i say, god is dead

im not a christian but at this point i want jesus christ himself to descend from the afterlife to take the microphone out of trump’s hands and say “are yall fuckin serious”

Imagine how much Trump would hate that, having a Middle Eastern man interrupt him.

in 2017 we’re replacing our cerebrospinal fluid with sierra mist

no idea what this means

lemon lime spine

who is she

What if it bites me and it dies?

that means you’re poisonous. jesus christ, nate, learn to read.

What if it bites itself and I die?

It’s voodoo.

What if it bites me and someone else dies?

That’s correlation, not causation.

what if we bite each other and neither of us die

that’s kinky

oh my god

this is still my favorite text post collaboration ever

my favorite part of flying home to texas is when the pilot yells YEEEEE HAWWWW WE’RE IN TEXAS NOW BOYS and fires his revolvers into the roof of the cockpit. 

no, they are legally required to do this. obviously, you don’t know what you’re talking about.

Son, let me tell you a couple of things about planes. First of all, the planes are really big, so there are a lot of places to put your guns. The pilot gets special privileges. They are allowed to put their guns anywhere and are allowed to fire them during flight. The holes they make are easily repaired and are not a problem (don’t let air out, etc.) We do things differently around these parts, and clearly, you don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re out of your element.

I just flew to Texas and I can confirm the pilot pulled out two single action armies and fired all 12 rounds into the ceiling of the cockpit while screaming at the top of his lungs the moment we entered Texas airspace