It is kinda fucked how being ace or aro pretty much automatically means you’re isolated, even from your queer peers.
To be clear (and this isn’t an indictment of any of yall), I wasn’t talking about « bigotry » or « infighting ».
I meant more to talk about how when you’re aro, there’s this whole side of relationships, those that are lauded as the « most powerful bonds » that you don’t have access to. You’re effectively barred from getting to close to people you know? How must it feel, to know yourself secondary in all relationships? If all you can have are friends, how do you cope with the expectation that all those friends could leave you to live with a partner?
And when you’re ace, especially when otherwise queer (like, being transfem), you have to reckon with the fact that no matter what, there’s a facet of socializing that you can’t access. This goes into relationships too, of course. What do you do with partners that expect some degree of sexual reciprocation? What do you do, when flirting, playing with desire, is so common in your community? Do you just accept you’ll be isolated from your peers in a tangible way? Is that even something you can accept?
I can’t claim these are the worst things the world does, nor to have solutions. But, when connecting with people, and doing so deeply and fully is predicated on relating with them, sexually or romantically, and you can’t do that. What do you do?
And worse, can you even speak up about it? What if you do, and your friends see it, and they think, in their kindness, I shouldn’t interact with this person sexually/romantically. What do you do if talking about it gets you isolated, by people who are trying to be kind?
Stars. I’m holding all of your hands. We’re not alone. We have each other
Yeah. I watch people around me move on to marriage and houses and kids and joint bank accounts or whatever else, and it's not FOMO exactly because I don't want or feel interest in those things, but it's like I'm being left behind.
I get invited fewer places because all of my friends are couples. They do couples things now. I don't have a partner to share my burdens with, to help me manage all the labor that comes with just being alive, or keep me company.
All my friends and old classmates and acquaintances are all planning these big, shared lives, and I'm wondering how I'm ever going to make it. It doesn't matter how many friends and ace/aro person has, or how close they are with their family, or any of those other things. Sometimes, it's still Just Me.
I'm watching through the window at a type of warmth I don't even want, but don't have anything to replace it with.
