For some folks, the “Love is’ comic sums up their ideal life. I am not among that group. For me, it seems more like the thick fondant icing draped over a cake that crumbled when removing it from the pan. The imperfections can’t always be seen, but they are there. We all are human, with sometimes maddening and sometimes glorious imperfections. Those imperfections can be hidden, but throw enough heat at it and they soon will show through the layers of frosting. To remove all doubt, I believe the “Love is” comic strip isn’t just idealistic, it’s a dangerous fairy tale young lovers can use to help ignore the realities needed for love. That isn’t to say that there isn’t room for an old-timey comic strip that celebrates real love. I am a giant believer in love, but also have lived enough life to know that Love is not “…watching her favorite program together!” as the comic asks you to believe.
My relationship with Sweet Girl followed a typical path for too long. I loved her deeply, in my clumsy way, but I wasn’t trustworthy. I’d make plans, hoping they’d happen, and then face her disappointment as part of the deal when they didn’t work out. I trusted her and she trusted me, to a point. I was independent. I needed the safety of not being fully honest all the time. It was the nature of love, I reasoned, that the cake always would be crumbly and the time together would be the thick fondant to cover the imperfections. It’s how I learned to love all my life and I never knew it wasn’t actual love. Until Sweet Girl opened my eyes.
She loves to bake. And she is a perfectionist when it comes to things she creates. If she bakes a cake and it crumbles, she could cover it with fondant and move forward. But this isn’t how Sweet Girl rolls. She’d bake the cake 1,000 times until it was perfect. In contrast, my outlook would have been to bake the cake one time and focus making great fondant to cover it. That difference is the real nature of love, and one we needed to work out for us to have our ‘Love is…” come to life.
Among my kinks is the desire to be both dominated and locked in chastity. These I found along the way, but never really understood until I shared them with Sweet Girl. I often say that I don’t understand love because I was raised by wolves. Love throughout my life was balanced with lying, self-serving behavior, and a careless, undisciplined approach to those I claimed to love. It’s how I was raised. It’s how I lived my marriage. My co-dependents in the endeavors acted similarly. For Sweet Girl, this was a fatal flaw that could break us. But as I shared my sexual desires to be dominated by her, to give her control over my orgasms, I realized this a cry for help in being a better man. She is beautiful and loves me so much, she agreed to help me by being firm and demanding of me in every dealing, even sexually.
In our current situation, the installation of a chastity device isn’t possible. It will when we are finally together full time, but for now, she made a request. That I stop masturbating without her permission. In the beginning, I think it was tongue-in-cheek for both of us—but it was so powerful to me. It made me realize that in a very real way she cared for every part of me and she took to heart that I wanted her to own every drop of my cum. That by making that small promise, I really did owe her complete honesty about my masturbation. I’d written previously about one time I lied about masturbation and how she spanked me. How it impacted me. How much it meant that she was forced to do something she doesn’t like and hurt me because I couldn’t keep my promise. I finally connected the dots that what I really needed was discipline to be the man I could be.
This week, big happenings are on the horizon for our journey. Sweet Girl told me that she was meeting Jeff on Thursday for drinks and we were going to meet on Friday for her to finally feel his cock slide inside her. There was a lot of very sexy talk about how she wants to kiss Jeff and touch his cock on Thursday. How she will need time alone with him in the room on Friday. How I will be swallowing at least two loads of his cum from her pussy. She ended the night with homework to allow me to cum. A pic, shared with her and Jeff, of a coin on my dick for which he agreed to do the same. And, a note about how much I love her posted here. My reward, if I am successful, is one last opportunity to cum inside her before Jeff this week.
Needless to say, I want to bed very turned on. And after a few sexy messages with her, she bid me goodnight. As I lay in bed, I instinctively pulled down my boxers and began stroking and thinking about the week ahead. All the things that turned me on. Within seconds, I felt pangs of guilt. I stopped and pulled up my boxers. She’d told me no earlier. I was not keeping my word to her and I sent her a message confessing what I’d done and offering my sincere apologies. This morning, I awoke to this from Sweet Girl, “And about your transgression yesterday. I am disappointed but also proud of you for stopping. That had to be difficult. You show me real love when you stop yourself.”
There it was. Not the sort of “Love is…” that could grace the Saturday Evening Post, but the real nature of what love is all about. She continued, later, “I was disappointed that you started to not take this seriously but also proud that you were able to stop yourself. I think that shows who you are and is, in some ways, even more impressive than not starting at all. It’s not about the act. It is about your commitment to honor your word.”
Honoring my word. Telling the truth. Being open. Trusting her to love me no matter what. Being honest even when I may feel a sting for disobedience. Knowing that she believes in me so much, that these things really matter. Feeling true guilt and shame for letting her down. Living in the knowledge that her disciple and love will make me a better man. So strong is her love and belief in me that I must keep up my end of the love. These are the things that are the core of a real “Love is…” cartoon. And today, even more than yesterday, I finally understand how to love someone in a real, respectful and meaningful way. Sweet Girl, thank you for having the patience and understanding to bake this cake 1,000 times to get it right. You give me the strength to be the kind of man I truly can be—your man.
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