Mallard

I have so many questions

lol i have a fetish for people being kind of nice/respectful to me

"your life is yours to mold" oh nooooooooo oh no oh my god. oh fuck me. no. oh my god. oh im so fucked dude.

*introducing myself to the guards who caught me* seized to meet you

do you ever want to say some bullshit

I can’t overshare because that would be very humiliating but everyone else should overshare because I like to know everything

the death of dvds is so fucked. what about bonus features

far far away idol would never happen now

you can post on tumblr even when you're trying to take a break from social media it literally doesn't count. it's like pepsi max, or pescatarianism

a customer returned a drink because a fly flew into it and said: “one of your flies flew into my drink” and my coworker was so confused that they just said: “…my fly?”

#MyFly

Oh no job for me thanks I just wanted to fill out this really long and condescending job application for you☺️

the most sexual emotion a man can feel is fear

Now why would Tumblr user twinktorturer say something like this

guyssssss dont worry that it suddenly got reeeeeeeally dark ive got my best men on it😁

Can we get a divorce

:(