HEAVY IS THE CROWN.

THIS IS A PRIVATE BLOG. i am mutuals only, which means i will only write with someone if we follow each other; if i follow you, i am interested in interacting, even if it's quite a bit down the line (see 'low activity' rule). i will be selective about who i follow to some extent to keep my circle small. personal blogs are free to follow, but please don't spam-like my content or anything.

DO NOT INTERACT if you support the following: racism, queerphobia, TERF ideology, incest, pedophilia, antisemitism, zionism, ableism, you call yourself a 'proshipper' (there's a difference between respectfully handling dark themes and romanticizing them), and similar.

WARNINGS. this blog will contain themes of war, death, violence, emotional neglect, generational trauma, grief, depression, anxiety, trauma as a whole, dysfunctional families, manipulation, mental health struggles, and potentially more, if i think of it. i will try to tag everything.

in particular, i take a nuanced stance on the relationship between dark cacao and dark choco. i think dark cacao should very much be held accountable for his actions, as he undeniably caused significant harm, but i also think he was (and still is) a deeply unwell man in difficult circumstances who truly loves his child. whether or not dark choco forgives him is entirely up to the person writing them, and i'm happy to explore the dynamic either way.

ON THE MUSE. as stated, my dark cacao is canon divergent & headcanon based. i haven't been the most satisfied with his writing in recent episodes; therefore, mine is based primarily on his crispia episodes & cookie odyssey, in terms of personality, with development after his awakening that will probably differ from canon, as i think they could have handled that all better. he is, above all, a man aware of his failures and mistakes, and desperately trying to improve himself and make amends - even if his stubbornness and reluctance to rely on others tend to get in the way.

canon divergences of particular note:

- the betrayal + dark choco's attack was severe enough to leave dark cacao permanently injured. this has a considerable impact on his day-to-day life, particularly as a warrior, which influences his narrative and characterization quite a bit. i also write him as autistic, which plays a significant role in how he interacts with others and the world around him. neither of these massively change the plot of his story, but they are important to how i write about and explore that story.

- his canon diverges entirely from beast yeast episode 15 onward, aligning instead with that of my white lily, in that she survives everything that happens. you can find the specifics of the canon divergence here! despite this divergence, though, i am still willing to explore threads that follow the canon timeline closer! this is just my default.

LOW ACTIVITY. i'm a very easily exhausted and scatterbrained individual, which impacts both my writing and my ooc responses significantly. i'm liable to not reply for long periods of time, though chances are good i'm online and lurking, just not able to write. please be patient with me! i'll be sure to extend the same kindness to you.

CROSSOVER, AU, AND OC FRIENDLY. even if i don’t know a character’s series or whatnot, i’m usually more than happy to interact! i have the basics of some AUs established, but enjoy fleshing them out on a case-by-case basis to interact with others. i am also highly duplicate friendly! i love seeing others' interpretations of the same character, and having them interact, especially since my dark cacao is canon divergent. for duplicate interactions, my dark cacao's nickname is "theobroma."

ON SHIPPING. as a whole, i am open to, but highly selective with romantic ships. i headcanon cacao to be gay, demiromantic & asexual, so he only develops romantic feelings for another after they form a deep emotional bond - and will only develop those feelings towards men & masculine individuals. it is actually very difficult to form this kind of bond with him, due to his innately paranoid and reclusive nature. while i absolutely don't mind discussing ships, i can't promise they'll come to fruition, as even with a strong bond his feelings may remain platonic rather than becoming romantic. if you're looking for a character you can immediately jump into a ship with, even with canon pre-established dynamics, dark cacao isn't your guy.

long story short, chemistry and quite a bit of interaction are key, and even then cacao is quite hit-or-miss on whether he'll develop feelings. one-sided ships, however, are perfectly fine and encouraged! i have no issue at all with characters catching feelings for cacao, even if he doesn't return them, but i do still ask that it's discussed with me just so i know. despite being an adult, i will not be writing any sexual content here.

i am also very open for platonic, familial, antagonistic, and queerplatonic dynamics! the same as romantic relationships, these do require chemistry, and can be a bit difficult to develop, but i absolutely appreciate them as much as romantic ships.

DISCLAIMER. though i do heavily research everything i write (and pull from my own experiences where applicable), i'm aware i'm bound to make mistakes; not every experience is going to be like my experiences, and it's quite possible i may say or do something insensitive without noticing. i encourage you to let me know of any concerns you have! you don't need to educate me, i'm fully capable of that, but letting me know allows me to learn and change my behavior. in particular, i do not consider myself an expert on korean culture, but understand the dark cacao kingdom is heavily inspired by it; i regularly research it for the sake of writing cacao, as i consider it very important to him as a character, but as stated, please feel free to correct me if need be.

MISCELLANOUS. standard rp rules apply: no godmodding, trim your posts, don’t reblog asks to reply to them, don't force ships, etc. don't get into a fight with cacao without talking about it with me. mun =/= muse, and just because my character says, does, or thinks something doesn't mean i agree with him. i currently don't have any fancy graphics, but! hopefully that will change.

as i mentioned in my last extensive rambling on the topic. cacao has been spiraling since the war, but choco's betrayal was ultimately what pushed him over the edge, ripping away the one good thing he had in his life at the time, his trust in those around him, and his physical health all in one fell swoop. it takes him a long time (up to almost a year) to recover from the injury physically, and even then, it never fully heals; his mental health doesn't even start to heal, and instead just... absolutely spirals.

(notably, at least in my personal timeline, it's while he's recovering from the injury that affogato shows up - someone with odd 'medicines' and magic who surely can heal their ailing king. it gets him in the door, at least.)

his mental state is... bad. he's miserable, he's depressed and paranoid and everything in between. i personally see cacao as a surprisingly level-headed and patient guy when he isn't been pushed to the brink; the problem being that ep13 era cacao is constantly being pushed that far, by himself and everyone around him. he is MEAN. that is not something exclusive to choco but they get the brunt of it. he lashes out especially if you get in his way, though it's most often verbally than physically.

but! that's what anxiety can do to you. as i said, he's paranoid, deeply paranoid. he's fully convinced a war will spark any day now, and he's desperately trying to prepare for it - even if no one else understands, even if his own son couldn't understand, even if the whole kingdom resents him for it. rather than re-evaluating his actions after choco's attack, he doubled down on what he was doing, to an even more extreme degree than before. he's frequently described as "fixated" on the defenses, and is very much under the impression he's doing the right thing; all the more reason for him to lash out if you get between him and that. even when he is lashing out, his voice actually shakes considerably on multiple lines - as i've said before, it's fear at the root of it all, not anger.

i compare his fixation on the sea and the kingdom's defenses to my own phobia of thunderstorms, at least how i was a while back before doing better (hence why i don't mind discussing it). the fixation, feeling like you're the only one who realizes the danger you're in, trying to "protect" those you care about even if they grow frustrated and upset with your efforts, the constant need to keep fresh information on the topic (the hallway in 14-17 before you reach the chancellery; i am Thoroughly of the belief the drawings of the licorice beasts and the diagrams are cacao's doing, he's the only one THAT worried about it), etc. getting irritable and harsh with others when they try to protest what you're doing, even if all you're doing is preparing for something that may not even happen, and even making things worse for them. i can't NOT read him as a man scared out of his mind when his behavior is so reminiscent of my own, at least for how i interpret him.

(the mentioned 14-17 hallway, he's doing. great. yeah. not actually my team, i grabbed this off youtube.)

affogato seemd to actively feed into this fixation as well, offering to take over all other duties so cacao can put all of his focus into the defenses, actively praising him for this behavior despite it clearly being harmful to cacao himself and everyone around him.

the isolation itself is a mix of things; it's the only way he knows how to cope with how he feels (he can't be seen as weak in front of anyone and he FEELS weak), it's a self-inflicted punishment for his failures, and it's the only way he feels safe after both the war and being attacked by his own child. even well after ep13-14, after even awakening, his knee-jerk reaction to fear and emotional turmoil is to withdraw from everyone. he can't be hurt or hurt anyone if he's alone. he's also shown to have pretty damn bad self esteem even earlier within the episodes, expressing genuine surprise that carrow returned for him and calling himself a disgrace, which does not help him isolate less. choco's words cut so deep because they're reinforcing how cacao already feels about himself, much the same as his own words no doubt do that to choco.

the matter of the kingdom beyond the black citadel is a bit more complicated. isolating himself from them was intentional, fully abandoning them like he ended up doing was not. he explains to caramel arrow in the tomb of blades that he banished her so someone would be out there to help the villages, especially if his plan at that point (turning the citadel into a fortress to stop any potential attackers) failed and the citadel fell. though he had them in mind, though, the severity of the situation beyond the citadel isn't something he's aware of; affogato seems to actively spin the situation to prevent that, calling the girl begging for aid a "bothersome petitioner" and acting like the villages are just pissed at him and dissenting when they're just desperately trying to reach him because they're dying. the girl at the gates keeps trying to talk to cacao himself, and affogato won't let her.

this of course does not, nor is it meant to, absolve cacao of any blame. claiming he did nothing wrong would be both wrong and frankly quite boring. rather, it's fun to consider the position he was in, and how he ended up there. he was NOT well, not well enough to rule and certainly not well enough to be a father, but he stubbornly dug his heels in with the belief that he just had to do better, that he had to endure and carry everything alone because that was what a king did. this wasn't so bad when he had the other ancients, as he had a support system, but with holly leaving her kingdom from her own shame, pure vanilla presumed dead and the other two completely AWOL, he no longer had that. of course things were going to go to shit when the entire kingdom depended on one deeply unwell and struggling man who refused any sort of help.

(as i said, affogato convinces him to let him take over some of his duties - most of his duties, in fact - but that's less about cacao actually letting someone help him and more his obsession with defenses getting so out of control that he doesn't even consider what power he's handing off, just that less time spent on that means more time spent on what 'mattered'.)

it's only when he realizes how much harm he's actually done that he relents. realizing how much he hurt dark choco isn't just a turning point for the both of them, but for the kingdom as a whole, because his actions as a father and as a ruler go hand in hand; being so fixated on protecting both child and kingdom that he didn't give them room to grow and thrive, leaving them feeling abandoned and uncared for in his need to both carry everything alone and to not seem weak for them. teaching them only to survive, failing to give them the love and warmth they needed because he was terrified of losing it all. the realization of how much harm he did to choco hurts, but it's a desperately needed reality check - one that forces him to confront what his actions are actually doing to those he's trying to protect. he is the one hurting them most. it hurts like hell, but it needs to. it's what makes him finally step beyond the citadel, what leads to him actually leading his warriors against the remaining licorice beasts instead of continuing to hide behind the citadel's walls.

he does have to work his way towards properly leaving the citadel after that - you don't really spend like, thirty years in one place out of fear and then casually leave it like it's nothing - but he redirects his stubbornness to that instead of, you know, excessive preparation. he doesn't expect to be forgiven in any capacity, he can't even forgive himself. but if he puts his mind to something, even if that something is "making amends" and "being a better person," you know he's stopping at nothing to achieve it, no matter what.