bitter but right

if "29" is your idea of an older woman you have a flickering pale aura and you will not survive daylight saving time

oh you’re yanking my chain? yank harder

ok you know what mommy’s sick and tired of your poor reading comprehension

Counter point, those machines can make me a peach sprite.

guys did you know the tech in that nefangled machine revolutionized preemie healthcare

*shaking, losing sight of all sense of identity, questioning humanity* I gotta learn to sew man. I gotta learn to sew a plushie or else I'm gonna die

Tyrrhenian Sea. Photo by Lorenzo Clematis

i love how alcohol bottles dont have the nutritional facts on it like fuck you just drink it

Everyone is so weird about people who cry easily. Fellas, is it evil and manipulative to *checks notes* have an involuntary stress response?

You’re not depressed. You just need $250,000 in your bank account.

Reblog to materialize $250,000 in prev's bank account