formally kinky-ww

AKA: NEVER CALL A SUBMISSIVE NEEDY AGAIN!!

There are days that I feel like we are slowly brainwashing all the submissives in the community to believe that they should feel guilty for the amount of attention they want from their Dominant. While nobody is swinging watches back and forth in front of their faces or giving them treats when they express that they feel badly for the attention they crave, it is getting done nonetheless with the word “needy”. 

need·yˈ

nēdē/

adjective

lacking the necessities of life; very poor.

Needy is not a nice word. Needy is a derogatory word. Needy should not be what someone WHO CHOOSES to give their power and choices to someone else, should be labeled. 

Vanilla couples don’t have the problem with this word that we do. In their partnerships, the individuals are expected to bear the weight of the work, responsibility, and decisions within the relationship with some semblance of equality in mind. If one partner gets lazy, and falters, they may be perceived to be not pulling their weight, which may eventually lead to problems, and ultimately, the end of a relationship. 

We don’t do things this way in the kinky world. Before their first dynamics, submissives often spends many months and years yearning to give up their power and decisions to a Dominant, and be made to feel cared for, and safe. When they finally find that first dynamic, they dive deep into their role, exploring it by probing their partner’s reactions, requesting structure and guidance, and demanding copious opportunities to serve, and fulfill their prime directives. They have been told communication is the key to a happy and productive dynamic, and they embrace that communication and attention with their Dominant with eager and open arms. 

That’s when it happens: someone calls them needy for the first time, making them feel bad for the way they have been wired, and for being enthusiastic about their partner and dynamic. It is at this point the idea of “lacking the necessities of life” and being thought of as “very poor” by their Dominant, starts to go to war against the natural order of a D/s dynamic, and begins to eat away at them. It makes them anxious about demanding attention from their Dominant. It makes them feel guilty for making requests of them. Being labeled as “needy”, throws them all out of balance, because needing someone strong, who helps them make all kinds of decisions that they have longed to be rid of, and gives them opportunity to serve, is what they have always wanted, and who they are supposed to be, and now they are being told that it’s too much. 

Why do we do this to our submissives? As Dominants, we want to be the boss, to have love and devotion within our relationships, and to feel needed, but when we get what we want, and it feels like too much, we shift the blame over to the submissive and call them needy. The truth is, when one member of a couple has given all their power and their decisions to the other member of the couple, THEY ARE GOING TO HAVE A LOT OF NEEDS FROM THEM. If you call yourself Dominant, or are aspiring to be one, you should be fully prepared to be intensely needed by your submissive, because they have voluntarily given you all of their power, and it is now YOUR ROLE to make a myriad of even the most basic decisions from them, from what they will eat for breakfast, to what they will wear to work. They will want tasks and rules and punishments, and it is now YOUR ROLE to give those to them. If you feel this is too much, it is not their problem that they are “needy”, it is yours for not understanding what you were getting yourself into. If you are not up for being needed by someone more than you have ever experienced before in your life, it’s time to make peace with your aspirations of being a Caregiver, Master, or Owner, and retreat back to vanilla world from whence you came. A full blown D/s relationship with fun bedroom playtime and having everything your way, comes at a price, and that price is giant piles your focus, and guidance. 

Is it fair to say your submissive has a lot of needs, or demands a lot of your attention? Sure! It’s a little like saying an elephant has a lot of weight, or an anaconda a lot of length. That’s the way those things are, and to dwell on it, or become resentful for things being what they are, is pointless and insane. If you are looking for an animal who is short, or light, look elsewhere. 

How can we stop this? We can start by correcting Dominants and our already brainwashed submissive community by lashing out at the word “needy” when we see it and hear it. We should lash out at the word because it expresses the natural inclinations of submissives in a profoundly negative way, and chips away at their natural evolution on their way to becoming happy and fulfilled in their dynamics. 

Submissives are never “needy”. They may need a lot, but that’s what you ordered from the menu, good Sir. If they don’t feel the need to call you bossy when you tell them what to do, you should surely be able to resist calling them needy for offering you their dependence. 

Own me ~

... Liberare la mente da tutto ...e vivere solo di sensazioni ...

Thats right.

The crone. The ancient old woman. The witch. The hag.

The crone archetype is an aspect of the feminine not exactly associated with sexuality.

Women groom themselves to be girls. The younger the better.

Paint those lips red and blush those cheeks like you are wet and ripe for impregnation.

Make them believe you are in perpetual ovulation.

Make them hard. Make them desire you

Get that face lift. Suck in that belly. Bat those lashes.

Guess what.

The crone doesn't give a fuck.

And that is her power.

She embraces her spider lines and swinging, sagginesss.

After all, this is what life does to the body of a woman...eventually!

Does that make you uncomfortable? Would you rather not see?

Her secret threatens to corrupt you.

She can make you wild.

She can reveal to you your power.

Your volcanic senseless holy

Once she opens her mouth, the jig is up.

They tell you she is crazy.

Dangerous because she has broken out of that jail cell you call restrictions.

How would you have sex if you didn't give a fuck about how pretty you look?

Or how flat your stomach is?

The crone is not an object of desire.

She is free to claim her own desire.

In a world that praises women for being objects of desire.

Where the more lust you can seduce the more value you possess, the crone is laughing with that cackle that only women of power have.

She does not possess the enchanting beauty of the maiden or the fertile reproductive juices of the mother.

She no longer bleeds. She no longer bares children.

Her sex no longer waxes and wanes with the moon, gaining and draining energy with each passing tide.

She is full.

The portal to her blood has been sealed.

She is drinking in the nectar. She is bathing in its luminous darkness.

Her sex is a diamond pressed and polished by years of experience and wisdom.

She has passed through all the phases of initiation as a woman.

That heavy web of social conditions all feminine creatures are baptized into.

She is unraveling herself from these webs.

She has liberated her sex from all their stories.

She is making it to the other side.

Freeing herself.

Without the ability to be a mother or a sex object, what is left of a woman and her sex?

I’ll tell you what.

Pure power that doesn't give a fuck.

Crazy wisdom that knows how to make love to the moment.

Sex that ripples through every authentic cell of your body.

Sex that pulses with every tiny whisper of life knowing life.

If you want to find the seat of your sexual power.

Your real deep sovereign sexual nature.

Find the crone that lives in you.

Wild. Ugly. Innocent. Real.

The real initiation begins here.

Author: Maya Luna

“Dear Future Dominant,

Submissive women think and feel differently. We feel everything. We want everything. The ugly parts of you we want as well. Submission is a great gift that will be bestowed upon you but such a loving soulful submissive. You can not pick and choose what parts are worthy to share with her. Please learn her. Learn who she is first. Place the hands you own on her face as you take her hand on a powerful path. Understand the why of how she holds walls so high. Take each brick and throw them to the ground. Break down and be raw. Dominant’s should be vulnerable too. Understand nurturing. Love yourself before you love her. Make yourself a priority. Allow the submissive to hold you high and help you become the best man you can be. Never stop learning and knowledge is power. Make sure you are transparent in expectations. Laugh. Laugh a ton. Kiss her forehead and smile. Please make mistakes and work from them together.Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Place yourself first so you can become the best man you can be. It is at that point, you can take care of a submissive 100% Give yourself to her. Feel her presence as she kneels before you. Take each breath and understand those same hands around her neck will also be the same hands you will hold her with in aftercare. Be calm. Submissives hide when they feel scared. Never raise a voice, simply because you do not need to. Let her in who you are. Let her see the weakness you may have. Accept unconditional love. Do not have her ever second guess the submission and dominance of the relationship. Smile. Smile alot. Share with her how you need her to be at your mercy. Understand patience. Guarded woman are guarded for a reason. Learn why. Make her a priority. Communicate why you need her over your knee. Share with her you’re most powerful secrets. With a fist full of hair, explain to her in her ear what you need and will take. Never over step boundaries. Make her smile be the largest in the room. You will be the one to benefit 100% to learn her core. Be you. All of you. Just love her–and yourself.

Sincerely,