*tall/handsome

“no you didn’t get me! it’s an electric drill. if you get me, you kill me!”

‘donald duck never wore pants, but when he got out the shower he always put a towel around his waist. i mean, what’s that about??”

“they ate my last stick of um, so i killed them. do you think that was wrong?”

“wow i’m a duck i go quack quack i’m happy all the time!”

“so i can’t fire joseph, but i can sleep with his wife.”

“it’s not me, it’s my character!”

“he seduces his coworkers wives for sport and then laughs about it at the watercooler the next day.”

“no freakshow, she’s fictional!”

“TIME FOR BAYWATCH.”

“we can just stay in and cook for ourselves? *maniacal laughter*”

“take off your shirt!”

“you know those big streetsigns that say merge? i was thinking we could get one to hang over my bed. MERGE!”

“neat! i’m gonna die alone!”

“if i’m gonna be an old lonely man, i’m gonna need a thing. a hook. like that guy on the subway that eats his own face. so i figured i’ll be crazy man with a snake. you know CRAZY SNAKE MAN! i’ll get more snakes, call them my babies. kids’ll walk past my place and they will run. RUN AWAY FROM CRAZY SNAKE MAN!”

“it’s 6:30 in the morning, we’re not working out. it’s over.”

“so, it looks like this internet thing is here to stay, huh?”

“yeah don’t worry about me, i’m fine. FUNG HA!”

“if i helped we could FIND THE FASTER.”

“her ankle is what you’re watching??”

“just doing her job.”

“will you marry me? will you… marry me? hey. you marry me.”

“no you can’t have my jacket, then i’ll be cold. you thought you were gonna be cold you shoulda brought your own jacket.”

“HEY! i don’t know why i did that.”

“i was making a coconut phone with the professor.”

“my girlfriend is out there thinking things over, YOU MADE ME GIRLFRIEND THINK!”

“yes, we know there are magazines with pictures of naked women in them.”

“i think it’s great you work here, you’re gonna make a lot of money and here’s your first tip: don’t eat yellow snow.”

“being with her has been like being on a vacation..?”

what may be perceived as high maintenance, is merely attention to detail. and… generosity of spirit.”

“have you figured out what started the fire, mr fireman?”

“hold the phone, you’re not elizabeth’s dad?”

“boy did we make friends with the wrong sister.”

“i don’t think you should say that even when you are healthy.”

“come on now ya big faker!”

“yes honey, i made it myself.”

“nice camouflage, for a minute there i didn’t see you.”

“i’m sorry, we don’t have your sheep.”

“i’ve just realised i can sleep with my eyes open.”

“look i took a test and it turns out i do put my career before men.”

“i am not BLAH, i am a HOOT.”

“someone on the subway licked my neck, LICKED MY NECK!”

“DEAR GOD THIS PARACHUTE IS A KNAPSACK!”

“all right, rock paper scissors for who has to tell her to leave.”

“sometimes i hold stuff like this and pretend i’m a giant.”

“i’m glad we’re having a rehearsal dinner, i rarely get to practise my meals before i eat.”

“oh that makes me feel warm in my hollow tin chest.”

“i say more dumb things before 9am than most people say all day.”

“hi! i make jokes when i’m uncomfortable.”

“why yes, pressing my third nipple, it opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of narnia.”

“can you lose your virginity again? i feel like mine’s growing back.”

“until i was 25 i thought the only response to i love you was oh crap!”

“we swallow our feelings, even if it means we’re unhappy forever. sounds good?”

“you know, i don’t think i care.”

as requested by anon. Feel free to change pronouns or anything else !

“I need a new familiar.”

“It’s a love potion! What could possibly go wrong?”

“My broom needs to be taken to the mechanic again.”

“If ___ only knew the kinds of things I could do to him/her/them…”

“I’m only a witch, not a miracle worker.”

“Halloween is my aesthetic.”

“Where can a witch find some decent beetle eyes around here?”

“Please don’t tell me that you just sat on my wand.”

“Do you think this is Harry Potter or something?”

“You can’t just say a bunch of words that sound like Latin and expect to make magic.”

“What? No magic here. Just gals being pals.”

“Of course I’m a witch. I just don’t have green skin or face warts.” / “I really wish I looked like a cartoon witch. That would be awesome.”

“Stop putting your potion ingredients in the fridge!”

“Magic is a sophisticated craft. You can’t just say ‘pizza-us apparatus’.”

“I can’t believe that this spell is too advanced for me.”

“The only family I would marry into is the Addams family.”

“I can pass as a goth.”

“Look, I’m sorry I turned you into a toad.” / “If I had it my way, you’d still be eating flies.”

“What are you gonna do? Burn me at the stake?”

“Be nice to my familiar. Our souls are literally bonded.”

“How dare you accuse me of trying to sneak a potion into your food?!”

“We have to ask ourselves: what are magic’s limitations? Like, can it unburn my chicken nuggets?”

“Why would I clean when the dishes can do themselves?”

“Some people just don’t appreciate magic the way that they should.”

“I told you not to summon demons in the house!”

“I may be a witch, but at least I’m not a bitch.”

“you look nice tonight.”

“i have to say, i was kind of nervous about tonight.”

“do you want to… come inside?”

“don’t even think about paying for dinner.”

“what do you have planned for us tonight?”

“what took you so long to ask me out?”

“it’s been a long time since i’ve been on one of these…”

“i’ve never really been on a real date before.”

“you’re being extra shy tonight - it’s cute.”

“i’m underdressed, aren’t i?”

“i’m overdressed, aren’t i?”

“i’ve never been good at first dates.”

“this is usually the part where you’re supposed to kiss me.”

“this was a disaster, wasn’t it?”

sometimes going to school is worth it.

❛ okey, you press that button & i’m just going to stand way over here. ❜

❛ i could go slower, but i don’t want to. ❜

❛ i’m glad you’re entertained. that’s very important to me. now shut up. ❜

❛ you have six seconds to answer & tell them to shut their phone. ❜

❛ oh, that’s nice. i’ve always wanted an iphone. could’ve at least fixed the screen, though. ❜

❛ hang on, i think my pizza rolls are on fire. ❜

❛ OUT, GET OUT, THE MICROWAVE CAUGHT ON FIRE! ❜

❛ who wants to jump out of the window for me? it’s for an experiment. ❜

❛ what did you draw for me? ❜

❛ i thought people drew dicks on tables only in fifth grade. ❜

❛ DON’T AIM FOR URANUS. ❜

❛ can you hold my gun for a second? ❜

❛ it was not my intention to shoot you. ❜

❛ you laughed, i didn’t, did you notice that? ❜

❛ the angle doesn’t matter, does it? ❜

❛ oh, yes, because heaven forbid people start kissing. ❜

❛ as everyone knows, kissing leads to sex. ❜

❛ oh no! a boob! whatever are we going to do!? ❜

❛ what are you—five? ❜

❛ how do you accidentally fall out of a plane? ❜

❛ congratulations, you just killed everyone. ❜

❛ THIS IS NOT A DRILL. it’s a screwdriver. ❜

❛ don’t be rude. share your gummy bears. ❜

❛ you can’t substitute water with spit. that’s just gross. ❜

❛ you can totally make a bowling ball out of feathers. ❜

*SCREAM OF TERROR*

❛ bless your ass out of here. ❜

❛ don’t give me any of that cheap stuff. ❜

❛ jesus can’t help you now. ❜

❛ i refuse to believe you’re that stupid. ❜

❛ i am done with your sarcastic attitude. ❜

❛ the only excuse for not coming is dying. ❜

❛ the only size that matters is the size of the statue. ❜

❛ i don’t get payed enough to deal with this. ❜

this ask meme is based on the blog gravesuggestion.  i’ve divided it up into two categories  ( light  &  dark )  based on the themes.  some of these can be somewhat triggering seeing that the darker ones deal with a lot of death mentions.  please be cautious before continuing on!!

L I G H T

‘  at night i dream of you.  ’ ‘  don’t give up yet.  you still have time to fix things.  ’ ‘  falling in love with someone else is not a personal attack.  ’ ‘  i am still so weak when it comes to you.  ’ ‘  i can’t believe i let myself let you down.  ’ ‘  i don’t care where we go when we die,  as long as i’m with you.  ’ ‘  i dream of saying to you all the words i held inside until it was too late.  ’ ‘  i feel so warm  &  safe when you talk to me.  maybe i could love you if you’d let me.  ’ ‘  i finally let the right people in  &  i have never felt so loved.  ’ ‘  i like the way your nails paint red stripes along my spine days after you’re gone.  ’ ‘  i lived in your permafrost for twenty years  &  then you looked at me  &  i felt the warmth of spring.  ’ ‘  i once wished you’d leave me alone,  but i take it back.  ’ ‘  i want to be able to love someone else,  but you stretch your arms  &  spread your legs inside my heart so that there is no room for anyone or anything else.  ’ ‘  i want to believe that we got it right this time.  ’ ‘  i wonder how much longer i can cling to your light before it expires completely.  ’ ‘  i would travel across the world to be by your side,  because as long as you are with me,  anywhere is a perfect place to me.  ’ ‘  it took me awhile to realize it myself,  but you are not what other people say you are.  ’ ‘  it’s not that i really need you,  but life would be pretty boring without you around.  there’s no one i would rather be with.  ’ ‘  i’d like to stay like this for awhile.  ’ ‘  life  &  death don’t have to be so boring,  let’s make both an adventure.  ’ ‘  life imitates art,  they say.  i didn’t believe it until i started to notice the way your eyelashes look so much like tiny ink stroke.  ’ ‘  live your life so that when you die,  souls will come for miles just to hear your historic tales.  ’ ‘  make your exes jealous  &  your past self proud.  ’ ‘  maybe you’re what i needed to find in order to move on.  ’ ‘  never get caught falling harder.  they’ll never let you back up.  ’ ‘  please don’t go.  ’ ‘  some days it’s easier to just stop fighting it  &  succumb.  ’ ‘  sometimes,  you’ll find it hard to keep going,  but you always will.  ’ ‘  the desire i feel for you is that same itching,  insidious hunger that an addict has for their addiction.  ’ ‘  the worst thing about you is that you weren’t all bad.  ’ ‘  there is absolutely nothing  &  no one who can stop me.  ’ ‘  there is no route of losing you that is without pain.  ’ ‘  there’s still room for adventure  &  there is no one i’d rather have by my side.  ’ ‘  things didn’t turn out the way i planned,  but i’m alright with that.  ’ ‘  we could be really incredible together,  you know?  ’ ‘  you are beautiful  &  vibrant  &  confident.  you are light  &  laughter incarnate  &  every fiber of your being screams freedom  &  joy.  when i am with you,  i am truly happy.  ’ ‘  you are starlight incarnate,  from the grand way you sway your hips to the wide mysterious way you think.  blessed are any to be loved by you.  ’ ‘  you are too afraid of the future to let go of a past that was never kind to you.  ’ ‘  you call me yours  &  i have no idea what that even means to you.  ’ ‘  you remind me of bubblegum  &  sweets;  soft  &  pink  &  warm.  you are strong in the gentlest way.  you are so stubbornly kind.  i wish i could be like that.  ’ ‘  you still visit me while i sleep sometimes.  your fingers trace my spine  &  i listen to you breathe.  please stop haunting me.  ’ ‘  ‘morbid curiosity’ is a wonderful way to describe how i feel about you.  ’

D A R K

“please… just kiss me…”

“i really want to feel your hands on me”

“touch me.”

“kiss me.”

“hold me…”

“just a little longer”

“come closer”

“keep whispering”

“god you make me feel alive”

“i want your tongue all over me”

“put your hand on my thigh”

“i love the way your hand feels”

“you smell so good”

“i don’t want to let go”

“i don’t think i can let go”

“there’s something in the way you touch me”

“your breath leaves goosebumps on my skin”

“closer…”

“more, please…”

“your breath is so warm”

“your hands are so cold”

do you write a character from the chilling adventures of sabrina or sabrina the teenage witch ? would you like to be featured on the masterlist ? if you want be added, please reblog this post and tag with: 

your character’s name

canon / oc / crossover verse

as requested by anon. Feel free to change pronouns or anything else !

“I need a new familiar.”

“It’s a love potion! What could possibly go wrong?”

“My broom needs to be taken to the mechanic again.”

“If ___ only knew the kinds of things I could do to him/her/them…”

“I’m only a witch, not a miracle worker.”

“Halloween is my aesthetic.”

“Where can a witch find some decent beetle eyes around here?”

“Please don’t tell me that you just sat on my wand.”

“Do you think this is Harry Potter or something?”

“You can’t just say a bunch of words that sound like Latin and expect to make magic.”

“What? No magic here. Just gals being pals.”

“Of course I’m a witch. I just don’t have green skin or face warts.” / “I really wish I looked like a cartoon witch. That would be awesome.”

“Stop putting your potion ingredients in the fridge!”

“Magic is a sophisticated craft. You can’t just say ‘pizza-us apparatus’.”

“I can’t believe that this spell is too advanced for me.”

“The only family I would marry into is the Addams family.”

“I can pass as a goth.”

“Look, I’m sorry I turned you into a toad.” / “If I had it my way, you’d still be eating flies.”

“What are you gonna do? Burn me at the stake?”

“Be nice to my familiar. Our souls are literally bonded.”

“How dare you accuse me of trying to sneak a potion into your food?!”

“We have to ask ourselves: what are magic’s limitations? Like, can it unburn my chicken nuggets?”

“Why would I clean when the dishes can do themselves?”

“Some people just don’t appreciate magic the way that they should.”

“I told you not to summon demons in the house!”

“I may be a witch, but at least I’m not a bitch.”

a collection of dirty talk sentences.

soft .

“ I want to lick you all over…”

“ You’re so hot…”

“ ~Keep doing that.”

“ There’s no where else I’d rather be than inside of you right now“

“ Keep spreading, baby ~ I’m gonna fill you up so good…”

“ That feels amazing baby “

“ Tell me what you like ~ “

“ Come sit on my lap, love “

“ Mmm… do you like that? “

“ I’m getting so turned on/wet/hard “

“ You look so handsome right now…“

“ What do you feel like doing to me?” 

“ You look so gorgeous right now…”

“ I love how you look at me when you’re turned on…” 

“ Tell me if it’s too hard…”

“ Mmm… you taste so good baby. ” 

“ ~ Tell me when you’re about to come?”

“ I could spend all day between your legs…”

“  I’m getting close —”

“ You’re so damn gorgeous. “

less soft .

“ I love your big hands all over my ass.”

“ ~  Get on your knees for me?”

“ I love your big hands all over my chest.”

“ I love your small hands all over my cock.”

“ You have such a perfect ass/cock/pussy/body/etc.” 

“ I love it when you grab the sheets when you’re about to come. “

“ I love how your breath pauses when I put my mouth on your cock.”

“ Cum in my mouth. I want to taste you. ” 

“ I love how your breath pauses when I put my mouth on your pussy.” 

“ That’s it ~ Good girl/boy…” 

“ You sound so sexy when I’m going down on you “

“ I want you to cum for me/on me/in me”

“ You can have me any way you want me baby “

“ Mmm… I can tell that you’re having fun…”

“ Where do you want to cum? ~”

“ Relax… just lie back and let me make you cum. “ 

“ Where do you want me to cum?”

“ ~ I love the things you do with your tongue.” 

“ Strip for me, honey. Slow. I want to savor every inch of you. “

rough .

“ I want you to cum so hard that I feel your cock pulsing inside of me “

“ Get on your knees ~ ?”

“ I love how big your cock gets when I talk to you like this. “

“ Want to make me scream? I’ll bet you can. “

“ I want to fuck you until I feel that sweet little pussy clenching around my cock “ 

“ Tell me how much you love it when I fuck you/when you fuck me ” 

“ I want to fuck you until I feel that sweet little ass clenching around my cock ” 

“ Tell me how badly you want me to fuck you…” 

“ Mmm… I fucking love it when you ride me like this…“

“… I own this pretty little pussy/big wet cock ~”¨

“ Get over here, big boy. Show me what you’re packing. “

“ I’m going to lick you and suck you until you come. “

“ Ride me harder !” 

“ That pretty little face deserves to get fucked ~”

“ I love it when I can feel you squeeze around me “

“ Use your mouth on me. “

“ You like that, don’t you? You like it when your woman does that to you? “

“ I adore how naughty you are. “