The Pokédex According to Bill

I'm sure we'll all well aware of the current event surrounding a certain Unovan(?) entrepreneur who stylizes himself as a genius. It is therefore unnecessary to show me news about his latest "innovative endeavors" for the express purpose of "watching [me], an inventor, age about ten years every time."

So to get it out of the way for the thirteenth and hopefully final time:

Yes, I'm aware.

No, I don't know how he got a stainless steel tank, a rocket cobbled together from spare parts, a self-driving car that occasionally ignites into a ball of flames while trapping its driver in thanks to multiple design flaws, or the brain chip past an ethics committee.

Yes, I am "salty" that I made one mistake with one of my inventions, and now I'm constantly scrutinized by the Pokémon Cutting-Edge Technology Research Institute's ethics committee.

No, I do not want the brain chip.

Yes, I want to study the brain chip.

The fifth point is out of morbid curiosity as to how it got past an ethics committee, not respect.

Hopefully, this clears things up.

Best, Bill

-

{From the Mun:

I found this in the drafts, and I thought it would be hilarious to bring this out and tack on an update post while I'm at it.

. . . .

. . . .

Lanette? I'm going to need to be restrained.

Oh, Lanette found Glastrier shortly before we'd wrapped up our Crown Tundra adventure. Frankly, I'm a little tempted to give her Spectrier, given how quickly horse pokémon in general seem to take to her.

As for what it's like living with Calyrex . . .

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[BEGIN TRANSMISSION]

[Webcam footage of BILL at his desk, with CALYREX floating back and forth through his lab, arms flailing. BILL looks mildly annoyed as he continues to work on something at his workstation, apparently ignoring the commotion behind him. CALYREX'S speech has been translated from pokémon tongue below.]

CALYREX: Today is the day, Hero of Galar! You have ignored your training for nearly four years! Do you realize how much we must catch up on? Come! Out of that chair! Take up arms and show me what you're worth!

[CALYREX floats out of view. BILL groans and buries his face in his hands. A book flies at his head a split second before the video cuts.]

[END TRANSMISSION]

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Any pokémon can be a sign of affection if you're trying hard enough and you have good taste.

Edit: According to Lanette, this is not a proper answer, and I need to address this appropriately and with the disclaimer that your crush may or very likely may not take receiving a grimer as a compliment, even if your crush has excellent taste and appreciates the subtle beauty of a grimer's scent.

In any case, flowers tend to be a common symbol of love around the world, with members of the roselia line being of particular romantic importance in Sinnoh. You would think Hoenn as well, given that this is where roselia are also common, but in actuality, besides luvdisc, the second most common symbol of love would be volbeat and illumise. This is especially true in northern Hoenn, where towns and villages hold festivals during both pokémon's shared mating season.

As a side point, cherrim also holds some importance in Sinnoh—specifically their petals, which they shed in the spring during their own mating season. It's a common romantic trope to confess one's love during showers of these petals, though cherrim itself is not as strong a romantic symbol as its more venomous grass-type cousin.

Meanwhile, in Alola, one may give their crush comfey, but minior are also common symbols of love (specifically, scaling a mountain to catch one for one's crush). Across the globe in Kalos, the flower of choice is of course a member of the flabébé line (preferably flabébé itself), though rumor has it that young Kalosean women really prefer spritzee or carbink these days, if you're going to be giving your crush anything at all. (Contrary to popular belief, meowstic is not a symbol of love. It is, however, common in romance movies because it actually symbolizes domestic bliss.)

You're pretty spot-on about the gift-of-choice being an applin in Galar, and meanwhile, in nearby(-ish) Paldea, most Paldeans actually don't gift pokémon to their crushes. However, it is a long-standing wedding tradition for a groom to present a bride with a gholdengo that he's thoroughly befriended. (As a note, this tradition can indeed be seen in various regions across the globe that had at one time or another been a colony under the Paldean crown, though it's of particular prevalence in Paldea itself.)

As for Kanto and Johto, in both regions, it's actually even less prevalent to gift one another pokémon than it is in Paldea. Rather, we typically give each other food—especially chocolate. As such, we don't consider any particular pokémon to be a symbol of love, but it's not uncommon to give someone your favorite pokémon along with your chocolate.

Is that why all of the eevee you give out are holding boxes of chocolates? —LH

To be clear, a box of chocolates and a pokémon is also a common gift combination to friends and coworkers in Johto. —Bill

Yes, but fancy chocolates? —LH

Fancy? He gave me a bag of Kit Kats. —Bebe

You guys are getting chocolate? —Celio

I got a rock. —Cassius

dude'd def get a kick out of seeing the world out of eevee's eyes for sure ..

the last 2 researchers that went down into the big crater in the middle of the region (that's also chock full of cryptids) went missing...

As the young trainers say today, skill issue.

. . .

You know, [REMAINDER OF POST HAS BEEN DELETED]

No. —LH

What? We'd be solving one of the great mysteries of the pokémon world! —Bill

A collection of proposed responses Lanette has rejected and subsequently requested I don't publish:

Teach them "Freebird."

You cannot. Embrace your fate.

Subject them to better music by way of playing a record of choice on repeat until they understand what it's like to hear the same song on repeat for days. This is technically torture and possibly a violation of the Geneva Convention, but I would argue that so is subjecting someone to a nonstop marathon of the worst Oasis song in existence.

Start an Oasis cover band and play a few concerts. This won't necessarily help you, but you'll at least earn money from it.

Teach them "Stairway to Heaven."

Two points of technicalities worth considering here. First, Blue is technically considered to be a temporary gym leader, while Viridian continues to search for a more permanent resident after the mysterious disappearance of its previous leader. He's been offered a permanent position, and should he accept, the Association would likely ask him to develop a theme or plan of direction (basically, a document outlining his goals) for the gym. That's still in talks, though; the sudden disappearance of the previous leader really left our hands tied.

Oh, yes, dear reader!

This may sound a bit unusual, but it's theorized that the vanillite line developed this ability over eons of Darwinian evolution, as it would stand to reason that those who could generate the thin, poisonous slime coating Acid Armor produces survived longer than those who couldn't.

As for why, let's just say there's something about the shape of these pokémon that compels most living things to lick them.

i take it no one has told you about Team Star in paldea ?

that team's boss is also a fan of eevee if you're curious .

That team's boss is clearly a person with impeccable taste.

Bill, that team's boss is likely the head of Paldea's regional crime syndicate. —LH