos: Just..

snakebite-cheetos: Ya same

pigeonwhisperer: You busy?

snakebite-cheetos: Not really.

pigeonwhisperer: Yeah. Uh.

  -Bitter really misses One so much.  He wanted to see him. He just doesn't know if he will comply. He knows it wouldn't work the last time he tried and make himself feel disappointed again.  It’s just a few letters to type in and-

  pigeonwhisperer: Nevermind

snakebite-cheetos: Okay then…

  -Okay. Bitter regretted this. Making himself feel even worse. His mind stirring so hard maybe he had made One feel bad. He had to say something. Anything that comes into his mind NOW.-

  pigeonwhisperer: NO. wait…

pigeonwhisperer: Can

pigeonwhisperer:  Can you come over?

  - Okay that was something. REALLY SOMETHING. SEEING HIM AT THIS HOUR YOU KNOW THAT HE DOESN’T COME OUT IN HIS ROOM.-

  pigeonwhisperer:  Please

  -There was a pause on the screen-

  snakebite-cheetos: Okay

  Bitter was half relieved and nervous at the same time. He waited for this in a long ass time. He was about to see One, then what.

-

The window was open welcoming One the cold breeze of the early morning shivers Bitter’s body. He was laying on the bed thinking what would happen. He wanted to see One. Feel One. Just there. He heard a creek from his windowpane. The older boy’s glowing eyes just comforted his senseless worrying.

“Hey”

“Ya”

One slipped in carefully. His heavy boots clacked as he walked where Bitter is. He is still the same Bitter thought. He outlines One’s comforting figure; his familiar ceramic face, broad projected muscles, messy bangs, too tight skinny jeans, heavy boots and his glinting snakebites.

“Sorry I invited you at this hour.”

“S’Fine.”

“Umuni isn't here so… Yeah.”

“Your arm getting better?”

“S’good.”

One crawled slowly near bitter at his mattress on the floor. The warm thug of One near enough Bitter made him flushed feeling One’s cold heat. They didn't say anything to each other. The silence deafening them, their breaths the only sound they could here. Bitter just stares at One. Their eyes locked mutually understand their need of each other.

Bitter unconsciously sat up and moved in closer to One, leaning on his shoulder. His hair brushing on One’s pale cheeks. One was cold and Bitter radiates his body heat. One moved his arm and tugged bitter closer to his chest weakly feeling his boney stature. He slowly tucked his face on Bitter’s neck hugging him softly hoping to hide his confused emotion. Bitter could feel One’s eyelids flicker and closed tight. There were controlled gasps and can feel the other holding up tears. One’s arm gripping Bitter became tighter and slowly trembles became weak.

His best friend is weeping. He feels intense tears on his neck holding desperate cries. His hoodie was already getting wet with distressed sobs. Bitter’s own eyes slowly redden and forming teardrops.

“i’msorry-M’sorry…-I’msorry-Ididn’t-“

One mumbled in between his sobbing. Bitter just hugged him with his other arm at One’s side and rested his face on his neck.  Their tears burning their cheeks and their shirts wet.

“Fuck.  I missed you.”

They stayed like this hugging each other. Their faces buried on their necks. Both tired and glad at the same time just hearing each other’s breathe so close, their presence without fear but comfort. Holding each other and sobbing uncontrollably. Their tears continue flowing at each other’s shirts.

-

It’s 3 AM. Bitter’s window closed. The moonlight illuminates the two young teenage boys curled up on a mattress sleeping soundly finally in a long time. Their bodies pressed and arms loosely absorbing around each other not wanting to let go.