By Dick “Magic Ears” Knubbler 

(from The Dethalbum: Authentic Guitar Tab)

Working with Dethklok is a brutality that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy– but the paycheck is pretty sweet and I dig the music… So here I am, still with them.

If any of you are thinking of being a music producer, let me give you a rundown on what it’s like.

Celebrity bands like Dethklok will try to fire you every single day. So it’s your job to make them believe that you’re irreplaceable. First off, it helps to speak in random “vagueries” and talk over the band’s head so that they think you know more about music than them. Use phrases like “Can you modulate it more less?” or “Up it up on the down section,” and I’ll giggle on the inside when they nod and act like what I said meant something.

Also, if I space out while the band is recording, I’ll stop the session and re-adjust a microphone or make Pickles tighten his snare so that they think I’m doing my job. Sometimes if the going gets tough I’ll threaten to put the whole album online. Oh, and I carry a fake hard drive (that I claim has all of the band’s tracks) with me and will occasionally douse the hard drive (and myself) with gasoline and light a match and say, “I will kill your record if you even think about firing me.”

So there’s your lesson in production– but that’s not why I’m here. I’m here to talk about the making of THE DETHALBUM. Putting a record together is much like making love to a high-priced hooker– you’re not sure what horrible things went into making her this crazy, you just know how sweet the love making is. That’s what making a Dethklok album is: lots of trauma, literal and metaphorical beating, life-changing horribleness, and unending humiliation– but the record sure sounds sexy, doesn’t it?

And yes, there are plenty of things that go on in the studio that I will never mention. Things that the listener doesn’t need to know. Things like: Skwisgaar sneaks in and re-records all of Murderface’s bass parts (Murderface doesn’t even know that); or, that Skwisgaar sneaks in and re-records all of Toki’s parts (Skwisgaar sits on his left hand until it falls asleep and sounds more “Toki-like); or, that the band secretly takes turns urinating into Murderface’s "vitamin water”– I will never tell these things. You can hold a gun to my head, but sorry, I won’t tell. Sorry…

But now when I think back to the pain and misery of recording “the biggest entertainment act on the planet” and the highest-selling death metal album in recorded history, I don’t hear the pain or the murder threats– I just hear the metal. And that’s what it’s all about…

A Note from Skwisgaar