seungmin was never big on affection, especially with physical touch. it’s not that he was uncomfortable, per se, he just didn’t see the appeal in it. sure, he wouldn’t mind holding hands with you or kissing your cheek goodbye, but he would much rather show his love through acts of service.

you seem to agree with him too as you only ever hug or kiss him occasionally. so imagine his surprise when he caught himself suddenly longing for your touch during a random friday night.

it was one of your weekly movie nights where you both watch the cheesiest romance movies you could possibly find on the internet and make fun of it. it was nothing special, really.

except you were looking extra adorable tonight with the blanket wrapped tightly around your body that seungmin couldn’t help but stare. are you wearing makeup? is it because of the hoodie you stole from him earlier that makes you look so small he wants to absolutely cuddle you to death? or are you doing this on purpose just to drive him insane?

“oh my god they’re so stupid! it’s so obvious they like each other— ugh why do they keep denying it?” you huff in annoyance, cheeks puffed out in the process. this snaps seungmin out of his delusional thoughts of you and he glances at you, watching as you angrily cuss out the main characters on the screen. he so badly wants to pinch your cheek, maybe even kiss you. if only he was bold enough to do so. you would definitely think something was wrong with him if he did that. yes you were dating but seungmin was always known to not be the first one to initiate physical touch, he wasn’t about to ruin his reputation now.

you don’t notice that your boyfriend was not paying attention to the movie anymore, but you do notice his lack of response to your comment. you shift your head to face him, only to see that he was already staring intensely at you. you’ve never seen seungmin stare at you so intently that it’s making you nervous, already feeling the heat rise up to your neck.

“uhm—min are you alright?” always with that damn nickname. seungmin felt his heart skip a bit, and he quickly looked away from you, not wanting you to witness his flushed cheeks.

he was sure you caught a glimpse of it regardless, but luckily for him (or unluckily, depending on how you look at it), you are about as dense as a rock when it comes to him. thinking back to all the times you’ve unknowingly made him flustered, he felt that it was unfair that you had such an effect on him, yet you seem to be already used to his presence.

all of a sudden the little space that was between you both vanished, as if there had been no gap in the first place. seungmin grabs the blanket you had wrapped around you and places it around him as well, making it so you are now sharing it. this startles you. you’ve cuddled before, as rarely enough as it is, but this was different. a good kind of different because this time, it was him who did the first move.

you know he’s not fond of physical affection, so you welcome this rare opportunity of him being intimate with literal open arms and slowly wrap them around his waist.

“is something wrong, min?” you ask gently. the shitty movie is no longer a source of entertainment but rather just background noise now as you bury your face further on seungmin’s shirt.

he hopes you don’t notice the abrupt increase of his heart rate just because of that one simple action.

seungmin clears his throat, feeling shy despite the fact that he should be used to this now. “nothing’s wrong. i was just a little cold, don’t worry.”

”oh? then you should've said so earlier! i was hogging the blanket all by myself.” your eyes held guilt and although he felt bad for lying, he couldn’t control the slight giggle he let out. you were just too cute in his eyes.

”you looked like a perfectly shaped burrito, i didn’t want to ruin it.” seungmin teases, pinching your cheek as your frown deepens even further, but your eyes no longer carry guilt in them. instead they soften as you continue to hold eye contact.

you realise then how long his bangs have gotten, with it almost covering his eyes. so you reach over to move it away, before swiftly stealing a kiss in the process.

you pull away giggling and quickly went back to rest your head on his chest. you weren’t able to see seungmin’s expression, but knowing him, in spite of his nonchalant attitude, you were sure it had affected him.

and you were right. as soon as it registered in his brain what happened, seungmin felt the warmth in his cheeks spread all the way to his ears. he had not expected it at all. this was like his first date with you all over again.

”i know you just wanted to cuddle, but since you’re so cute i’ll let it slide.”

“congratulations to all of you!” the cheers got louder, echoing around the school gym, and simultaneously, you all threw your graduation caps in the air, celebrating the end of a story and the beginning of a new one.

you can’t believe it. you’ve finally graduated high school. all those sleepless nights of studying and countless exams have finally paid off. you’re now one step closer from going to your dream university. one where you can start fresh.

“you’ve grown so much now,” your mother sniffles, barely being able to contain her tears. “but i know you’ll always be my baby daughter.” she finishes, eyes filled with such warmth and you give her a tight hug, your father joining in as you cry happy tears at this emotional moment.

“of course mom, now stop crying or you’ll ruin both our makeups,” you joke, carefully wiping the droplets on your mother’s cheek using your thumb. your mother does the same to you and your father gives you a head pat, laughing slightly at the both of you.

“i’m proud of you yn, you’ve become a wonderful woman.” your father smiles warmly, giving you a light squeeze, and while pulling away he adds, “but just because you’ll be in college soon doesn’t mean i’m letting you go wild and date boys.”

“dad!” you whine, feeling embarrassed, and you playfully slap your father on the shoulder, which only elicits a chuckle and a ruffle of your hair. “what? i’m just protecting my only daughter. besides, australia is a huge and unknown place, who knows who you’ll meet there.”

“well lucky for you, i’m not interested in dating anyone.” which technically isn’t a lie but not the truth either. you don’t want to date just anyone since you already had your eyes set on someone else.

unknowingly, that someone else happens to be heading towards your direction right at this moment, with both your parents looking behind you. when you see their faces instantly morphing to one of fondness, you can immediately tell who they are looking at.

“yn!” you hear his voice before you see him, and when you turn around you are greeted with your best friend, the person you have been in love with ever since you learned what love is.

he flashes you an infectious smile that you couldn’t help but reciprocate, his pearly white teeth on full display as he gently pulls you into a tight hug. his parents are trailing behind him as they walk towards your parents.

“i can’t believe we graduated!” jisung exclaims, jumping up and down with you still trapped in his embrace, which causes you to move along with him.

“jisung-ah, please stop, i can't breathe—!” you manage to let out before he pulls away, eyes apologetic and a pout adorning his lips.

“sorry, i just missed you so much i couldn’t help it.” you can’t control the blush that starts to show onto your face and you scoff, looking away quickly in hopes he didn’t notice.

“you literally just saw me this morning, you big baby.” you tease, giving his forehead a little flick to which he responds with a dramatic ‘ouch!’.

jisung then proceeds to greet your parents, hugging them and then congratulating him on his achievements. you do the same with his parents and when you are done exchanging words, you both excuse yourselves.

you both arrive at the school rooftop, and once you close the door, you both heave a sigh of exhaustion.

“i still can’t believe high school is over.” jisung speaks first, his eyes fixated on the sunset as he rests his arms on the railings.

“yeah…” you mumble as you approach him before standing next to him and looking at the sunset as well. “now the real shit begins.”

this gets jisung to laugh, yet he still has this solemn look on his face. “you know, we only have one thing left on our bucket list before college.”

“travel to barcelona together, right?” he hums in affirmation, playing with the hems of his toga as he awaits your response.

“well we did agree to find a date first, so we can’t really do that.” you shrug nonchalantly, although you were anything but. the truth is, you didn’t want to date anyone else but him so you never actively sought out other people.

however, you can’t say the same for him. you’ve actually been tiptoeing around him a bit for the past few weeks ever since he and lia broke up, so it’s still a relatively fresh wound.

you remember waking up in the middle of the night to jisung knocking on your bedroom window, and when you let him in he broke down. it was your first time seeing him look so dejected, you weren’t sure what to do. he had sobbed quietly in your arms the whole night, and the only thing you could do was comfort him.

you don’t know the exact reason why they broke up, just that jisung told you that it had been his entirely fault. you want to believe him, though a part of you wishes to resent lia and blame her for everything, but you know you couldn’t do that. instead you just have to live with the fact that jisung will never see you that way and now that you’ve graduated and are moving to another country, you think you’re finally ready to accept that.

“who says we can’t be each other’s date?”

you think god is playing with you.

you whip your head to face jisung, only to find the serious look plastered on his features. you furrow your eyebrows in confusion and he notices, getting ready to explain. “i mean, we’ve been friends for years now, right? it seems like the only logical solution since we know each other better than anyone else, so why don’t we start dating?”

you continue to stare at him, unsure of what to do anymore. you never would’ve thought this would happen, but you have an inkling as to why he’s doing this.

“jisung… i know you’re still hurting but this isn’t the way to cope—” he cuts you off by grabbing both your hands in his, catching you by surprise.

“i’m being serious, yn. i want to try this, i want to see how this goes—and if it doesn’t work out then we can go back to being just friends, i promise! just give me a chance.” he pleads, puppy dog eyes on full display since he knows you can’t resist it. you almost give in, but you know this is only going to end in heartbreak, yours specifically. because you know you could never go back to just friends once you start dating.

you also know it wouldn’t last long especially since you’re moving away soon.

“jisung, i’m moving to australia.” you finally drop the bomb as you pull your hands from his and dart your eyes to look at the sunset instead.

you hear him mutter a ‘what?’ under his breath and when you glance at his reaction you see a mixture of what seems to be hurt and betrayal.

“why? when are you moving? why are you telling me this now?” jisung bombards you with questions, running a frustrated hand through his once perfectly styled hair as he waits for your answers.

“i wanted something new and exciting, like a new beginning.” you try to explain, keeping your voice calm as you begin to see jisung’s eyebrows furrow even more. “i’m moving next week and i only told you now because i knew you’d react like this.”

“like what yn? like i was betrayed by my own best friend? of course i’d react like this! how would you feel if i told you i’d be leaving the country in less than a week without any warning? and what about barcelona?” he asks you and you have nothing to say, knowing that you would react the same way. you were just being selfish and immature.

jisung takes your silence as confirmation and angrily paces back and forth. “i just don’t get it, why would you want to move away from here? away from me? have i just misunderstood everything?”

his last question confused you, making you wonder what he was talking about. “what do you mean misunderstood? am i missing something?”

this seems to fluster jisung as he now begins to stumble over his words.

“uhm—i mean, it’s just that i—uh kind of overheard you talking about your feelings for me—?” you interrupt him with a loud gasp, feeling a sudden wave of embarrassment rush through you.

you were so stupid, how could you let yourself be exposed so easily? as dramatic as it sounds, you feel like your life is officially ruined.

“…how long have you known?” you ask hesitantly, yet you were afraid of what the answer may be.

jisung seems to contemplate on what to say but eventually gives in. “i knew the day after the break up. i went to your place that morning and i heard you talking on the phone. you said you planned on confessing but ended up not doing it because lia and i just broke up and you didn’t want to overwhelm me.”

you were about to open your mouth to say something but jisung is quick to cut you off. “—but! please, hear me out. i like you too, yn. hell— i may even love you! and before you worry about lia, i promise you we’re not like that anymore. it’s just that you’re the one person who’s always been there for me and i was too blind to see it.”

your head was spinning, you’re not sure how to respond. yes, you want to go through the easy route and just accept his confession. you know how badly you want to just ignore all those times he unknowingly broke your heart by choosing everyone else but you. yet you’re aware that it isn’t the right choice.

because you’ve already accepted the fact that jisung will never be in love with you.

“i know you don’t mean that, so please let’s just forget this happened before one of us gets hurt.” you bite your lip to suppress yourself from saying more and jisung frowns, a mix of emotions showing on his features.

“then what do you want me to do so that you’d believe me?” he takes a step closer before gently tucking the stray hair behind your ear. he then cups your jaw, caressing it ever so slightly as you try to regulate your increasing heart rate.

“i’ll only believe you if you stop saying you love me just because i love you. say you love me because you love me, because that is what i deserve.” you whisper, and jisung wouldn’t have heard it if it weren’t for the fact that your faces were now only inches apart from each other.

“i love you.” his lips muttering those words were the last thing you see before you feel it press down your own. he kisses you like you’re the last bit of oxygen left in this world. he kisses you like he wants to kiss you. he kisses you like he loves you. and you kiss him back.

until you hear a ring. at first you both ignore it, continuing to wallow in each other’s presence. however the annoying sound wouldn’t stop, so you both begrudgingly pulled away.

you regret this soon after once you find out it was jisung’s phone, and the caller was none other than his ex girlfriend herself. what hurts more is the fact that he still had her number saved with a heart, clearly still not over her.

you start to feel the burning sensation in your eyes and you attempt to blink repeatedly to prevent the tears from falling but it only gets worse.

“wait, yn— i can explain!” jisung speaks before quickly mutes his phone and shoves it back in his pocket.

“explain what, jisung? that you’re still in love with your ex and i’m just a rebound to you!?” you exclaim, emotions clouding your judgement, making irrational yet you didn’t care.

“i—“ jisung sutters over his words, not even bothering to form coherent sentences and that’s when you understood everything.

god you were so delusional. why would you think jisung would fall for someone like you anyway? especially if he’s still hung up over his ex. you really are the biggest idiot.

“fuck you han jisung. fuck you and all your empty i love yous and promises.” and that was the last thing you say before you decided he was no longer in your life.

taglist

you hear the front door of your and seungmin’s apartment slam shut, signalling his arrival. the sound of shoes being thrown and a string of curses being followed after causes you to frown. you already know what that meant, another stressful day at work and another night of drinking.

you contemplate whether or not you should get out of bed and comfort your boyfriend, but you already know how it’s going to go. a never ending cycle of screaming, crying, then apologising, promising never to do it again.

still, you get up, albeit hesitant, and softly pry your bedroom door open. once you see seungmin in sight, you cautiously head over to him.

“seungmin…” you softly whisper, watching as your boyfriend attempts to keep his body from swaying back and forth while making his way to you. it proves futile when he topples over, almost knocking over a vase. you manage to catch him just in time, however he was too heavy, so you set him down on your shared couch and headed towards the kitchen.

“i’ll get you water and some soup so you can sober up, is that alright with you?” you don’t expect an answer, and as expected, you only hear a groan and ruffling of the couch before silence engulfs the air again. you pour a glass of water and microwave the leftover soup you had for dinner.

as you wait for the microwave to ding, you think back to all the times you and seungmin had dinner together. those memories seem so far away now. you used to cook each other food and giggle away, not caring if you’d set the house on fire. just as long as you were in each other’s presence, everything was fine. now even just one look from the other would be the most contact you’d both have in days. it’s all meaningless fights and broken promises now.

before you could stray too far from your thoughts, a ding was heard. you quickly pull open the microwave, grabbing the bowl of soup along with the glass of water you had poured.

when you went back to the living room, you see seungmin had already fallen asleep, soft snores escaping his lips as his chest fell up and down. you set down the glass and bowl on the coffee table and slowly sat in front of the couch where you’re now face to face with your once loving boyfriend’s face.

this was the first time in months since you’ve seen such a peaceful look on his face. as you gently move the few stray hairs off his face, you can’t help but let a tear fall down your cheek. you miss him. you miss his warmth, his scent, his smile, his kisses, his everything. you so badly want to go back to those simpler times. you wished things were simpler.

your touch seemed to wake seungmin up, his eyes fluttering open, a tired expression etched across his features. not wanting him to see you crying, you quickly wipe your tears before turning your attention back to your boyfriend.

“hey, i made you some soup. you should eat this first before heading to bed.” you went to grab the food but seungmin stopped you, grabbing your wrist. his grip was firm yet still gentle, not wanting to hurt you, yet unknowingly doing it for the past few months, and your heart warmed despite it.

maybe he’s going to ask you to stay? tell you he misses you? you hope so.

seungmin clears his throat awkwardly. “it’s alright, i already ate with the boys. you can just leave that in the fridge for tomorrow.” to say that you were disappointed was an understatement. he didn’t even utter a thank you, nor would he say he missed you.

you sigh loudly, prompting seungmin to glance at you with a confused look on his face. “what’s wrong? did i say something wrong?”

you scoff inwardly. is he playing dumb or is he really this oblivious? you’re growing frustrated at seungmin’s lack of attention though you try not to let it show.

“it’s nothing.” you avert your eyes away and keep yourself distracted by cleaning up, hoping seungmin doesn’t pry. but you’ve been together for years, he knows when you’re lying, and he definitely knows you’re lying right now.

“come on yn, don’t play dumb. tell me what’s wrong.” it’s like a trigger was pulled from you, because the next thing you know you're stood up, slamming the bowl you were holding back on the table and shouting to seungmin.

“play dumb?” you laugh incredulously. “i’m playing dumb? look who’s talking!”

seungmin is now sitting up, shocked at your sudden outburst. “i just asked you what’s wrong, what did i do?”

running an exasperated hand through your hair, you glare down at seungmin, who has a dejected look on his face. he almost looked like a puppy. however, you were tired of all this bullshit, so you weren’t going to fall for it anymore.

“do you really want to know what’s wrong? fine i’ll tell you. we’re always fighting and i’m getting sick and tired of it! you’ll be coming home at ungodly hours in the night, drunk out of your mind. do you even know the last time we had dinner together? it was six months ago! and every time, i always have to clean up all the mess you make and i don’t even get a simple thank you. then we’ll end up fighting again like we’re doing right now.” you focus on seungmin’s expression, watching as it morphs from frustration to one of something you can't quite decipher. still, you continue. “and what did you do? you did nothing! you didn’t fucking do anything! it feels like i'm the only one doing something in this relationship.”

…silence. all you get is silence. it felt like an eternity. you could feel bile forming down your throat from anxiety.

“if you’re not going to say anything then just forget everything—”

“so you just want attention, right?”

you’re genuinely about to lose your mind. “…are you actually being serious right now? did all of the shit i just said even register in your head?”

“i know i haven’t been around much but work’s been tough lately. look, can we talk about this in the morning? i’m really—” seungmin abruptly stops talking when you suddenly bolt out of the living room and to your shared bedroom.

when seungmin reaches the room, he sees you packing your stuff in a hurry, clothes strewn everywhere with you shoving them down your suitcase. “yn what the fuck are you doing?”

“i’ll be sleeping at minjeong’s for the time being until you get your shit together.”

seungmin is in utter disbelief at the situation that he can’t help the string of words that comes out next. “see this is why i’d rather get drunk than come home early now. you’re always so fucking dramatic, making a big deal out of nothing and leaving when things don’t go your way. hell, why are we even together at this point?”

this halts you from your movements, hands hovering above your suitcase, and seungmin soon realises the sheer gravity of his words. “yn, wait—”

“is that what you want?” you’re voice was barely audible but seungmin still hears it.

“yn no of course not! i love you.”

“do you really?”

“please believe me.” he almost begs and you want to believe him, you really do. but your heart hurts so much. you don’t think you could go a day longer seeing his face, so you choose what you feel is right for you at the moment.

“i don’t think i can anymore.” seungmin’s whole face drops and tears start to well up in his eyes. “n–no don’t say that, you’re just mad at me that’s why you can’t, right? r–right?” his lips quiver, hands shaking as he debated whether or not to approach you. seeing him look so devastated, you want nothing more than to comfort him because although you don’t believe he loves you anymore, you still wholeheartedly love him in spite of it all. but you stand your ground, breaking eye contact, afraid that if you even so much as glance at his eyes you’d immediately fold.

“let’s do it. let’s break up.” you say, thinking you’d feel relieved, but instead you felt even more awful. were you really ready to let go of the years worth of memories with you and seungmin? you don’t know, all you know is that the pain is too unbearable for you to continue this.

seungmin catches you off guard as he suddenly drops to his knees in front of you. you can see his shoulders start to shake as he grabs both your hands in his. “yn please i’ll do anything! i promise i’ll stop drinking and come home early, just please don’t do this.”

“seungmin… i can’t do this anymore. aren’t you tired of this? tired of us?” seungmin shakes his head, but you know he’s lying. you know he’s tired as well, he just doesn’t want to admit it out loud.

“i’m sorry for all the shit i said. none of it was true, i swear! i promise i’ll do better, just give me another chance.”

“i’ve already given you so many chances and you blew them off.” you pry your hands off of his before grabbing your suitcase and heading towards the front door. seungmin follows suit and when you open the door, a splash of rain suddenly touches your face. it was pouring outside, yet you didn’t even notice it.

“yn you’re going to get sick, come back inside!” seungmin shouts over the rain, and you have half a mind to follow his advice, but the more petty side got the best of you. so you walked out of your apartment, immediately getting drenched but you don’t care. you just wanted to get out of here.

“stop being stubborn!” you hear him call your name one more time, voice getting louder before he grabs your wrist, turning you around so you’re now in front of him. his hair and clothes were incredibly wet, sticking to his skin, and despite this, he still looked incredibly handsome. your heart skips a bit, and you curse yourself for getting flustered.

“can’t you at least just go in the morning? i don’t want you to get sick.” seungmin tries to shield you from the rain by hovering his hands over your head, and your eyes start to well up from tears. it’s like a light switch was turned off. one minute he’s being an asshole and the next he goes back to the seungmin you once knew, and you hated it. you hated these mixed signals.

you harshly pull down his hands and seungmin stumbles back a bit, clearly surprised by your actions. “what are you doing? can’t you hear me?”

“i can hear you but i’m not listening to you! i don’t care if i get sick so just leave me alone!” you wipe away the water from your eyes. you’re not sure if it was from the rain or from your cries anymore, maybe both, you don’t know. all you know is that you're making reckless decisions right now and you can’t stop it.

“please just—stop acting stupid right now!” you frown, giving seungmin a glare before running a hand through your wet strands. “do you know why i’m acting stupid right now? well it’s because of you!”

“wha—me?” seungmin points a finger at himself, eyes wide like he can’t believe it himself. “i’m not the one telling you to go outside while there’s a fucking storm going on!”

“yeah but you’re the reason why i even went outside in the first place,” you take a deep breath, calming yourself down before you continue talking. “i’m smart but when it comes to you, i just—i don’t know—i get so stupid.”

seungmin purses his lips, eyebrows pulled downward as he continues to stare at you in all different kinds of emotions. “fine, it’s my fault, everything is my fault and i’m sorry. now can we please go back inside?”

“…how is this sorry different?” you barely whisper, the rain pouring harder as you remain standing there, shoulders dropped in defeat.

“what?” you look at him more firmly this time. “how is this sorry any different from all your other sorrys?”

“i–i don’t know! look can’t we go inside and talk there instead? i can—”

you don’t wait for him to finish as you carry your luggage, not looking back at the man you once loved. you hear him call after you one last time, but you don’t look back.

seungmin wants to go after you, beg you again and again to come back, but he knows you never will, not after tonight. he fucked up. all he can do now, unbeknownst to you, is kneel on the wet ground and sob, clutching his chest. his heart wrenching cries are being muffled from the sounds of the pouring rain, which were reflecting the whirlwind of emotions he was feeling right now. he cries until he has no more tears left to cry.

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BANG CHAN

hello, love, goodbye

"kung mahal mo ako bakit pinapapili mo ako? mahal kita, pero sa ngayon mas mahal ko ang sarili ko. sana mapatawad mo ako." or “if you love me why are you making me choose? i love you, but right now, i love myself more. i hope you can forgive me.”

LEE MINHO

milan

"mahal mo ba ako dahil kailangan mo ako, o kailangan mo ako dahil mahal mo ako?" or “do you love me because you need me, or do you need me because you love me?”

SEO CHANGBIN

maybe this time

"there was never an us. there will never be an us. kaya please, wag mo na kong landiin." or "there was never an us. there will never be an us. so please, stop flirting with me."

HWANG HYUNJIN

my exs and whys

“am I not enough? may kulang ba sa akin? may mali ba sa akin? pangit ba ako? pangit ba ang katawan ko? kapalit-palit ba ako?" or “am i not enough? am i missing something? is there something wrong with me? am i ugly? is my body ugly? am i replaceable?”

HAN JISUNG

barcelona: a love untold

"huwag mo kong mahalin dahil mahal kita. mahalin mo ako dahil mahal mo ako, because that is what I deserve." or “stop saying you love me just because i love you. say you love me because you love me, because that is what i deserve.”

LEE FELIX

hintayan ng langit

"alam mo ba kung bakit sigurado akong mahal kita? dahil araw-araw kitang pinili." or “do you know why i’m certain that i love you? because i’d choose you everyday.”

KIM SEUNGMIN

the hows of us

“matalino akong tao pero pagdating sa'yo, ewan ko, natatanga ako." or “i’m smart but when it comes to you, i just—i don’t know—i get so stupid.”

YANG JEONGIN

starting over again

one.

this is it. hyunjin was going to confess. after days of rehearsing with jeongin— who played you surprisingly well, it was almost weird— he was finally going to tell you how he feels.

despite the practice, hyunjin could feel his palms starting to sweat, he was becoming fidgety all of a sudden. it was the third of december, just a few weeks before christmas, and he had asked you to meet up at his place so you both could continue your tradition of watching cheesy romance movies. he had everything set up, from blankets and pillows to your favourite food and drinks. it was all perfect and romantic, so he can’t back out now!

regardless of his anxiety-inducing thoughts, he waits for you, and as his watch reaches seven pm, he hears his doorbell ring. what greets him was a bright grin plastered on your face. you were wearing your favourite sweater— which was technically his but you stole it from him— with your hair tied into a half ponytail. he didn’t think you could get even more beautiful. however, time and time again you seem to prove him wrong.

hyunjin didn’t realise he was staring intently until you were waving a hand at his face to somehow snap him from his thoughts. he blinks twice before clearing his throat, reluctantly looking away from you and towards the food instead.

“you okay there, hyun?” that damn nickname will be the death of him, seriously. he only nodded his head, giving you a smile which seems to reassure you enough. once the both of you are seated on the couch, you immediately grab one of the cookies on top of the coffee table, taking a bite of it and humming in satisfaction.

“this is so good, hyun! did you make it?” you turn to look at him, your voice muffled by the food in your mouth and he finds you adorable with your cheeks puffed out.

“yeah, felix helped me— oh, and i made sure it wasn’t too sweet since i know you can’t handle too much.”

“you remembered?” your eyes seem to sparkle at his thoughtful action, and if all it takes for you to look at him like that was a simple gesture, then he’ll basically do anything for you. god, he’s so whipped he can't even deny it anymore.

“of course i remember, you’re my friend.” or maybe something more. hopefully, if he doesn’t chicken out.

“that’s so sweet of you! you’re like— the perfect man. i could literally kiss you right now.” you gush, but then widen your eyes when you realise what you just said. you glance at hyunjin, only to see his face turn pink, suddenly becoming shy at your claim. although he was happy you thought of him like that, he senses that you were slightly uncomfortable, so he decides to change the tone.

“just for that? you should raise your standards yn, or else you’ll end up with a sleazy man.” hyunjin teases, earning a cute pout from you. he feels relief wash over him when he sees you no longer felt uneasy, as well as a flutter in his heart at your expression.

“oh hush. don’t insult my standards, you’re basically insulting minho.”

oh. hyunjin’s smile drops. he tries to regain his composure, scratching his neck to distract himself, and grabbing one of the sandwiches he made for you. still, it was hard to grasp the information he just discovered, which was basically a slap to his face.

“so you like… minho hyung?” you shrug, not being able to look him in the eye as you finish your cookie. you can’t even look at him directly, do you like him that much?

“i mean he’s definitely a great guy, so i guess i do like him a little.” you admit, tracing circles on the pillow beside you, and hyunjin can feel his heart clench in pain.

the atmosphere changed after your confession. you and hyunjin still exchanged conversation normally, but it was like there was a wall between you now, contrasting to the fact that you were only inches apart from each other. oh well, so much for confessing.

two.

“why is he staring at me like that?” minho raises an eyebrow, eyeing hyunjin who has been glaring daggers at him for the past two minutes.

jeongin shrugs and shakes his head at his hyung’s childishness. “hyunjin hyung’s just being an idiot again.”

he doesn’t argue with that because he was being an idiot, getting jealous over something as mundane as your ideal type. it’s not like you guys are dating or anything, so it shouldn’t be a problem. that still doesn’t stop the green monster from coming out as he watches minho look effortlessly attractive under the horrid lighting of their shared apartment.

“well can’t he be an idiot somewhere else? i’m trying to decorate here.” hyunjin finally stops glaring at him, and instead opts to go back to his sketchpad, looking over at all the portraits he sketched of you.

sighing internally, he wonders if he’ll ever be able to confess to you, even if he was given the chance. hyunjin sulks in his seat, prompting jeongin to sigh in frustration. he decides to be a good friend today and nudges his shoulder, causing hyunjin to look up, revealing his pout and furrowed eyebrows.

“what do you want.” he deadpans. jeongin closes hyunjin’s sketchpad and gives him a look of annoyance. “listen, if you really liked yn then minho hyung being her ideal type shouldn’t stop you from telling her.”

minho takes a glance at hyunjin and points a finger to his chest. “i’m her ideal type? no wonder why you’re sulking.” he snorts out before going back to placing lights on their christmas tree.

although minho doesn’t comment much on it, hyunjin knows that information is going to spread in the groupchat later on, and he grimaces as he imagines all the teasing from them.

jeongin seems to realise this as well because he’s quick to cheer him up. “don’t listen to him, hyung! i mean just because minho hyung is her ideal type doesn’t mean you aren’t, right?”

now that he thinks about it, jeongin might be right. suddenly, a smile starts to grow on hyunjin’s face.

“then there’s still a chance she might like me back?”

“definitely! don’t lose hope hyung.” ever the supportive younger brother, jeongin gives hyunjin a pat on the shoulder while minho only scrunches his nose in response.

“you should ask her out to the party chan’s going to hold on the 25th.” he suggests and hyunjin lights up at that idea. feeling a rush of adrenaline, he abruptly stands up, causing jeongin to let out a squeak and minho to flinch in shock.

“i need to find yn.”

“wha— you’re going to ask her out now!? hyunjin, wait—!” and he’s gone. jeongin hears the door click shut and he goes over to minho, not even bothering to catch up with the lovesick boy anymore.

“didn’t he mention that yn’s on a family trip right now so she can’t contact him?” jeongin nods in confirmation as he helps place christmas balls on the tree, which causes minho to facepalm at their friend’s stupidity.

“i guess love really makes you dumber.”

three.

so the second time didn’t work out, but that was totally hyunjin’s fault. he forgot you would be away for a few days, being too excited to finally confess the feelings he’d been harbouring for you for a long time now.

however, it’s already the 20th of december, and you’re finally back. he’s sure not not to mess this up. he decided not to plan anything, opting to just say it.

as he arrived at your place, there was no denying the rush of nerves flowing within him. he had thought about just bolting out of there, and he almost did, but he knew that if it wasn’t now, then it was never.

hyunjin lets out a huff and rings your doorbell, trying to relax by focusing on the peephole of your door. this proves to be ineffective because the moment the door opened, he immediately made eye cantact with your beaming face.

“hyun! i didn’t know you were coming, is there something you need?” you step aside to let him in and he cautiously walks past you to sit on your sofa. trying to calm down his heart, he sees you moving over to sit next to him.

should he just say it now?

“nothing, really. i just wanted to see you.” he settles on saying that instead. you’re probably surprised to see him since he should be busy during this time of the year, so he’s playing it safe for now. however, once he takes a peek to see your reaction, it gives him a boost of confidence when he notices the pretty shade of pink adorning your cheeks.

“i was only gone for a few days.” you mumble out, but you don’t hide the smile that forms on your lips.

“few says too many.” hyunjin jokes. he’s feeling a little more bold now, so he slowly scoots a little closer to you until it feels as if you are almost only a hair away.

you don’t seem to mind the proximity, in fact, it’s like you moved even closer. or maybe hyunjin was being delusional, either way it still makes him giddy.

“well since you’re here i have something to tell you.”

“really? what is it?” this is probably the perfect time to mention that he has something to say too. “oh actually i just remembered i have to tell you something too.”

“then do you want to go first?” you tilt your head cutely while waiting for his answer and hyunjin only shakes his head no, gesturing for you to go ahead.

“do you remember how i said minho was my ideal type?” hyunjin nods slowly, not liking the way this was going.

“well i actually asked him out just yesterday.” you gauge his expression, watching as hyunjin starts to process your words. his eyes widen, mouth hanging agape, and you can’t tell if it’s from shock or disappointment.

“th-that’s—uhm,” hyunjin can’t even finish what he was trying to say, and he can feel his heart literally being ripped from his chest. is this god’s way of telling him that you would never be his?

“so yeah…” you can feel the awkward tension rise so you decide to shift the conversation. “what was it that you wanted to tell me?”

hyunjin suddenly remembers why he’s here, and he looks up to find you gazing at him expectantly with a warm smile on your face. if it was before all this, he would have melted at the sight, but now all he feels is the tight clench around his chest. it’s almost suffocating, he can’t even find it in himself to speak. the only thing he can do is leave, and so he does.

“hyunjin— wait, where are you going?”

“i’m sorry i have to go.” he manages to utter that out before he’s outside, closing the door shut and not looking back, afraid he might breakdown if he even glances at your face.

that’s it. he’ll never try to confess again.

four.

“hyung come on~” jeongin whines as he tries to drag hyunjin out of his bed by pulling his forearm.

“no! i don’t want to see the love of my life and the person who betrayed me being all lovey dovey.” he wiggles out of jeongin’s grasp and proceeds to pull his duvet cover over his head.

“ugh you’re so dramatic— you’ve been cooped up in your room for five days now! are you really going to let some girl ruin christmas for you?”

this gets hyunjin to push the covers off of him and sit up straight, shooting daggers at the younger boy.

“yn is not just some girl, she’s my best friend who i’ve been secretly in love with for the better part of my life. she’s someone i cherish and care for the most, and i’m not going to let you reduce her as just some girl.” hyunjin lets out a huff, making the long strands of blond hair covering his face move.

jeongin raises his hands up in surrender. a silent air filled the room before it was broken by minho’s slow, sarcastic clap.

“why don’t you say that again but to yn this time?” minho steps aside to let you enter the room and hyunjin lets out an audible gasp. he suddenly feels self conscious as you move closer to his bed.

“wh-what are you guys doing here? shouldn’t you be at chan’s party?” he focuses his attention on minho only to avoid facing you, his heart beating a mile a minute.

“we would’ve been if you weren’t a sulking idiot.” minho walks over to grab jeongin and heads towards the door.

“i made yn come over since i know you’d basically rot in your room until new year. now make out!” he shuts the door behind but not before you hear jeongin follow up with a ‘you mean make up?’, leaving only you and hyunjin inside.

minho’s obvious teasing left both of you feeling flustered, but decided not to comment on it.

“hyunjin.” you start, and for the first time since you arrived, he meets your eyes, which almost seemed red. were you crying? did he make you cry? or was it minho? either way he has to know why.

“were you crying? did someone make you cry? tell me who so i can beat them—”

a loud ‘umph’ escapes hyunjin’s mouth as you unexpectedly lunge towards him with a hug. he was so surprised he couldn’t even process what was happening in the moment. he felt himself go limp in your grasp, inhaling your perfume which had always intoxicated him.

is this what heaven feels like? hyunjin’s pretty sure it is.

when you pulled away—in that moment hyunjin suddenly felt a cold shiver run down his spine— he came face to face with your glossy eyes.

“you supid idiot, you’re the one who made me cry— and i’m in love with you too!” you confess.

and just like that, hyunjin’s whole world was turned upside down.

“wha—but i thought you and minho…?” you shake your head in response.

“i thought you didn’t like me back, but minho told me you did. i didn’t believe him though so he told me to tell you i asked him out to see your reaction. i didn’t think you’d walk out on me so i thought you hated me…” you mumble out the last words, looking down at your hands as you fiddle with them. now that you’ve reflected back on your actions, it was totally a stupid idea and you should’ve just told him how you felt then.

hyunjin was shocked at this revelation. so this was all minho’s idea!? he’s honestly not sure if he should thank him or cuss him out, although he feels it's safe to do the former if he doesn’t want tissues in his mouth again.

“i could never hate you, yn. not even if you told me you murdered someone.” this manages to make you giggle, to which it makes hyunjin feel the butterflies roaming around his stomach, just like before.

“i actually tried confessing, three times to be more specific.” he admits, causing you to shift your attention to him as a dramatic gasp leaves your lips.

“so we’re both idiots.” although it was meant to be an insult, hyunjin finds it endearing to see you look so distraught about it.

he reaches out to tuck a stray hair behind your ear amd swiftly kiss you on the cheek. you were stunned for a second, almost in a trance, but luckily you snap out of it and retaliate with a kiss of your own. you both end up giggling, feeling drunk on each other’s kisses as you take turns planting soft pecks on the other’s face.

hyunjin can’t believe he’s deprived humself of this pure bliss for years now, he’s definitely never letting you go—

“hey, are you guys going to come out there or what? we’re still going to chan’s party, you know.”

like glass shattering, minho breaks the moment hyunjin has been waiting for his whole life as he hears his older friend’s annoying voice from outside the room. you to pull away from each other, albeit reluctantly.

you still have lovesick grins plastered on, maintaining eye contact as you stand up from the bed and interlock your fingers with hyunjin.

“i don’t think i’ve ever been this happy since that one time we spontaneously went on a trip to japan.” you say while playing with hyunjin’s fingers.

“i don’t think i’ve ever been this happy ever.”

“oh stop, you’re lying.” you whine but end up covering your face with hyunjin’s shirt and he takes this opportunity to slide his arms around you, slowly swaying back and forth.

“believe what you want to believe, love.” the nickname slips out naturally and you look up, a pink tint adorning your cheeks. you stand on your tippy toes to plant another kiss on hyunjin’s nose this time.

“let’s go? i feel like minho’s going to slam the door open and kick us out himself any moment now.” you agree with his statement and go back to locking fingers before heading out towards hyunjin’s bedroom door.

however as you open it, you don’t expect to see evergreen leaves hanging atop both of your heads.

jeongin dangles the plant mischievously. “you guys going to kiss or what?”

you face hyunjin, only to find that he has already been looking at you this whole time, plump pink lips puckered playfully with his eyes closed. you laugh, caressing his cheek before leaning in to leave a soft, long kiss on his lips.

“ok i think that’s enough.” minho manages to pull you away from each other, making hyunjin narrow his eyes at him.

“no i don’t think so, i’ve waited too long for this!” hyunjin whines, proceeding to latch himself to your side. you only shake your head, smile tugging your lips at your boyfriend’s silliness. god, you could get used to this.

“and you have all the time in the world now that you’re together, now let’s go!”

“jeongin’s got a point. so how about you let me have yn tonight? i am her type after all, isn’t that right, yn?”

minho’s loud cackle resonates the room when hyunjin hurriedly tries to cover your eyes to prevent you from looking at minho.

jeongin, who’s had enough if his older hyung’s shenanigans, leaves the apartment.

it took about thirty minutes before you actually head to the party, but not without another shared secret kiss between hyunjin and you, his girlfriend, this time without a mistletoe.

“merry christmas, hyunjin.” you whisper between your kisses.

“merry christmas, yn.” despite the cold weather, everything felt so warm. you were warm, and he never wants to let you go.

“i love you.”

bang chan

lee minho

seo changbin

hwang hyunjin

han jisung

lee felix

kim seungmin

yang jeongin