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Jesus Refuses To Part With AOL Email

First of all, the email incredibly easy for my followers to remember. [email protected]. Secondly, I’ve never had any issue with the service. AOL mail ever goes down. Maybe because no one uses it, but whatever, it’s like that good restaurant that no one goes to except you because the food is decent and they’re willing to take a party of 13 on short notice. I’m just loyal. There’s a level of…

I’m Leaving You For Another Window Sticker

Frank, can you help me with the car? No, it’s running efficiently, it’s more of an external issue. No, I didn’t have an accident. The car is fine. It’s a lease. They don’t expect to get it back in perfect condition. I saw a report about it on Stossel. I’m trying to remove one of these family decals. Just the father. No, not all of them, just the father. I didn’t buy a new one to replace. This…

“Same story. Different park. Westworld’s Dolores and the Man in Black try to escape the most magical place on earth.” From the team who brought us the viral Jurassic Parks and Recreation mashup, Westworld in Disneyworld is the newest pop-culture present from Thanks Mom Productions. The crew shot undercover using GoPros and iPhones…

‘What A Joke’ Comedy Festival Hosting 20 Shows On Inauguration Day Weekend

Let’s all have a laugh before 320+ days of crying in 2017. What a Joke is a comedy festival happening Inauguration Day Weekend (Jan 19 – 20) in 20 cities across the U.S. with proceeds going to benefit the ACLU. From their official website: In response to our President-elect’s repeated threats on our human rights, comedians in over 20 cities are coordinating shows to raise money for the ACLU…

Star Wars Lines Heard During Sex Ranked Worst To Best

If there’s anything people automatically put together, it’s Star Wars fans and tons and tons of sex! Below are, in ascending order, the 23 worst-to-best original trilogy Star Wars lines to hear during sex: Star Wars Lines During Sex 23: And I thought they smelled bad on the outside! 22. I think I just blasted it! 21. Size matters not. 20. Get in there you big furry oaf. I don’t care what you…

Does This ‘We’re Trying To Have Kids’ Sketch Remind You Of People You Know?

This funny video from Above Average about couples “trying” to have kids is humorous for many different reasons and we’re going to tell you what they are because everyone loves explained comedy. The first funny thing is the Red Bull line. The second funny thing is we know about a billion couples just like this husband and wife trying to have kids. There’s no difference between trying and banging…

# Funny Jokes For Every Situation

Keywords: funny jokes, funniest jokes, new jokes, joke The first joke dates back to Adam and Eve, back to the moments right after Eve told Adam she’d bitten into the forbidden apple. Adam looked at Eve and said, “Are you joking?” Comedy has come a long way over the years, but the major goal has always been the same: to make people laugh. Funny Jokes About Families & Relationships Everyone’s…

Putin Picks His Favorite Holiday Stocking Stuffers

Translated by: имярек Hey there! It’s me, President Vladimir Putin. I’m so happy America decided to go with my pick for president, Donald Trump. You wouldn’t believe the amount of work that goes into influencing the election of a foreign country. I mean, I was working for months with a bunch of geeks holed up in the basement of the Kremlin, and I’m so glad our hard work paid off. We’ve been…

New Book Explores Coming-of-Age in 1980s Comedy Club

The author of Miserable Holiday Stories tells a true, coming-of-age story set in the breakneck world of 1980s stand-up comedy. In his new memoir Plrknib, Alex Bernstein takes the “I’m with the Band” notion from Almost Famous and flips it into “I’m with the Comics”. At 16, Bernstein was the youngest regular at Cincinnati’s legendary comedy club, d.w. eye, desperately trying to balance high school…

“Oh! Susanna” is a song written by Stephen Foster, first published in 1848. Popularly associated with the California Gold Rush, the song is occasionally (and incorrectly) called “Banjo on My Knee”. It’s also a stupid song that will never go away. Ever. Like Rockabye Baby and the Star Spangled Banner. At least the terrible tune led to this funny webcomic from Mr. Lovenstein. [via Mr. Lovenstein]…

Here’s What Farm Animals Probably Think Of Farmers

Every time I change the cat litter with the cat watching I imagine he’s confused by the whole situation. The person he’s most attached to for shelter, food and love is picking up his shit and putting it into a plastic bag. He then takes the bag outside for some reason, probably for safe keeping. Why does his best buddy collect his shit? Or  maybe he really doesn’t give a fuck and likes to watch…

Being Like ‘Positive Guy’ Is A Good Way To Go Through Life

From the Second City archives, meet Positive Guy — the man who can bounce back from almost every terrible situation. Almost. From the 2012 revue Who Do We Think We Are?, Tim Baltz plays Mr. Positive. The next time life gives you lemons, take ’em, and go “thanks I’ll suck on those.” Positive Guy [via Splitsider]